Marilyn Table Dance Bar (Budapest, Hungary)

Quality of Dances (11/20) – There’s not a whole lot of grinding, but a moderate amount of lap-to-lap contact, the fact that they’re fully nude, and the go-ahead that “is ok you touch anywhere but my pussy” makes for an enjoyable experience.  Plus you do get two full-length songs for your dance, so you have plenty of time to get into it, though that’s the least that you should expect considering the prices.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – Ladies in Budapest are generally beautiful, and the ones who dance at Marilyn are no exception.  A few looked a little worn out, but the rest were all very attractive, and I saw more than one body that I’d rate as a perfect 10 (the faces that went with those bodies were solid as well: 7s or 8s).  Of course it can vary from night to night, but overall, I found these to be the most impressive ladies in town. 

Number of Dancers (7.5/10) – Every group of guys who wants company will get it from one or more ladies, and there are often several dancers sitting together along the far wall just waiting to make the next customer’s acquaintance.  The raw number of girls isn’t huge (maybe around 20), but it’s plenty for this relatively small club.  

Variety of Dancers (2.5/5) – You’re not going to find non-white ladies in Budapest, but there are a nice variety of skin tones and body types among the ladies at Marilyn.  Attractive ladies in this place covered the spectrum from waif-thin to athletically thick, so there should be someone here who catches just about every patron’s eye. 

Attitudes (3.5/10) – Though most of the ladies are fairly friendly once you spend some cash, you’re going to need to pony up for a lady drink almost immediately, they’ll all ask for tips, and most of them are pretty hard on the sale.  Even when I shot them down by saying I was waiting for someone else, several of them tested me by asking what her name was.  More often than not, I’d have been busted, but luckily I actually was waiting for someone in particular since I’d met one of the coolest dancers ever here the previous night.  Hopefully you’re lucky enough to meet her or someone equally chill if you stop by, but in case you don’t, you should at least be prepared for the hustle. 

Value (1.5/10) – There’s no cover, but they more than make up for that by selling small bottles of champagne that you’re expected to buy for the ladies for 9000 HUF (a little under $50 US).  That is, sadly, a better than average deal for Budapest.  Thankfully, the bottles last for a while, so you should only need to buy about 1 per hour if you want to be constantly accompanied, and it’s no problem if you don’t get them as long as you’re cool with having to turn down the parade of girls who will be trying to sell their time.  Customer drinks are more reasonable, at 1500 HUF ($7.50 US) for a 0.5L of mediocre beer, though my signature drink (redbull with a double shot of whiskey) was an outrageous 5500 HUF.  Of course, I still had a few of them, but I wasn’t happy about it. 

The lap dances are overpriced at 10000 HUF ($50 US), but since they last for 2 long songs, it’s about equivalent to the $20 per song rate that most U.S. clubs have.  Though some girls have solid pole move, the stage show is generally pretty tame, with many of the girls keeping their tops on, but you can get a much better show by watching girls give table dances to other groups, or get your own for 5000 HUF.  They’re given on wooden tables in front of the customer’s seat, and most girls get fully nude and provide a little contact.  Just remember, as in all clubs that have dancer drinks and all clubs outside your home country, pay as you go and never use a credit card.  I don’t know that anything bad would happen if you ignore that rule because, even while drunk out of my mind, I wasn’t dumb enough to test it, and you shouldn’t be either. 

Club Setup (3.5/10) – There’s a small bar at the entrance and a few tiny stools surrounding the circular stage, but almost everyone sits on the patio furniture-style benches that are set up in groups of three around the table dances tables facing the stage.  That makes it excellent for groups of up to six, though the large mirrored pillars between the benches and the stage mean that you won’t even get to see the girl for half of her stage set. 

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – Lap dances are given in the basement of the club where there are six separate benches of varying degrees of privacy.  If you’re the only one down there or you’re on the back bench, the privacy is pretty solid. 

Atmosphere (7.5/10) – If you’re willing to buy the occasional lady drink and ignore all the stone faced Eastern European customers, the atmosphere is excellent, thanks in large part to the greatest strip club dj ever.  I don’t know if I’d like hearing the Bee Gees, Billy Idol, the Backstreet Boys and Coolio at a U.S. club, but somehow it worked here.  On my second night, at a dancer’s urging, I requested that he play a few more songs like Gangsta’s Paradise.  He didn’t respond or react in any way, then he proceeded to play nothing but old school hip hop for the next hour and a half.  It was amazing.  Overall, there’s just a nice relaxed but fun vibe in here. 

Location (4.5/5) – The club is fairly close to the Great Market Hall and the Gellert Thermal Baths.(it’s a shame their hours of operation don’t overlap because it would be amazing to stumble over for a soak to preemptively combat your hangover when the club closes), and should be within walking distance of most places that you’d be staying on the Pest side of town. 

Overall – As much as I hate the buy-the-lady-a-drink system for running a strip club, there’s no way to avoid it in Europe, and I actually had a really good time at this place.  I made multiple visits during my short stay in Hungary, and I’ll certainly stop by if I’m ever in the area again.  Marilyn Table Dance Bar is, by far, the best strip club in Budapest.

RAW SCORE = 55.5