TS Music Strip Live Theater (Tokyo, Japan)

TS Music is fucking weird. 

You pay your 5000 yen cover to the guy at the front desk, then go into an insanely cramped room where the following announcement is made over the loudspeaker: “please be silent – no personal talks during performance.”  You and a room full of Japanese businessmen then watch a girl perform a well-choreographed two song stage set that’s fairly impressive in an artistic sort of way.  Some of the girls only strip off their clothes as the lights go out at the end of the show and others take off everything, with one even going so far as to vigorously masturbate while a very religious gospel song played, but no one really cares about the show anyway. 

The real attraction for this crowd is that, after three stage shows, the club turns up the lights and those three girls come out to sell some shit (it looked like panties in a bag, but I can’t confirm that) and pose for pictures.  Now, the important thing to remember here is that all Japanese porn is pixelated, so there’s a reason that most of the guys stare at the ladies like they’ve never seen a vagina before. 

Their only chance to get uncensored nude pictures is to make their own here, and they take full advantage.  Some guys get in the pictures with the girls and others get the girls to pose for full body shots, but most just place the camera between the girl’s legs and get extreme close-up vag shots.  My favorite was the one guy who meticulously posed a girl on her knees with one hand on her hip while she looked over her shoulder, then he zoomed in so far on her crotch that it was all that was visible in the photo anyway.     

It’s not fair to rate TS Music as a strip club since it’s really more of a photo shoot location/cultural experience, but I’ll give it a shot…

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – I have no idea what the "TS" in the name means, but these ladies are definitely not trannies. Every dancer that I saw here was very hot, with most being in the 8-10 range. It wasn’t quite enough to get me to ever go back, but it came close. 

Number of Dancers (4/10) – It was hard to get a good read on how many girls were working since only one is on stage during the shows, three come out for photos at a time, and none work the crowd, but I didn’t see any repeat performers during the hour or so that I stuck around.

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – If you’re not into thin Japanese women, you’re out of luck here.   

Attitudes (8/10) – I didn’t get any photos, so I have no idea whether they speak English, but the girls were all friendly to the perverts who went up to the stage and they seemed happy to pose in whatever ridiculous ways the guys requested.  

Value (1/10) – The 5000 yen (about $60 US) cover is insanely high if you just want to look, but the 500 yen fee to take photos of the girls seems reasonable I guess. 

Club Setup (0/10) – They have several rows of chairs all facing the fairly large stage, but I’ve never been in a club as cramped as TS Music.  Hell, I’ve never been in an airplane as cramped as TS Music.  Unless you’re very short, your knees will be pressing against the chair in front of you.  

Atmosphere (0/10) – Sitting in silence with a bunch of horny businessmen is mildly amusing for a few minutes, but it’s definitely not the place to go for a fun night out, especially since they don’t serve drinks.   

Quality of Dances (0/20) and Dance Setup (0/10) – There are no lap dances at TS Music. 

Location (5/5) – TS Music is in Kabukicho and is easily accessible by the Tokyo Metro.  

  

RAW SCORE = 27.5

Overall – Don’t go to TS Music expecting a Western style strip club, because it’s horrible if you judge it by that standard.  If you’re looking for a uniquely Japanese cultural experience, though, it fits the bill.  I won’t be returning, but I’m glad to have gotten to see it once.