Quality of Dances (0/20) – If you're going to risk your life to visit a dangerous club in the middle of the ghetto on Iranistan Avenue, that club better have some amazing lapdances. Not only does George's not have amazing lapdances - they have no lapdances. Based on that alone, you should never go here. I'll keep writing in case you're curious, but there's really no point to the rest of this. Don't go to George's!
Quality of Dancers (2/10) – The only girl that I saw here on my lone visit could have been a model in the Latina version of a Lane Bryant catalogue. She had a hot face and would be absolutely blazing if she lost 60 pounds, but as is, she won't really do it for most guys. I like a little something to grab onto during a lap dance, but again, there are no dances, so it's all about the looks here. And 60 extra pounds don't look good.
Number of Dancers (1/10) – The lady who was working when I visited George's only spent a very small fraction of the time dancing. For the most part, she just sat and chatted with a single customer. In fairness to the club, there's no way in hell that I was going to this place at night, so I was there during the day shift, but one girl is not acceptable if a club is open for business.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0/5) – With only one girl working, obviously there was no diversity, and something tells me that all of the dancers would have been Latina or black and fairly large anyway. That "something" is experience with Bridgeport clubs. You're just not going to find many girl next door types in the Bridgeport dive clubs unless you live next door to a weight loss clinic in the ghetto.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – This isn't a terribly useful rating since it's only based on one girl, but like I said above, you shouldn't even be reading this far. In case you are, the girl that was working was reasonably friendly and very apologetic/confused about the lack of dances.
Value (6/10) – There's no cover, so the 2 drink minimum with $4.50 beers is reasonable. If you're lucky enough to see a girl on stage, the action is adequate, but I wouldn't count on getting to witness that unless you're willing to hang out for a while.
Dance Setup (0/10) – No dances equals no dance setup.
Club Setup (1/10) – George's has 2 pool tables, paint peeling off the walls, a cigarette machine (who knew they even still make those?), a large bar that takes up most of the club and a shitty narrow stage along the right side wall. Basically, this place is a dump. And if the main room isn't bad enough for you, the terrible bathroom has a urinal located exactly where a civilized person would stand to wash their hands. Luckily, I doubt that George's gets many of those types stopping by.
Club Atmosphere (0/10) – They have a sign on the wall that reads, "What you see, what you hear, when you leave, leave it here," which is really just a slightly more elegantly worded version of "Stop Snitchin'". So that should tell you all that you really need to know about the atmosphere. You'll never really feel safe in here, and based on the cameras pointing outward, your car won't be either. The one positive is that they have good mariache music playing most of the time (seriously, this wasn't the Reggaeton that you hear in clubs; it was the Mariachi music that you hear in a good mexican restaurant), but when the girl came out on stage, it inexplicably changed to the Bee Gee's.
Club Accessibility (0.5/5) – There's parking across the street, but this is a bad neighborhood that I would advise you to stay away from.
Overall – George's is not worth a visit under any circumstances. Risking your life for a good club is questionable, but risking it for this dump is just begging to become a Darwin Award winner.
TOTAL SCORE = 16.5
Showing posts with label 10's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 10's. Show all posts
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Silk Stockings (Shippensburg, PA)
Quality of Dances (3/20) – You can't touch the dancers at all unless you pay for one of the massages upstairs. They provide some fairly weak friction during the dances, but I was actually glad that it wasn't very good because you're on full display and I didn't feel like showing off for the creepy old owner who was watching from across the room.
Quality of Dancers (2.5/10) – Everyone that I've seen in this place has been painfully mediocre, and one girl looked so young that I felt uncomfortable to the point that I had to leave the club when she walked out on stage. I don't have any reason to think that she was under 18, but I don't know what what kind of clientele they're trying to appeal to by hiring dancers who could even pass for younger than that.
Number of Dancers (1.5/10) – Even though I've never seen many customers at Silk Stockings, it's unacceptable that they've only had 1-3 girls working each time I've stopped by. The worst part was that, during my last visit, there was only one girl working and she left to give a guy a half hour massage, so it left me sitting there with the owner and my soda wondering why I bothered visiting this shithole again.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – As far as I know, they've only got white ladies in this place, but they do get a half a point for some variation of body types.
Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – It's pretty much standard in central PA for girls to ask you to pay your dance fee and tip in advance, but that still doesn't make it acceptable. Club owners, pay your girls a cut of the dance price so that they can cut this shit out and actually try to earn a tip rather than ruining the mood by asking for it up front. I put that more on the owners than on the dancers, but I can blame the dancers for spending most of their time behind the counter by the door instead of circulating with paying customers. They're usually at least very friendly while on stage, but I've been less than impressed overall.
Value (1.5/10) – The $12 cover is ridiculous for this shitty little club, but it's waived if you buy a dance in advance. Dance prices are on the high side at $25 for 1 and $30 for 2, with customers being expected to match that for the tip. BYOB is the only real positive here, but I can't imagine spending enough time in this club to make it worth bringing much beer.
Dance Setup (0/10) – Dances are performed on a couch along the side wall facing the brightly lit club. You're on full display, so it would be hard to enjoy these dances too much even if the girls did do anything enjoyable.
Club Setup (1.5/10) – This place is in an old house, with the downstairs being used for the club and the upstairs being used for massages. I haven't been upstairs, but the club area has a needlessly large stage, a few shitty chairs and 2 taller tables in the back near the vending machine.
Club Atmosphere (0.5/10) – Everything about this place depresses me. Maybe that's my own fault for not bringing beer, but I really can't see why anyone would stop here unless it's just to find a girl for a massage. Sadly, I've heard that even that is a waste of time and money.
Club Accessibility (1/5) – This whole area is pretty much the middle of nowhere, but Silk Stockings is right off of I-81 in Shippensburg. And when I say "right off," I mean you better not be from the area or you better not have a distinctive ride, because everyone traveling between Carlisle and Chambersburg will see your car in the gravel parking lot.
Overall – This is quite possibly the worst strip club in the United States. I'm pretty sure that the only people who would ever consider stopping here are truck drivers who are looking for a little human contact, but if that's your situation, you're better off stopping at one of the strip clubs in West Virginia or one of the Asian massage parlors in Chambersburg. Even if you don't have the patience to go somewhere else, you're better off walking across the parking lot to the porn store and taking matters into your own hands instead of giving a dime to Silk Stockings.
TOTAL SCORE = 14.5
Quality of Dancers (2.5/10) – Everyone that I've seen in this place has been painfully mediocre, and one girl looked so young that I felt uncomfortable to the point that I had to leave the club when she walked out on stage. I don't have any reason to think that she was under 18, but I don't know what what kind of clientele they're trying to appeal to by hiring dancers who could even pass for younger than that.
Number of Dancers (1.5/10) – Even though I've never seen many customers at Silk Stockings, it's unacceptable that they've only had 1-3 girls working each time I've stopped by. The worst part was that, during my last visit, there was only one girl working and she left to give a guy a half hour massage, so it left me sitting there with the owner and my soda wondering why I bothered visiting this shithole again.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – As far as I know, they've only got white ladies in this place, but they do get a half a point for some variation of body types.
Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – It's pretty much standard in central PA for girls to ask you to pay your dance fee and tip in advance, but that still doesn't make it acceptable. Club owners, pay your girls a cut of the dance price so that they can cut this shit out and actually try to earn a tip rather than ruining the mood by asking for it up front. I put that more on the owners than on the dancers, but I can blame the dancers for spending most of their time behind the counter by the door instead of circulating with paying customers. They're usually at least very friendly while on stage, but I've been less than impressed overall.
Value (1.5/10) – The $12 cover is ridiculous for this shitty little club, but it's waived if you buy a dance in advance. Dance prices are on the high side at $25 for 1 and $30 for 2, with customers being expected to match that for the tip. BYOB is the only real positive here, but I can't imagine spending enough time in this club to make it worth bringing much beer.
Dance Setup (0/10) – Dances are performed on a couch along the side wall facing the brightly lit club. You're on full display, so it would be hard to enjoy these dances too much even if the girls did do anything enjoyable.
Club Setup (1.5/10) – This place is in an old house, with the downstairs being used for the club and the upstairs being used for massages. I haven't been upstairs, but the club area has a needlessly large stage, a few shitty chairs and 2 taller tables in the back near the vending machine.
Club Atmosphere (0.5/10) – Everything about this place depresses me. Maybe that's my own fault for not bringing beer, but I really can't see why anyone would stop here unless it's just to find a girl for a massage. Sadly, I've heard that even that is a waste of time and money.
Club Accessibility (1/5) – This whole area is pretty much the middle of nowhere, but Silk Stockings is right off of I-81 in Shippensburg. And when I say "right off," I mean you better not be from the area or you better not have a distinctive ride, because everyone traveling between Carlisle and Chambersburg will see your car in the gravel parking lot.
Overall – This is quite possibly the worst strip club in the United States. I'm pretty sure that the only people who would ever consider stopping here are truck drivers who are looking for a little human contact, but if that's your situation, you're better off stopping at one of the strip clubs in West Virginia or one of the Asian massage parlors in Chambersburg. Even if you don't have the patience to go somewhere else, you're better off walking across the parking lot to the porn store and taking matters into your own hands instead of giving a dime to Silk Stockings.
TOTAL SCORE = 14.5
Monday, March 21, 2011
Miss Lindsay's (Orrtanna, PA)
Quality of Dances (4/20) – I can deal with a "no touching" policy that really means that you have to limit your touching to the dancer's legs or hips, but a true no touching rule like they have at Miss Lindsay's is brutal. Though the dancers provide a little friction during the dances, it's tough to feel like an active participant when your hands have to stay firmly planted at your sides. I was told that touching shoulders and hips is allowed during the VIP dances, but since they're $100 after the suggested tip, I can only assume that was a joke.
Quality of dancers (3/10) – Two 7's who were working one of the nights that I stopped by pulled the average way up, because most of the girls here look fairly ragged. When I've stopped by and not seen those two girls, I've have had no choice but to just turn around and walk back out.
Number of Dancers (3/10) – Having a half dozen girls working in such a small club isn't too bad. Having all of the girls (except for the one on stage) standing outside smoking and chatting with each other isn't too good. It was nearly impossible for me or any of the other guys to get a girl for a dance, and everyone wanted one since we all got suckered into pre-buying a dance to get free admission.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (0.5/5) – I'll give them half a point for having some body type and age variation, but I've only seen boring white girls here, though that shouldn't be a shocker considering the location. This is getting to be a sizable Hispanic population nearby, so hopefully some Latinas start working here fairly soon.
Attitude of dancers (1/10) – These girls mostly just talk amongst themselves, they walk around the room between songs asking for tips, and they ask for tips before the lap dances. It's hard to blame them too much since the club doesn't give them a cut of the dance fee, but it's such a buzzkill from the customer's perspective.
Value (1/10) – They waive the $12 cover if you buy a dance ticket, but you should probably check out the dancers and make sure that there's someone worthy of your dance money before you agree to that option. I don't think that you can buy a single dance, but you can get 2 for $30, 3 for $40 or 4 for $50, though if you're going for that option, the 20 min VIP for the same price is probably a slightly less terrible deal. The real killer is that the girls will tell you that you're expected to match the prices for a tip. The only reason that I'm even giving them a point is that it's BYOB, but you'd have to bring a shitload of beer to make this place tolerable.
Dance Setup (4/10) – Dances are given in small booths down a tiny hallway off of the main dance room. There's a small chair in there, and even though there are no doors on the booths, the second one would be reasonably private if it weren't for the camera that captures the lack of action.
Club Setup (-1/10) – Miss Lindsay's has the worst setup that I've ever seen, which shouldn't come as a real surprise considering that it's located in the back of a porn store. In the main room, there are rows of tiny chairs that are set up like the least comfortable movie theater of all time. There's one couch in the room, but they yell at customers for sitting there, because apparently it's reserved for dancers, even though I've never seen dancers sitting on it. Everything about this place is so bad that even the neon painting of a scantily clad woman riding a dolphin that's on the wall can't save it. And the fact the "bathroom" is a port-a-john in the parking lot is enough to earn this place the first negative score in the history of this site.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) – The atmosphere isn't good, but the relatively safe crowd and the unintentional comedy factor are enough to earn them a point.
Club Accessibility (0/5) – Miss Lindsay's is in the mountains about half way between Gettysburg and Chambersburg. Mr. Ed's is the only thing nearby that's worthwhile, but considering that it's a candy store with a talking elephant out front, there probably isn't a big overlap between these two establishments' clienteles.
Overall – This place is better than Silk Stockings in Shippensburg, but it's still one of the worst clubs that I've ever been to, and there's really no reason to ever go here. I'll admit that there aren't a whole lot of other choices in the area, but if you're desperate for a club, you're much better off driving the hour to West Virginia. Not that the West Virginia clubs are great, but they're a hell of a lot better than this shithole.
TOTAL SCORE = 16.5
Quality of dancers (3/10) – Two 7's who were working one of the nights that I stopped by pulled the average way up, because most of the girls here look fairly ragged. When I've stopped by and not seen those two girls, I've have had no choice but to just turn around and walk back out.
Number of Dancers (3/10) – Having a half dozen girls working in such a small club isn't too bad. Having all of the girls (except for the one on stage) standing outside smoking and chatting with each other isn't too good. It was nearly impossible for me or any of the other guys to get a girl for a dance, and everyone wanted one since we all got suckered into pre-buying a dance to get free admission.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (0.5/5) – I'll give them half a point for having some body type and age variation, but I've only seen boring white girls here, though that shouldn't be a shocker considering the location. This is getting to be a sizable Hispanic population nearby, so hopefully some Latinas start working here fairly soon.
Attitude of dancers (1/10) – These girls mostly just talk amongst themselves, they walk around the room between songs asking for tips, and they ask for tips before the lap dances. It's hard to blame them too much since the club doesn't give them a cut of the dance fee, but it's such a buzzkill from the customer's perspective.
Value (1/10) – They waive the $12 cover if you buy a dance ticket, but you should probably check out the dancers and make sure that there's someone worthy of your dance money before you agree to that option. I don't think that you can buy a single dance, but you can get 2 for $30, 3 for $40 or 4 for $50, though if you're going for that option, the 20 min VIP for the same price is probably a slightly less terrible deal. The real killer is that the girls will tell you that you're expected to match the prices for a tip. The only reason that I'm even giving them a point is that it's BYOB, but you'd have to bring a shitload of beer to make this place tolerable.
Dance Setup (4/10) – Dances are given in small booths down a tiny hallway off of the main dance room. There's a small chair in there, and even though there are no doors on the booths, the second one would be reasonably private if it weren't for the camera that captures the lack of action.
Club Setup (-1/10) – Miss Lindsay's has the worst setup that I've ever seen, which shouldn't come as a real surprise considering that it's located in the back of a porn store. In the main room, there are rows of tiny chairs that are set up like the least comfortable movie theater of all time. There's one couch in the room, but they yell at customers for sitting there, because apparently it's reserved for dancers, even though I've never seen dancers sitting on it. Everything about this place is so bad that even the neon painting of a scantily clad woman riding a dolphin that's on the wall can't save it. And the fact the "bathroom" is a port-a-john in the parking lot is enough to earn this place the first negative score in the history of this site.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) – The atmosphere isn't good, but the relatively safe crowd and the unintentional comedy factor are enough to earn them a point.
Club Accessibility (0/5) – Miss Lindsay's is in the mountains about half way between Gettysburg and Chambersburg. Mr. Ed's is the only thing nearby that's worthwhile, but considering that it's a candy store with a talking elephant out front, there probably isn't a big overlap between these two establishments' clienteles.
Overall – This place is better than Silk Stockings in Shippensburg, but it's still one of the worst clubs that I've ever been to, and there's really no reason to ever go here. I'll admit that there aren't a whole lot of other choices in the area, but if you're desperate for a club, you're much better off driving the hour to West Virginia. Not that the West Virginia clubs are great, but they're a hell of a lot better than this shithole.
TOTAL SCORE = 16.5
Monday, June 15, 2009
Mac's Two Lounge (North Billerica, MA)
Quality of dances (4/20) – Half the dance was spent with the girl on the floor in front of me doing the exact same thing that she did on stage, and the other half of the dance involved her making moderate contact with me. The dancers aren't really attractive enough that you'd want to touch them, but if you do, they won't allow you to anyway.
Quality of dancers (3/10) – The dancers that I saw had decent bodies, but their faces were jacked and they had fake tits. If anything, I'm being generous with this score.
Number of Dancers (2/10) – The afternoon shift was pathetic, and even though they said that they'd have a few more in the evening, that would have still been a joke.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – They get some credit for having an Asian mixed in amongst the overwhelming whiteness of the club, but she's older and has particularly unnatural looking tits.
Attitude of dancers (2.5/10) – I was the only guy in the club when I got there, and the girls looked annoyed that I showed up because it meant that one of them had to start dancing. It's obvious that a guy sitting at an alcohol-free bar in a strip club is there for dances, but they still didn't approach me. Once I talked to a girl at the stage, she was nice enough, but it shouldn't have to get to that point.
Value (1/10) – The cover is $5 during the day and $10 at night, and sodas and waters are $5 each. The $20 dances aren't worth more than $5, and the stage action is sub-par. The only reason to ever go to a shitty little strip bar in the middle of nowhere is to save money, and you won't be doing that here.
Dance Setup (0/10) – There's a slightly offset section near the entrance where the dances are given, but most of the people in the club and everyone at the bar has a perfect view of you while you're getting a dance. There are no partitions, the seats aren't terribly comfortable, and the area is slightly brighter than the rest of the club.
Club Setup (4/10) – There are a lot of tables and a decent sized stage here, and even though the bar is small, that doesn't matter since no one would sit at the bar anyway.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) – This place could have a decent dive bar atmosphere, but they don't serve or allow you to bring your own alcohol, so it's just terrible. They do have dozens of copies of the XTREME Magazine laying around the club, so that can keep you entertained once you get sick of looking at the slop that they have on stage.
Club Accessibility (0.5/5) – This club is in the middle of nowhere, but you could get here in 15 minutes from Lowell, so I'll give it a half a point for that.
Overall – Even by Massachusetts standards, this club sucks.
TOTAL SCORE = 19.5
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