Singapore City Guide

You may be surprised to learn that pay-for-play sex is readily available in one of the most conservative law & order cities on earth, but it’s actually very easy to find in Singapore if you know where to look.  I’m not an expert on the Singapore scene (strip clubs are my specialty and Singapore unfortunately doesn’t have any) and you should definitely do some additional research elsewhere if you’re planning a trip, but this is a very brief primer for you if you’re looking for adult entertainment in Singapore. 

There are two areas of primary interest: Geylang and Orchard Towers. 

Geylang is a somewhat run-down part of town with some delicious food and some very cheap sexual entertainment options.  Lorong 2 through Lorong 30 run south from Geylang Road and are home to many Thai, Indonesian and Chinese girls who will offer sex to foreigners for somewhere between $40 to $150.  There are some girls working the streets near the center of the zone, and an offer of sex for somewhere around $70 plus $10 to rent a dumpy room in one of the motels in the area for a very short stay seemed to be about average, though you can certainly find cheaper if you’re willing to browse.  The brothels in the area are slightly more expensive, with prices in the $50-100 range.  The Thai and Indonesian girls are located mostly in the lower half of the Lorongs (2-18) and are generally a little cheaper than the Chinese girls, but all of Geylang is a relative bargain.

If you don’t mind spending more money and waiting until the evening, your other option is the Orchard Towers.  The fact that even the Lonely Planet guide book refers to this as the “Four Floors of Whores” should tell you what to expect here.  It’s basically a shopping center filled with bars that cater to freelancing girls and guys who don’t mind spending somewhere north of $300 to take a girl back to their room.  For the most part, the girls here aren’t that much hotter than the ones in Geylang, but there are usually a few complete stunners working at Ipanema.  They have a little better variety than in Geylang as well, with some white women from Russia and Eastern Europe mixed in with the Thai and Chinese girls. 

Overall, Singapore is a great city, but it shouldn’t make the short list of destinations for any sex tourists.  Still, if you’re there for the shopping, or, better yet, the food (any of the hawker centers are amazing, but Maxwell Road was my go-to spot), you shouldn’t have any problems fitting in some adult entertainment during your stay.

Bangkok City Guide (Soi Cowboy & Nana Plaza)

There are so many adult entertainment options in Bangkok that I’m not even going to try to recommend specific establishments, but I’ll give a brief overview of the city so that you can do some more research on whatever aspects interest you the most. 

Soi Cowboy

There are massage parlors all over town and you can easily pick up a freelance working girl in the backpacker paradise that is Khao San Road or any of the after hours discotheques, but there are really three main red light districts: Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza and Patpong. 

Patpong is home to the famous ping pong ball shows, but Nana and Soi Cowboy are the premier destinations if you’re looking for sex.  The ping pong shows are basically a circus act, with the girls shooting ping pong balls out of their pussies at paddle wielding customers, so they’re definitely more entertaining than they are sexy.  I visited one, but once they started shooting darts across the room at strategically placed balloons, I decided that I’d had enough of that forever. 

Nana Plaza

Nana Plaza is a four story complex of go go bars where you can have some beers, chat up some girls (expect to pay somewhere around 150 baht each for drinks for the ladies who you want to talk to), and pay the “bar fine” of somewhere around 600 baht (a little under $20 US) to the club to take the girl out.  That fee only gets the girl out of the bar though, so you’re going to have to negotiate any extra services with the girls before you pay the bar fine.  The girls set their own prices, but 2000 baht to take her to your hotel room for an hour or two is pretty typical, and you can take her for the night for somewhere around double that.  Of course, you can also take the girl to dinner or to a discotheque or wherever you want, but you should probably expect to pay about the same amount of money as you would if you were fucking, because they value their time at least as much as they value their sex.  My real recommendation, if you’re in town for a while, is to hire one of the bar girls to be your tour guide to the local’s Bangkok on one of your first nights there, because that worked out amazingly well for me.  No regular tour guide would have had me drinking beer and eating crickets by the river at 4am, but it was one of the highlights of my first trip to Thailand. 

Poster showing the ladyboys working
at one of the Nana Plaza bars.

I should note that, if you’re looking for ladyboys, there are several good bars for that in Nana Plaza as well.  I hear that you really want to take a trip to Pattaya if ladyboys are anything more than a curiosity to you, but they’re not to me, and I haven’t gotten to Pattaya, so I can’t really give specific advice there.  At Nana, though, they’ll provide the same services as the girls on the same bar fine system, but it’s worth stopping into one of the bars for the show and a beer even if you just want to get a peek. I have to admit that some of those “ladies” are stunning.  You really could almost forget that they have male parts, at least until you end up beside one of them at the urinals.  That’s awkward.  

Soi Cowboy is very similar to Nana Plaza, although it has a slightly less pervy atmosphere, and it's just a relatively short walk down Sukhumvit.  If you’ve seen The Hangover 2, you’ll recognize it as the street where the wolf pack causes a riot outside of a ladyboy bar, but basically it’s just a short street full of neon lights and bars. It’s my favorite of the Bangkok red light areas and has lots of places that are solid for drinking beer and checking out the girls, and it’s definitely worth walking down even if you aren’t planning to take anyone back to your room.  If you are, though, it works for that too.  The After Skool bar is a place where you can get a bj while having a beer (so I’ve been told) and Cock-a-too is a ladyboy bar, but pretty much everywhere else on the street is a go go bar that works on the same bar fine model that I described above. 

Tilac (seen in The Hangover, but ladyboy-free in real life), Baccara and Shark are three of the most highly rated Soi Cowboy places, so that's where I’ve spent most of my time.  All of them have dozens of hot girls, but they each have their own advantages and disadvantages.  Tilac has down to earth ladies and my favorite bathroom setup of all time (two way glass above the urinals allows you to watch the stage while you piss), but all of the ladies wear bikinis.  Shark might have slightly less ladies, but their girls do at least wear sheer tops so you can see some nipple.  Baccara girls are the biggest hustlers on the block, but they’re also probably the most attractive, and you can see the most nudity there as well.  They have bikini clad girls on the main floor, but there’s a glass ceiling above you, and the girls dancing on that wear short skirts and no panties, so you can get quite a view if you don’t mind craning your neck and looking like a pervert.  You’re in a bar full of guys who are hoping to spend somewhere around $70 to fuck 20 year olds though, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.  The ladies upstairs also dance topless at times, and you can sit up there to enjoy that show. 

The bars don’t open until around 7pm, so you’re going to need some other options if you’re looking for daytime action. Your best bets are going to be one of the massage parlors, the Eden club on Sukhumvit Soi 7/1 where you’re required to hire at least two girls at a time, or a blowjob bar like Lolitas just down the second alley off Sukhumvit Soi 8.  A beer and a bj will run you a little under 1000 baht in there, though it’s a little depressing to think about how much those girls are getting for each “job” assuming that the club takes at least half of your $30, so you might want to consider giving a tip. 

As for lodging, Jasmine Executive Suites is right around the corner from Soi Cowboy and is my personal favorite place to stay, but you’ll probably be fine at just about any of the places near Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy. Just book the room for two so that they don’t try to hit you with an extra guest fee if you take a girl back to your room with you. In theory, you could stay further away from Sukhumvit and compensate the girl accordingly or utilize one of the short stay places near the clubs, but I don’t think there’s any advantage to doing that unless you have business to do elsewhere in Bangkok.

Bangkok can be overwhelming, but everything is cheap enough that you really can’t make any irreparable mistakes (assuming you wear a condom), so you should relax, go with the flow, and have some fun.  Most importantly, though, just go there.  You will not regret it.       

City Guide: Amsterdam / Red Light District

I recently had the opportunity to spend a few days in Amsterdam, and even though the mixed company prevented me from going completely wild, I spend a good bit of time checking out De Wallen (the famous Red Light District.) There are two other smaller red light districts in Amsterdam, but they're primarily frequented by locals who care more about avoiding the crowds than finding the hottest girls. De Wallen is fairly self-explanatory, but just in case you ever find yourself with only a few days there, hopefully my tips can save you from wasting any of your limited time getting oriented.

First of all, if you're reading this site, I'm assuming that you're a strip club enthusiast, so you should be warned that there's only one strip club in Amsterdam. There are several other establishments that bill themselves as strip clubs, but they're all either live sex shows or peep shows. For most bachelor parties, I'd think that the lack of customer interaction would make sex shows a little tame, but splitting up the party to each fuck a red light window prostitute seems a little intense. Not that I judge anyone for fucking red light window prostitutes, but I just can't imagine that most people would feel comfortable doing that with, say, their co-workers or their future brother-in-law. That's why strip clubs are the perfect bachelor party destination (and the perfect after work, lunch time, weekend or any other time destination), and why I was shocked that there aren't more in one of the world's premier adult entertainment destinations.  I'm assuming that there's some reason why there aren't more clubs, but either way, my new goal in life is to eventually open up a sweet club in this city.

Oude Kerk

Anyway, the only strip club in town is a little hidden if you don't know where to look, but it's right in the heart of the best part of the Red Light District.  The club is called La Vie en Proost, and it's at the end of a narrow alleyway (Bethlemsteeg) just south of Oude Kerk (the old church).  I didn't get a chance to go in the club because it didn't open until 8 the night that I was there, I had other places to be and I was told that it's mostly a waste of time, with wall-to-wall guys and mediocre girls.  Still, you'll be within a block or two of the club if you're looking for a window girl, so you don't really have anything to lose by checking it out as long as you're willing to bail if it sucks.  To find it, you get to the Oude Kerk, then just walk a little to the south along Oudezijds Voorburgwal.  If you see the first of the Bulldog establishments, you make a right turn down the alley beside it, but if you've somehow ended up back in the side streets, just look for the Sexy-Land adult store and wander around for a few minutes.  It's a little confusing to find it even once you're there since there's an open doorway beside the club with a "La Vie en Rose" sign.  This is not the club!  It's a very shady indoor area of red light booths where there are a few reasonably attractive ladies, but they're overly aggressive and it isn't somewhere that I'd feel entirely comfortable by myself after dark.  Most of the Red Light District seems perfectly safe, but the shadiness is off the charts back here, and the ladies hissing and offering to "suck and fuck" just distract you from the potential pickpockets.

Whether or not you're interested in the strip club, the area of alleyways near there has most of the best girls in the city.  Bethlemsteeg (the home of La Vie en Proost) changes names to Trompettersteeg when you cross Sint Annendwarsstraat near the Sexy-Land, and that's really the first area that you should check out.  As you can see from the picture, it's wide enough for no more than one person walking in each direction, but most of the alley is lined with some of the hottest prostitutes in the world.  The girls in the alleys all around this area are really hot though, so it's worth looking around whether you're trying to find the best use for your 50 Euros or you're just doing some sightseeing.

Trompettersteeg 

50 Euros for "fuck and suck" is standard for 15 minutes, so stick to your guns and don't bother with anyone who wants more than that.  Also, never trust the ladies who aren't as specific about what they'll be providing in exchange for your cash.  Just like in a strip club, you better agree to what you're getting in advance because if a girl just promises that "you won't be disappointed," I guarantee that you will be.  I'd stick to the Sexy-Land area, because there seem to be a lot more rip offs along main canal on Oudezijds Achterburgwal and in the alleys off of the main canal, the girls aren't as nearly as attractive as near the Oude Kerk.  In fact, on Bloedstraat, they may not even be girls at all.  I don't judge if that's your thing, but I'd hate to see you get tricked into getting blown by a lady with a dick if it's not, so you might want to do an extra thorough inspection before making any purchases on Bloedstraat.

Oudezijds Achterburgwal

As for the sex shows, Casa Rosso seems to be the consensus best option, so I decided to check it out.  It's right on Oudezijds Achterburgwal towards the southern end of the Red Light District, somewhere near where this picture was taken.

Casa Rosso is a little on the expensive side at 30 euros without drinks or 45 for entry with 4 drink tickets, but it's a unique experience that's probably worth doing once in your life.  Still, it wasn't one of the highlights of my trip and you wouldn't really be missing out to skip it. The customers were a fairly even mix between bachelor parties, bachelorette parties and couples, and the show lasts a little over an hour and is a continuous loop of 9 acts.  Three of them are full on sex, one is a lesbian dildo show, one is a banana show where a girl shoves a still-peeled banana into herself and squeezes it out bite by bite, one is a strip tease and one is a dominatrix act where the lady puts a dildo on a guys head, has him fuck her with it, then shoves it in his mouth without asking for permission.   That's just disgusting, and I've never been more thankful that I didn't volunteer for something.  I'm forgetting two of the acts, but I may have smoked about a dozen joints and eaten several space cakes before coming here, so I really had no idea what was going on.  Either way, it was an interesting way to spend an hour, though I wouldn't come here expecting to see something erotic.  Maybe it would be if you're horned up from an evening of window shopping, but it was more disturbing than anything to be high out of my mind watching people fucking on stage while Rammstein blared on the speakers.  I can't even imagine what it would be like if you've done some of the readily available magic truffles beforehand, but I have to think that it would make the Cirque du Soleil scene from Knocked Up look like child's play.

Dampkring Coffeeshop

That's it for my virtual tour of the Red Light District, but just in case you're coming to the Stripper Poll as your one-stop trip planning source, I have to highly recommend visiting the former Cannabis Cup winning Dampkring Coffeeshop (featured in Ocean's 12) if you're looking for something to smoke, then going around the corner to Vleminckx for some delicious chips with mayo, peanut sauce and onions afterwards.  There's better weed elsewhere in Amsterdam (I like Barney's in general and the Greenhouse for the Super Lemon Haze), but those places aren't right by Vleminckx.  Nothing beats Montreal poutine while in an altered state of mind, but this stuff comes pretty damn close.

Overall, Amsterdam is a great city and it's definitely worth a visit whether you're looking for adult entertainment, good weed, sightseeing or a little of all three.  Just don't come here looking for a strip club, because Amsterdam isn't the city for that.