Hinomaru (Tokyo, Japan)

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Seventh Heaven (Tokyo, Japan)

Quality of Dances (11/20) –Two way contact is expected, there’s some grinding, and some girls make hand contact with your crotch, but you shouldn’t be coming in your pants here unless you’ve got a very quick trigger.  That's not my style anyway, but I can't really blame some guys for expecting an effort to finish the job since you're paying about $85 US for each dance.  

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – I'd have preferred to see less implants, but it's still hard to have any major complaints about the ladies at Seventh Heaven.  Almost all of them are very attractive in a generic Eastern European sort of way.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – Two girls are on stage at all times and they have more than enough working the crowd to make sure that every group of guys is accompanied by at least one lady.  In total, there were probably a little over two dozen dancers working on the night that I was there.   

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – Surprisingly, there aren’t many Japanese women at Seventh Heaven, but there are at least a few, and there was one very attractive black dancer mixed in with all of the Russians. 

Attitudes (6/10) – This place operates on the drink hustle system, but most of the ladies are relatively friendly and will leave you alone if you turn them down when the club presents a lineup of girls for you to chose from upon your arrival. 

Value (0/10) – Even though it includes two free drinks, the 7000 yen (about $85 US) cover is ridiculous, and the 1500 yen beers and 7000 yen four minute lap dances aren’t much better.  You can probably negotiate a slightly lower cover charge, but even if they waive it (they almost certainly will not), a night at Seventh Heaven will not be cheap.  On the bright side, you do get free edamame to snack on.     

Club Setup (5.5/10) – This is a medium sized club, but it feels cramped since there’s a huge divider in the club that effectively splits it in half and prevents you from seeing anything that’s happening on the other side.  There’s a small stage on each side, a small bar in the back and several nice couches, tables and chairs throughout, which do give it a slightly classy look.

Dance Setup (7/10) – The night was pretty hazy by this point and I forgot to write down any notes about the dance setup, but I’m fairly certain that I had a private room. Or at least I wasn’t sober enough to notice anyone else in there. 

Atmosphere (6/10) – For better or worse (I think worse), between the American music and the white girls, there’s nothing Japanese about the vibe in this place.  The crowd is somewhat mixed, but it’s mostly made up of locals with white fever, though all of the Japanese guys were fighting over the one Japanese dancer on the night that I was there. Go figure.

Since dances are so expensive, most people seem to just hang out, drink a few overpriced beers and take in the stage show.  It’s fairly weak for the most part, but I do have to give one girl credit for the most impressive (or most reckless) move I’ve ever seen.  She had a guy lay down on the stage with cash on mouth, then she spun around the pole several times with her knees just inches over him before coming to rest with her crotch on his face to take the cash.  Either she knew exactly where her knees were or she didn’t care if she knocked out all of his teeth, because it was a matter of inches.     

Location (5/5) – Seventh Heaven is within easy walking distance of many hotels and the Roppongi Metro stop. 

Overall – Seventh Heaven isn’t a bad club, but it’s certainly nowhere near being the #7 strip club in the world, as it was ranked by askmen.com. If I was in Tokyo for months on end and got homesick for a Western style strip club, I’d probably stop by again, but it’s not worth the cash otherwise. 

RAW SCORE = 46.5

Singapore City Guide

You may be surprised to learn that pay-for-play sex is readily available in one of the most conservative law & order cities on earth, but it’s actually very easy to find in Singapore if you know where to look.  I’m not an expert on the Singapore scene (strip clubs are my specialty and Singapore unfortunately doesn’t have any) and you should definitely do some additional research elsewhere if you’re planning a trip, but this is a very brief primer for you if you’re looking for adult entertainment in Singapore. 

There are two areas of primary interest: Geylang and Orchard Towers. 

Geylang is a somewhat run-down part of town with some delicious food and some very cheap sexual entertainment options.  Lorong 2 through Lorong 30 run south from Geylang Road and are home to many Thai, Indonesian and Chinese girls who will offer sex to foreigners for somewhere between $40 to $150.  There are some girls working the streets near the center of the zone, and an offer of sex for somewhere around $70 plus $10 to rent a dumpy room in one of the motels in the area for a very short stay seemed to be about average, though you can certainly find cheaper if you’re willing to browse.  The brothels in the area are slightly more expensive, with prices in the $50-100 range.  The Thai and Indonesian girls are located mostly in the lower half of the Lorongs (2-18) and are generally a little cheaper than the Chinese girls, but all of Geylang is a relative bargain.

If you don’t mind spending more money and waiting until the evening, your other option is the Orchard Towers.  The fact that even the Lonely Planet guide book refers to this as the “Four Floors of Whores” should tell you what to expect here.  It’s basically a shopping center filled with bars that cater to freelancing girls and guys who don’t mind spending somewhere north of $300 to take a girl back to their room.  For the most part, the girls here aren’t that much hotter than the ones in Geylang, but there are usually a few complete stunners working at Ipanema.  They have a little better variety than in Geylang as well, with some white women from Russia and Eastern Europe mixed in with the Thai and Chinese girls. 

Overall, Singapore is a great city, but it shouldn’t make the short list of destinations for any sex tourists.  Still, if you’re there for the shopping, or, better yet, the food (any of the hawker centers are amazing, but Maxwell Road was my go-to spot), you shouldn’t have any problems fitting in some adult entertainment during your stay.

TS Music Strip Live Theater (Tokyo, Japan)

TS Music is fucking weird. 

You pay your 5000 yen cover to the guy at the front desk, then go into an insanely cramped room where the following announcement is made over the loudspeaker: “please be silent – no personal talks during performance.”  You and a room full of Japanese businessmen then watch a girl perform a well-choreographed two song stage set that’s fairly impressive in an artistic sort of way.  Some of the girls only strip off their clothes as the lights go out at the end of the show and others take off everything, with one even going so far as to vigorously masturbate while a very religious gospel song played, but no one really cares about the show anyway. 

The real attraction for this crowd is that, after three stage shows, the club turns up the lights and those three girls come out to sell some shit (it looked like panties in a bag, but I can’t confirm that) and pose for pictures.  Now, the important thing to remember here is that all Japanese porn is pixelated, so there’s a reason that most of the guys stare at the ladies like they’ve never seen a vagina before. 

Their only chance to get uncensored nude pictures is to make their own here, and they take full advantage.  Some guys get in the pictures with the girls and others get the girls to pose for full body shots, but most just place the camera between the girl’s legs and get extreme close-up vag shots.  My favorite was the one guy who meticulously posed a girl on her knees with one hand on her hip while she looked over her shoulder, then he zoomed in so far on her crotch that it was all that was visible in the photo anyway.     

It’s not fair to rate TS Music as a strip club since it’s really more of a photo shoot location/cultural experience, but I’ll give it a shot…

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – I have no idea what the "TS" in the name means, but these ladies are definitely not trannies. Every dancer that I saw here was very hot, with most being in the 8-10 range. It wasn’t quite enough to get me to ever go back, but it came close. 

Number of Dancers (4/10) – It was hard to get a good read on how many girls were working since only one is on stage during the shows, three come out for photos at a time, and none work the crowd, but I didn’t see any repeat performers during the hour or so that I stuck around.

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – If you’re not into thin Japanese women, you’re out of luck here.   

Attitudes (8/10) – I didn’t get any photos, so I have no idea whether they speak English, but the girls were all friendly to the perverts who went up to the stage and they seemed happy to pose in whatever ridiculous ways the guys requested.  

Value (1/10) – The 5000 yen (about $60 US) cover is insanely high if you just want to look, but the 500 yen fee to take photos of the girls seems reasonable I guess. 

Club Setup (0/10) – They have several rows of chairs all facing the fairly large stage, but I’ve never been in a club as cramped as TS Music.  Hell, I’ve never been in an airplane as cramped as TS Music.  Unless you’re very short, your knees will be pressing against the chair in front of you.  

Atmosphere (0/10) – Sitting in silence with a bunch of horny businessmen is mildly amusing for a few minutes, but it’s definitely not the place to go for a fun night out, especially since they don’t serve drinks.   

Quality of Dances (0/20) and Dance Setup (0/10) – There are no lap dances at TS Music. 

Location (5/5) – TS Music is in Kabukicho and is easily accessible by the Tokyo Metro.  

  

RAW SCORE = 27.5

Overall – Don’t go to TS Music expecting a Western style strip club, because it’s horrible if you judge it by that standard.  If you’re looking for a uniquely Japanese cultural experience, though, it fits the bill.  I won’t be returning, but I’m glad to have gotten to see it once.   

Bangkok City Guide (Soi Cowboy & Nana Plaza)

There are so many adult entertainment options in Bangkok that I’m not even going to try to recommend specific establishments, but I’ll give a brief overview of the city so that you can do some more research on whatever aspects interest you the most. 

Soi Cowboy

There are massage parlors all over town and you can easily pick up a freelance working girl in the backpacker paradise that is Khao San Road or any of the after hours discotheques, but there are really three main red light districts: Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza and Patpong. 

Patpong is home to the famous ping pong ball shows, but Nana and Soi Cowboy are the premier destinations if you’re looking for sex.  The ping pong shows are basically a circus act, with the girls shooting ping pong balls out of their pussies at paddle wielding customers, so they’re definitely more entertaining than they are sexy.  I visited one, but once they started shooting darts across the room at strategically placed balloons, I decided that I’d had enough of that forever. 

Nana Plaza

Nana Plaza is a four story complex of go go bars where you can have some beers, chat up some girls (expect to pay somewhere around 150 baht each for drinks for the ladies who you want to talk to), and pay the “bar fine” of somewhere around 600 baht (a little under $20 US) to the club to take the girl out.  That fee only gets the girl out of the bar though, so you’re going to have to negotiate any extra services with the girls before you pay the bar fine.  The girls set their own prices, but 2000 baht to take her to your hotel room for an hour or two is pretty typical, and you can take her for the night for somewhere around double that.  Of course, you can also take the girl to dinner or to a discotheque or wherever you want, but you should probably expect to pay about the same amount of money as you would if you were fucking, because they value their time at least as much as they value their sex.  My real recommendation, if you’re in town for a while, is to hire one of the bar girls to be your tour guide to the local’s Bangkok on one of your first nights there, because that worked out amazingly well for me.  No regular tour guide would have had me drinking beer and eating crickets by the river at 4am, but it was one of the highlights of my first trip to Thailand. 

Poster showing the ladyboys working
at one of the Nana Plaza bars.

I should note that, if you’re looking for ladyboys, there are several good bars for that in Nana Plaza as well.  I hear that you really want to take a trip to Pattaya if ladyboys are anything more than a curiosity to you, but they’re not to me, and I haven’t gotten to Pattaya, so I can’t really give specific advice there.  At Nana, though, they’ll provide the same services as the girls on the same bar fine system, but it’s worth stopping into one of the bars for the show and a beer even if you just want to get a peek. I have to admit that some of those “ladies” are stunning.  You really could almost forget that they have male parts, at least until you end up beside one of them at the urinals.  That’s awkward.  

Soi Cowboy is very similar to Nana Plaza, although it has a slightly less pervy atmosphere, and it's just a relatively short walk down Sukhumvit.  If you’ve seen The Hangover 2, you’ll recognize it as the street where the wolf pack causes a riot outside of a ladyboy bar, but basically it’s just a short street full of neon lights and bars. It’s my favorite of the Bangkok red light areas and has lots of places that are solid for drinking beer and checking out the girls, and it’s definitely worth walking down even if you aren’t planning to take anyone back to your room.  If you are, though, it works for that too.  The After Skool bar is a place where you can get a bj while having a beer (so I’ve been told) and Cock-a-too is a ladyboy bar, but pretty much everywhere else on the street is a go go bar that works on the same bar fine model that I described above. 

Tilac (seen in The Hangover, but ladyboy-free in real life), Baccara and Shark are three of the most highly rated Soi Cowboy places, so that's where I’ve spent most of my time.  All of them have dozens of hot girls, but they each have their own advantages and disadvantages.  Tilac has down to earth ladies and my favorite bathroom setup of all time (two way glass above the urinals allows you to watch the stage while you piss), but all of the ladies wear bikinis.  Shark might have slightly less ladies, but their girls do at least wear sheer tops so you can see some nipple.  Baccara girls are the biggest hustlers on the block, but they’re also probably the most attractive, and you can see the most nudity there as well.  They have bikini clad girls on the main floor, but there’s a glass ceiling above you, and the girls dancing on that wear short skirts and no panties, so you can get quite a view if you don’t mind craning your neck and looking like a pervert.  You’re in a bar full of guys who are hoping to spend somewhere around $70 to fuck 20 year olds though, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that.  The ladies upstairs also dance topless at times, and you can sit up there to enjoy that show. 

The bars don’t open until around 7pm, so you’re going to need some other options if you’re looking for daytime action. Your best bets are going to be one of the massage parlors, the Eden club on Sukhumvit Soi 7/1 where you’re required to hire at least two girls at a time, or a blowjob bar like Lolitas just down the second alley off Sukhumvit Soi 8.  A beer and a bj will run you a little under 1000 baht in there, though it’s a little depressing to think about how much those girls are getting for each “job” assuming that the club takes at least half of your $30, so you might want to consider giving a tip. 

As for lodging, Jasmine Executive Suites is right around the corner from Soi Cowboy and is my personal favorite place to stay, but you’ll probably be fine at just about any of the places near Nana Plaza or Soi Cowboy. Just book the room for two so that they don’t try to hit you with an extra guest fee if you take a girl back to your room with you. In theory, you could stay further away from Sukhumvit and compensate the girl accordingly or utilize one of the short stay places near the clubs, but I don’t think there’s any advantage to doing that unless you have business to do elsewhere in Bangkok.

Bangkok can be overwhelming, but everything is cheap enough that you really can’t make any irreparable mistakes (assuming you wear a condom), so you should relax, go with the flow, and have some fun.  Most importantly, though, just go there.  You will not regret it.