Fairways Inn (Smyrna, DE) - CLOSED

Quality of dances - If I'd known at the time that I'd be writing a review, I'd have bitten the bullet and gotten a dance. Sadly, I did not, so I'll have to normalize the club's total score at the end.

Quality of dancers (1.5/10) - I'm fairly certain that I was the only one in the bar under the age of 30, dancers included. I guess they aren't bad for old chicks, but that's still not good.

Number of dancers (2/10) - I never saw more than 3 women here, but I never wanted to see more than 3 topless women from Smyrna, so that's fine. I've never seen too many customers here either, so the ratio's always been acceptable.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1/5) - The only non-white dancer I ever saw was an Asian woman who somehow still managed to be white trash.

Attitude of Dancers (6.5/10) - The local guys come here all the time just to talk to the girls. That probably says more about the guys than it does about the girls, but everyone seems to be friendly. One time I was there, a dancer even insisted that she drive a customer home because it wasn't safe for him to be on the roads considering that he could barely stay on top of his chair.

Value (6/10) - There's no cover and the beer is cheap enough that I was able to convince myself that it was worth going here more than once.

Dance Setup - I didn't see a dance area, but I wasn't looking for one, so I can't rate this.

Club Setup (2/10) - Fairways is a small club, but they still manage to waste a lot of space. My memory is a little hazy, but I'm pretty sure that they have a pool table or two.

Club Atmosphere (4/10) - If you'd take away the dancers, this would be a fairly decent dive bar. When you add topless women, my expectations are raised, so I can't give the atmosphere more than a 4.

Club Accessibility (0.5/5) - There's a roach motel next door to the club, but considering that the only thing Smyrna's known for is its state prison, it isn't really somewhere that you'd plan a trip to.

Overall - Although this is the only non-pastie bar in Delaware, I can't recommend it as a strip club. If you're just looking for somewhere to get a drink and break up a long drive home from the beach, it's not too bad.

TOTAL SCORE = 33