Quality of Dances (14/20) – “You touch me anywhere and I’ll touch you anywhere” was the sales pitch, and for the most part, they delivered. No one tried to get inside my pants, but there was plenty of over-the-pants rubbing, tit grabbing was encouraged, and the girls get fully nude. These are the best dances in Budapest, though they’re not quite good enough to make up for some of the drawbacks of this place.
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – I didn’t see any real stunners, but, with one unfortunate exception, the entire work force was in the 6-8 range. Overall, it’s enough to make for some decent eye candy even if there’s no one that you feel like you absolutely must get a dance with.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – With twice as many dancers as booths (15 and 7, respectively), everyone who wants to be joined by a few ladies will be. The number of dancers was just about perfect for a small club like this.
Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – You won’t like Hungary if you don’t like relatively thin white girls, but there is at least a variety of skin tones at Hallo Bar.
Attitudes (0/10) – Watch out for ripoffs at this place, because agreeing to buy a girl a drink does not ensure that she’s going to buy one of the cheaper ones. I thought I was pretty clear about what I was buying for one girl, but made the mistake of allowing her to place the order in Hungarian, then she got something that was moderately more expensive. Not enough to break the bank (though they do have some of those drinks on the menu), but I hate spending time with a girl who rips me off for even a cent (or, in this case, about $15 US). Even the ones who don’t try stunts like that are relentless with the sales pitch, asking you to buy a drink immediately, then if you do get one, they immediately ask you to buy the other, and this process repeats from the time she sits down until the time you cut her off or leave.
Value (1.5/10) – There’s no cover, the nude stage show is a solid value, and dances aren’t bad at 10000 HUF (about $50 US) for 10 minutes of moderate to high contact, but watch out for the drinks because that’s where the club makes its money. 2000 HUF for a bottle of Heineken is rough, but it’s a bargain compared to the dancer drinks that start at 15000 HUF (about $75 US) and go up to at least 90000 HUF (about $450 US). Whatever you do, pay in cash as you go, because I strongly suspect that a few of those 90000 HUF drinks will find their way to your bill if you use a card. If you are going to go here, at least plan ahead and print out the free beer coupon from their website, because they do honor it.
Club Setup (4/10) – This is a fairly classy looking place with a long raised runway-style stage in the center of the room, seating around the stage, a bar at the far end, and seven booths around the outside of the room. It’s small enough that everyone has a good view of the stage, but you’re pretty much out of luck if there are at least 7 other groups of customers in the place.
Dance Setup (8/10) – There are only 2 dance seats, so you may have to wait for one of them to open up (that’s just enough time for the girl to ask you to buy her another champagne), but once you get there, it’s nice and private. You sit on a small bench/couch hybrid thing, and thick black curtains surround you. It’s not a large area, but I’ll take privacy over spaciousness any day.
Atmosphere (5.5/10) – There’s a fairly solid party vibe to this place, but the booth setup makes it unintimidating for more conservative customers who just want to relax as well. Unfortunately, the ever-present sense that you’re about to be ripped off prevents you from being able to enjoy it as much as you should.
Location (4.5/5) - Hallo Bar is two blocks from the Octagon and is within walking distance of the touristy part of the Pest side of Budapest. There’s also another strip club across the street, but I’d tread very carefully in there (or avoid it altogether), because I’ve been told that it’s a pure rip-off joint.
Overall – I’m never a fan of clubs that rely on overpriced dancer drinks to make their money, but when done properly, I’m occasionally willing to put up with it. At Hallo Bar, though, it’s so bad that I’ll never return despite the fact that they have the best lap dances in town.
RAW SCORE = 53.5
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