Notes on Wisconsin Dolls (Wisconsin Dells, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Dances (12/20) good grind, 2 way not encouraged but tolerated to some extent

Dancers (5/10) decent. 2 pretty hot, a lot decent, none too bad

Club Setup (4.5/10) smallish but clean not a ton of seating but enough. There's 1 pit stage with chairs around. A few tall tables and long bar.

Dance Setup (4/10) You get dances in a back room with several booths. It's not super private but there are some dividers and it's not busy so no one can really see. There's a beaded entryway that people in one corner can see into. A bouncer peeked in once

Attitudes (8/10) very friendly. Sit and chat. One offered to buy me a shot. 

Value (6/10) $3 beers for happy hour and only $4 after (sadly, no Spotted Cow), $25 dances, Good nude stage show (one girl offered to "take a dollar off of any part of (my) body" - I handed it to herVIPs start at $120 for 30 min and include 2 drinks. Not bad. 

Atmosphere (5.5/10) good local bar vibe mix of music from rock and rap to country 

Variety (1/10) size variety and one mixed race dancer plus one Asian but mostly white 

Number (4.5/10) Not a ton of dancers but sufficient for a small club. Maybe 10 girls while I was there. 

Location (2/5) If you're in the Dells, this is your closest option, but you'll have to drive to get there. 

Overall - I liked this place a little better than the nearby Cruisin Chubby's based on my single visit to each place, but Crusin Chubby's had more potential, so it's a tossup between the two if you only have time for one. Either way, you should have a solid but unspectacular time. 

RAW SCORE = 52.5

Notes on Henry the VIII (Inkster, MI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated.  

Value (7/10) $5 cover, $6.75 beer. $10 to club for wristband plus $20 to dancer per dance

Club Setup (2.5/10). Small club, tiny tables and not many of them have really uncomfortable chairs facing stage. Not set up to hang out. . Dart board. 3 stages at various places across small room. Some stage side seating at two side stage but not the main stage. A few seats at bar. Area in back up a few steps that has seats at rail to watch main stage. Good view but 15 feet away. 

Atmosphere (2/10) metal, blue collar, some waitresses hot. No motircycles, no colors, etc. 

Quality of Dancers (3/10) some fat, some worn out, se in 6 range but none higher

Attitudes (6/10) sit and chat neighborhood place

Number (4/10). Not many customers but only half dozen-ish dancers. Seemed like more (and hotter) servers than dancers. About a dozen on second visit but not much quality and same after shift change

Variety (2/5) Size variation but mostly white during my visits. A few black. More black at night

Dances (20/20) grind, full two way, offers for more. I can leave whoever I want. Half hour for 80. 

Dance Setup (8/10)  partitioned booths in separate room but corner booths are fairly private because walls come

In. Very dark with re lighting.   Now curtained booths with chair. 8. Can sort of see through if looking, but don't look.

Location (2.5/5) Near airport and Bogart's and Flight Club

Overall - Bogart's is a similar club that does most things better than this place, but it isn't far away so it could be worth checkout out both places.

RAW SCORE = 57 

Blush (Pittsburgh, PA)

Quality of Dances (11.5/20) - I didn't get the feeling that extras are available, but most of the girls provide a decent grind and two-way contact is encouraged to varying degrees. Most of them welcome some breast groping and some girls have told me I could do whatever I wanted as long as I made sure that the camera didn't have a clear sightline if I wanted to rub their crotches. In the past, I've gotten a lot more teasing than quality dancing at Blush and it's possible that some of the girls still do that, but all of my recent dances here have been fairly good. 

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies are, for the most part, fairly attractive, but they’re a noticeable step below what you’d find at Cheerleaders.  For whatever reason, most of the black dancers that I've seen here haven't done much for me, but most of the paler ladies relatively young, in fairly good shape and in the 6-8 range.

Number of Dancers (4.5/10) – On Friday and Saturday nights, I've seen 15-20 women dancing which sounds fairly good, but it's actually not great considering that the club gets packed with so many customers that you can barely move. I hate to tell a club to raise their cover charge, but they need to do something to thin out the crowd on weekend nights, or they need to hire more dancers, because what they had just wasn’t getting the job done.  At non-peak times, I've found about half as many dancers, but since there's usually only a handful of customers, the ratio was much more favorable. 

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – I’m giving them a 3.5, but the variety at Blush is as about good as you’ll find in western Pennsylvania.  Most of the ladies are black or white, but I’ve seen a few Asians and olive skinned ladies as well, and there’s sufficient size variation. 

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – These girls are nice enough once you talk to them, but like everywhere else in Pittsburgh, there are so many customers at prime time that the ladies don’t mind giving customers attitude, especially if they don’t think those particular customers are likely to be big spenders.   Ladies, maybe pissing a guy off won’t cost you anything tonight because you’re busy, but it will cost you tomorrow when the club is dead and the only potential customer is the guy you just pissed off. 

Value (4/10) – Everything is slightly more expensive than it should be with a $10 cover, $30 dances (a slightly discounted $79 if you buy 3) and $10 drinks, but nothing is too outlandish.  Plus, you certainly get more for your money from the nude stage action than you do from the topless show at Cheerleaders.  I was quoted $220 for a half hour upstairs or $360 for a full hour, but I'm not sure what exactly that includes.  

Dance Setup (6/10) – The chairs aren’t particularly comfortable, but you get your own booth with an opaque curtain blocking the view from anyone else.  I was told that there's a camera in there, but I didn't get the feeling that anyone monitors that too closely.  As an added bonus, they have TV screens in each booth that show the stage, so you can watch that if you're bored by the lady you're with.  Though, if you're bored by the lady you're with, why did you just give her $30 for a dance?      

Club Setup (2/10) – Blush is a small club with a narrow stage along the right side wall, a reasonably long but very narrow square bar in a raised area along the back wall and a small cage-like stage in a back corner, but most of the club is standing room only.   That would be awkward but tolerable under normal circumstances, but this place can get so packed that you’ll get more contact from other customers bumping into you than you could hope to get from the dancers.

Club Atmosphere (6/10) – This place can be cramped and just generally crazy, but it's actually a fun place to hang out for an hour or two, especially before or after a sporting event.  It's too crowded for large groups, but groups of about 4 guys or less should have a good time in here.  

Club Accessibility (5/5) – Blush is right downtown and is within easy walking distance of several hotels and the Consol Energy Center and PNC Park.  Parking can be a bit of a pain in the ass, but you can usually find street parking nearby, and if not, there's a parking garage right across the street.   

Overall - You can get better contact at Silky's in McKees Rocks, the girls are hotter at Cheerleaders and Club Erotica, and the Filly Corral is great if you're willing to drive for a half hour, but the combination of reasonably hot girls, fairly good dances, nude stage action, a full bar and a nice, relaxed vibe, makes Blush my favorite option when I'm in or around downtown Pittsburgh.    

RAW SCORE = 52.5

Deja Vu New Orleans (New Orleans, LA)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – I got a good grind and plenty of two-way contact, and even got some unsolicited offers for extra services.  As far as Bourbon Street dances go, these are quite good.

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – These ladies are a small step down from Hustler and Little Darlings, but are mostly pretty decent with a few stunners and a few not so great.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – They had more than enough ladies working for the slow night that I was there, with one girl on stage and several working the crowd at all times.

Variety of Dancers (2.5/5) – There’s a higher percentage of black dancers at Déjà Vu than at the other Bourbon Street Déjà Vu clubs (Hustler and Barely Legal), but there are still plenty of white women and a mix of thick and thin ladies. 

Attitudes (3/10) – These ladies aren’t unfriendly, but they hustle hard and several of them gave some of the most awkwardly delivered canned lines that I’ve ever heard.  I’m not going to hold one girl against the whole club, but I was particularly amused by the girl who called me a “scared chicken” because I turned down her offer of a BJ.  

Value (4.5/10) – They had a $6 cover on a night when most of the other clubs were free, but the $4 beers and 3 for $100 lap dances are both reasonable.  I was quoted $300 for the private dances upstairs, but was told that I’d be “satisfied” if I wanted to spend $200 and go to the last booth.

Club Setup (5.5/10) – The main room has very high ceilings and somewhat of a warehouse feel to it, but it’s still a decent club overall.  The main stage is reasonably large and has tall poles that allow for some tricks, there’s a standup bar along the right side wall, and a bunch of small tables with rolly chairs fill the rest of the room.   

Dance Setup (6.5/10) – Dances are given in nicely angled booths that are very similar to what they have across the street at Hustler, but the big difference is that there are no dance counting machines in here.  That’s a good thing if you negotiate a deal with your dancer and are sober enough to count.  It was a very bad thing for me.

Atmosphere (6/10) – The warehouse setting makes it a little weird and it’s definitely not upscale, but it’s still a good place to party with some friends.

Location (5/5) – As with all of the other Bourbon Street clubs, Déjà Vu has the perfect location.

Overall – Déjà Vu is a solid club that’s one of several places worth peeking your head into on Bourbon Street.  It’s not consistent enough for me to guarantee that you’ll have a good time, but it certainly has potential and you’re probably more likely to find extras here than at any of the other decent French Quarter clubs (Penthouse, Hustler and Barely Legal).

RAW SCORE = 58.5

Scores New Orleans (New Orleans, LA)

Quality of Dances (9/20) – There’s some two way contact and lightly touching their tits generally seems to be ok, but I didn’t get the feeling that groping would be appreciated and you aren’t going to get a purposeful grind. 

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – Most of the ladies in here are decent and some are amazing.  They’re comparable to what you’d find at Rick’s, but you’ll probably prefer these ladies if you aren’t a fan of implants.  

Number of Dancers (6/10) – They had plenty of ladies working on the night that I was there even though it was a little slow.  There was only one lady on stage, but there were enough working the crowd to make sure that anyone who wanted attention got it. 

Variety of Dancers (3/5) – Most of these ladies are white, but I also saw some Asians, some black girls and a surprising amount of pleasantly thick girls mixed in with the slender ladies.  

Attitudes (6/10) – There’s always some hustle in a tourist area strip club, but most of these ladies sit and chat and are just generally friendlier than you’ll find in most of the Bourbon Street clubs. 

Value (4/10) – There was no cover on the night that I was there (Monday) and the normal cover is in the $5-10 range, but the other prices aren’t as great.  Beers are $8 and normal dances are $40, though you can get a slightly more reasonable deal if you want to buy 3 for $100, and you can cheaply try out the ladies by getting mini dances from girls who come down off the stage.  Still, for Bourbon Street, that isn’t too bad.  

Club Setup (6.5/10) – There’s a nice bar in the back of the club near a long stage that was not used while I was there, a small main stage with stageside seating, a few high top tables and some bottle service booths.  It’s classy and worked well on the night that I was there, but I can’t imagine that there’s enough seating when it gets busy.

Dance Setup (3/10) – There’s a room upstairs with several nice couches inside where the lap dances are given.  The views are unobstructed within the room, but it is at least relatively dark and comfortable. 

Atmosphere (6.5/10) – Scores may take itself a little too seriously, but it’s still a fun place that’s particularly nice for couples or business people.

Location (5/5) – Scores is right on Bourbon Street, so it’s location couldn’t be any better.

Overall – I prefer the Hustler clubs and Penthouse to Scores, but you could do a lot worse than Scores if you’re looking for a slightly upscale club on Bourbon Street. 

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Scores Tampa (Tampa, FL)

Quality of Dances (6/20) – I’ve rarely seen as much variation from one girl to the next, with the dances here ranging from awful to very enjoyable.  Some girls give air dances, but most provide at least some contact, but even that is highly variable.  Some say you can touch “anywhere but the ass, tits and cookie,” while others put your hands directly on their asses and grind.  I wouldn’t come here looking for great dances, but you have a much better chance of getting an adequate dance here than you do at most of the other non-nude clubs in Tampa.

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – The girls at Scores are attractive, but they’re not Tampa’s finest.  Expect to see lots of ladies in the 6-8 range with a few beauties and a few who aren’t so great, but you’re likely to find hotter girls at Penthouse, Thee Dollhouse, and Mons Venus.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There are usually three or four dancers on stage at a time and somewhere around a dozen dancers in the building. The total number is comparable to what you’d find at Penthouse, but there are more girls on the stage at any given time at Scores.  Even though lots of ladies are working the regulars in the crowd, you shouldn’t have to wait too long even as a first-time visitor.   

Variety of Dancers (2.5/5) – Most of the dancers are thin and white, but I did see a few Asians and a few who were so exotic that I couldn’t figure out where they were from. 

Attitudes (6/10) – The ladies were happy to sit and chat with customers before asking about dances, and most were upfront about the ridiculously high dance prices.  At a lot of places, the girls ignore then dance fee that goes to the club, but these ladies were straight about it.

Value (3/10) – Valet parking is complementary (though you should just stay at the HoJo down the street and walk here anyway), and the $10 cover and $5 beers are reasonable.  My signature drink (a Redbull and double whisky) was $13, though, and $20 for table dances and $30 plus $10 to the club for real dances is just ridiculous.

Club Setup (4.5/10) – This is a fairly small place, with lots of small tables and rolly chairs in a cramped area and a decent sized square bar in the back.  The stage isn’t huge, but it’s long and they manage to fit several girls on it, and there’s a glass wall behind the stage with a weird VIP area behind it so you get to look at guys who think they’re better than you the whole time that you’re watching the stage show. 

Dance Setup (6/10) – You get your dance on a couch in a private booth with an opaque curtain, and there’s a TV in there showing you a live feed of the stage. That may sound amazing, but is actually just adequate.  The TV is super low def, the couch has an uncomfortable bar in the center, and an infrared camera that stares at you kills any illusion of privacy that you may have. 

Atmosphere (7/10) – I was trashed by the time I got here, so I’ll have to trust my notes.  I wrote, “louder, more party 7/10.” No idea what it’s louder than or what it’s more of a party than, but it sounds like I had a good time.  The real key is that it serves alcohol right beside the excellent but alcohol-free Mons Venus and across the street from the very solid Odyssey 2001.   

Location (4/5) – Scores isn’t in downtown Tampa, but it’s in the perfect location for a strip club.  You could throw a baseball from their parking lot and hit two other strip clubs (Mons Venus and Odyssey 2001) and a hotel (Howard Johnson), so you don’t have to invest a lot of time to check it out.  

Overall – The big thing that Scores has going for it is that it serves alcohol while the two other clubs in the neighborhood do not.  Both of the other clubs are vastly superior to this place, but Scores is a decent option if you want to have a few beers before hitting the good clubs and you don’t feel like drinking out of a brown paper bag in the parking lot. 

RAW SCORE = 52.5 

2001 Odyssey (Tampa, FL)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – Regular lap dances don’t get a whole lot better than the fully nude grinding versions with plenty of stick shifting that you get at 2001 Odyssey.  If you’re looking for more than that, it will cost you (I’ve heard prices in the $300-400 range for some services that go above and beyond), but it’s always nice to have options.  I’ve never gone for that, but I can confirm that the $200 dances in the spaceship are excellent.  I was going to make a joke about blasting off, but it would be too corny, so I’ll just say this – they’ll usually offer to make you cum in your pants.

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – You might expect a little more quality out of a famous club like this, but they don’t have any terribly unattractive girls and a few of them are stunning.  Most, though, are in the 6-7 range. 

Number of Dancers (8/10) – There are usually two girls on the tiny stage at a time, and there are almost too many working the crowd considering how small this place is. I’m sure the number of customers goes way up on weekends, but the dancer to customer ratio has always been greater than 1-to-1 during my weeknight visits.  

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – You’re going to find mostly thin white dancers at just about any of the Tampa clubs, but there are at least a few curves and black girls mixed in at this place. 

Attitudes (2/10) – 2001 is a hustle hut.  “Wanna dance?” is about the extent of the conversation, and most girls try to hide the fact that there’s supposed to be a $5 fee paid to the bouncer every time that you go for a dance.  Once you spend some cash, some of the girls soften up, but even that isn’t a sure thing.   

Value (3/10) – The $15 cover is to be expected at an alcohol-free club, but they need to either lower it a little or drop the 1 drink minimum.  The club also theoretically takes $5 each time that you go to the dance room, but I’ve found that they usually only charge that a few times if you tip the bouncer a few bucks or if you’re a lap dance fiend like me.  The value for the dances themselves, though, isn’t too bad at $25 for each relatively short song, and the stage value is pretty solid. 

Club Setup (3/10) – For such a famous joint, this place is shockingly undersized.  There’s a small stage and several small tables with shitty chairs, and there’s a small juice bar, but you should be spending most of your time getting dances anyway, so the fact that it isn’t a great setup isn’t a dealbreaker. The only real bright spot on the inside is the rain making machine, but the spaceship on the roof of the building is so amazingly ridiculous that I had to give them a few points here. 

Dance Setup (4/10) – You get your own mirrored booth during the regular dances, but the privacy is still limited since people can see you when they walk by and cameras are pointed right at you.  The setup in the spaceship is much better, but that’s to be expected since it’s $200 to go up there. 

Atmosphere (3/10) – 2001 is more laid back than Mons Venus, but it still has a fun party vibe.  The score would be much higher if they served alcohol, but I didn’t even miss that too much since there are liquor stores and a convenience store within walking distance, so you can periodically pound some drinks in the parking lot to keep the buzz going.  I wouldn’t go for multiple consecutive Modelo tallboys though, because that didn’t work out so well for me the last time I was there. 

Location (4/5) – There’s a reasonably priced HoJo next door and the world famous Mons Venus is right across the street, plus it’s right by Scores if you want to down a few adult beverages without going the paper bag route.  It’s a little out of the way if you’re staying in downtown Tampa, but why would you do that when you could just crash by this little oasis of excellent strip clubs?

Overall – I like Mons Venus better overall, but 2001 Odyssey is a very good club in its own right and actually has slightly better lap dances and infinitely better potential if you’re looking for more than a lap dance.  Since you can walk back and forth between the two, you might as well hit both in one night.  

RAW SCORE = 54