Platinum Plus (Columbia, SC)

Quality of Dances (17/20) – These are great lap dances.  Breast touching is encouraged and the girls are very active over the pants with their hands.  Most of the girls don't grind a whole lot, but the move where they plant their mouth on the crotch of your pants and vibrate more than makes up for that.  I don't think that you'll be whipping it out due to the lack of privacy, but wearing loose fitting cargo shorts might not be a terrible decision, particularly when the club is less busy.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – There are lots of 7's and 8's and a few who were higher than that, but there were also a few too many ladies who were either too old or a little on the sloppy side.  One dancer volunteered that she's 38, and she wasn't even close to being the oldest one there.  She actually was pretty hot, but the woman who looked like she could have been the 38 year old's mother... not so much.  Still, as long as you aren't uncomfortable shooting down the ladies that you don't like, you should be able to find plenty of ladies worth getting a dance from.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – Platinum Plus is usually packed with ladies whether or not they're busy.  Of course, the ratio is a lot better when things are slow, but it's always acceptable.  They only have one woman on stage a lot of the time, but with two song sets and not too much repetition, I don't have any problem with that.  

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – This is mostly a white club, but I saw a few black dancers and had some very enjoyable dances from a Filippina, plus there's more than enough variation in body types to keep most customers interested.    

Attitude of Dancers (1/10) – Most of these ladies are initially very friendly and are happy to sit and chat while draped across your lap and maybe doing some occasional stick shifting.  One particularly friendly girl was nice enough to ask if I had to answer to anyone that night because there was glitter in her lip gloss and she didn't want to get me into trouble by getting it on my crotch.  Unfortunately, the price structure for the dances undoes all of that good will.  Because the clubs allows each girl to set her own prices, you have to ask every single girl what her prices are before you get a dance, and, if you don't, most of them will say it's $30 per song.  That may not seem like too big of an issue, but it completely kills the mood to have to discuss prices at that point.  My biggest complaint, though, is that a lot of the girls can be ridiculouslhy pushy about the champagne room if they get even the slightest hint that you may be interested.  I made the mistake of accepting one girl's offer to take me on a tour of the champagne room, then she was on me like a leech until I was forced to tell her to get lost.

Value (6/10) – It's hard to find a better deal if you show up before 8pm or on a Monday, with a $3 cover and $2.50 beers (even cheaper on Monday). The cover goes up to $6 and the beers go up to $4.50 in the evening, but even that isn't bad at all, and the stage value is always fairly solid.  The club gives change in $2 bills, so you might end up tipping a little more than you otherwise would, but you usually get a nice, personal show if you sit stage side or stand at the stairs to the stage and wait.  Some of the girls even volunteer to tip the other dancers for you (with your money, of course), then slide the bills into their panties so that the girl on stage can come over and give a light lesbian show to pick it up.  The dances are where the real variation is, though.  Most of the girls offer dances for $25 or 2 for $40, but some of the girls hold firm to their offers of $30 dances.  A lot (maybe all) of those girls will come down to 2 for $50 if you ask in advance, but you're at their mercy if you don't ask, and that's never a good position to be in.  You can also go for dances in the "red room" for $200 for a half hour, but there's no real privacy back there and you won't get anything that you can't get during the regular dances, so it's not really worth it. The champagne rooms are just ridiculous though, with the price for the room starting at $275 (up to five grand if you want good champagne) and the price for the girls running anywhere from three to five hundred dollars.  No matter what you get to do back there, that's a rip off.

Dance Setup (2.5/10) –  The dance area is out of view of the main club and dances are given on reasonably comfortable bench/couch hybrids.  There are arm-height dividers for you to rest your keys and drink, but it isn't enough to keep anyone from seeing what you're up to.  Since they have two of these bench areas, it's fairly solid if no more than one other person is getting a dance, but that almost never happens, and, when it's crowded, you'll be right beside somebody and right across from somebody else.  The good news about the mirrored walls is that they make it easy to get a good view of what you're grabbing onto.  The bad news about them is that they make it easy for anyone else to watch what you're grabbing onto too.  They probably have better things to look at though, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.  

The champagne room setup is ok, but it's not the apartment that you should be getting for your $275 room fee.  It's just a room off of a back corner of the club with few large couces all lined up parallel to each other.  The couches are at least big enough that no one can really see what you're up to, particularly if you get the couch in the back.

Club Setup (9.5/10) – I love the setup at this place.  There's a stand up bar in the back of the club, a smaller bar in the front and a large projection TV near the stage so that you can try to keep one eye on the game. The club is deliciously dark, allowing girls to get somewhat physical at your table if you sit in one of the corners.  The disco ball strobe effects provide the perfect amount of lighting throughout the club, and the bar area is nice and bright so that you can see what you're spending your money on in advance.  Most of the club is filled with small tables for 2-4 people, and the chairs can roll around to accomodate groups of varying sizes.  The main stage isn't huge, but it's fairly nice with two poles, and there are two small cage-style stages in the back.  All of the Plantum Plus clubs have these things and they're great.  The "cage" portion of the stage is made by poles that surround it, and the girls use them to perform some unique moves.  Even though the club is really just one room, the way that the back area is a few steps up from the half of the club with the stage creates some separation and ensures that everyone has a good view of the stage show.  This really is a beautifully designed club.

Club Atmosphere (9/10) – Whether you're coming here for a cheap beer after work or for a wild night out, you'll almost certainly have a good time at Platinum Plus Columbia.  The crowd skews a little older than I'm used to, but the music is good (I heard everything from the Beatles to Rick Ross to dubstep playing during my first half hour there) and the vibe is upscale casual.  I'm knocking them down from a perfect 10 because the music can be loud to the point that it makes it difficult to chat, but that's my only complaint.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – The club is a few miles outside of downtown Columbia and I doubt that there's much in the way of public transportation, but the Embassy Suites is within walking distance and was perfect for me to take advantage of the cheap drinks and still make it safely to bed.

Overall –  The girls are attractive, the dances are great and it's just an all-around good time.  If they'd just do away with the variable dance prices, it would probably be one of my three favorite clubs in the world.  Even with that annoyance, though, it's still a great club and is worth a visit if you're ever anywhere near Columbia.

RAW SCORE = 64

Last Update: June, 2013

Heartbreakers (Columbia, SC)

Quality of Dances (17/20) – Two way upper body contact is encouraged and the girls are very active over the pants with their hands and mouths.  A few of the ladies may even work their way up your thighs if you're wearing loose fitting shorts, but that's about as far as it's going to go due to the less than private setup unless you drop big money for the VIP dances (I haven't felt like dropping hundreds of dollars, so I can't say either way what happens there).  Still, you'd have to be pretty demanding to be disappointed by these dances.  Mine were all just a small notch below what I received at Platinum Plus, but it was close enough that it might have been the luck of the draw with the women that I chose.

Quality of Dancers (4/10) – Since this place is owned by the same people who own Platinum Plus, I got the feeling that they send their b-squad here.  The vast majority of these ladies were 5s or 6s, and only a few would rate above that.  One of the hottest ladies there looked exactly like the non-airbrushed version of Sarah Jessica Parker, and one of the lesser ladies looked like an 80's era stripper who hasn't changed her hair, her clothes or her job in the last 25 years.

Number of Dancers (3.5/10) – Even early in the evening, they don't have enough dancers to keep most of the customers occupied.  They only have one lady on stage at a time, which sucks since high number of low quality girls means that you might be stuck without anything worthwhile to look at for a few minutes.  Thankfully, the sets are short, but they rotate through the girls fairly quickly.  It seemed like the less attractive girls were on stage particularly often, but that might have just been my impression because they were more noticeable than the better girls.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – Almost all of these ladies are white, but they also have a few black dancers and there's some size variation.  The hot ladies were all thin white brunettes though, so you don't have a whole lot of options if you want to check out attractive girls.

Attitude of Dancers (1/10) – Variable dance prices kill the interaction between dancers and customers even in a club with otherwise friendly girls, because an extra step of asking how much a dance costs and, if necessary, negotiating, is thrown into the usual progression from good conversation to "let's go." They weren't too bad other than that, but the canned lines do get old pretty quickly.  I mean, I can only hear how big my dick is so many times in one night before I start to suspect that they say that to everyone.

Value (6/10) – It's a great deal if you show up before 8pm since there's only a $3 cover and drinks beers are $2.50.  Those prices basically double later in the evening (except on Tuesdays, when beers are $2 all night), but that's not bad at all either.  Once you're inside, the lack of a tip rail means that you can guiltlessly take it the sights without spending much cash, and the dances are a decent value if you're willing to bargain.  Some of the girls say that their dances are $30 for one or $50 for two, but most of them are happy to accept $25 for one or $40 for two.  The girls set their own prices, though, so never go for dances before agreeing to a price.  It sucks and makes you feel like a cheapskate to have to ask, but it's better than getting three dances and expecting to pay $60 but being told that you owe $90.

Dance Setup (2.5/10) –  Just like at the Platinum Plus, dances are given on bench/couch hybrids in a narrow area that isn't visible from the rest of the club but that provides no privacy from other people who are giving or receiving dances.  If you're the only one getting a dance, it's pretty solid, but that will rarely be the case.  The dances are at least good enough that most of the other customers will be too focused on their own dance to worry too much about what you're up to.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – Like most other things about Heatbreakers, the setup is nice but not quite as nice as at the Platinum Plus.  It's a fairly large club with a circular stage surrounded by poles to form a sort of a cage in the center of the room, and there's another smaller cage style stage toward the back of the club.  Even though it's really just one big room, the angled walls and the central location of the stage break it up to keep it from feeling oversized.  My favorite thing about the setup is that it's dark enough to allow girls to get fairly friendly at the tables toward the walls, but if you don't manage to get one of those seats, there are plenty of other tables throughout the room and a few seats at the bar.

Club Atmosphere (4/10) – The crowd seems to be a little younger and rougher than at the Platinum Plus, but it still isn't too bad if you're looking for a loud, smokey place to down a few beers.  It wouldn't be my choice for a night of partying, but it feels like a great place to grab a drink after a tough day of work.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – The club is right off of I-26 and is only a few miles from downtown Columbia, but you're going to have to drive to get there.  They do at least have plenty of parking, and it seems like the type of place where your vehicle should be perfectly safe.  I parked a motorcycle there with no second thoughts.

Overall – Heartbreakers is a solid blue collar club that would be worth a visit if it was located just about anywhere else, but since it's less than five minutes from the vastly superior Platinum Plus, it's really hard to justify spending your time or your money at this place most of the time.  The one exception is if you're in the area on a Tuesday and are looking to get drunk on the cheap, in which case you really can't beat Heartbreakers' $2 domestics. Just don't forget to line up a designated driver so that you can transfer the party to Platinum Plus once you're sufficiently loaded and are ready to have some real fun.

RAW SCORE = 49.5