Paisas Club (Bogota, Colombia)

Sorry for the long delay since my last post. If you've followed my twitter account, you know I've been busy traveling around 5 continents over the past few months, but I think I should be settling down soon. I can't make any promises, but I'm going to try to get back to my weekly posting schedule. I have several Detroit and Bogota reviews started and I'm working on some more from other random places, but just need to find the time to finish them off. Now, on to the review of my favorite club in Bogota, Colombia, Paisa Club...

Dances (15/20) - The fully nude extended table dances are very good, but they're not the reason that anyone comes here. Sure, you'll see girls dances at several tables (usually  going from guy to guy in a group rather than sticking with one guy for the duration), but pretty much everyone is here to watch the stage show or take a girl upstairs to fuck. 

Dancers (8/10) - A lot of people prefer the surgically enhanced ladies at La Piscina, but the ones at Paisa Club are right up my alley. All Latina, all with cute faces, and all with perfectly curvy asses that they know how to shake. 

Variety (3/5) - The variety at Paisa is fairly impressive. Every age from about 20 to more than double that is represented, there's a good mix of natural and implanted (both tits and ass) ladies, and there's good size variation as well. As long as you're into Colombianas, there will be several women here who you find to be very attractive. 

Number (6.5/10) - This is a large club that can get packed on the weekends, but they have plenty of women to meet the demands of the crowd. Early in the evening, they usually only have a few dancers working, but there are several dozen working by the time it gets busy. A lot of them don't sit and drink, so you may have to either approach them or point out the one you want to a waiter, but you should always be able to get some company fairly quickly if you want it. This score would have been higher, but they unfortunately only have a girl on stage about half the time, even when it's busy. 

Attitudes (3.5/10) - These ladies are almost all very friendly once you talk to them (as long as you talk to them in Spanish), but it's unfortunate that most of them just stand around waiting for a guy to take them upstairs for "amor" rather than drinking with customers. That's not uncommon for the Colombian clubs, but it's still a little bit of a bummer. 

Value (9/10) - The 4,000 peso beers aren't cheap by Colombian standards, but I can't complain about that since it's only $2 US, there's no cover, stage tipping is pretty much unheard of, and most of the girls will offer to take you to a room for a half hour of sex for around 50,000 pesos ($25 US). 

Club Setup (6/10) This is a fairly narrow club, but it's deep and has a ton of seating. Other than late on Friday or Saturday, finding a seat shouldn't be a problem, and there're more seats upstairs overlooking the stage for anyone who's getting bottle service. The stage is only a few feet wide, but runs almost the whole way from the front to the back of the club, so you'll get a chance to see the dancers up close at some point in their sets wherever you're seated. My favorite thing about this place, though, is that the pole goes through a hole in the ceiling to the 2nd floor (where the dressing room is), so girls slide down it like a fireman's pole to start their stage sets. 

Dance Setup (0/10) - If you want a lap dance, it's going to be right at your table in the middle of the room. For that, I have to give them the goose egg here, but the private bedrooms upstairs with a bed, shower and sink are fine if you're looking to do more than that. 

Atmosphere (6.5/10) - The crowd can be a little rough and you'll stand out if you're not Colombian, but I've never had any problems in here and I really enjoy the party vibe when it's busy. 

Location (3.5/5) - A lot of people will warn you about the Santa Fe neighborhood, but I've always felt perfectly comfortable on this block as long as the bars are open. The best thing about the location is that there are several other clubs within a few feet of the front door, so you can easily pop your head in and out of a few of them to see who has the best talent on any given night. 

Overall - I highly recommend Paisa Club if seeing hypnotizing Colombian asses shaking sounds like something you'd be interested in. If you don't care about seeing girls strip and are strictly looking to find someone for sex, there are a few other options that might be a little better, but Paisa Club has been my go-to spot while in Bogota for the past two months.

TOTAL SCORE = 60.5

Little Darlings (Las Vegas, NV)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – Although there's variation from girl to girl and extras are rarely if ever offered, most of the dances at Little Darlings are among the best I've ever gotten. You just can't beat laying down on your back with a naked girl laying/sitting/grinding on top of you. There are a few girls who try to take you to the couches instead of the "beds," and they're a waste of time, but everyone else that I've experienced has been amazing. Also, some of the girls charge extra to allow you to touch them "anywhere but the pussy," but for the price, it's hard to blame them. The only warning that I should give is that you should probably wear reasonably thick pants if you're squeamish about bodily fluids, because under the black lights on the main floor, my pants looked like evidence from a scene on CSI.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – My most recent visit was a little underwhelming, but I'm going to assume that I just caught them on an off night, because the quality of ladies here has been consistently outstanding over the course of several visits over the past 4 years.  Girls have to be old enough to drink to work at a club that serves alcohol in Nevada, so when they turn 21, the hottest ones spread out among the big-money places. Until then, they only have a few choices, and most of the hottest ones end up at Little Darlings. Older women who don't have their shit together know that they can't compete with hot teenagers, so most of the 20-somethings who work here also look great.

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – This place doesn't have as many girls as a place like the Rhino or Sapphire, but it doesn't have nearly as many customers either. I've visited several times and never seen worse than a 2-to-1 customer to dancer ratio, and it's usually much better than that. Generally, there are a few dozen girls working.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – You won't find a lot of old girls here, but other than that, the variety is great. Black, white, asian, thick (some would argue a little too thick) and thin dancers are all well represented.

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – For years, the dancers here were some of the friendliest I'd ever met, but I've barely been able to get a word out of any of them before they ask if I want a dance and then either take me to the back or walk away during my past few visits. They are at least friendly enough while you're getting your dance, but most of them don't even offer to join you back at your table after your dances these days.  For anyone who got used to the way the club was from 2009 until around 2011, the current attitudes are tragic.

Value (6/10) – The $33 cover here is brutal (reduced to $5 before 10pm if you print a pass from their website and don't show up in a cab), but sodas are free, so if you've brought your own liquor, you'll be drinking on the cheap. Also, they give taxi drivers some money for dropping you off, so before you get a ride to Little Darlings, get the cabbie to agree to give you $10-15 each. If you don't feel like dealing with that, you can get the club to send you a limo for free, but since they aren't making money on alcohol, you'll still have to pay the cover. Officially dances are no-contact and cost $20, but almost every girl will allow your hands to roam if you pay $30. That's usually more than I'd be willing to spend, but since there are frequent 2-for-1 specials, it's hard to complain about paying $15 per full contact dance.

Dance Setup (10/10) – The dances are given in booths back in a maze of hallways, and the entrances to the booths are covered with a semi-opaque curtain, so the only people who can even partially see in are dancers and customers who are walking to/from their own dances. There is one booth at the end of the hallway that is completely private, so if a girl takes you there, you know you're in for a good time.  The real key to the dance setup here, though, is that most of the booths have "beds," which are basically tables that are horizontal from the waist down and at a 30 degree angle from the waist up. This really is a spectacular dance setup.

Club Setup (5/10) – The tables are a little bit cramped, the chairs aren't terribly comfortable, and there are no private corners, but everyone has a good view of the stage where the pole action is about as good as I've seen.

Club Atmosphere (2.5/10) – Since this is a nude club, they can't serve alcohol or allow customers to bring their own. Because of that, my crew usually makes this our go-to place early in the evening while we're still recovering from the previous night or late in the night once we've already had enough to drink. Also, as long as you aren't too obvious about it, you shouldn't have any problem bringing in your own liquor and mixing it with the free soda. Other than that, the atmosphere is pretty relaxed and you'll probably have a good time here either by yourself or with a group of guys. The music is good, but check their website to see if it's a theme night, because I was ready to stab my eardrums by the end of rock night.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Like everywhere else in Vegas, it isn't within walking distance, but they'll send you a limo.

Overall – I'm not quite as high on Little Darlings as I was a few years ago due to the declining attitudes, but it's still an excellent club. If they served alcohol, it would probably be my top choice in Vegas, though, realistically, if they started serving it the young girls would be gone, less attractive girls would move in, and the overall experience would probably decline. The bottom line is that if you only hit one club in Vegas, it should probably be somewhere with alcohol, but if you hit several, Little Darlings should be one of them.

TOTAL SCORE = 69

Las Chavelas (Tijuana, Mexico)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – My dance was excellent with unlimited two-way contact and plenty of grinding, and the only reason that it wasn’t even better was that I told my girl that I just wanted a dance rather than her other services. I was assured, however, that the price would have included a skilled blowjob, and that promise was confirmed by every server who came by winking and making the international miming symbol for a penis pushing up against the inside of a girl's cheek. 

Quality of Dancers (4/10) – The girls at Las Chavelas are a little older and a little thicker than you'll find elsewhere on Calle Coahuila, but most of them are still pleasant looking and some of them are in the 7-8 range. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – It's hard to get a real good sense of how many girls are working since they're spread throughout the club sitting with customers, but I'd guess that there have been around 2 dozen working during each of my visits. I haven't been here at night because I'm not entirely insane, so maybe the ratio goes down when they're busy, but I've never found a dancer to customer ratio of much worse than 1-to-1. 

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – There's some size variation, but if you're not into 25-35 year old Mexican chicks, you're going to be out of luck. 

Attitudes (7/10) – This club works on the girl drink system and the girls sell them hard, but they're the friendliest on the block if you're willing to buy them their $8 beers. I've had girls sit with me for hours without even bringing up the topic of going upstairs, and they're all more than happy to help you practice your Spanish or load up your iTunes with the awesome music that plays in the club.

Value (7/10) – The 2-for-1 $4 beers are a steal and the $8 mini dancer beers aren't too bad for the amount of time that it gets you with the girl, and there's no cover. $48 for dances seems ridiculous at first, but it also gets you an hour in the private VIP room upstairs and probably a BJ or more, so it's hard to complain about that too much. Unfortunately, unless you 're into slow dancing with the girls on stage as many of the locals do, the stage value is usually petty poor. I did get to witness some excitement once when police chased a guy through the club and over the main stage, but I think, or at least I hope, that's not a regular occurrence.

Club Setup (6/10) – The most notable thing about Las Chavelas is the unique Western theme, with pretty much everything being made of wood or stone, lots of cow skulls around the room, and cactus shaped bar stools. Despite the gimmick, this is a reasonably nice place with bars in the front and the back and a ton of booth seating throughout the club. The booths are big enough for two guys to sit comfortably and two girls to snuggle up next to them, which is usually what happens.  The main stage is front and center in the club, so everyone should have a good view of it, and the live music stage off to the right side looks pretty solid, though I’ve unfortunately never seen it in use.

Dance Setup (10/10) – Dances are given in private VIP rooms on the second floor of the club. Each room is just for one guy and one girl, but they’re reasonably large, have soft bench seating around the outside, and have a door that closes and thick curtain that closes off the opening to the main part of the club. The nice thing is that, once you’re finished with your dance, you can open the curtain and look out over the club from your private room for the remainder of the hour. It’s easily among my favorite dance setups of all time. 

Atmosphere (2/10) – I have to admit upfront that I love this place. The Nortenas music is awesome, cheap beer makes everything better, and you'll almost certainly never see an American unless he's lost, he's one of my readers, or he's me. Having said that, I get the impression that this isn't the safest place in the world at night for white guys. At Hong Kong and Adelita, I think the staff keeps an eye on the Americans to make sure they aren't drawing the wrong kind of attention from any other customers, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. 

Location (0/5) – I can’t give them any credit for the location since you’re going to have to cross the border to get there and it’s not particularly safe, but it’s right between Hong Kong and Adelita, so it’s easy enough to stop by quickly if you’re visiting either of the two more famous clubs on the block.

Overall – Don’t bother going to Las Chavelas on your first trip to Tijuana, but it’s a nice option for 2-for-1 beers in the afternoon if you’ve made several visits to Hong Kong and Adelita and are ready for a more authentic Mexican strip club experience.

RAW SCORE = 62

Cheetahs (Las Vegas, NV)

Most recent visit: September, 2016

Quality of Dances (12/20) – The lack of privacy prevents anything too crazy from going on, but most girls provide a good grind and are open to two-way contact. Although there’s still variation from one girl to the next, a “bad” dance at Cheetahs now is comparable to the best dances that I received here a few years ago.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – There’s more variation in quality at Cheetahs than you’ll find at most of the other big name Vegas clubs, with some girls I’d go out of my way to avoid, some stone-cold killers and everything in between, but it’s a fairly impressive workforce overall and I don’t think anyone will have a problem finding several worthy girls on any given visit.

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – The number of women varies, but it’s usually perfect for the number of customers. When the club is busy, it’s absolutely teeming with women, and when it’s slow, they still have more than enough women to keep everyone entertained.  During each of my visits, virtually every group of patrons has been joined by multiple women, and I’m always approached by one or more within minutes of arriving.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (5/5) – Name your shape, size, race or country; you’ll find it at Cheetahs.

Attitude of Dancers (9/10) – It seems crazy to say that the best dancer attitudes of all time could be at a famous Vegas club, but my group and I interacted with dozens of them over our three most recent visits and all of them were at least friendly if not downright awesome. One girl in particular spent about 4 hours on my lap, only getting up to pour me drinks, before I gave her so much as a dollar. Even when we did go for dances, it was at my request, not hers. Of course, don’t take advantage of that or they’ll become a whole lot less friendly in a hurry, but if you take care of them, they’ll take care of you. These girls really are great.   

Value (6.5/10) – The cover is $20 if you arrive by cab, but they’ll waive it if you take their limo or valet park your own car for $20. Most of the other prices aren’t too bad with regular dances being $20, slightly more private dances 3-for-$100, and 30 minutes in the VIP “G-Spot” going for $200, but the $9 beers are pretty rough. Fortunately, at least on Sunday through Wednesday nights, you can get a bucket of 5 beers for a reasonable $31 or a 1L bottle of liquor and 3 mixers for $125, which is a huge bargain.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) – As long as they aren’t too busy, most of the girls will take you to rows of benches along the front or back walls, but some of the dances occur right on the crowded main floor, where even the most dexterous dancer will have a hard time doing her thing. Fortunately, if you’re willing to drop a reasonable $200 to go to the “G-Spot” (named for Jack Galardi, the former owner of Cheetahs and Miami’s King of Diamonds, among other clubs), you’ll have a lot more space and won’t be visible to anyone other than the half dozen or so other girls/guys who are giving/receiving dances.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – Cheetahs has the classic strip club setup that one sees in TV shows and movies: a single longish stage in the center of the club, a long bar lining a raised area off to the side, and a bunch of small tables (3-4 seats) all around. Although it’s a little cramped, it has been renovated somewhat over the past few years and has some dark corners where you can sit without all eyes on you, and I really like it overall.

Club Atmosphere (8.5/10) – From the bouncer who offered to allow me to bring my In-N-Out burger into the club, to the girls who latched onto our arms the second we walked in, to the bartender who promised to recommend a “Peter Tips” aka a “Dirty Peter” (redbull with a double shot of whiskey) to anyone who can’t decide what drink to order, to the DJ who played an hour block of hip hop at my request, my group is always treated like VIPs at this place, and I have no reason to believe that everyone doesn’t receive similar treatment. With its tendency to draw large crowds for a small space, Cheetahs could easily have a meat market type atmosphere, but they do a nice job of avoiding that vibe. The low lighting goes a long way to make up for the close quarters and the music keeps the energy up nicely.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Like all Vegas clubs, Cheetahs isn’t walkable, but it’s just a short cab or limo ride away from anywhere on the Strip.

Overall – The Spearmint Rhino is a bigger spectacle, the dances are better at Little Darlings, the happy hour is cheaper at Treasures and the setup is better at Hustler, but is there a better all-around club in Las Vegas right now than Cheetahs? Based on the fact that my group ended up here 3 of the 4 nights that we were in town during my most recent trip, I don’t think that there is. Either way, Cheetahs is a great club that has easily earned my Seal of Approval.

RAW SCORE = 68.5

GRADE = A+

Flight Club (Inkster, MI)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – Only in Detroit do you find dances this good in such a classy club. The songs are long and you’re pretty much guaranteed to get an excellent grind and at least moderate hand or mouth action over the pants, and much more is available if you’re willing to spend a few hundred dollars.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – These are definitely some of Detroit’s finest. Pretty much every dancer in here is at least a 7, and most of them are in the 8-9 range.

Number of Dancers (8/10) – There are usually at least 4 girls on stage at a time, and several more are always working the crowd.  Even when they’re busy, they have plenty of ladies to make sure that everyone gets some attention.

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – I saw a few thin black girls and a few slightly curvier white girls, but the vast majority of dancers were thin (some way too thin, in my opinion) and white. The lack of variety would normally be a big strike against a club for me, but these ladies were so fine that I didn’t really mind.

Attitudes (3.5/10) – The attitudes are about what you’d expect from such attractive girls with lots of hustling and big money expectations, but they’re mostly friendly enough if you’re willing to play their games and spend some cash.

Value (2/10) – The $7 valet parking fee was ridiculous even if you park yourself (I do not hand over the keys to my motorcycle), and the $15 cover and $8.75 beers are too expensive, but the dances aren’t a bad value at $25 each plus a tip to the bouncer each time you go back, and the stage show is pretty solid.

Club Setup (6/10) – This is a really nice looking, well-lit club with a long main stage with 3 poles, and a nice bar with a bar-top stage. Unfortunately, other seating is limited since they have reserved booths along the outside of the club, the upstairs is wasted and there are only a few small tables scattered along one side of the stage.

Dance Setup (10/10) – You get your dance on a very comfortable chair in an area that’s surrounded by a thick curtain that prevents anyone from seeing you, and there don’t appear to be any cameras monitoring the action. You really won’t find a better dance setup than this.

Atmosphere (7/10) – This is a classy club that can be slightly uptight (note to this club and every other club that has women in gowns: guys don’t like that), but it’s still a fun, safe place to hangout. If they’d turn down the music slightly and tell the shot girl to be a little less pushy, it would be even better, but I’ve still always enjoyed my time at the Flight Club.

Location (2.5/5) – It’s not too far from the airport, is right across the street from Bogart’s and not too far from a few other worthwhile clubs, and it seems to be in a safe enough area, but you’re going to have to drive there since there are no hotel options in the immediate vicinity.

Overall – I really like the Flight Club. It’s not cheap and probably isn’t somewhere that you’re going to be visiting often if you live in Detroit, but it’s hard to resist a safe, clean club with drop dead gorgeous dancers who give amazing lap dances.

RAW SCORE = 67