Las Chavelas (Tijuana, Mexico)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – My dance was excellent with unlimited two-way contact and plenty of grinding, and the only reason that it wasn’t even better was that I told my girl that I just wanted a dance rather than her other services. I was assured, however, that the price would have included a skilled blowjob, and that promise was confirmed by every server who came by winking and making the international miming symbol for a penis pushing up against the inside of a girl's cheek. 

Quality of Dancers (4/10) – The girls at Las Chavelas are a little older and a little thicker than you'll find elsewhere on Calle Coahuila, but most of them are still pleasant looking and some of them are in the 7-8 range. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – It's hard to get a real good sense of how many girls are working since they're spread throughout the club sitting with customers, but I'd guess that there have been around 2 dozen working during each of my visits. I haven't been here at night because I'm not entirely insane, so maybe the ratio goes down when they're busy, but I've never found a dancer to customer ratio of much worse than 1-to-1. 

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – There's some size variation, but if you're not into 25-35 year old Mexican chicks, you're going to be out of luck. 

Attitudes (7/10) – This club works on the girl drink system and the girls sell them hard, but they're the friendliest on the block if you're willing to buy them their $8 beers. I've had girls sit with me for hours without even bringing up the topic of going upstairs, and they're all more than happy to help you practice your Spanish or load up your iTunes with the awesome music that plays in the club.

Value (7/10) – The 2-for-1 $4 beers are a steal and the $8 mini dancer beers aren't too bad for the amount of time that it gets you with the girl, and there's no cover. $48 for dances seems ridiculous at first, but it also gets you an hour in the private VIP room upstairs and probably a BJ or more, so it's hard to complain about that too much. Unfortunately, unless you 're into slow dancing with the girls on stage as many of the locals do, the stage value is usually petty poor. I did get to witness some excitement once when police chased a guy through the club and over the main stage, but I think, or at least I hope, that's not a regular occurrence.

Club Setup (6/10) – The most notable thing about Las Chavelas is the unique Western theme, with pretty much everything being made of wood or stone, lots of cow skulls around the room, and cactus shaped bar stools. Despite the gimmick, this is a reasonably nice place with bars in the front and the back and a ton of booth seating throughout the club. The booths are big enough for two guys to sit comfortably and two girls to snuggle up next to them, which is usually what happens.  The main stage is front and center in the club, so everyone should have a good view of it, and the live music stage off to the right side looks pretty solid, though I’ve unfortunately never seen it in use.

Dance Setup (10/10) – Dances are given in private VIP rooms on the second floor of the club. Each room is just for one guy and one girl, but they’re reasonably large, have soft bench seating around the outside, and have a door that closes and thick curtain that closes off the opening to the main part of the club. The nice thing is that, once you’re finished with your dance, you can open the curtain and look out over the club from your private room for the remainder of the hour. It’s easily among my favorite dance setups of all time. 

Atmosphere (2/10) – I have to admit upfront that I love this place. The Nortenas music is awesome, cheap beer makes everything better, and you'll almost certainly never see an American unless he's lost, he's one of my readers, or he's me. Having said that, I get the impression that this isn't the safest place in the world at night for white guys. At Hong Kong and Adelita, I think the staff keeps an eye on the Americans to make sure they aren't drawing the wrong kind of attention from any other customers, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. 

Location (0/5) – I can’t give them any credit for the location since you’re going to have to cross the border to get there and it’s not particularly safe, but it’s right between Hong Kong and Adelita, so it’s easy enough to stop by quickly if you’re visiting either of the two more famous clubs on the block.

Overall – Don’t bother going to Las Chavelas on your first trip to Tijuana, but it’s a nice option for 2-for-1 beers in the afternoon if you’ve made several visits to Hong Kong and Adelita and are ready for a more authentic Mexican strip club experience.

RAW SCORE = 62

Adelita Bar (Tijuana, Mexico)

Quality of Dances (0/20) – There are no lapdances at Adelita  The thought is that no one would want to get a dance from a girl when they could just as easily bang them in the motel upstairs and, for the most part, they’re probably right.  Having said that, there are plenty of guys who love dances but draw the line somewhere short of fucking a Tijuana hooker and there are other guys who would be willing to pay $20 as a warmup for the real action, so I was disappointed by this.   A lot of the ladies rub your crotch, some hop on your lap for the sales pitch and one even offered to dance for me if I paid her the going rate for fucking, but I’m not counting any of that as lapdances.   

If you’re looking for sex, though, you’re in luck.  Once you find a girl you like, you offer her $60 and she’ll take you to the motel upstairs for a bj and sex (both with a condom).  You can probably negotiate anal or a bareback blowjob with some of the girls if you’re willing to drop some extra cash, but I can’t imagine coming here so often that you’re bored by the straightforward options.  They aren’t allowed to have the rooms right in the club, so you have to take a few steps outside of the front door of the club, then you go right up the stairs to a room with a bed, a shower and a toilet.  It’s nothing fancy, but it’s good enough for what you need, and it’s surprisingly clean.  The half hour time limit is strictly enforced by the motel employees, so you shouldn’t waste too much time getting down to business if you’ve got some stamina, but the actual sex if going to be as good as the girl you chose.  If you invest some time into looking around the club and finding a girl who you have at least a little chemistry with, you should not be disappointed.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – There are some stunning Mexican dancers at Adelita, but I find them to be a slight step down from what I've seen at Hong Kong.  There are a few more implants and the average age is a little older here, but it would still take a very demanding customer to not be impressed by the overall talent level and in awe of a few of the ladies.

Number of Dancers (9/10) – There are usually around 3-5 ladies dancing at a time, and the room is always filled with ladies working the crowd.  The place was packed with customers, but there were still more than enough dancers to keep everyone satisfied.

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – The ages range from barely legal to late 30’s, there are plenty of natural and fake tits, they’ve got dark skinned and light skinned ladies and several of the dancers have dyed blond hair, but if you don’t like Mexicans, you’re SOL.  Fortunately for me, I love Mexicans.   

Attitudes (4.5/10) – There can be a bit of a language barrier here if you don’t speak Spanish, but I did find that it seemed to be less of an issue at Adelita than at Hong Kong, probably due in part to their ages. More of the Adelita dancers have been around since back when Americans regularly came down to Tijuana to party, but the early 20’s crowd has never had that, so they’ve never had a real reason to pick up English.  If you can manage to understand them, they’re all very friendly and and make lots of generous promises that I’m sure most of them keep.

Value (10/10) – There’s no cover, ice cold Sol is $3.25 and you can basically do whatever you want at the stage for a buck.  Want to show appreciation for the show? A dollar.  Grab a tit? A dollar.  Insert a finger?  A dollar.  Lick some puss?  A dollar, though you might want to save your cash for some antibiotics if eating out a Tijuana prostitute sounds like a good idea to you.  For the price of a $7 lady beer, you can have someone join you at your table, and most of them will sit on your lap or rub your crotch while they down their beer. If you’re looking to actually bang these ladies, the going rate is $60 to the girl plus an additional total of around $15 for the room, the robe for the girl to cover up while you take the two steps to the motel, and the guys who straighten up the sheets when you’re done. 

Club Setup (7/10) – There’s just one large room to Adelita.  There’s a long bar off to the right when you walk in, several stages throughout the room, booths around the outer walls and some additional booths closer to the stages.   The lighting is good and it’s just generally a nice setup to check out the ladies whether or not you plan on doing anything else with them. 

Dance Setup (0/10) – No dances equals no dance setup. 

Atmosphere (6/10) – It’s a little more laidback than the party over at Hong Kong, but it’s still clear that everyone is here to have a good time.  Their security staff supposedly looks out for Americans to make sure that you aren't drawing the wrong type of attention, but the fact that you can never fully let your guard down knocks this score down a little from what would otherwise be a 9/10.  

Location (0/5) – Park on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Adelita for $5.  The driver will try to convince you that other clubs are better because other clubs pay a better kickback, but stick to your guns – Adelita Bar and Hong Kong are the only clubs you should consider.  Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money.  If your only knowledge of Tijuana comes from sensationalist U.S. news stories, you might be a little nervous about heading to this club, but you should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off, particularly if you keep your visit to daylight hours. Still, the need to cross the border to go to Adelita makes it impossible for me to give them any points for location. 

TOTAL SCORE = 46.5

Overall = Adelita is a good but not great strip club.  It can’t hurt to peek your head in if you’re at Hong Kong anyway, but it’s really not worth going to Tijuana strictly for Adelita if you’re truly just looking to do some sightseeing.  Having said that, it’s an excellent brothel, so it’s worth the effort to get here if you're planning to take full advantage of their services. 

K5 Relax (Prague, Czech Republic)

If you were to take parts of the strip club experience, parts of the brothel experience, and parts of the escort service experience and combine them to make a single establishment, K5 Relax would be the result.  You’ll spend most of your visit in a bar area that looks like a strip club, but even though there are some ladies in the room, you select girls based on their profiles (including pictures) on the little screens at your table.  Once you see a profile you like, you call the hostess over, and she’ll send the girl to you so you can check her out in person over a drink.  If you like her, you take her to a private room to fuck.  If not, you send her back, pick another profile and repeat.  You’re welcome to have as many sessions as you want (each for a separate fee), and you can recharge in the bar area or by getting a massage.  It’s not really fair to rate it as a strip club, because, depending on your perspective, it’s either much more or much less than that, but since it made AskMen’s list of the tops 10 strip clubs in the world, that’s how I’ll do it.  Just read the review rather than focusing solely on the score, because it might be exactly what you’re looking for or it might be a place that doesn’t interest you in the least. 

Quality of Dances (0/20) – You will not get a lap dance at K5 Relax, but they’re all down to fuck for 2400 czk (roughly $120 US). 

Quality of Dancers (6/10) – Based on looks, in comparison to the other full service Prague clubs, these ladies rate above the ShowPark girls, below the Darling girls, and about on par with the Atlas girls.  They’re actually fairly attractive overall and would have earned a higher score but for the fact that they only undress if you pay them for sex.  On stage, the bikinis stay on. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – On the night that I stopped by, they had around 20 ladies working, which was more than enough considering that there are only 8 tables in the place. 

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – Some olive skinned Eastern Europeans were a nice variation from the usual pale Czech look, but most of not all of their ladies are white. 

Attitudes (2/10) – These ladies are actually fairly friendly once you talk to them, but the setup makes interaction difficult.  They won’t talk to you at all unless you have a hostess call them over, and even though you can send them back to their corner if you don’t feel a connection, there’s nothing natural about the interaction. 

Value (4/10) – The entry fee is 500 czk (about $25 US) and they keep a running tab at a rate of 2400 czk for each half hour fuck session with their girls and 150 czk for each Pilsner Urquell.  You remain in your street clothes the entire time that you’re in the club (unlike at the German FKKs where you change into a robe or towel), so I’m not sure why you can’t just pay as you go, but I guess they think it adds to the fantasy to not have the girls cash, so you just settle up when you leave. 

Club Setup (1.5/10) – This club is classy enough, but the bar is tiny and the only real place to sit is at one of the eight diner-style booths that surround the small stage.  That wouldn’t be so bad if there were 7 or less groups in the place when you arrive, but, otherwise, you’re going to be stuck sharing a table with what is likely to be some very sketchy guys. 

Dance Setup (10/10) – Since there aren’t dances, I guess this should be “fuck room setup,” but whatever you call it, it’s great.  The sex sessions take place in any of several large private rooms that include showers, beds, and lots of mirrors.  The one that really caught my eye had mirrors on the ceiling, but all of the rooms are very nice. 

Atmosphere (3/10) – The big advantage of this place over the other Prague clubs is that there’s no drink hustle here, so the atmosphere is very relaxed.  The downside is that you don’t interact with the girls, the girls on stage aren’t even topless, and the crowd can be a little on the sketchy side.  I wouldn’t plan on spending a whole lot of time here, but it’s nice enough if you just want to sip a beer or two while you decide on a girl. 

Location (4/5) – The club is just a short walk from Wenceslas Square, but it’s a little our of the way from the other clubs or anywhere else that you’re likely to be. 

Overall – As a strip club, K5 Relax is not worth visiting, but it could be worth considering if you’re looking for a full service club.  The selection is better and the prices much lower at ShowPark, the girls are much hotter at Darling, and the location is better at Darling and Atlas, but K5 is an acceptable compromise if you want sex in New Town Prague without the drink hustle. 

RAW SCORE = 38.5