Follies (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (13/20) – These are the best table dances in Atlanta, with a decent grind and hands on the hips ok with just about everyone.  Full 2-way contact is rare during the table dances, but that's more because of the out-in-the-open setup than it is because of the girls.  I usually refuse to do VIP rooms, but if you find a girl who provides a good table dance here, VIP dances can be well worth your while and aren't actually all that expensive.  At $142 dollars for a half hour, that works out to under $15 per three minute song, and full two way contact is not only tolerated, but encouraged.  I'd have given them a 9/20 for the tables dances or a 17/20 for the reasonably priced VIP, so I'll just split the difference and give them a 13.  Either way though, you should shouldn't have any major complaints about the dances at Follies.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – These ladies aren't bad whenever you arrive, but I've been decidedly more impressed with the ladies that I've seen during the day shift.  There seem to always be a few really hot girls, a few not so hot girls, and the rest of the ladies are fairly attractive but not stunningly so.  It's just that the percentage of hot girls is much higher during the day, and at night, the hottest girls are more likely to get snatched up by some of the other couple hundred customers in the place before you even get a chance to see them.

Number of Dancers (5.5/10) – There are usually more dancers than customers at Follies during the day.  Things are less impressive at night, though, because the number of girls goes way up as the evening goes on, but the number of customers goes up even more drastically.  On a Friday or Saturday night, you're going to be waiting for a while to get a girl for some dances unless you're willing to settle for whoever happens to approach first.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) - You should be able to find something for every member of your group here.  Even though the majority of these girls are white, Follies manages to have a more racially diverse workforce than all but a few of the other Atlanta clubs.  There are usually several black dancers working, I've gotten dances from Asians of varying thicknesses, and I've even seen the occasional Latina.

Attitude of Dancers (8/10) – I've been really impressed by the girls that I've talked to during each of my visits to Follies.  They're just really friendly and seem to enjoy their jobs.  On one visit, I arrived after just eating an unhealthy amount of steak at the Brazilian barbecue, so I told the dancers that I wouldn't be getting any dances for quite some time.  Rather than move on to other customers or retreat to the dressing room, they just sat around and shot the shit for a solid hour, and these were two of the hottest girls in the club.  The less attractive girls make even more of an effort.

Value (8/10) – There's no cover during the day, but at night, they've got mandatory valet parking and the standard Atlanta prices: $10 cover, $10 table dances, $5 beers and decent nude stage action.  The dances really make the value though, and you can't beat a half hour in the VIP room with the right girl for $142.  Why $142 instead of a round number?  I have no idea, but most of the girls won't sweat the extra two bucks.

Dance Setup (0/10) – The table dances are right out in the open, which is bad if you're at one of the tall tables against the wall, terrible if you're at one of the regular tables, and unacceptable if you're stuck standing.  The VIP setup is much better though, with 4 comfortable couches in a fairly dark room off the back side of the club and a few private rooms off to the side.  There're no doors on the private rooms, but no one seems to care too much about what you're up to.

Club Setup (4/10) – This is a medium sized club with a large bar in the center of the room, a strange narrow stage that snakes its way across the club, and a decent number of tables that provide plenty of seating during the day.  The seats aren't sufficient during the evening and the tall tables against the walls go quickly even during the day, but they are fairly limited in what they can do due to the size constraints.  Overall, the setup is acceptable, but just barely.

Club Atmosphere (6/10) – Early in the day, Follies is good for grabbing a beer by yourself or with a buddy or two, and, in the evening, it's a good place for pounding some Yuenglings and letting loose. It doesn't quite have the bachelor party type of feel like Oasis, so I'd probably skip it for something like that, but I really like the vibe overall. The crowd get considerably sketchier in the wee hours of the morning, though, and the weed smoke starts blowing, so more conservative gentlemen may feel a little out of place.  I have never felt uncomfortable there, but clean cut white guys are definitely in the minority after about 10pm.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – Follies isn't terribly convenient to get to from downtown since it's in the northeast all the way out toward I-285, but it's reasonably close to Oasis and can be reached in a cab from the Turner Field area for under $30.  Better yet, since days are the best time to go anyway, just drive there and park in their free (during the day) lot.  

Overall – Follies is my favorite strip club in Atlanta, and if you're interested in quality dances, it will probably be your favorite club too.  The girls aren't as hot as at The Cheetah, the Pink Pony or even Oasis, and it certainly isn't somewhere that you're going to try to wine and dine a client like you might at The Cheetah, but it's hard to imagine having a better time at a club in this city.  There's a reason why my number of visits to this club exceeds my number of visits to Atlanta, and, even if I make more trips to this city, it will most likely stay that way.

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Kamal's 21 (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (7/20) – There's a huge variation from one girl to the next at Kamal's.  One girl gave the best dance that I've had in Atlanta, another gave what amounted to little more than an airdance and other girls were all over the spectrum in between.  Once nice thing here is that some of the girls offer $20 lap dances as opposed to the usual $10 table dances that you find everywhere else.  The girls who offered the lap dances seemed to be the ones who gave the best dances, with full upper body two way contact and plenty of over the pants stick shifting.  Unfortunately, it's a relatively small percentage of girls who mention the lap dances, and grindless friction seems to be the much more typical dance style.  Still, these are some of the best dances that you'll find at any of the decent black clubs, with only Strokers out in Clarkston having the slight advantage.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – As long as you aren't expecting Magic City or Onyx quality women, you shouldn't have any major complaints.  Most of the ladies would rate around a 7, but there were also several 8s and 9s and one of the hottest dancers I've even seen working the night that I stopped by.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – I'm not sure that I believe their claims of having 50+ ladies on the weekends, but they do have a ton of ladies for such a modestly sized club.  Of course, by the time things really get going, the room gets packed wall to wall with customers too, so the ratio ends up being merely acceptable.  You can't beat it early in the evening though, when they seem to have about two dancers for every customer.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – This is a black club, so don't bother stopping by if black girls don't do anything for you.  They have a nice mix of dark skinned and light skinned beauties though, and there's plenty of size variation to keep just about anybody interested.  I only saw one white dancer, but I almost wished that she hadn't been there, because it made things a little awkward when she approached me for a dance.  She was hot and friendly so I accepted her offer, but it just didn't feel right as the only white guy in the club to be getting a dance from the only white girl in the club.  I'm sure everyone who saw me at that moment wondered why I even bothered to come to Kamal's, but I think I dropped enough cash by the end of the night that no one doubted my appreciation for the ebony ladies.

Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies at Kamal's are about as friendly as any that I've encountered in Atlanta.  It has the feel of a local bar, and the women treat you accordingly.  Most of them are happy to sit and chat, and a lot of them even go out of their way to introduce you to other dancers who they think you'd like.

Value (5.5/10) – The $10 cover, $5 beers and $10 table dances are all standard for Atlanta, so the value really depends on whether or not you're planning to make it rain.  People shower the girls with stack of cash, but you can manage to have a good time even if you don't have a rapper's budget as long as you don't get too close to the stage, because this place gets crowded enough that no one will notice whether you're spending money as long as you're buying drinks and getting occasional dances.

Dance Setup (0/10) – The tables dances are given right out in the open, and you'll be lucky to even be seated if you're there when it's busy unless you're getting bottle service.  Earlier in the evening, you'll get to sit on a bench or a bar stool, but those options are pretty bad too.  The "lap dances" are really just table dances with more contact, so the setup is no different, though some of the ladies will make a little extra effort to find a seat for you since you're paying twice as much per song.  

Club Setup (3/10) – Kamal's 21 is a fairly small club that's divided into three areas.  Off to the right is a bar area that's so bright that it almost looks like a juice bar.  There's also a small stage and some stools in there, but it would be my last choice of places to hang out.  The main bar area is in the middle and has another fairly small bar and very limited bench seating for bottle service.  Finally, off to the left side and down a few steps is a medium sized stage, a few more seats and another tiny bar. It not overly classy and there's not nearly enough seating, but they do about as well as they can given their space constraints.  If they did try to pack more seats in, there would be less standing room, and things would feel even more cramped when they're busy.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – This place isn't as glamorous as some of the other clubs in Atlanta, but it has a nice relaxed atmosphere and still can turn into a wild party when they have a special event, which seems to be just about every night. I've never been there for their bitch slap Wednesdays or their baby oil shows, but I assume that both can get pretty crazy.  The crowd is almost exclusively black, but I felt perfectly welcome the whole time that I was there and safety wasn't a concern at all.  Or, maybe I should say that it wasn't a concern after I saw the security guys at the entrance.  I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that they were Falcons linebackers trying to pick up some extra cash in their free time, because they were the biggest, most muscular guys I've ever seen.  

Club Accessibility (4/5) – There's plenty of parking and it isn't hard to get to from downtown Atlanta or Buckhead, and it's borderline walkable from Onyx. Even if you don't want to make it your primary destination for the evening, the location makes it convenient for a short visit.

Overall – If you only want to go to one black club in Atlanta, you should make it either Magic City or Onyx.  They're to black clubs in Atlanta what the Spearmint Rhino is to all clubs in Vegas - mediocre in many ways, but teeming with women so beautiful they have to be seen to be believed.  Unlike those places, Kamal's 21 won't be on anyone's strip club bucket list.  Having said that, this is the best all-around black club in the city, and with its friendly women, relaxed atmosphere and decent dances, it would probably be my most frequent choice of the black clubs if I lived in Atlanta.

RAW SCORE = 48.5

Oasis Good Time Emporium (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (6.5/20) – These aren't Follies-quality dances, but you could do a lot worse than Oasis for table dances in Atlanta.  Most of the girls alternate between moderate friction with some knee action and air, but these do at least feel like lap dances.  Nothing about the vibe lead me to believe that tit grabbing would be acceptable, so I didn't try it, but I was lucky enough to witness one guy making a horribly failed attempt to go for it.  Hands on the hips is generally fine though as long as you aren't too aggressive about it.

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – The Oasis ladies aren't quite as hot across the board as the ladies at The Cheetah or the Pink Pony, but they're almost all still very hot and fairly young. Considering the number of girls that they have working on weekend nights, it's impressive that they're still able to maintain such solid quality control.

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – I couldn't even guess how many ladies were working on a Saturday night, but the club was packed with guys and pretty much every table had at least one girl and most had more than one.  Whether you're looking for dances or company, you shouldn't have to wait long at all to find a girl who's willing to provide it.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – This is where Oasis really set itself apart from the Pink Pony for me.  They still have lots of thin white blonds, but they also have a few slightly thicker girls, a few black girls and even several Asians.  With so many girls working the crowd, there's usually a different type in just about every direction.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – These girls are surprisingly friendly considering how hot they are and how busy the place gets.  Everyone was happy to sit and chat before asking about dances, and one girl was particularly impressive with her sports conversation.  I always enjoy when girls seem to know at least a little about sports, but this girl wasn't just talking generalities like, "how do you think the Falcons will do this year?"  It was more along the lines of, "what do you think about the rumor that the Eagles are looking to sign another left tackle?"  It was like getting a dance from an infinitely more attractive female John Clayton.

Value (6/10) – The $5.50 beers are 50 cents more than at most other places in Atlanta, but the $10 cover, $10 table dances and bathroom attendant looking for a tip are all standard.  The stage action is merely adequate, but since they don't have seats at the stages, it's hard to complain too much about a free show when the girls are this attractive.

Dance Setup (0/10) – Unless you're willing to drop the cash for a half hour of private dances, you'll be getting your dance at your seat right out in the middle of the open room.  That doesn't allow the girls to stretch the rules at all, and, unless you're shameless, it doesn't allow you to fully relax either.  I know a lot of people love the idea of $10 table dances in Atlanta, but I'd be more than happy to pay double that for even a modicum of privacy.  You know, like you do with lap dances almost everywhere else in the country.

Club Setup (8/10) – Oasis is a large square room with high ceilings that really should feel like a warehouse, but somehow they make it work.  There are well lit framed artsy lingerie posters around the room like you'd see at some of the big Vegas clubs and it just generally manages to be classy without being too stuffy.  There's a large bar at one side of the room, a small bar at the other side and three fairly small stages around the room.  My only complaint there is that there are no seats at the stage, so you have to stand and deliver if you want to give a tip, but it does mean that everyone has a decent view from all of the 3 or 4 person tables with moveable chairs that fill up the room.  The best thing about this place is that, unlike almost all of the other Atlanta clubs, there's plenty of seating, even when it's packed.

Club Atmosphere (8.5/10) – Oasis is a nice place to relax in the early evening and a nice place to party once the night really gets going.  It would probably be my choice for a bachelor party destination in Atlanta, and it's just generally a good time.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – This place is on the outskirts of Atlanta, but they do have plenty of parking and they're in the same general direction as Follies, so you can hit them both if you're looking to make the trip worthwhile.

Overall – Oasis is a very nice club that will be a regular stop for me any time that I'm in town.  It isn't the best at any individual aspect - their girls aren't quite the hottest, their dances aren't the most aggressive, and their location is pretty much the worst - but they're still in a two way race with Follies for the title of best all-around strip club in Atlanta.  I'm all about the dances, so you're more likely to find me at Follies, particularly before the clubs get too busy, but Oasis is the place to go if you're looking to have a night out on the town and the quality of ladies is more important to you than the quality of the table dances.

RAW SCORE = 58

Club Onyx (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (4/20) –  These are a little more variable, but, overall, the dances at Onyx are slightly worse than the useless ones that you'd get at the Pink Pony. Most of the girls alternate between 1 way contact and no contact at all, though some girls try to get a little creative and create a little bit of friction.  One girl even attempted a trick where she put her leg behind her head while standing in front of me, but she lost her balance and fell over right into my lap.  That was by far the most contact that I got at this place.  A few of the girls offer to show you a much better time outside of the club, but I definitely wouldn't go in with the expectation that you'll get that level of service.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – Good lord, these ladies are blazing.  The top end might have be a notch below the top end at Magic City, but there are 9s everywhere and I haven't seen anyone below a 7.  My only complaint is that there are more breast implants than I'm used to seeing at black clubs and more ass implants than I'm used to seeing anywhere.

Number of Dancers (8/10) – They have well over 50 dancers working on the weekends and there are almost always several girls lined up along the main stage in the center of the club.  The ratio of girls to guys gets less impressive as the night goes on, but that's not a big deal at a place like this where watching the stage is much better than getting a table dance anyway.  Still, if you want a girl to join you, you should never have to wait too long.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2.5/5) – This is a black club with black dancers, so you should go elsewhere if that doesn't do anything for you.  The variety here comes almost exclusively from body types, with thick, think, muscular and jiggly dancers everywhere, and all of that variety is among high quality ladies.  You might think that some of them are a little too large if you're a fan of the Pink Pony girls, but I don't think that anyone would consider these girls fat.

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – The attitudes are about average at the start of the night, with a lot of girls being happy to sit and chat, but they steadily decline as the evening goes on and the number of wallets in the building increases.  I've been asked to buy more drinks for dancers here than in all of the other Atlanta clubs combined, and many of them don't even seem appreciative if you do drop $10 for a pathetic looking cocktail in a tiny plastic cup.  One girl asked me to buy her a blue motherfucker, and, from her tone, I honestly couldn't tell whether that was the name of the drink or if it was just called a "blue," and she was referring to me as "motherfucker."  I didn't want to get involved in any drama in this place, so I said I'd get her when the waitress came by, but she said she wanted it immediately so she'd go to the bar to get it and I could give her the cash.  I guess the fact that this is a service industry was lost on her.

Value (5/10) – The drink hustle is a pain in the ass, but everything else is standard for Atlanta, with a $10 cover, $10 table dances and $5 beers.  The stage action isn't quite as good as at Magic City, but it's still very impressive and a good way to take in the sights without blowing through cash.

Dance Setup (0/10) – One girl moved me to a bench along the side wall when the club wasn't busy, but generally, you'll get your dance at your table or wherever you're standing. And if you're here on the weekend, you'll almost certainly be standing.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – Onyx is a fairly large club, particularly compared to what you expect when you see the front of the place because it's much deeper than it is wide.  It's reasonably nice inside, but seating is seriously lacking, especially when the club is busy.  There's a raised couch area off to the right side and a few tall tables near the stage, but you won't get a seat there on the weekend unless you're getting bottle service.  You can at least stand at one of the two bars though, and the view of the stage is pretty decent from everywhere in the club. The stage itself is very long and narrow, allowing the ladies to line up side by side to give you several asses to watch at at time.  The only really odd thing is that the ceilings are fairly low and unfinished, so the girls are up among the heating ducts when they climb the poles.  You'll rarely be looking above their waists anyway though, so you might not even notice that.

Club Atmosphere (4/10) – If you enjoy hearing the latest hip hop tracks at an eardrum rattling volume, you'll love this place.  There's a good party vibe and the crowd doesn't seem to be too bad, but the security has been intense ever since a shooting a few years ago.  Since I try to hit the bad clubs as well as the good ones, I've been patted down often.  I've even been checked for a wire (speaking of which, Onyx's bathroom attendant sounds exactly like Clay Davis to the point where I'm sure I'd have given him a big tip to say "Sheeeeeeeeit" if I'd had a few more drinks).  But I've never experienced security like this.  An androgynous creature practically raped me at the entrance, first feeling my pockets, then moving my nuts to the side so it could check my taint for a gun.  If that was a man, and there's about a 50% chance that it was, then I can no longer say that I've never had a gay experience. I admittedly did feel secure once I was inside the place, but I'd rather live dangerously than go through a security check like that.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – Onyx is easy to get to from most of downtown Atlanta, is practically walkable from Kamal's 21 and isn't too far from several other decent strip clubs.  It's definitely possible to stop by for a short visit without feeling like you wasted too much time or money getting there.

Overall – This place is like a larger but slightly less classy version of Magic City.  It's a nice place to see some of the most beautiful black women in the world, just don't expect quality dances or a relaxing atmosphere, because you won't find either here.  I'll stop by occasionally since it's on the way to better clubs, but it will never be my primary destination for a night out in Atlanta.

RAW SCORE = 43

Goldrush Showbar (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (6/20) – Like pretty much everywhere else in Atlanta, you'll just be getting table dances unless you drop some significant cash for the VIP area.  There's no 2-way contact other than hands on the hips and there's no grinding, but the girls do create a little friction and some of them occasionally graze your crotch with their hands.  The girls said that at least moderate 2-way contact would be allowed in the VIP, but I've never been approached by a girl worth spending a half hour with, so I can't confirm that.

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – There's the occasional stunner, but the majority of these girls are fairly mediocre.  For the most part, they're either cute but not hot, or they're hot but a little worn out.  It's still not hard to find a girl worth spending $10 on for a table dance, but just know that these girls are a significant step down in quality from what you'd find at a half dozen or more other Atlanta clubs.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – They've always had plenty of girls working when I've been there, whether it's been early or late.  Even when it's busy, you'll be approached by a different lady every few minutes, and there are almost always several ladies dancing at a time.  You'll obviously have less competition for the few really hot dancers if you come early though.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – Goldrush has a fairly good mix of black and white dancers, and certainly has more black dancers than most of the other non-exclusively-black Atlanta clubs.  Their black dancers can't compete with what you'd find at Magic City or Onyx, but it's still nice to have a little variety thrown in to keep things interesting.

Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – The regulars seem to get plenty of love, but as a first-time and second-time visitor, I just got an endless loop of "wannadance?" throughout the night.  Stripping is a business, but these ladies make very little effort to try to hide that fact.  Some, but not all, of them are friendly once you spend some cash, but why bother spending cash to get to that point with a girl who isn't friendly?  Especially at a place like this, where they're not even particularly attractive.

Value (6/10) – You get in free with a sports ticket stub and the security guy at the door has given me a free entry pass, but otherwise, things are standard for Atlanta.  The normal cover is $10, beers are $5, the slightly above average table dances are $10 and there's a bathroom attendent looking for a tip.  I don't know anyone who likes those guys.  It's not that I mind giving a guy a dollar to do things that I'd rather do myself so much as I just hate feeling like I'm being monitored while I'm taking a piss.  For whatever reason, though, every club in Atlanta has one.  As for the stage action, it's nude, but you won't get any contact up there and the show is about as boring as watching a naked woman can be.

Dance Setup (0/10) – Table dances should be used as a way to get a cheap preview of a girl before spending $20-30 dollars per song on lap dances, but that isn't how it works in this city.  You can spend well over $100 for a half hour of private dancing or $10 for a table dance right out in the open on whatever shitty chair or stool you happen to be sitting on, but the lap dance middle option that's always my bread and butter doesn't exist.  Pretty much every Atlanta club is getting a zero for this category, so don't let it keep you away from this particular club, but just know that it sucks.

Club Setup (4/10) – This is a reasonably large club with a long, narrow main stage similar to what they have at the Pink Pony, and the tops of the two large, square bars double as stages as well.  They have 3 pool tables in back and plenty of seating. Even though the tables and chairs are fairly shitty and the whole place seems a little run down, I'm just happy to have somewhere to sit for my table dances on a Saturday night, since that's relatively rare at the popular Atlanta clubs.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – Goldrush has a good neighborhood feel to it and is an enjoyable place to stop for a drink or two, but it's not the type of place that I'd want to spend an entire night out or host a bachelor party.  Though, on the occasion of my first visit, someone was hosting an epic bash, with an Egyptian theme inside and a live camel in the parking lot.  My group had to bail by the seventh time that we heard "Walk Like an Egyptian," but everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – Goldrush is fairly close to the airport, but it isn't particularly close to anything else, least of all the other decent strip clubs.  They have plenty of parking, so it's not a bad place to drive to, but it's really tough to justify the trip if you're relying on taxis.

Overall – Goldrush Showbar is an okay club that seems like it has potential to be pretty good if you're willing to invest the time and money to become a regular.  Unfortunately, it's just not good enough to make up for the inconvenient location for an infrequent visitor, so I won't be back.

RAW SCORE = 43.5

Strokers Club (Clarkston, GA)

Quality of Dances (8.5/20) – There's strictly one-way contact, but these are still some of the best table dances that you'll find at a non-dive bar in Atlanta.  Most of the girls alternate between grinding, friction and air, and you'll get the occasional tits in the face.  They almost feel like full fledged lap dances, so you really can't complain for $10 each.  It's just unfortunate that there's no VIP room at Strokers, because these are the type of table dances that whet your appetite for something a little more aggressive.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – They have a few blazing dancers and lots of girls in the 7-8 range, but quality control is fairly low, with several 5s and 6s working the night that I was there. Some of the girls were too thin and some had saggy tits, but a room full of hypnotizing asses did a lot to help me overlook the less attractive ladies.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – They have plenty of ladies at Strokers.  There were a few dozen working late on a Saturday night, and even though the club was packed with guys, there were still more than enough dancers to keep everyone satisfied.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Almost every lady is this place is black and in her 20's.  There's a good bit of variation of body types, but I can't give them many points here because every hot girl had a very similar look - dark skin and in good shape, but a little thicker than you'd see at a club like the Pink Pony.  

Attitude of Dancers (7/10) – Strokers is a nationally famous club, but it still very much has a neighborhood feel to it, and the girls treat you accordingly.  Everyone that I talked to was happy to sit and chat, and they were all very friendly to talk to, whether or not I accepted their offers for dances.

Value (8/10) – The address says Clarkston, but this is an Atlanta club, so you shouldn't be surprised to learn that there's a $10 cover, $5 beers, $10 table dances and a bathroom attendant who's looking for a tip.  If you've never been to the area, those are the exact same prices that you'll find at 90% of the clubs.  What you won't find at 90% (or even 20%) of the clubs are table dances that resemble lap dances, and that's what makes Strokers such a bargain.  The stage action isn't anything too fancy, but the view does make this an ass man's paradise.  And, since you won't be sitting at the stage anyway, it's a free show.

Dance Setup (0/10) – The dance setup for table dances is a zero by default, and Strokers doesn't do anything to make me deviate from that.  On a weekend night, you'll be lucky to even get a seat unless you're getting bottle service, but, if you do, you'll be right out in the open under the bright lights.  If not, you'll be standing.  It's hard to image a worse dance setup than this.

Club Setup (2.5/10) – The size is sufficient for the large crowds that are drawn to Strokers, but that and the awesome rotating stage with 3 poles are the only really good things about the place.  There are a bunch of pool tables on one side of the room, a long but insufficient bar in the back and several tables and seats that are reserved for VIPs and bottle service on weekend evenings.  If you can't and/or aren't willing to get one of those seats, you're going to have to stand, and there's really nowhere great to do that.  It's way too bright too, which just makes the standing situation even more awkward.   I found that my best chance of getting a seat was to ask the girls if there was somewhere that we could sit for a dance, and that strategy worked to get me a seat in the area in the back corner near a shitty, tiny stage and the secondary bar.  I'm not complaining though about that seat though - if you're at Strokers when it's busy, you'll be happy with any seat that you manage to get.

Club Atmosphere (3/10) – This place has a bit of a neighborhood vibe and can be kind of fun, but the intense security pat down at the door and the security guy inside who bitches at people for standing in the wrong place really detracted from the atmosphere.  The cops who were searching for someone in the parking lot as I left just sealed the deal for me.  The music is good, though, if you're into rap, and it's not so overwhelmingly loud as to prevent conversations.  

Club Accessibility (2/5) – It cost me $40 to cab all the way out to Clarkston to get to Strokers from downtown Atlanta, and I'm fairly certain that the taxi driver cut me a solid deal to even get it for that price.  If you're at Oasis and want to try something a little more exotic, Strokers isn't terribly far, but it really isn't close to much else.  Since it's in a strip mall, there is at least plenty of parking.

Overall – Strokers isn't quite as good as its reputation would lead you to believe, but it's still a very solid club if you're looking for attractive black dancers and bargain table dances.  I'd go to Magic City or Onyx if you're looking for the hottest black dancers or Kamal's 21 if you're looking to get to a neighborhood-style black club without traveling too far, but Strokers does have the best table dances of any of the black clubs in Atlanta.  I doubt that I'll be back because it's just not better than the other clubs by a wide enough margin to overcome the inconvenience factor, but if you find yourself in the area or have plenty of time to spare, then, by all means, stop on by.

RAW SCORE = 46

Pink Pony (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (4/20) – It's not impossible to find worse table dances than these (just head to The Cheetah), but these are pretty bad.  There's strictly one way contact, and even that is fairly minimal.  A few girls will brush their knees against your crotch, but, in general, these dances are a waste of time.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – If you're solely interested in looking at attractive naked women, you shouldn't have any problem with the Pink Pony.  They have a few enhanced ladies and a few older dancers, but the majority of these ladies are 8s and 9s and the shot girls and bartenders are even hotter than that.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – They hire plenty of dancers, but I've rarely if ever seen more guys packed into a club than you'll find at the Pink Pony on a weekend night, so it can still be next to impossible to get a girl's attention for a dance.  Of course, maybe they just assume that the dances are so shitty that no one will want one anyway.  If you're looking to spend some time with the ladies, though, you should show up early, because they arrive well before the crowds do.  If I ever come back, I'll definitely be aiming to arrive before 10pm.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – The same people who own the Pink Pony own Onyx, and they seem to like to keep their girls segregated.  Onyx is an all black club, and even though the Pink Pony isn't 100% white, it's pretty close to it.  Most of the girls are stick-figure thin, which makes things particularly boring since they lack racial diversity.  There are usually a few white girls who aren't super thin (though far from thick) and a few black girls who lack curves, and, according to a dancer I talked to at Onyx, that's by design.  She claimed that management basically told her that their customers prefer white girls, or, failing that, at least black girls with "white bodies."  And based on the number of customers who pack themselves into this place, I guess they know what their clientele wants.  Seems boring to me, but far be it for this Yankee to try to figure out southern guys' tastes in women.

Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – There's the occasional friendly dancer, but most ask about dances before even introducing themselves, and a lot of them say that the table dance price is "$10 plus a nice tip."  If a waitress tells me that the porterhouse special is "$80 plus a nice tip," I'm not going to be leaving much of a tip, and I'm going to look for a different steakhouse next time.  The same principle goes for strip clubs, especially if we're talking about borderline air dances in the middle of a packed room (preemptive clarification for the anti-strip club readers: the stripper is the waitress in this analogy, not the piece of meat).  A few hundred other guys are waiting to give the girls cash, so I guess it doesn't affect their business too much, but I've been less than impressed.

Value (4.5/10) – The $10 cover and $5 beers are pretty standard and the nude stage show is above average, but the $10 (plus tip) table dances are about twice as expensive as they're worth. Still, since the only real reason to ever come here is to look at beautiful naked women, you can manage to have a fairly good time without breaking the bank.

Dance Setup (0/10) –  Table dances are, by definition, given right out in the open at the regular seats or bar stools.  They're particularly bad at the Pink Pony, though, because it can get so packed that you might find yourself in standing room only.  Even a skilled and motivated lapdancer would struggle to make that work, and these ladies certainly aren't that.

Club Setup (6/10) – The Pink Pony is a fairly large club, with a long narrow main stage at one end, a bar top stage off to one side, and two smaller stages toward the middle of the club.  They overdo it a little with the strobe lights flashing and the stage lighting up in various colors, but it's still a reasonably classy setup.  Everyone has a decent view of the action since it's really just one big open room.  There aren't a ton of tables to sit at, but the 3 large bars provide sufficient seating most of the time.  Just don't expect to find a seat if you show up late on a Friday or Saturday.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – This place has a real party atmosphere on weekend evenings, with young guys and attractive non-pro ladies filling the place from wall to wall.  I prefer it when it's a little less crowded and a little more relaxed, but it's not too hard to have a good time here regardless of when you arrive.  Other than an inordinate number of frat boy types, the crowd is decent, and the mild pat down at the door seems to be completely unnecessary.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – A short cab ride will get you here from downtown or from most of the other worthwhile clubs in the city.  It's the type of place where you'll want to be drinking, but if you do chose to drive, they have plenty of parking.

Overall – The Pink Pony is one of, if not the, most popular clubs in Atlanta.  It has some of the most attractive women in the Southeast and it's fully nude, and that's enough for the young guys who pack this place night after night.  Every once in a while, it's even enough for me.  More often though, I want friendly girls, a little variety and some quality dances, and the Pink Pony fails miserably at providing any of those three things.  So it might be just what you're looking for, but it isn't going to be added to the list of clubs that I feel like I need to hit when I'm in town.

RAW SCORE = 42.5

Magic City (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (6.5/20) – You know there won't be much grinding since these are just table dances right out in the open, but there's still lots of friction and the girls don't mind if you touch their hips or legs.  You'd have to be insane or at least dropping insane amounts of cash to try to push your luck in this place though.

Quality of Dancers (10/10) – If you like black women, you're in luck, because Magic City has some of the hottest in the world.  It's packed wall-to-wall with girls who look like they just stepped out of a T.I. video. I've always wondered why Atlanta rappers all love strip clubs so much, but the talent in this place removes the mystery.

Number of Dancers (8/10) –  Despite the fact that Magic City can get packed with customers on weekends and Monday nights, there are always still more than enough dancers working the crowd. Even my table of white guys got plenty of love.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – The dancers are about as diverse as the customers, which is to say not very.  There are a few Latinas mixed in, but this place is almost exclusively a black club.  There is at least plenty of size variation, with everything from model thin to car show model thick represented in full force.

Attitude of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies are really friendly, and most seem to genuinely enjoy trying to one-up each other on stage. The music is loud, so interaction can be difficult, but just seeing dancers have fun like this adds so much to a strip club experience.

Value (3/10) – Magic City is not the place to go if you're trying to ball on a budget.  The dances and beers aren't too bad at $10 and $6, respectively, but the $20 cover is ridiculous and you shouldn't even bother to sit at the stage unless you're dropping stacks of cash. Every person that I saw sit at the stage was burning through money, and when no one was making it rain, the stageside seats were empty. You just don't sit up there to spend $5 per song. And don't bother to replenish your funds at their ATM, because the 10% surcharge is practically theft. Some of the stage action is almost worth it though.

Dance Setup (0/10) – You'll get your dance wherever you are.  If you're lucky, that will be a shitty chair towards the walls, but if you're here on a Friday, Saturday or Monday night, you'll more likely be standing. One girl took me to a chair by the stage, but you're on full display up there, so you might be self-conscious with a room full of guys watching you get a dance.  I could practically see thought bubbles above guys' heads saying "no way that white boy can handle that ass."

Club Setup (2/10) – There's a long, nice bar along the left hand wall, but it's not nearly big enough for the crowds that descend on this place at night.  A large, H-shaped stage takes up the middle part of the club, and there are a few shitty chairs around it for the big spenders.  Other than that, though, there are a few tables, but most of the crowd will end up standing when it's busy.  That wouldn't be great anywhere, but in a place where everyone gets table dances, it's particularly awful.

Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) – There were a few scary looking guys in the crowd, but overall, I never felt like I was in danger.  That may have been my own naiveté though, because one dancer whispered to me to "just be safe," and everyone around town seemed shocked when I said I was going here. Still, my own impression was that Magic City is a nice place to hang out, have a few drinks, and take in some scenery. I wouldn't get out-of-my-mind drunk in here, but that's not really ever a great idea in an unfamiliar club anyway. As long as you're respectful, you should have a solid time here.

Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – Magic City isn't in the greatest area, but it's right downtown by the bus terminal and isn't too far from Turner Field and the Holiday Inn.

Overall – Whether you realize it or not, you've almost certainly heard of Magic City if you've listened to any hip hop over the last 15 years.  This place is name dropped about as much as Biggie, and it's the home club for all of the Atlanta rappers including Big Boi of OutKast. Several guys helped to make strip clubs socially acceptable back in the 90's (Howard Stern, etc.), but Big Boi was really the guy who I remember making them cool. Maybe that's just false memories from a guy who wasn't even old enough to go to clubs when ATLiens came out, but that's how I remember it. And, if that's how you remember it too, then Magic City is a place that you won't want to miss. Otherwise, it's an above average club with blazingly hot black dancers and great stage action, but you might be better served going elsewhere if funds are limited or you're looking for quality lap dances.

TOTAL SCORE -  45.5

The Cheetah (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (1/20) –  There are many things that I like about The Cheetah, but the lapdances aren't one of them.  These dances are basically just a stage show at your table, because there's absolutely no contact between customers and dancers.

Quality of Dancers (9.5/10) – There are a fair number of implants and several barely-there tits (which, for the record, are preferable to implants), but most of the girls at The Cheetah are blazingly hot.  This place has some of the hottest dancers on the east coast and easily the hottest white girls in the city.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are always plenty of girls in the building, as evidenced by the fact that they have three or four girls on stage at a time and they don't repeat girls frequntly.  If they'd all stay out on the floor, they'd have a near perfect score here, but the majority of the girls disappear when they aren't on stage, so the customer to dancer ratio can be unfavorable when they're busy.  That's not a huge problem since lapdances are a waste of time anyway, but I still have to dock them a few points for it.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – It's rare to find a club with this much variety of quality dancers.  Most of the girls are white and relatively thin, but I also saw several attractive thick girls, a few Asians, a few Latinas and some black dancers. And since they have at least three girls on stage at a time, you should pretty much always have a few different types of dancers to ogle at any given time.

Attitude of Dancers (2/10) – Most of the ladies seem to be appreciative of tips, but the disappearing act while not on stage keeps interaction between customers and dancers to a minimum.

Value (3/10) – The stage value is fairly poor, since they have strange rules that require dancers to stay clothed until they get $5 and to keep their bottoms on until they get $10 in tips.  Drinks are also slightly high side at $6, and if you want to sit at one of the tables around the outside of the club, that will cost you $25.  A much better option is to go to the Alluvia restaurant corner of the club, where you get a table for free if you're eating a meal.  The fried chicken breast is delicious, costs $4 less than one of the non-dinner tables, and allows you to have dinner with a view.

Dance Setup (0/10) –  The air dances are right out in the open wherever you happen to be sitting.  That's not a big deal for me since I refuse to pay for airdances, but it still sucks.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – The is a large club with seating in the middle and two small bars and three stages toward the walls.  Two of those stages are fairly standard, but the staircase leading down to the main stage adds some elegance.  The best places to sit are at the tables and booths in the raised areas at opposite ends of the club, but as mentioned above, those seats come at a premium.  My biggest complaint about the setup, though, is the statues beside the stage.  I'm sure that the club owner thought that they looked impressive, but you know what would have made them even more impressive?  If they hadn't been statues of naked dudes.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – The Cheetah is, by far, the classiest club in Atlanta.  It's safe, clean and basically feels like a restaurant (even if you aren't in their restaurant).  Whether or not that's a good thing depends on what you're looking for, but I enjoy it early in the evening when I'm looking to relax.  Once I'm ready to up the alcohol intake, I head elsewhere because there isn't much of a party vibe here.  Overall, though, it's a fun place to hang out for an hour or two.

Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – The Cheetah is in downtown Atlanta near the Georgia Tech campus.  It isn't bad to get to by cab, but I have to highly recommend giving their limo driver a call and having him pick you up.  It's free, but you should tip around $20 if you have a small group or a little more if you've got a large group.  If he's not busy, he's usually even be willing to take you from the club to your next destination, as long as that next destination isn't another club.

Overall – If the Cheetah had even mediocre lap dances, it would be a great club.  If you care less about lap dances than I do, you may even think that it's already a great club.  Air dances just kill a strip club for me.  Luckily, the fried chicken is so good that I was able to look at The Cheetah  as a restaurant experience as much as a strip club experience, and in that context, it excelled.  I've eaten in some exotic locations, but I've never had a better view for a meal than at this place.  Since I was busy eating, the lack of lap dances didn't affect me.  Basically, if you don't care about dances, you should go to The Cheetah because you'll enjoy it.  And if you do care about dances, you should go to Alluvia at The Cheetah for a bite to eat, then head elsewhere to get your lapdance fix.

RAW SCORE = 44