Seventh Heaven (Tokyo, Japan)

Quality of Dances (11/20) –Two way contact is expected, there’s some grinding, and some girls make hand contact with your crotch, but you shouldn’t be coming in your pants here unless you’ve got a very quick trigger.  That's not my style anyway, but I can't really blame some guys for expecting an effort to finish the job since you're paying about $85 US for each dance.  

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – I'd have preferred to see less implants, but it's still hard to have any major complaints about the ladies at Seventh Heaven.  Almost all of them are very attractive in a generic Eastern European sort of way.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – Two girls are on stage at all times and they have more than enough working the crowd to make sure that every group of guys is accompanied by at least one lady.  In total, there were probably a little over two dozen dancers working on the night that I was there.   

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – Surprisingly, there aren’t many Japanese women at Seventh Heaven, but there are at least a few, and there was one very attractive black dancer mixed in with all of the Russians. 

Attitudes (6/10) – This place operates on the drink hustle system, but most of the ladies are relatively friendly and will leave you alone if you turn them down when the club presents a lineup of girls for you to chose from upon your arrival. 

Value (0/10) – Even though it includes two free drinks, the 7000 yen (about $85 US) cover is ridiculous, and the 1500 yen beers and 7000 yen four minute lap dances aren’t much better.  You can probably negotiate a slightly lower cover charge, but even if they waive it (they almost certainly will not), a night at Seventh Heaven will not be cheap.  On the bright side, you do get free edamame to snack on.     

Club Setup (5.5/10) – This is a medium sized club, but it feels cramped since there’s a huge divider in the club that effectively splits it in half and prevents you from seeing anything that’s happening on the other side.  There’s a small stage on each side, a small bar in the back and several nice couches, tables and chairs throughout, which do give it a slightly classy look.

Dance Setup (7/10) – The night was pretty hazy by this point and I forgot to write down any notes about the dance setup, but I’m fairly certain that I had a private room. Or at least I wasn’t sober enough to notice anyone else in there. 

Atmosphere (6/10) – For better or worse (I think worse), between the American music and the white girls, there’s nothing Japanese about the vibe in this place.  The crowd is somewhat mixed, but it’s mostly made up of locals with white fever, though all of the Japanese guys were fighting over the one Japanese dancer on the night that I was there. Go figure.

Since dances are so expensive, most people seem to just hang out, drink a few overpriced beers and take in the stage show.  It’s fairly weak for the most part, but I do have to give one girl credit for the most impressive (or most reckless) move I’ve ever seen.  She had a guy lay down on the stage with cash on mouth, then she spun around the pole several times with her knees just inches over him before coming to rest with her crotch on his face to take the cash.  Either she knew exactly where her knees were or she didn’t care if she knocked out all of his teeth, because it was a matter of inches.     

Location (5/5) – Seventh Heaven is within easy walking distance of many hotels and the Roppongi Metro stop. 

Overall – Seventh Heaven isn’t a bad club, but it’s certainly nowhere near being the #7 strip club in the world, as it was ranked by askmen.com. If I was in Tokyo for months on end and got homesick for a Western style strip club, I’d probably stop by again, but it’s not worth the cash otherwise. 

RAW SCORE = 46.5

TS Music Strip Live Theater (Tokyo, Japan)

TS Music is fucking weird. 

You pay your 5000 yen cover to the guy at the front desk, then go into an insanely cramped room where the following announcement is made over the loudspeaker: “please be silent – no personal talks during performance.”  You and a room full of Japanese businessmen then watch a girl perform a well-choreographed two song stage set that’s fairly impressive in an artistic sort of way.  Some of the girls only strip off their clothes as the lights go out at the end of the show and others take off everything, with one even going so far as to vigorously masturbate while a very religious gospel song played, but no one really cares about the show anyway. 

The real attraction for this crowd is that, after three stage shows, the club turns up the lights and those three girls come out to sell some shit (it looked like panties in a bag, but I can’t confirm that) and pose for pictures.  Now, the important thing to remember here is that all Japanese porn is pixelated, so there’s a reason that most of the guys stare at the ladies like they’ve never seen a vagina before. 

Their only chance to get uncensored nude pictures is to make their own here, and they take full advantage.  Some guys get in the pictures with the girls and others get the girls to pose for full body shots, but most just place the camera between the girl’s legs and get extreme close-up vag shots.  My favorite was the one guy who meticulously posed a girl on her knees with one hand on her hip while she looked over her shoulder, then he zoomed in so far on her crotch that it was all that was visible in the photo anyway.     

It’s not fair to rate TS Music as a strip club since it’s really more of a photo shoot location/cultural experience, but I’ll give it a shot…

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – I have no idea what the "TS" in the name means, but these ladies are definitely not trannies. Every dancer that I saw here was very hot, with most being in the 8-10 range. It wasn’t quite enough to get me to ever go back, but it came close. 

Number of Dancers (4/10) – It was hard to get a good read on how many girls were working since only one is on stage during the shows, three come out for photos at a time, and none work the crowd, but I didn’t see any repeat performers during the hour or so that I stuck around.

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – If you’re not into thin Japanese women, you’re out of luck here.   

Attitudes (8/10) – I didn’t get any photos, so I have no idea whether they speak English, but the girls were all friendly to the perverts who went up to the stage and they seemed happy to pose in whatever ridiculous ways the guys requested.  

Value (1/10) – The 5000 yen (about $60 US) cover is insanely high if you just want to look, but the 500 yen fee to take photos of the girls seems reasonable I guess. 

Club Setup (0/10) – They have several rows of chairs all facing the fairly large stage, but I’ve never been in a club as cramped as TS Music.  Hell, I’ve never been in an airplane as cramped as TS Music.  Unless you’re very short, your knees will be pressing against the chair in front of you.  

Atmosphere (0/10) – Sitting in silence with a bunch of horny businessmen is mildly amusing for a few minutes, but it’s definitely not the place to go for a fun night out, especially since they don’t serve drinks.   

Quality of Dances (0/20) and Dance Setup (0/10) – There are no lap dances at TS Music. 

Location (5/5) – TS Music is in Kabukicho and is easily accessible by the Tokyo Metro.  

  

RAW SCORE = 27.5

Overall – Don’t go to TS Music expecting a Western style strip club, because it’s horrible if you judge it by that standard.  If you’re looking for a uniquely Japanese cultural experience, though, it fits the bill.  I won’t be returning, but I’m glad to have gotten to see it once.   

New Hot Point (Tokyo, Japan)

Hot New Point is more of a peep show than a strip club, but it's really just a handjob/blowjob factory, as evidenced by the ridiculous sign in the booths showing a smiling cartoon dick getting a BJ for 4000 yen and a HJ for 2000 yen.  

Basically, the way that it works is that you go to the guy at the front desk and tell him if, in addition to watching the stage show for 2000 yen, you want a hand job (2000 yen), a hand job with touching (3000 yen), or a blow job with a condom (4000 yen) from one of the girls who you choose on a digital picture frame.  He probably won't speak English and will kick you out if he can't understand you, so just make sure that you have this review on your smartphone screen and point at the price on this menu that matches up with what you want.  

Once you've made your selection, you give your 2000 yen cover charge to the guy and awkwardly wait around with other perverts for the previous show to end.  Technically, you're supposed to turn in any cameras or phones at this point, so I'd leave them in your hotel if you don't trust the club.  Eventually, you'll be taken to one of several private booths that have one-way glass facing a tiny stage where two girls will each perform a two song set.  Both girls that I saw where quite cute and looked just as good as they did in the digital picture frame at the front desk.  During the first girl's set, the second girl will come around to collect any additional money from you.  Once the stage show ends, the girls will go booth to booth giving hand jobs and blow jobs, and you get to wait your turn while you hear her slurp away on someone else.  I guess it helps knowing that they don't offer bareback services, but it was still disconcerting enough that it seemed like a good idea for me to feign a bathroom emergency and get the hell out of there before my turn.  

If it sounds like fun to you, though, then more power to you.  I could try to describe the location, but you're probably better off just using the map on their website. There will be guys outside (probably, but not necessarily Africans) trying to pressure you into going somewhere else where you'd surely be ripped off, but just ignore them and keep walking and you'll be fine.