Quality of Dances (14/20) – I've very rarely had a bad dance at Fantasies. There has almost always been two-way contact and great grinding with a solid level of interest from the dancers. Unlike at several of the other Providence clubs, the girls here won't typically offer anything more than lap dances, but unless that's what you're looking for, you shouldn't have any complaints.
Quality of Dancers (4/10) – There has been a huge drop in the talent level at Fantasies over the past few years. The cute young dancers that I used to see here in '06 and '07 have been replaced with slightly older, slightly more strung out girls who have lots of stretch marks and just generally look worn out. Or, more depressingly, it's possible that those cute young girls haven't been replaced at all but that time hasn't been kind to them. You still should be able to find a few attractive dancers, but the quality here no longer can compete with what you'd see at the Foxy Lady, Desire or the Cadillac Lounge.
Number of Dancers (4/10) – This is hard to rate because of the club’s two-floor setup (see below). If the club were one floor, I think this would jump a couple of points, but the dancers are split between the upstairs and the downstairs (some go back and forth, but many will stay on one floor the whole night), and since you’ll be spending most of your time on one of those two floors, you might miss a good chunk of the options. And, even though there are still a lot of girls wandering around, the attractive ones are so rare that you're going to be waiting a while for anyone worthwhile.
Variety Dancers (2.5/5) – A decent mix of Latinas and black dancers breaks up the base of white girls, and there's plenty of size variation for men of almost all tastes. Since there's not a lot of talent among the variety, I can't give them too high of a score, but I guess it's better to look at mediocre ladies of several races than of a single one.
Attitude of Dancers (5/10) – The girls here aren’t hustlers and they’re generally friendly, but it’s sometimes difficult to get their attention, which can be incredibly frustrating. And even if you do get their attention, they typically won't spend a whole lot of time sitting with customers.
Value (6.5/10) – There's no cover before 6 PM, and it's a reasonable $10 after that if you're staying in the topless downstairs half of the club. To get upstairs to the nude ladies will run you an additional $10, but you don't have to decide whether you're going up there until you look around the downstairs and see if you like any of the talent. Domestic beers are only $3. Dances vary from $20-30 depending on the girl, but Sunday through Tuesday during the days are two-for-one, so I strongly suggest you visit then. The real bang for your buck (almost literally) comes from the stage action. Many dancers will give a full contact off-the-stage straddling for a single dollar.
Dance Setup (4.5/10) – A series of paired booths (two booths facing each other) line the far wall of each floor. The pairing is irrelevant, because you should refuse to dance if someone is currently in the booth partnering yours. Even without someone in the other booth, though, privacy is limited. They’re deep enough that someone staring perpendicular to your booth couldn’t see what was going on, but anyone walking by has a clear shot. The upshot is that you don’t have to deal with bouncers at any point along the way, a benefit that added a full point to this rating.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – The downstairs is pretty ridiculous, with some sort of lame tropical theme going on. Overall, it seems more like a crappy chain restaurant than a strip club. But at least the stage is long and has decent seating. The upstairs is better, but not great. There's a fish tank and some plush chairs, but it's still difficult to hang out as a group. The bars are well placed and there is at least one wide-screen TV, but those perks can’t really save an otherwise weak design.
Club Atmosphere (4/10) – The atmosphere is kind of weird in Fantasies. The girls on stage, despite giving huge individual value when they get tipped, basically don’t dance when they’re up there. No crazy pole tricks or handstands or whatever. They pretty much just bounce around in place until you catch their eye and then they come over to you. When you add that to the shitty club design, mediocre music and too-bright lighting, it falls short of my expectations.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – A short cab ride from downtown Providence makes Fantasies very accessible. It’s also not far off the interstate, so you can easily make the stop if you’re traveling through the Providence area.
Overall – There was a time when Fantasies was one of my favorite strip clubs, but a series of second-rate experiences has tainted my view. It still wouldn't be a terrible club in most areas, but it's no longer in the top tier of Providence clubs that includes the Cadillac Lounge, Desire and, arguably, the Foxy Lady.
RAW SCORE = 51.5
Showing posts with label Rhode Island. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rhode Island. Show all posts
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Cadillac Lounge (Providence, RI)
Quality of dances (16/20) - It loses a few points for lack of consistency, but a good dance here is great. Some of the girls will do extras if you opt for the VIP dances, but unlike at some of the other Providence clubs, they'll still put in the effort to give you your money's worth even if you're just getting a dance. Whereas the girls at Cheaters think, "I'll give you such a bad dance that you'll be forced to go to a private booth if you want to have a good time," these girls' strategy is to get you worked up enough that you might be willing to pay for more.
Quality of dancers (7.5/10) - There are a few too many bolt-on tits, but otherwise, the girls rate very well, Most of them fall in the 7-8 range, but it's not uncommon at all to find a girl or two who rate above that.
Number of dancers (6.5/10) - There are usually multiple girls on stage and several girls mingling with the crowd. They spend a lot of time at the same tables, so you might have to wait a few minutes for someone to come over to you, but it's hard to complain when they have well over a dozen girls working on weekend evenings. During less busy times, the focus is more on quality than quantity, but the number of dancers is still usually sufficient.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (3/5) - The majority of the girls are white, but there are always several Latinas and a few black dancers in the mix.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) - It's nice that a lot of ladies are happy to sit and chat before asking for dances, but there are way too many pushy dancers in this place. During my most recent visit, I had to repeatedly tell a Jamaican dancer that I would not be spending any cash on her (I told her that even before she sat down), but she wouldn't leave me alone until I specifically told her to get lost. Then she got upset and wanted a tip because I'd "wasted so much of her time." The other girls weren't quite as bad, but several of them pull shit like waiting until you get up to the lap dance area to inform you that they don't do the $30 topless dances, so you'll need to pay $40 for the nude version. Even if I'd been planning to buy the $40 dances, that pisses me off enough that I just tell them to forget it and go back downstairs to find another girl.
Value (3.5/10) - The $5 dances are a decent deal, but the $15 weekend cover, $30 topless dances and $40 nude dances are all too high. The dances come close to being worth it, but I just have a hard time justifying more than $20 per dance no matter how good they are. If you're looking to go to the VIP rooms, they're $50 to the club and whatever you negotiate to the girl. Most girls quoted $150-250, but I wasn't looking for the VIP treatment so I don't know how flexible that is.
Dance Setup (6.5/10) - The booths are lined up along a hallway upstairs and are deep enough that no one can see in unless they're walking by. The setup isn't perfect, but it's as good as you're going to get in Providence without dropping $25-50 for a private booth.
Club Setup (4.5/10) - There are high tables around the stage and some regular tables near the bar, and everyone has a solid view of the action. There aren't a ton of seats though, so it can get overcrowded when it's busy.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) - It doesn't seem possible that a club that has VIP rooms like these could be stuffy, but somehow this place found a way. Valet parking in Vegas might be classy, but for a club in an industrial part of Providence that shares a parking lot with an adult bookstore, it's just forced and ridiculous. The club does have a surprisingly clean and safe feel to it though, and I'm perfectly comfortable spending an evening there.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - The area around the club is dead, but it's not far from I-95, isn't far from a few other clubs and is an easy cab ride from downtown Providence.
Overall - The Cadillac Lounge can be inconsistent, but it's a very good club if you find it at the right time. It's one of the best clubs in Providence and is probably one of the top five clubs in New England.
TOTAL SCORE = 57.5
Quality of dancers (7.5/10) - There are a few too many bolt-on tits, but otherwise, the girls rate very well, Most of them fall in the 7-8 range, but it's not uncommon at all to find a girl or two who rate above that.
Number of dancers (6.5/10) - There are usually multiple girls on stage and several girls mingling with the crowd. They spend a lot of time at the same tables, so you might have to wait a few minutes for someone to come over to you, but it's hard to complain when they have well over a dozen girls working on weekend evenings. During less busy times, the focus is more on quality than quantity, but the number of dancers is still usually sufficient.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (3/5) - The majority of the girls are white, but there are always several Latinas and a few black dancers in the mix.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) - It's nice that a lot of ladies are happy to sit and chat before asking for dances, but there are way too many pushy dancers in this place. During my most recent visit, I had to repeatedly tell a Jamaican dancer that I would not be spending any cash on her (I told her that even before she sat down), but she wouldn't leave me alone until I specifically told her to get lost. Then she got upset and wanted a tip because I'd "wasted so much of her time." The other girls weren't quite as bad, but several of them pull shit like waiting until you get up to the lap dance area to inform you that they don't do the $30 topless dances, so you'll need to pay $40 for the nude version. Even if I'd been planning to buy the $40 dances, that pisses me off enough that I just tell them to forget it and go back downstairs to find another girl.
Value (3.5/10) - The $5 dances are a decent deal, but the $15 weekend cover, $30 topless dances and $40 nude dances are all too high. The dances come close to being worth it, but I just have a hard time justifying more than $20 per dance no matter how good they are. If you're looking to go to the VIP rooms, they're $50 to the club and whatever you negotiate to the girl. Most girls quoted $150-250, but I wasn't looking for the VIP treatment so I don't know how flexible that is.
Dance Setup (6.5/10) - The booths are lined up along a hallway upstairs and are deep enough that no one can see in unless they're walking by. The setup isn't perfect, but it's as good as you're going to get in Providence without dropping $25-50 for a private booth.
Club Setup (4.5/10) - There are high tables around the stage and some regular tables near the bar, and everyone has a solid view of the action. There aren't a ton of seats though, so it can get overcrowded when it's busy.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) - It doesn't seem possible that a club that has VIP rooms like these could be stuffy, but somehow this place found a way. Valet parking in Vegas might be classy, but for a club in an industrial part of Providence that shares a parking lot with an adult bookstore, it's just forced and ridiculous. The club does have a surprisingly clean and safe feel to it though, and I'm perfectly comfortable spending an evening there.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - The area around the club is dead, but it's not far from I-95, isn't far from a few other clubs and is an easy cab ride from downtown Providence.
Overall - The Cadillac Lounge can be inconsistent, but it's a very good club if you find it at the right time. It's one of the best clubs in Providence and is probably one of the top five clubs in New England.
TOTAL SCORE = 57.5
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Cheaters (Providence, RI)
Quality of dances (15/20) – The actual dances here aren't that great, but if you're looking for more than that, you'll find it. Actually, you don't even have to look. You'll be fighting off girls who are offering blow jobs and more from the second you walk in the door.
Quality of dancers (2/10) – In the afternoons, there are at least a few gems sprinkled in amongst the beasts. In the evenings, not so much.
Number of dancers (6/10) – There isn't a whole lot of quality to choose from, but there are somewhere around 20 girls working most of the time.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (4.5/5) – They come in all colors, shapes, and sizes at Cheaters.
Attitude of Dancers (0/10) – Every girl claims that the dances cost a different amount. They'll purposely miscount the number of songs that have played. They'll try to get you to prepay for dances. They'll leave in the middle of a song if they get called to the stage, and they'll still expect you to pay the full amount ("I'll just finish the dance at the stage"). And if you turn down their offers for extras, they'll insult you and say that you're a cheap bastard. And don't think that getting a dance will get them to stop with the sales pitch; they'll just try to get you to pay more to go to the nude room or to a private booth.
Value (2/10) - The $5 cover and $5 cans of beer are both reasonable, but all the crazy fees add up to make dances a very poor value. They no longer offer lap dances on the topless side of the club, so you're going to have to pay the $10 fee to get into the nude side before you can get any dances. Then you'll have to buy a $10 ticket every time that you want to get a dance, so you're $20 in the hole before you even start negotiating with the girl about her fee. I was quoted anywhere from $20 to $50 per song, on top of the other charges. The songs are long, but you need to make them count as they go, because they'll overcharge you otherwise. If you're looking for more than dances, though, the price is much more reasonable. It's still $10 to get to the nude side plus $35 for the booth and whatever you negotiate with the girl for pretty much whatever you want to do. $100 seems to be pretty standard, though the few attractive ladies may ask for more than that.
Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in a big open room that is visible to people in the nude part of the club. There are doors on the private dance booths, but I'm never in the mood to burn my clothes, so I still haven't personally checked the booths out.
Club Setup (2/10) - There's not much of anywhere to sit other than at the stage, where you'd have to tip one of the uglier women you've ever seen, or at the bar, where you'll be harassed until you get a dance or leave. There is a little more space upstairs, but there isn't usually much going on up there except some scary looking dudes playing pool.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - This place has all the charm of a dark alley, which, coincidentally, is where most of the girls probably work when they aren't at the club.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Cheaters isn't downtown, but it's just a short cab ride away.
Overall - Cheaters barely qualifies as a strip club, but if I have to rate it as one, I'd say it sucks. On the other hand, if you like streetwalkers but don't have the patience to drive around looking for them, you'll love this place.
TOTAL SCORE = 37
Quality of dancers (2/10) – In the afternoons, there are at least a few gems sprinkled in amongst the beasts. In the evenings, not so much.
Number of dancers (6/10) – There isn't a whole lot of quality to choose from, but there are somewhere around 20 girls working most of the time.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (4.5/5) – They come in all colors, shapes, and sizes at Cheaters.
Attitude of Dancers (0/10) – Every girl claims that the dances cost a different amount. They'll purposely miscount the number of songs that have played. They'll try to get you to prepay for dances. They'll leave in the middle of a song if they get called to the stage, and they'll still expect you to pay the full amount ("I'll just finish the dance at the stage"). And if you turn down their offers for extras, they'll insult you and say that you're a cheap bastard. And don't think that getting a dance will get them to stop with the sales pitch; they'll just try to get you to pay more to go to the nude room or to a private booth.
Value (2/10) - The $5 cover and $5 cans of beer are both reasonable, but all the crazy fees add up to make dances a very poor value. They no longer offer lap dances on the topless side of the club, so you're going to have to pay the $10 fee to get into the nude side before you can get any dances. Then you'll have to buy a $10 ticket every time that you want to get a dance, so you're $20 in the hole before you even start negotiating with the girl about her fee. I was quoted anywhere from $20 to $50 per song, on top of the other charges. The songs are long, but you need to make them count as they go, because they'll overcharge you otherwise. If you're looking for more than dances, though, the price is much more reasonable. It's still $10 to get to the nude side plus $35 for the booth and whatever you negotiate with the girl for pretty much whatever you want to do. $100 seems to be pretty standard, though the few attractive ladies may ask for more than that.
Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in a big open room that is visible to people in the nude part of the club. There are doors on the private dance booths, but I'm never in the mood to burn my clothes, so I still haven't personally checked the booths out.
Club Setup (2/10) - There's not much of anywhere to sit other than at the stage, where you'd have to tip one of the uglier women you've ever seen, or at the bar, where you'll be harassed until you get a dance or leave. There is a little more space upstairs, but there isn't usually much going on up there except some scary looking dudes playing pool.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - This place has all the charm of a dark alley, which, coincidentally, is where most of the girls probably work when they aren't at the club.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Cheaters isn't downtown, but it's just a short cab ride away.
Overall - Cheaters barely qualifies as a strip club, but if I have to rate it as one, I'd say it sucks. On the other hand, if you like streetwalkers but don't have the patience to drive around looking for them, you'll love this place.
TOTAL SCORE = 37
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Foxy Lady Providence (Providence, RI)
Quality of Dances (10/20) - Pussy Control handled the dance duties for the night and she received very aggressive two-way contact from her dancer of choice. In absolute terms, Pussy described a quality of dance near 14, but I had to adjust for the Pussy factor. After many years of watching Pussy spit game, I know when she has someone under her spell, and this young woman was smitten. So for now, the score stands here, with adjustments to be made upon further visits.
Quality of Dancers (3/10) - As a lover of Providence clubs and women, I had great expectations for the Foxy Lady Providence, but they were dashed on this warm Sunday evening. At almost every high-quality club, I find a dancer I'd go broke for, but I ended this night with full pockets. Pussy was likewise underwhelmed; she lamented the lack of pretty faces to supplement otherwise solid bodies. Given my love for the dancers at Foxy Lady Brockton (sister club to FLP), I wouldn't be surprised if this was an off night. Nonetheless, the judgment stands.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) - Not enough booty in the pants. Although this place scores points for strong racial and ethnic diversity, the lack of lap dance asses was tragic. The vast majority of dancers were simply too skinny. Not gram-a-day-coke-habit skinny, more like needs-a-couple-of-BLT's-and-some-beers skinny. As loyal readers know, I don't frown on fitness, but a selection that consists of only wiry frames and narrow hips is not what I'm looking for.
Number of Dancers (7/10) - With at least a dozen dancers working on a Sunday night, the Foxy Lady does well here. The customer-to-dancer ratio was probably 2.5 to 1. Though that's not exactly the 1.5 to 1 gold standard set by Sapphire Las Vegas, it's still enough to please me.
Attitude (3.5/10) - It stings to burn the Foxy Lady Providence here because one of my readers is a seemingly chill and cool dancer that works there, but they just didn't impress. Knowing that women are often stripper Kryptonite at clubs (because they're less likely to go off for a big number in the back room like a dude), I tempered my expectations when I rolled in with Pussy and her ladyfriend. What I got, though, was not less attention than expected, but virtually no attention at all. Not a single dancer even approached my group all night. That's just not acceptable for a high-end place like the Foxy Lady. The one saving grace was the stage, where a few goofy, hilarious dancers found their way to Pussy and me and brightened our night.
Value (4/10) - $6 Miller Lites are slightly above the industry standard for an upscale Providence joint, as is the $7 daytime cover ($10 at night). Stage value is solid, not for motorboat contact like Club Fantasies, but for strong and creative pole skills. The dances would be good value at $15, but fall short for the $30 asking price.
Dance Setup (7.5/10) - Dances take place in a back room, which you're guided to through a short darkish hallway. They're way out of view from the main floor and have partitioned walls, so there is excellent privacy. Had Pussy decided to push the envelope, she surely would have had ample room to maneuver with this setup.
Club Setup (6.5/10) - The Foxy Lady just misses posting a very big club setup score. The main stage sits center-floor and acts as the club's focal point. It's large, has plenty of seating, and uses mirrors and light to cleverly highlight the dancers. I also love that a sort of scaffolding hangs from the ceiling around the stage's perimeter which the dancers can use to enhance their routines. Next to the stage sits a smaller pedestal with a glassed-in shower that surely rocks everyone's face off when in use. My only real complaint is the cramped comfy, rolly chairs on the floor. The tables and chairs are so close together that one has to move aside virtually every time a cocktail waitress comes through. There's a clear outside route, but anywhere within the sea of chairs is a disastrous path.
Atmosphere (5.5/10) - Pretty standard vibe in this place. The feel is a little high-class for my tastes, with the white floor-length linens on the tables and no real degenerates milling about (besides me), but it's fine if you're into that sort of experience.
Accessibility (3.5/5) - Like most Providence strip clubs, Foxy Lady Providence is just a short cab ride from downtown, making it relatively accessible.
Overall - Is the Foxy Lady my favorite club in Providence? No. Might it be yours? Definitely. If you're looking for a higher-end experience or are trying to pop your strip club cherry, there is no better option in the area. But if you're the type of man that likes his steak rare, his women loose, and his beer cheap, then Club Fantasies or The Cadillac Lounge are the places for you.
TOTAL SCORE = 53.5
Quality of Dancers (3/10) - As a lover of Providence clubs and women, I had great expectations for the Foxy Lady Providence, but they were dashed on this warm Sunday evening. At almost every high-quality club, I find a dancer I'd go broke for, but I ended this night with full pockets. Pussy was likewise underwhelmed; she lamented the lack of pretty faces to supplement otherwise solid bodies. Given my love for the dancers at Foxy Lady Brockton (sister club to FLP), I wouldn't be surprised if this was an off night. Nonetheless, the judgment stands.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) - Not enough booty in the pants. Although this place scores points for strong racial and ethnic diversity, the lack of lap dance asses was tragic. The vast majority of dancers were simply too skinny. Not gram-a-day-coke-habit skinny, more like needs-a-couple-of-BLT's-and-some-beers skinny. As loyal readers know, I don't frown on fitness, but a selection that consists of only wiry frames and narrow hips is not what I'm looking for.
Number of Dancers (7/10) - With at least a dozen dancers working on a Sunday night, the Foxy Lady does well here. The customer-to-dancer ratio was probably 2.5 to 1. Though that's not exactly the 1.5 to 1 gold standard set by Sapphire Las Vegas, it's still enough to please me.
Attitude (3.5/10) - It stings to burn the Foxy Lady Providence here because one of my readers is a seemingly chill and cool dancer that works there, but they just didn't impress. Knowing that women are often stripper Kryptonite at clubs (because they're less likely to go off for a big number in the back room like a dude), I tempered my expectations when I rolled in with Pussy and her ladyfriend. What I got, though, was not less attention than expected, but virtually no attention at all. Not a single dancer even approached my group all night. That's just not acceptable for a high-end place like the Foxy Lady. The one saving grace was the stage, where a few goofy, hilarious dancers found their way to Pussy and me and brightened our night.
Value (4/10) - $6 Miller Lites are slightly above the industry standard for an upscale Providence joint, as is the $7 daytime cover ($10 at night). Stage value is solid, not for motorboat contact like Club Fantasies, but for strong and creative pole skills. The dances would be good value at $15, but fall short for the $30 asking price.
Dance Setup (7.5/10) - Dances take place in a back room, which you're guided to through a short darkish hallway. They're way out of view from the main floor and have partitioned walls, so there is excellent privacy. Had Pussy decided to push the envelope, she surely would have had ample room to maneuver with this setup.
Club Setup (6.5/10) - The Foxy Lady just misses posting a very big club setup score. The main stage sits center-floor and acts as the club's focal point. It's large, has plenty of seating, and uses mirrors and light to cleverly highlight the dancers. I also love that a sort of scaffolding hangs from the ceiling around the stage's perimeter which the dancers can use to enhance their routines. Next to the stage sits a smaller pedestal with a glassed-in shower that surely rocks everyone's face off when in use. My only real complaint is the cramped comfy, rolly chairs on the floor. The tables and chairs are so close together that one has to move aside virtually every time a cocktail waitress comes through. There's a clear outside route, but anywhere within the sea of chairs is a disastrous path.
Atmosphere (5.5/10) - Pretty standard vibe in this place. The feel is a little high-class for my tastes, with the white floor-length linens on the tables and no real degenerates milling about (besides me), but it's fine if you're into that sort of experience.
Accessibility (3.5/5) - Like most Providence strip clubs, Foxy Lady Providence is just a short cab ride from downtown, making it relatively accessible.
Overall - Is the Foxy Lady my favorite club in Providence? No. Might it be yours? Definitely. If you're looking for a higher-end experience or are trying to pop your strip club cherry, there is no better option in the area. But if you're the type of man that likes his steak rare, his women loose, and his beer cheap, then Club Fantasies or The Cadillac Lounge are the places for you.
TOTAL SCORE = 53.5
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Mickey's Valley View Pub (Cumberland, RI)
Quality of dances (11/20) – The dances are fairly good by normal standards, but they fall far short of what you'll find at the other Rhode Island clubs. There is full two-way contact, but the girls don't place any particular emphasis below the waist.
Quality of dancers (0.5/10) – The girls here are terrible. If they aren't obese, they look like they're on meth. I didn't see anyone that I'd rate above a two.
Number of Dancers (3/10) – The quantity is slightly better than the quality, but neither is acceptable. There aren't many customers, so you won't have any problem getting a girl to talk to you, but I'm not sure why you'd want to.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – There was some variety of body types, but unless the only color you like is pasty white, you'll get bored quickly.
Attitude of dancers (4/10) – The girls were fairly friendly, but this is a neighborhood type of place where you'll be largely ignored if you aren't a regular and aren't throwing around money.
Value (3.5/10) – The cans of beer are reasonable (I don't think they sell bottles) and the stage action is okay, but dances are way too expensive. Unless the girls were lying to me, the club gets $20 for each dance and then you're left to negotiate with the dancers to see what they're willing to accept. The going rate seems to be $10 to the dancer, which brings the total per song to $30. That's unacceptable even if the dances are amazing, and these dances aren't.
Dance Setup (5.5/10) – There's a row of decent sized booths along the one wall with sheer curtains that prevent other customers from seeing much of what you're doing, but the curtains face the main area of the club, so it still doesn't feel all that private.
Club Setup (2/10) – The bar takes up most of the club, and the bar top is wide so that it can double as the stage. There's a small stage in the one corner of the club, but it was empty while I was there. There were a few small tables and a pool table, but everyone seems to stay at the bar.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – This place has a relaxed atmosphere, but it isn't somewhere that I could see myself spending much time other than to get the occasional after work beer. While I was there, two customers were trying to buy crack from a dancer, and even though she didn't hook them up, it didn't seem to be all that out of the ordinary.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – Mickey's isn't too far outside of Providence, but it isn't all that close either. It's in a strange residential neighborhood and a lot of the nearby streets are closed, so it's no easy to find if you don't know where you're going.
Overall – This wouldn't be a good club no matter where it was located, but for Rhode Island, it's terrible. Visiting Mickey's was one of the few times that I haven't enjoyed reviewing a club for this site. Knowing that I was spending time and money in this place when Club Fantasies and the Cadillac Lounge were only 20 minutes away was brutal. Assuming that you don't run a strip club review website, there's no reason to put yourself through that.
TOTAL SCORE = 35.5
Quality of dancers (0.5/10) – The girls here are terrible. If they aren't obese, they look like they're on meth. I didn't see anyone that I'd rate above a two.
Number of Dancers (3/10) – The quantity is slightly better than the quality, but neither is acceptable. There aren't many customers, so you won't have any problem getting a girl to talk to you, but I'm not sure why you'd want to.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – There was some variety of body types, but unless the only color you like is pasty white, you'll get bored quickly.
Attitude of dancers (4/10) – The girls were fairly friendly, but this is a neighborhood type of place where you'll be largely ignored if you aren't a regular and aren't throwing around money.
Value (3.5/10) – The cans of beer are reasonable (I don't think they sell bottles) and the stage action is okay, but dances are way too expensive. Unless the girls were lying to me, the club gets $20 for each dance and then you're left to negotiate with the dancers to see what they're willing to accept. The going rate seems to be $10 to the dancer, which brings the total per song to $30. That's unacceptable even if the dances are amazing, and these dances aren't.
Dance Setup (5.5/10) – There's a row of decent sized booths along the one wall with sheer curtains that prevent other customers from seeing much of what you're doing, but the curtains face the main area of the club, so it still doesn't feel all that private.
Club Setup (2/10) – The bar takes up most of the club, and the bar top is wide so that it can double as the stage. There's a small stage in the one corner of the club, but it was empty while I was there. There were a few small tables and a pool table, but everyone seems to stay at the bar.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – This place has a relaxed atmosphere, but it isn't somewhere that I could see myself spending much time other than to get the occasional after work beer. While I was there, two customers were trying to buy crack from a dancer, and even though she didn't hook them up, it didn't seem to be all that out of the ordinary.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – Mickey's isn't too far outside of Providence, but it isn't all that close either. It's in a strange residential neighborhood and a lot of the nearby streets are closed, so it's no easy to find if you don't know where you're going.
Overall – This wouldn't be a good club no matter where it was located, but for Rhode Island, it's terrible. Visiting Mickey's was one of the few times that I haven't enjoyed reviewing a club for this site. Knowing that I was spending time and money in this place when Club Fantasies and the Cadillac Lounge were only 20 minutes away was brutal. Assuming that you don't run a strip club review website, there's no reason to put yourself through that.
TOTAL SCORE = 35.5
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sportsman's Inn (Providence, RI) - CLOSED
Note: This club closed in 2012, but I'll leave the review up as a history lesson for anyone who never got to experience Providence in all of its pre-2009 glory.
Quality of dances (15/20) – Everything is available, but most of the girls won't try to grind you to completion during the regular dances because that would hurt their extras business. Still, the lap dances are much better than at Cheaters, and there's plenty of contact in both directions.
Quality of dancers (2/10) – They have a few decent dancers, but these certainly are not Providence's finest. I wouln't even consider getting a dance from three-quarters of the girls in here.
Number of Dancers (4.5/10) – I've only been here during the day shift, but there have been significantly more dancers than customers each time I've visited. I can't give them too high of a score though, because most of those girls weren't even worth looking at.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (3.5/5) – There was a good mix of black, white, and Latina dancers, which should let you know just how unattractive these girls were. For me to not find a Latina attractive, she has to be heinous.
Attitude of dancers (4/10) – Maybe my expectations were lowered because of the atmosphere, but I actually found most of the dancers to be surprisingly pleasant. You're going to get some hustle-factor at any club that doubles as a whorehouse, but it's much less prevalent here than at Cheaters.
Value (5.5/10) – Dances are slightly overpriced with $5 going to club and $20 to the dancer, but you don't have to get a private room for extras, so you can save money there. Also, you can get dollar dances at the bar, and even though they aren't great, you can't complain for a dollar. Drinks are a fairly standard $4.
Dance Setup (9.5/10) – The dance setup is probably the best thing about the Sportsmans Inn. There are decent sized booths with a comfortable couch and an open door, but the door only faces at most one other booth. A guy takes your dance ticket when you walk downstairs, and he directs traffic to make sure that people aren't in opposing booths unless there aren't enough booths available to avoid it. So basically, you get a private dance booth for $5.
Club Setup (0.5/10) – This club is designed horribly. It's in a basement, and even though there's a pool table and a stage, everyone just congregates at the tiny bar, where there are only 5 or 6 pathetic little stools.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) – This is a good place to get your dick sucked, but other than that, I can't really see coming here. People have been murdered here in the past, and I'd be willing to bet they will be in the future.
Club Accessibility (5/5) – This club is in downtown Providence, right around the corner from the Satin Doll.
Overall – The Sportsman's Inn has a little bit of everything, but it isn't great at anything, which puts it in a tough spot in Providence. If you care about the "strip club aspects" of the club, you're better off at the Cadillac Lounge or Fantasies. If, on the other hand, you care about the "whorehouse aspects," then Cheaters is a better option, with far more fuckable girls. If you're looking for a mix of the two, I'd probably recommend splitting your night between two of the aforementioned clubs, but the Sportsman's Inn wouldn't be a bad option either.
TOTAL SCORE = 50.5
Quality of dances (15/20) – Everything is available, but most of the girls won't try to grind you to completion during the regular dances because that would hurt their extras business. Still, the lap dances are much better than at Cheaters, and there's plenty of contact in both directions.
Quality of dancers (2/10) – They have a few decent dancers, but these certainly are not Providence's finest. I wouln't even consider getting a dance from three-quarters of the girls in here.
Number of Dancers (4.5/10) – I've only been here during the day shift, but there have been significantly more dancers than customers each time I've visited. I can't give them too high of a score though, because most of those girls weren't even worth looking at.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (3.5/5) – There was a good mix of black, white, and Latina dancers, which should let you know just how unattractive these girls were. For me to not find a Latina attractive, she has to be heinous.
Attitude of dancers (4/10) – Maybe my expectations were lowered because of the atmosphere, but I actually found most of the dancers to be surprisingly pleasant. You're going to get some hustle-factor at any club that doubles as a whorehouse, but it's much less prevalent here than at Cheaters.
Value (5.5/10) – Dances are slightly overpriced with $5 going to club and $20 to the dancer, but you don't have to get a private room for extras, so you can save money there. Also, you can get dollar dances at the bar, and even though they aren't great, you can't complain for a dollar. Drinks are a fairly standard $4.
Dance Setup (9.5/10) – The dance setup is probably the best thing about the Sportsmans Inn. There are decent sized booths with a comfortable couch and an open door, but the door only faces at most one other booth. A guy takes your dance ticket when you walk downstairs, and he directs traffic to make sure that people aren't in opposing booths unless there aren't enough booths available to avoid it. So basically, you get a private dance booth for $5.
Club Setup (0.5/10) – This club is designed horribly. It's in a basement, and even though there's a pool table and a stage, everyone just congregates at the tiny bar, where there are only 5 or 6 pathetic little stools.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) – This is a good place to get your dick sucked, but other than that, I can't really see coming here. People have been murdered here in the past, and I'd be willing to bet they will be in the future.
Club Accessibility (5/5) – This club is in downtown Providence, right around the corner from the Satin Doll.
Overall – The Sportsman's Inn has a little bit of everything, but it isn't great at anything, which puts it in a tough spot in Providence. If you care about the "strip club aspects" of the club, you're better off at the Cadillac Lounge or Fantasies. If, on the other hand, you care about the "whorehouse aspects," then Cheaters is a better option, with far more fuckable girls. If you're looking for a mix of the two, I'd probably recommend splitting your night between two of the aforementioned clubs, but the Sportsman's Inn wouldn't be a bad option either.
TOTAL SCORE = 50.5
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Satin Doll (Providence, RI)
Note: This review is based on visits that took place before the law banning indoor prostitution in Rhode Island went into effect November, 2009. I fear that things may have changed for the worse since then, but since I've been told that this is now a bikini club, I probably won't bother to return for a re-review. I suggest that you skip it too.
Quality of dances (11/20) – The dances are full contact, but the girls don't really pay any special attention to places that need special attention.
Quality of dancers (1/10) – Most of the girls could have stood to lose 50 pounds. I can appreciate a few extra pounds on a girl to soften up the dances, but these dancers went way beyond that.
Number of dancers (3/10) – There were about 5 girls working in the mid afternoon. Luckily, there weren't many guys there, so the ratio was still acceptable.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (2/5) – There were black and white girls working, but the biggest variation was from moderately fat to obese.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – Some of the girls looked a little strung out, but they're friendly and aren't pushy at all. They mostly just ask if you want some company, and if you say no, they move on.
Value (3.5/10) - Drinks are cheap, but at $25, the dances are overpriced.
Dance Setup (5.5/10) – The dance booths don't have doors, but most of them aren't visible from the main part of the club, and some of them aren't very visible even from the other booths. For an extra $25, they'll shut the curtains, but it's too dark to see anything even with the curtain open, so I would think you'd be getting a dance in the dark if you did this. Of course, considering the girls that work here, that might not be a bad thing.
Club Setup (3.5/10) - There's a small stage right by the bar that's a good idea, but no one was on it when I was there. Pillars that are part of this smaller stage block the view of the main stage from the bar.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) - It seemed like an older crowd likes to hang out here, and the dancers seemed to know most of the customers. For an outsider, the atmosphere wasn't great.
Club Accessibility (5/5) – This club is right in downtown Providence, and is only about 3 blocks from the Sportsman's Inn.
Overall - It's not terrible, but it isn't great either. To stay competitive in Providence, they need to do better than this.
TOTAL SCORE = 43.5
Quality of dances (11/20) – The dances are full contact, but the girls don't really pay any special attention to places that need special attention.
Quality of dancers (1/10) – Most of the girls could have stood to lose 50 pounds. I can appreciate a few extra pounds on a girl to soften up the dances, but these dancers went way beyond that.
Number of dancers (3/10) – There were about 5 girls working in the mid afternoon. Luckily, there weren't many guys there, so the ratio was still acceptable.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (2/5) – There were black and white girls working, but the biggest variation was from moderately fat to obese.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – Some of the girls looked a little strung out, but they're friendly and aren't pushy at all. They mostly just ask if you want some company, and if you say no, they move on.
Value (3.5/10) - Drinks are cheap, but at $25, the dances are overpriced.
Dance Setup (5.5/10) – The dance booths don't have doors, but most of them aren't visible from the main part of the club, and some of them aren't very visible even from the other booths. For an extra $25, they'll shut the curtains, but it's too dark to see anything even with the curtain open, so I would think you'd be getting a dance in the dark if you did this. Of course, considering the girls that work here, that might not be a bad thing.
Club Setup (3.5/10) - There's a small stage right by the bar that's a good idea, but no one was on it when I was there. Pillars that are part of this smaller stage block the view of the main stage from the bar.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) - It seemed like an older crowd likes to hang out here, and the dancers seemed to know most of the customers. For an outsider, the atmosphere wasn't great.
Club Accessibility (5/5) – This club is right in downtown Providence, and is only about 3 blocks from the Sportsman's Inn.
Overall - It's not terrible, but it isn't great either. To stay competitive in Providence, they need to do better than this.
TOTAL SCORE = 43.5
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Balloons (Providence, RI) - CLOSED
Quality of dances (12/20) - The dances here are full contact, but there's not as much effort put into them as anywhere else in Providence.
Quality of dancers (3.5/10) - One very attractive dancer single-handedly brought this score up from a 1.
Number of dancers (2/10) - There were less than 5 dancers working, and only 1 on stage at a time.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) - There was some diversity, but since there was only one attractive girl working, there wasn't any variety that was worth looking at.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) - The girls act like they can't wait to get out of here so they can score some meth.
Value (0/10) - The cover and the dances are both very overpriced.
Dance Setup (3/10) - The dances are done in a separate room, but it isn't very private once you're back there. I was the only one getting a dance at the time, but it seemed like you'd have to share the room with others if multiple people wanted dances at the same time.
Club Setup (2/10) - This is a small, filthy club. There's nowhere great to sit, but at least all of the seats have a good view of the TVs. Unfortunately, those TVs are showing midget porn.
Club Atmosphere (0/10) - While midget porn may be hilarious if you're hammered, it's just disturbing if you're not. And they don't serve alcohol.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - Balloons is reasonably close to downtown Providence, is right next to a few other clubs, and is open for a few hours after everything else closes.
Overall - With all the other clubs in Providence, there's really no reason to ever go to Balloons.
TOTAL SCORE = 31.5
Quality of dancers (3.5/10) - One very attractive dancer single-handedly brought this score up from a 1.
Number of dancers (2/10) - There were less than 5 dancers working, and only 1 on stage at a time.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) - There was some diversity, but since there was only one attractive girl working, there wasn't any variety that was worth looking at.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) - The girls act like they can't wait to get out of here so they can score some meth.
Value (0/10) - The cover and the dances are both very overpriced.
Dance Setup (3/10) - The dances are done in a separate room, but it isn't very private once you're back there. I was the only one getting a dance at the time, but it seemed like you'd have to share the room with others if multiple people wanted dances at the same time.
Club Setup (2/10) - This is a small, filthy club. There's nowhere great to sit, but at least all of the seats have a good view of the TVs. Unfortunately, those TVs are showing midget porn.
Club Atmosphere (0/10) - While midget porn may be hilarious if you're hammered, it's just disturbing if you're not. And they don't serve alcohol.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - Balloons is reasonably close to downtown Providence, is right next to a few other clubs, and is open for a few hours after everything else closes.
Overall - With all the other clubs in Providence, there's really no reason to ever go to Balloons.
TOTAL SCORE = 31.5
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