Quality of dances (9/20) – You aren't going to get away with much more than a hand on the girl's leg, but most of the girls have the skill and the willingness to give some decent knee grind action. The dances aren't good enough to justify coming here, but they're not so bad that they should keep you away if it otherwise sounds like your kind of place.
Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – The ladies here are generally not Connecticut's finest, but the quality has gone up significantly over the past few years. You aren't going to find many girls who would rate as an 8 or above, but there are plenty of girls in the 5-7 range.
Number of Dancers (3.5/10) – There usually seems to be a decent dancer-to-customer ratio, but that's more due to the lack of customers than it is to anything else. During my most recent visit on a Friday night, I only saw six dancers, and at least two of them were in the dressing room at all times. That wouldn't be so bad, but the fact that they only have one girl on stage at a time combined with the unusually long stage sets means that you'll quickly tire of whatever girls they do have.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – You're going to find a mix of white, black and Brazilian girls at Mr. Happy's. The white girls mostly are the tattooed, hard rock types, but there's enough variety to satisfy most tastes.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – Other than some dancers complaining about a lack of tips, the big problem here is that this is very much a locals place, so you're not going to get a whole lot of attention if you're an outsider. The ladies are relatively friendly if you do manage to get their attention, but good luck with that.
Value (5/10) – There's a $7 cover on weekend nights, beers are $5, and the stage action is above average, with most girls displaying a mix of floor work and pole moves. Unfortunately, the $25 dances aren't worth nearly that much.
Dance Setup (1/10) – There's a small elevated area in one corner of the club for dances, but there's nothing to keep everyone in the place from watching you. If you're unlucky enough to be getting a dance at the same time as someone else, you'll be very close to them with no barriers at all.
Club Setup (3/10) – The club setup isn't great, but it has improved drastically over the past few years. They have a very large nice stage in the center of the room, a decent bar along the one wall, and about a half dozen small tables around the club. It's a small place, so you'll have a good view of the stage no matter where you are, but since the vast majority of the seats are at the stage, that may be where you have to sit there if it's busy.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) – Mr. Happy's is a dive bar type of club where you'll find a very mixed crowd and hear some very mixed music. I heard everything from hard rock/metal to top 40 R&B, and you'll see guys in the crowd who seem to go along with each of those types of music. Overall, though, the crowd is decent, and I've never felt threatened. It's certainly a less intimidating crowd than you'd find down the street at Peek-a-Boos.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – Mr. Happy's isn't far from the interstate or downtown Waterbury, but I don't think you'd be able to find lodging anywhere near here.
Overall – Mr. Happy's is much better than it was a few years ago, a lot of people seem to like it, and it's unquestionably the best club in Waterbury, but it's still a below average club that isn't worth going out of your way for.
TOTAL SCORE = 38
Showing posts with label New England. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New England. Show all posts
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Mardi Gras Club (Springfield, MA)
Quality of dances (9/20) – The communal dance room prevents anyone from being too free with the two-way contact, but most of the girls are fine with customers touching theirs legs and asses during the dances, and almost all of the girls give a solid grind. The dances are fully nude, but it takes most of the first song for the clothes to come off. I did witness one girl really getting after it with a customer, but other dancers promptly ratted her out because she was removing the incentive for people to spend big cash in the VIP room. The girls imply that you'll be satisfied in the VIP area upstairs, but I've never confirmed that.
Quality of dancers (6/10) – A lot of the girls have nice faces and decent bodies, but shitty boob jobs ruin at least half the girls in the place. The percentage of fake tits is so high that I used to assume that management demanded that everyone get work done, but the same guy runs the largely silicone-free Anthony's in South Hadley, so I have no idea what's going on. It really is a shame though. I'll take nice perky Bs or even flapjacks over implants anyday.
Number of dancers (6/10) – There seem to be about 15 dancers whether the club is busy or not, but there are often so many guys in the place that it still isn’t enough for you to get much one-on-one attention. Still, there are always several girls on stage at a time, so you'll have plenty to look at to keep yourself entertained while you wait.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (4/5) – You’ll find plenty of black, white and Latina girls, and plenty of thick and thin girls here. What you won’t find is more than a few sets of real tits.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – The girls are generally good about counting dances and don't hustle too much, but they just don’t look like they’re enjoying being on stage. Of course, the stage is a death-trap, so I can’t really blame them too much for that.
Value (4/10) – Drinks are reasonable and dances are $25, but the cover can be up to $10 in the evenings and you may have to pay $5 to park in the lot if you don't want to park on the street. Lot parking is free at times, but I'm not sure of the exact schedule.
Dance Setup (0.5/10) – There’s a large, open, brightly lit room where everyone gets dances. The only reasons that I gave them half a point are that people at the bar can't see you and there are dividers along the benches, so at least you aren’t bumping knees with other dudes.
Club Setup (6.5/10) – Mardi Gras is huge and the New Orleans theme runs throughout the club. I took off a few points because of a lack of large tables, but overall, I really liked their unique design. The bar takes up most of the main room, and the stage is inside the bar, but it comes right up to some of the chairs and within about a foot of the others. There are trenches all through the stage where the bar tenders walk to give you your drinks, and it's hard to blame the dancers for being afraid that they’ll fall off while drunk. To get onto the stage, the girls have to climb up a little ladder like you use to get out of a swimming pool. The design may be the least practical I've ever seen, but it does allow for some great views of the fully nude action. Almost everyone sits at the bar, but there is also a large open room with a few pool tables off to the side and there's an area in the back that's setup more like a restaurant, and it's a decent option if you don't like sitting stage-side.
Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – This is one of the few Massachusetts clubs that I wouldn’t mind staying at for a few hours. The music’s good, the drinks are reasonable, the girls don’t pester you too much for dances, and the stage always has at least 3 girls on it. There was a murder here in early ’09, but that seems to have been an anomaly, as the crowd seems perfectly safe now.
Club Accessibility (4/5) – The club is right in downtown Springfield, which is really only a good thing if you live there. There are a few hotels nearby, but I don't think that Mardi Gras is quite good enough to justify making a visit an overnight trip.
Overall – If you aren't interested in getting a VIP dance, Mardi Gras is pretty good club by Massachusetts standards. If you're willing to drop some cash, it's quite possibly even better.
TOTAL SCORE = 50.5
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Club Fantasies (Providence, RI)
Quality of Dances (14/20) – I've very rarely had a bad dance at Fantasies. There has almost always been two-way contact and great grinding with a solid level of interest from the dancers. Unlike at several of the other Providence clubs, the girls here won't typically offer anything more than lap dances, but unless that's what you're looking for, you shouldn't have any complaints.
Quality of Dancers (4/10) – There has been a huge drop in the talent level at Fantasies over the past few years. The cute young dancers that I used to see here in '06 and '07 have been replaced with slightly older, slightly more strung out girls who have lots of stretch marks and just generally look worn out. Or, more depressingly, it's possible that those cute young girls haven't been replaced at all but that time hasn't been kind to them. You still should be able to find a few attractive dancers, but the quality here no longer can compete with what you'd see at the Foxy Lady, Desire or the Cadillac Lounge.
Number of Dancers (4/10) – This is hard to rate because of the club’s two-floor setup (see below). If the club were one floor, I think this would jump a couple of points, but the dancers are split between the upstairs and the downstairs (some go back and forth, but many will stay on one floor the whole night), and since you’ll be spending most of your time on one of those two floors, you might miss a good chunk of the options. And, even though there are still a lot of girls wandering around, the attractive ones are so rare that you're going to be waiting a while for anyone worthwhile.
Variety Dancers (2.5/5) – A decent mix of Latinas and black dancers breaks up the base of white girls, and there's plenty of size variation for men of almost all tastes. Since there's not a lot of talent among the variety, I can't give them too high of a score, but I guess it's better to look at mediocre ladies of several races than of a single one.
Attitude of Dancers (5/10) – The girls here aren’t hustlers and they’re generally friendly, but it’s sometimes difficult to get their attention, which can be incredibly frustrating. And even if you do get their attention, they typically won't spend a whole lot of time sitting with customers.
Value (6.5/10) – There's no cover before 6 PM, and it's a reasonable $10 after that if you're staying in the topless downstairs half of the club. To get upstairs to the nude ladies will run you an additional $10, but you don't have to decide whether you're going up there until you look around the downstairs and see if you like any of the talent. Domestic beers are only $3. Dances vary from $20-30 depending on the girl, but Sunday through Tuesday during the days are two-for-one, so I strongly suggest you visit then. The real bang for your buck (almost literally) comes from the stage action. Many dancers will give a full contact off-the-stage straddling for a single dollar.
Dance Setup (4.5/10) – A series of paired booths (two booths facing each other) line the far wall of each floor. The pairing is irrelevant, because you should refuse to dance if someone is currently in the booth partnering yours. Even without someone in the other booth, though, privacy is limited. They’re deep enough that someone staring perpendicular to your booth couldn’t see what was going on, but anyone walking by has a clear shot. The upshot is that you don’t have to deal with bouncers at any point along the way, a benefit that added a full point to this rating.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – The downstairs is pretty ridiculous, with some sort of lame tropical theme going on. Overall, it seems more like a crappy chain restaurant than a strip club. But at least the stage is long and has decent seating. The upstairs is better, but not great. There's a fish tank and some plush chairs, but it's still difficult to hang out as a group. The bars are well placed and there is at least one wide-screen TV, but those perks can’t really save an otherwise weak design.
Club Atmosphere (4/10) – The atmosphere is kind of weird in Fantasies. The girls on stage, despite giving huge individual value when they get tipped, basically don’t dance when they’re up there. No crazy pole tricks or handstands or whatever. They pretty much just bounce around in place until you catch their eye and then they come over to you. When you add that to the shitty club design, mediocre music and too-bright lighting, it falls short of my expectations.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – A short cab ride from downtown Providence makes Fantasies very accessible. It’s also not far off the interstate, so you can easily make the stop if you’re traveling through the Providence area.
Overall – There was a time when Fantasies was one of my favorite strip clubs, but a series of second-rate experiences has tainted my view. It still wouldn't be a terrible club in most areas, but it's no longer in the top tier of Providence clubs that includes the Cadillac Lounge, Desire and, arguably, the Foxy Lady.
RAW SCORE = 51.5
Quality of Dancers (4/10) – There has been a huge drop in the talent level at Fantasies over the past few years. The cute young dancers that I used to see here in '06 and '07 have been replaced with slightly older, slightly more strung out girls who have lots of stretch marks and just generally look worn out. Or, more depressingly, it's possible that those cute young girls haven't been replaced at all but that time hasn't been kind to them. You still should be able to find a few attractive dancers, but the quality here no longer can compete with what you'd see at the Foxy Lady, Desire or the Cadillac Lounge.
Number of Dancers (4/10) – This is hard to rate because of the club’s two-floor setup (see below). If the club were one floor, I think this would jump a couple of points, but the dancers are split between the upstairs and the downstairs (some go back and forth, but many will stay on one floor the whole night), and since you’ll be spending most of your time on one of those two floors, you might miss a good chunk of the options. And, even though there are still a lot of girls wandering around, the attractive ones are so rare that you're going to be waiting a while for anyone worthwhile.
Variety Dancers (2.5/5) – A decent mix of Latinas and black dancers breaks up the base of white girls, and there's plenty of size variation for men of almost all tastes. Since there's not a lot of talent among the variety, I can't give them too high of a score, but I guess it's better to look at mediocre ladies of several races than of a single one.
Attitude of Dancers (5/10) – The girls here aren’t hustlers and they’re generally friendly, but it’s sometimes difficult to get their attention, which can be incredibly frustrating. And even if you do get their attention, they typically won't spend a whole lot of time sitting with customers.
Value (6.5/10) – There's no cover before 6 PM, and it's a reasonable $10 after that if you're staying in the topless downstairs half of the club. To get upstairs to the nude ladies will run you an additional $10, but you don't have to decide whether you're going up there until you look around the downstairs and see if you like any of the talent. Domestic beers are only $3. Dances vary from $20-30 depending on the girl, but Sunday through Tuesday during the days are two-for-one, so I strongly suggest you visit then. The real bang for your buck (almost literally) comes from the stage action. Many dancers will give a full contact off-the-stage straddling for a single dollar.
Dance Setup (4.5/10) – A series of paired booths (two booths facing each other) line the far wall of each floor. The pairing is irrelevant, because you should refuse to dance if someone is currently in the booth partnering yours. Even without someone in the other booth, though, privacy is limited. They’re deep enough that someone staring perpendicular to your booth couldn’t see what was going on, but anyone walking by has a clear shot. The upshot is that you don’t have to deal with bouncers at any point along the way, a benefit that added a full point to this rating.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – The downstairs is pretty ridiculous, with some sort of lame tropical theme going on. Overall, it seems more like a crappy chain restaurant than a strip club. But at least the stage is long and has decent seating. The upstairs is better, but not great. There's a fish tank and some plush chairs, but it's still difficult to hang out as a group. The bars are well placed and there is at least one wide-screen TV, but those perks can’t really save an otherwise weak design.
Club Atmosphere (4/10) – The atmosphere is kind of weird in Fantasies. The girls on stage, despite giving huge individual value when they get tipped, basically don’t dance when they’re up there. No crazy pole tricks or handstands or whatever. They pretty much just bounce around in place until you catch their eye and then they come over to you. When you add that to the shitty club design, mediocre music and too-bright lighting, it falls short of my expectations.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – A short cab ride from downtown Providence makes Fantasies very accessible. It’s also not far off the interstate, so you can easily make the stop if you’re traveling through the Providence area.
Overall – There was a time when Fantasies was one of my favorite strip clubs, but a series of second-rate experiences has tainted my view. It still wouldn't be a terrible club in most areas, but it's no longer in the top tier of Providence clubs that includes the Cadillac Lounge, Desire and, arguably, the Foxy Lady.
RAW SCORE = 51.5
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Cadillac Lounge (Providence, RI)
Quality of dances (16/20) - It loses a few points for lack of consistency, but a good dance here is great. Some of the girls will do extras if you opt for the VIP dances, but unlike at some of the other Providence clubs, they'll still put in the effort to give you your money's worth even if you're just getting a dance. Whereas the girls at Cheaters think, "I'll give you such a bad dance that you'll be forced to go to a private booth if you want to have a good time," these girls' strategy is to get you worked up enough that you might be willing to pay for more.
Quality of dancers (7.5/10) - There are a few too many bolt-on tits, but otherwise, the girls rate very well, Most of them fall in the 7-8 range, but it's not uncommon at all to find a girl or two who rate above that.
Number of dancers (6.5/10) - There are usually multiple girls on stage and several girls mingling with the crowd. They spend a lot of time at the same tables, so you might have to wait a few minutes for someone to come over to you, but it's hard to complain when they have well over a dozen girls working on weekend evenings. During less busy times, the focus is more on quality than quantity, but the number of dancers is still usually sufficient.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (3/5) - The majority of the girls are white, but there are always several Latinas and a few black dancers in the mix.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) - It's nice that a lot of ladies are happy to sit and chat before asking for dances, but there are way too many pushy dancers in this place. During my most recent visit, I had to repeatedly tell a Jamaican dancer that I would not be spending any cash on her (I told her that even before she sat down), but she wouldn't leave me alone until I specifically told her to get lost. Then she got upset and wanted a tip because I'd "wasted so much of her time." The other girls weren't quite as bad, but several of them pull shit like waiting until you get up to the lap dance area to inform you that they don't do the $30 topless dances, so you'll need to pay $40 for the nude version. Even if I'd been planning to buy the $40 dances, that pisses me off enough that I just tell them to forget it and go back downstairs to find another girl.
Value (3.5/10) - The $5 dances are a decent deal, but the $15 weekend cover, $30 topless dances and $40 nude dances are all too high. The dances come close to being worth it, but I just have a hard time justifying more than $20 per dance no matter how good they are. If you're looking to go to the VIP rooms, they're $50 to the club and whatever you negotiate to the girl. Most girls quoted $150-250, but I wasn't looking for the VIP treatment so I don't know how flexible that is.
Dance Setup (6.5/10) - The booths are lined up along a hallway upstairs and are deep enough that no one can see in unless they're walking by. The setup isn't perfect, but it's as good as you're going to get in Providence without dropping $25-50 for a private booth.
Club Setup (4.5/10) - There are high tables around the stage and some regular tables near the bar, and everyone has a solid view of the action. There aren't a ton of seats though, so it can get overcrowded when it's busy.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) - It doesn't seem possible that a club that has VIP rooms like these could be stuffy, but somehow this place found a way. Valet parking in Vegas might be classy, but for a club in an industrial part of Providence that shares a parking lot with an adult bookstore, it's just forced and ridiculous. The club does have a surprisingly clean and safe feel to it though, and I'm perfectly comfortable spending an evening there.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - The area around the club is dead, but it's not far from I-95, isn't far from a few other clubs and is an easy cab ride from downtown Providence.
Overall - The Cadillac Lounge can be inconsistent, but it's a very good club if you find it at the right time. It's one of the best clubs in Providence and is probably one of the top five clubs in New England.
TOTAL SCORE = 57.5
Quality of dancers (7.5/10) - There are a few too many bolt-on tits, but otherwise, the girls rate very well, Most of them fall in the 7-8 range, but it's not uncommon at all to find a girl or two who rate above that.
Number of dancers (6.5/10) - There are usually multiple girls on stage and several girls mingling with the crowd. They spend a lot of time at the same tables, so you might have to wait a few minutes for someone to come over to you, but it's hard to complain when they have well over a dozen girls working on weekend evenings. During less busy times, the focus is more on quality than quantity, but the number of dancers is still usually sufficient.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (3/5) - The majority of the girls are white, but there are always several Latinas and a few black dancers in the mix.
Attitude of Dancers (2/10) - It's nice that a lot of ladies are happy to sit and chat before asking for dances, but there are way too many pushy dancers in this place. During my most recent visit, I had to repeatedly tell a Jamaican dancer that I would not be spending any cash on her (I told her that even before she sat down), but she wouldn't leave me alone until I specifically told her to get lost. Then she got upset and wanted a tip because I'd "wasted so much of her time." The other girls weren't quite as bad, but several of them pull shit like waiting until you get up to the lap dance area to inform you that they don't do the $30 topless dances, so you'll need to pay $40 for the nude version. Even if I'd been planning to buy the $40 dances, that pisses me off enough that I just tell them to forget it and go back downstairs to find another girl.
Value (3.5/10) - The $5 dances are a decent deal, but the $15 weekend cover, $30 topless dances and $40 nude dances are all too high. The dances come close to being worth it, but I just have a hard time justifying more than $20 per dance no matter how good they are. If you're looking to go to the VIP rooms, they're $50 to the club and whatever you negotiate to the girl. Most girls quoted $150-250, but I wasn't looking for the VIP treatment so I don't know how flexible that is.
Dance Setup (6.5/10) - The booths are lined up along a hallway upstairs and are deep enough that no one can see in unless they're walking by. The setup isn't perfect, but it's as good as you're going to get in Providence without dropping $25-50 for a private booth.
Club Setup (4.5/10) - There are high tables around the stage and some regular tables near the bar, and everyone has a solid view of the action. There aren't a ton of seats though, so it can get overcrowded when it's busy.
Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) - It doesn't seem possible that a club that has VIP rooms like these could be stuffy, but somehow this place found a way. Valet parking in Vegas might be classy, but for a club in an industrial part of Providence that shares a parking lot with an adult bookstore, it's just forced and ridiculous. The club does have a surprisingly clean and safe feel to it though, and I'm perfectly comfortable spending an evening there.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) - The area around the club is dead, but it's not far from I-95, isn't far from a few other clubs and is an easy cab ride from downtown Providence.
Overall - The Cadillac Lounge can be inconsistent, but it's a very good club if you find it at the right time. It's one of the best clubs in Providence and is probably one of the top five clubs in New England.
TOTAL SCORE = 57.5
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Cheaters (Providence, RI)
Quality of dances (15/20) – The actual dances here aren't that great, but if you're looking for more than that, you'll find it. Actually, you don't even have to look. You'll be fighting off girls who are offering blow jobs and more from the second you walk in the door.
Quality of dancers (2/10) – In the afternoons, there are at least a few gems sprinkled in amongst the beasts. In the evenings, not so much.
Number of dancers (6/10) – There isn't a whole lot of quality to choose from, but there are somewhere around 20 girls working most of the time.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (4.5/5) – They come in all colors, shapes, and sizes at Cheaters.
Attitude of Dancers (0/10) – Every girl claims that the dances cost a different amount. They'll purposely miscount the number of songs that have played. They'll try to get you to prepay for dances. They'll leave in the middle of a song if they get called to the stage, and they'll still expect you to pay the full amount ("I'll just finish the dance at the stage"). And if you turn down their offers for extras, they'll insult you and say that you're a cheap bastard. And don't think that getting a dance will get them to stop with the sales pitch; they'll just try to get you to pay more to go to the nude room or to a private booth.
Value (2/10) - The $5 cover and $5 cans of beer are both reasonable, but all the crazy fees add up to make dances a very poor value. They no longer offer lap dances on the topless side of the club, so you're going to have to pay the $10 fee to get into the nude side before you can get any dances. Then you'll have to buy a $10 ticket every time that you want to get a dance, so you're $20 in the hole before you even start negotiating with the girl about her fee. I was quoted anywhere from $20 to $50 per song, on top of the other charges. The songs are long, but you need to make them count as they go, because they'll overcharge you otherwise. If you're looking for more than dances, though, the price is much more reasonable. It's still $10 to get to the nude side plus $35 for the booth and whatever you negotiate with the girl for pretty much whatever you want to do. $100 seems to be pretty standard, though the few attractive ladies may ask for more than that.
Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in a big open room that is visible to people in the nude part of the club. There are doors on the private dance booths, but I'm never in the mood to burn my clothes, so I still haven't personally checked the booths out.
Club Setup (2/10) - There's not much of anywhere to sit other than at the stage, where you'd have to tip one of the uglier women you've ever seen, or at the bar, where you'll be harassed until you get a dance or leave. There is a little more space upstairs, but there isn't usually much going on up there except some scary looking dudes playing pool.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - This place has all the charm of a dark alley, which, coincidentally, is where most of the girls probably work when they aren't at the club.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Cheaters isn't downtown, but it's just a short cab ride away.
Overall - Cheaters barely qualifies as a strip club, but if I have to rate it as one, I'd say it sucks. On the other hand, if you like streetwalkers but don't have the patience to drive around looking for them, you'll love this place.
TOTAL SCORE = 37
Quality of dancers (2/10) – In the afternoons, there are at least a few gems sprinkled in amongst the beasts. In the evenings, not so much.
Number of dancers (6/10) – There isn't a whole lot of quality to choose from, but there are somewhere around 20 girls working most of the time.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (4.5/5) – They come in all colors, shapes, and sizes at Cheaters.
Attitude of Dancers (0/10) – Every girl claims that the dances cost a different amount. They'll purposely miscount the number of songs that have played. They'll try to get you to prepay for dances. They'll leave in the middle of a song if they get called to the stage, and they'll still expect you to pay the full amount ("I'll just finish the dance at the stage"). And if you turn down their offers for extras, they'll insult you and say that you're a cheap bastard. And don't think that getting a dance will get them to stop with the sales pitch; they'll just try to get you to pay more to go to the nude room or to a private booth.
Value (2/10) - The $5 cover and $5 cans of beer are both reasonable, but all the crazy fees add up to make dances a very poor value. They no longer offer lap dances on the topless side of the club, so you're going to have to pay the $10 fee to get into the nude side before you can get any dances. Then you'll have to buy a $10 ticket every time that you want to get a dance, so you're $20 in the hole before you even start negotiating with the girl about her fee. I was quoted anywhere from $20 to $50 per song, on top of the other charges. The songs are long, but you need to make them count as they go, because they'll overcharge you otherwise. If you're looking for more than dances, though, the price is much more reasonable. It's still $10 to get to the nude side plus $35 for the booth and whatever you negotiate with the girl for pretty much whatever you want to do. $100 seems to be pretty standard, though the few attractive ladies may ask for more than that.
Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in a big open room that is visible to people in the nude part of the club. There are doors on the private dance booths, but I'm never in the mood to burn my clothes, so I still haven't personally checked the booths out.
Club Setup (2/10) - There's not much of anywhere to sit other than at the stage, where you'd have to tip one of the uglier women you've ever seen, or at the bar, where you'll be harassed until you get a dance or leave. There is a little more space upstairs, but there isn't usually much going on up there except some scary looking dudes playing pool.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - This place has all the charm of a dark alley, which, coincidentally, is where most of the girls probably work when they aren't at the club.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Cheaters isn't downtown, but it's just a short cab ride away.
Overall - Cheaters barely qualifies as a strip club, but if I have to rate it as one, I'd say it sucks. On the other hand, if you like streetwalkers but don't have the patience to drive around looking for them, you'll love this place.
TOTAL SCORE = 37
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Keystone Cafe (Bridgeport, CT)
The Keystone Cafe (also known as Shaker's) was the temporary home to many of the Pleasant Moments girls for much of 2011, but now that Pleasant Moments is open again, the Keystone Cafe has gone downhill drastically.
Quality of Dances (15/20) - You'll get full two-way contact and plenty of grinding during these lapdances, but if you're looking for more than a dance, it's no longer available since they've shut down the private rooms. Several girls initiated discussions about meeting outside the club for a relatively small fee and I wouldn't be surprised if they reopen the private rooms eventually, but I won't be re-visiting this club any time soon to find out. The bottom line is that, even though the dances are decent, the girls are so unattractive that you shouldn't bother with them whether or not you can find girls who are willing to do more than that.
Quality of Dancers (0/10) – I don't think I've ever given a club a goose egg for dancer quality, but when I'm wishing that the girls were giving airdances just because I'd rather that they not touch me, that's a bad sign. I haven't seen a single girl that I'd rate above a 3 since Pleasant Moments reopened.
Number of Dancers (1.5/10) – Even without many customers, it's unacceptable to only have one dancer working, as they did during one of my recent visits. And when they do have more dancers, it still doesn't help matters too much since none of them are attractive.
Variety of Dancers (1/5) – The was a decent mix of black and Latina dancers here when Pleasant Moments was temporarily closed, but most of the Latinas have migrated back there now that it's reopened, so this is almost exclusively a black club now. When it's done right (as it is in Atlanta), I love black clubs, but this one certainly isn't done right.
Attitudes (4/10) – A lot of these ladies are desperate, so they'll act really friendly for a while, but they don't take "no" for an answer once they start the sales pitch. I've ended up feeling bad for them and buying pity dances, but you'd be better off avoiding the situation altogether by not coming to the Keystone Cafe.
Value (8.5/10) – There's no cover, bottles of Heineken are only $2.75 and dances are a solid value at $20 each. There's usually no stage show, but I can overlook that since beers are no more expensive than they'd be at a regular bar.
Club Setup (1/10) – This place is a dump. The bar takes up most of the main room, leaving little room for a stage in the back. There’s a much larger stage is a spacious second room that I assume is used when they’re busy, but I've never seen anyone over there.
Dance Setup (5.5/10) – The barely converted bathroom that was being used as a private lap dance room is no longer in use, so you now get lap dances in a small curtained off area in a brightly lit corner of the club. There are two chairs and a couch in there, so you'll have no privacy if there's more than one person getting dances at a time, but that usually won't be the case. so you should be alone.
Atmosphere (0/10) – If the girls don’t feed the jukebox, the music doesn’t play, so you might end up awkwardly sitting around watching whatever weird TV show the bouncer feels like putting on. It actually doesn’t seem too dangerous by Bridgeport standards, but you'll probably get some suspicious looks from the regulars upon arrival and I can’t imagine ever wanting to hang out here, especially late at night.
Location (0.5/5) – The Keystone Cafe is in downtown Bridgeport, but you’re on full display to a busy street when you walk in the door and I was less than confident that my car would be waiting for me when I left.
Overall – The Keystone Cafe aka Shaker’s is a shitty club that you shouldn’t even consider visiting. While their private room was open and Pleasant Moments was closed, it was maybe worth a considering if you were looking discounted brothel services in a strip club setting, but it's not even an option for that anymore. I can't imagine that this place will stay in business for long because they really have nothing to offer at this point.
RAW SCORE = 37
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Oasis Gentlemen's Club (Smithtown, NY)
Quality of dances (8.5/20) – Dances are unremarkable. One-way contact with a relatively skilled grind. Customer-to-dancer contact isn’t actively encouraged, but it’s not totally shut down either. I was dead sober during my dance and thus didn’t really test anyone’s boundaries; I strongly suspect the line is drawn shy of full upper hemisphere contact.
Quality of dancers (7/10) – Given that Oasis looks like a recluse’s murder shed from the outside, I was shocked by the quality of dancers, notwithstanding the fact that the hoochie factor was disappointingly low, much like it was at Café Royale in Farmingdale. Almost without exception (one dancer was well past her prime), these women were beautiful. Knockouts? No, but pretty nonetheless. I think you’ll be plenty satisfied.
Oh, I almost forgot. This is a pastie club. They’ve managed to minimize the impact by placing the tiniest possible covers on their nipples, but they still obscure one of the most beautiful parts of a woman’s body. For that, I’m docking them half a point on dancer quality.
Number of dancers (6.5/10) – Oasis has one of the highest dancer to club size ratios I’ve ever seen. At least a dozen women were working the Friday after Thanksgiving in a shoe-box sized club (see more about this below). In absolute terms, though, the number of dancers isn’t particularly impressive, so the club can only score so high here.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (4/5) – Once you’ve spent some time in New York strip clubs, you start to assume that any new club you visit will be largely populated by the standard mix of women from former Soviet republics. That’s really par for the course. But kudos to Oasis for bucking this trend. The two Belarusians working that night were the exception and not the rule. Looking across the floor, there were two black women, an Asian, and a crop of white girls of varying shapes and sizes. Throw me a couple of Latinas next time and this score is going straight to 5.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – Most of the dancers were tied up with their regulars when I was there, so I only got to interact with a few, all of whom were pleasant and fun. Based on my people watching, it looked like most of the occupied customers were having a good time, so I feel confident that attitudes are strong across the board. This also makes sense given the club’s small size. You can’t afford to be an asshole when you’re gonna have to walk by the customer you just alienated like 20 more times that night.
Quick note: The bouncers at this place were great. Total class acts, really nice guys. I was impressed.
Value (4.5/10) – There’s never a cover, which is awesome, but at $7, Bud Lights (no Miller Lite; shame on them) are at least $2 too expensive. Dances are $30, but your average dance cost should always be less than that. I was too dumb to take advantage of this, but it’s apparently buy two dances and get a third free. And if I’m remembering correctly, you can get 15 minutes worth of VIP dances (no different than regular dances, from what I can tell) for $100 or 30 minutes for $175. What’s really sweet is that if you purchase 15 minutes in the VIP, you get unlimited free drinks during that time. I can’t wait for my next visit when I’m not the designated driver and can go to town on that deal.
Value (4.5/10) – There’s never a cover, which is awesome, but at $7, Bud Lights (no Miller Lite; shame on them) are at least $2 too expensive. Dances are $30, but your average dance cost should always be less than that. I was too dumb to take advantage of this, but it’s apparently buy two dances and get a third free. And if I’m remembering correctly, you can get 15 minutes worth of VIP dances (no different than regular dances, from what I can tell) for $100 or 30 minutes for $175. What’s really sweet is that if you purchase 15 minutes in the VIP, you get unlimited free drinks during that time. I can’t wait for my next visit when I’m not the designated driver and can go to town on that deal.
Dance Setup (3/10) – Dances occur in one of two areas: the dance room or the VIP area. From what I can tell, there’s no difference between the two, expect for their location. Both are curtained/walled off parts of the club that contain a few small leather loveseats. So far, so good, except that there are no dividers between the loveseats, which readers of this blog will recognize as totally unacceptable. The privacy of a walled-off room is an illusion if some goober can sit close enough to me that I could reach over and give him a happy ending. At least it’s dark in the rooms, and the VIP doesn’t have a bouncer sitting outside watching your every move.
Club Setup (3/10) – This club is small. And when I say small, I mean really, really, really small. Of the nearly 200 clubs I’ve visited, there are maybe two that are tinier. That said, they do a nice job with the space they have. When you walk in, the stage is directly in front of you against the right wall. It’s maybe 15 feet long with a single ~7 foot pole. The VIP room is to the right and the dance room and one-person bathroom (which I’m still undecided about) are to the left. On the far side, running the length of the back wall, sits the bar. The rest of the space is filled by maybe eight low-tops and two or three high-tops. All told, the space is used as efficiently as it can be without making the floor impossible to navigate. Be that as it may, the setup still leaves much to be desired.
Club Atmosphere (6/10) – I like the vibe here. In a culture where musical tastes range from headache-producing to suicide-inducing, Oasis somehow filters all of the garbage and comes out with a strong playlist. I’d dim the lighting slightly and take down some of the kitschier accessories, but those are small improvements. The big problem here is that it’s impossible to get lost in the crowd and just mind your business. If you go there, you’re going to be seen. And watched. By pretty much everyone. So be prepared.
Club Accessibility (1/5) – Oasis is right on Route 25, directly across the street from an anatomically correct statue of Whisper, the bull Richard Smith was said to have ridden when establishing the town’s boundaries in the 1600’s. If you live in Smithtown, that’s a highly accessible location. If you don’t, you’re shit out of luck. I’m certain that most of you fall into the latter category.
Overall – I’ve got a few close friends who grew up in Smithtown, and they say that this club has been the subject of local lore for most of their lives, particularly amongst the high school students, most of whom had to pass right by it on the way to school every day. Most of them have never been inside, expecting it to be the shadiest place they could imagine. I’m happy to report that their expectations are wrong. I wouldn’t go out of my way to stop by Oasis, but if I ever find myself in Smithtown again, I’ll definitely swing in for a beer.
TOTAL SCORE = 49.5
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Centerfolds (Berlin, CT)
Quality of Dances (14/20) – There's some variation from girl to girl, but you'll almost always get at least a solid grind and some skilled knee action, and most of the girls allow varying degrees of 2-way contact. Several of the girls will position their boobs on your face and it isn't uncommon for them to encourage you to take a handfull. Some of the girls give some over-the-pants hand action, and though extras are not available, there are girls who will gladly do everything in their power to leave the customer feeling satisfied.
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The girls here are fairly attractive overall. I've seen a few older ladies once or twice each, but the regular dancers are almost all in their 20's or early 30's and look good. The majority of ladies are all natural and even most of the enhanced ladies have fairly convincing boob jobs.
Number of Dancers (4/10) – I've found a solid dancer-to-customer ratio during off-peak hours, but that's been more due to a lack of customers than it has been due to an abundance of dancers. The ratio goes down when it gets busier, but there are still usually plenty of ladies to prevent anyone from waiting too long for some attention. And even when they have plenty of girls working, they almost always only have one girl working the stage at a time.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – Centerfolds has mostly white dancers with a fair number of Puerto Ricans and Brazilians and the occasional Asian mixed in. There are unfortunately almost never any black ladies, but there's enough other variety to prevent that from being too big of a problem.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – The girls here are very friendly and good to talk to, and they all seem to be genuinely grateful for tips. Some of the girls can get a little clingy if you visit often (especially one of the Russians), but my biggest complaint is that a lot of the girls focus on the regulars at the expense of visitors. Still, that isn't usually a major problem unless they're busy.
Value (6/10) – The $5-8 cover and $5.25 bottled beers are about average, and the topless stage action is adequate, though nothing special. Lap dances are the standard $20, but at least here they're good enough that you feel like you're getting something for your money. Even when the girls make real efforts to get the job done, I haven't found any of them requesting any extra cash.
Dance Setup (0.5/10) – Dances are given in a bright area in the back of the club where several fairly uncomfortable chairs are lined up next to each other. There are no dividers between most of the chairs and people could see you from the stage, but you're at least somewhat obscured from the bar and the bouncers rarely check up on you. The two slightly better seats in the back right corner go quickly, so you may want to wait until one is available before requesting a dance.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – This is a fairly nice club with a large bar and a fairly large stage, but it's way too bright and there aren't any tables to sit at. There's a second stage between the bar and the dance area, but it's never in use, even when the club is packed.
Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – Centerfolds is a decent place to hang out for a while and have a few beers, and the fact that most of the bartendresses look and dress like dancers doesn't hurt the situation at all. Having tables would make it much better for groups, but it's still easy to have a good time here.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – Centerfolds is along a fairly empty stretch of the Berlin Turnpike south of New Britain. It about halfway between Hartford and New Haven, so you don't have any choice but to drive to get here. My biggest problem with the location is that there's really no discreet way to get inside the club. You can park your car behind the building, but you'll have to walk in the well lit entrance that's in clear view of anyone who happens to be driving by on the Berlin Turnpike.
Overall - Centerfolds isn't great at anything, but it's an all-around solid club that's near the top of my Connecticut rotation. The only other club within 20 minutes of here that's worth considering is the Key Club in New Haven, but I definitely like Centerfolds more. The dances are comparable, but the girls are hotter here and the overall vibe is a lot better.
TOTAL SCORE = 53
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The girls here are fairly attractive overall. I've seen a few older ladies once or twice each, but the regular dancers are almost all in their 20's or early 30's and look good. The majority of ladies are all natural and even most of the enhanced ladies have fairly convincing boob jobs.
Number of Dancers (4/10) – I've found a solid dancer-to-customer ratio during off-peak hours, but that's been more due to a lack of customers than it has been due to an abundance of dancers. The ratio goes down when it gets busier, but there are still usually plenty of ladies to prevent anyone from waiting too long for some attention. And even when they have plenty of girls working, they almost always only have one girl working the stage at a time.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – Centerfolds has mostly white dancers with a fair number of Puerto Ricans and Brazilians and the occasional Asian mixed in. There are unfortunately almost never any black ladies, but there's enough other variety to prevent that from being too big of a problem.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – The girls here are very friendly and good to talk to, and they all seem to be genuinely grateful for tips. Some of the girls can get a little clingy if you visit often (especially one of the Russians), but my biggest complaint is that a lot of the girls focus on the regulars at the expense of visitors. Still, that isn't usually a major problem unless they're busy.
Value (6/10) – The $5-8 cover and $5.25 bottled beers are about average, and the topless stage action is adequate, though nothing special. Lap dances are the standard $20, but at least here they're good enough that you feel like you're getting something for your money. Even when the girls make real efforts to get the job done, I haven't found any of them requesting any extra cash.
Dance Setup (0.5/10) – Dances are given in a bright area in the back of the club where several fairly uncomfortable chairs are lined up next to each other. There are no dividers between most of the chairs and people could see you from the stage, but you're at least somewhat obscured from the bar and the bouncers rarely check up on you. The two slightly better seats in the back right corner go quickly, so you may want to wait until one is available before requesting a dance.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – This is a fairly nice club with a large bar and a fairly large stage, but it's way too bright and there aren't any tables to sit at. There's a second stage between the bar and the dance area, but it's never in use, even when the club is packed.
Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – Centerfolds is a decent place to hang out for a while and have a few beers, and the fact that most of the bartendresses look and dress like dancers doesn't hurt the situation at all. Having tables would make it much better for groups, but it's still easy to have a good time here.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – Centerfolds is along a fairly empty stretch of the Berlin Turnpike south of New Britain. It about halfway between Hartford and New Haven, so you don't have any choice but to drive to get here. My biggest problem with the location is that there's really no discreet way to get inside the club. You can park your car behind the building, but you'll have to walk in the well lit entrance that's in clear view of anyone who happens to be driving by on the Berlin Turnpike.
Overall - Centerfolds isn't great at anything, but it's an all-around solid club that's near the top of my Connecticut rotation. The only other club within 20 minutes of here that's worth considering is the Key Club in New Haven, but I definitely like Centerfolds more. The dances are comparable, but the girls are hotter here and the overall vibe is a lot better.
TOTAL SCORE = 53
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Harry O's (Stamford, CT)
Quality of Dances (19/20) – The dances at Harry O's are among the best that I've ever received. I was careful to tell every approaching lady that I just wanted a regular dance because there's no surer way for a relatively young white guy to draw suspicion at an urban club than to wait for a girl to offer extra services before shooting her down, but I got the feeling that my sense of decency was the only thing holding the action in check. I especially appreciate that most of these ladies have the skill and put in the effort to make things fun even if you're opting for less than the full range of services. My favorite thing about these dances, though, is the way that the ladies deal with the partial song that's playing before your song starts. You stand with your back to a wall outside of the lap dance area and the dancer backs up in front of you, then alternates between a standing grind and some over the pants hand action to get your full attention before the real dance starts
Quality of Dancers (3.5/10) – It's rare to find a club with more variable dancer quality than at Harry O's. During my first visit (afternoon), most of the crew was made up of bronze skinned beauties. During my second visit (night), it was mostly overweight streetwalker types. During my third visit, it started with a decent mix, but the percentage of nasties went up as the night went on. Most of the girls make their money then leave, so the earlier the better if you're hoping to find a girl that anyone else would want to spend money on.
Number of Dancers (4/10) – They've averaged about a half dozen dancers during my visits, with a little more than that in the afternoon and a little less at night. The ratio isn't always great because the place can get packed with customers, but most of them aren't spending money, so it can be easy to get a girl's attention by tipping a few bucks at the stage. And when I say "a few," I mean a very few. For five bucks, you can be a god.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Despite the name and the clover on the wall, Harry O's is not an Irish establishment. They've got Latinas and black girls and more than enough size variation for most men's tastes, but you're shit out of out of luck if you're looking for white meat.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – The pre-dance fluffing is enough to win me over, but even discounting that, these ladies are exceptionally friendly. I don't know how they put up with guys randomly smacking their asses as they walk by without losing their cool, but somehow they do it. My only real complaint is that the constant questions about whether I'm a cop can get old, but the fact that they're asking means that they're up for a party, so I won't complain to much.
Value (3.5/10) – $2.50 happy hour domestics are solid, but $6 beers the rest of the time and $25 dances are steep for a dive like this. The stage value is solid, though, with girls putting on a nice show and being particularly appreciative if you don't think that your buck entitles you to slip in a finger.
Dance Setup (0.5/10) – This isn't the worst dance setup that I've seen, but it's by far the worst that I've seen in a place where the girls give "dances" like this. There're just four shitty chairs facing each other in a small, brightly lit room where you can't help but see what everyone else is up to. The people in the main room can't see you, but there's a mirror positioned so that the bouncer can keep an eye on things. You'd have to be completely shameless to try to go beyond a regular dance, but from what I've caught in my peripheral vision, there's no shortage of shameless guys in this place.
Club Setup (1/10) – Harry O's is a shithole. It smells bad, it's falling apart, and I'm dry heaving just thinking about the red mystery substance that was all over the toilet seat during one of my visits. Why did I even go into the bathroom stall in a place like this you ask? Well, I was going to the urinal, but there's no stall here - just a shitter and a urinal in a room that can't be locked.
As for the rest of the place, it's a small club with a long bar, a pool table in the back and a medium sized horseshoe shaped stage in the main area. The bar fills up quickly and you'll probably think the stage seats are filled when you see guys standing three deep at the front of the stage, but they're just cheap bastards who avoid tipping by not going directly to the rail. So, as long as you're willing to drop a buck or two per song, a seat should always be waiting for you.
Club Atmosphere (0.5/10) – If you're ever found yourself sitting at King Arthur's in Chelsea thinking, this place is a little too upscale for my tastes," then Harry O's is the joint for you. The crowd is rough and you'll draw lots of unwanted attention if English is your first language, but here's all that you really need to know: I was checked for a wire. I'm not talking about a I-think-they-were-feeling-for-a-wire-during-that-pat-down situation either. I'm talking about after the pat down when the bouncer made me lift my shirt and spin around. So, yeah. Shadiest. Club. Ever.
Club Accessibility (0/5) – It isn't far from downtown Stamford, but I have to give them a goose egg based on the parking situation. You're going to want to park in their lot since this isn't a great neighborhood, but the lot is comically undersized, so cars park 3 or 4 deep. That means that every five minutes or so, the bouncer announces something like, "black Nissan, ya gotta move. Black Nissan, ya gotta move!" So if you're in the back, you'll have to go out to the lot to let other people leave, and if you're in the front, you'll have to rely on other people to let you out.
Overall – If you're willing to risk the possibility that there won't be an attractive lady in the house and you value quality lap dances more than you value your safety, give it a chance for a daytime visit. If not, Harry O's isn't the place for you.
RAW SCORE = 39.5
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Ruby's II (Bridgeport, CT)
Quality of Dances (13/20) - The dances are nude and the girls make decent contact with you and most of them are fine with varying degrees of 2 way contact. There are big signs all over the club saying "No physical contact with the dancers," so you probably shouldn't assume that it's okay to grab a handful of titty, but I haven't found a girl here who seemed to mind when my hands slowly moved in that general direction. Some of these girls indicate that they'll get the job done if you stick around for several songs, but I've never gotten a dance from a girl hot enough to tempt me to take them up on those offers.
Quality of Dancers (4.5/10) - A lot of these ladies are on the older side, and you really won't find many stunning dancers here, but the majority of white girls are fairly attractive in a girl-next-door sort of way. Many of the Latinas are a little more sloppy, but they're still Latinas, so you know I won't complain too much.
Number of Dancers (4/10) - There are a decent number of girls here during peak hours on peak days, but any time other than that and it can be a little sparse. By closing time on weekends, it's really thinned out. I can understand that at clubs that close at 3 am, but there's really no excuse for girls to leave early when the club closes at 1. And early in the week, it's pretty bad regardless of what time you go.
Variety/Diversity of dDancers (3/5) - You'll find plenty of white girls and Brazilians, but there's a surprising lack of black dancers given the location.
Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) - The girls should be more interested in getting people to get dances, but they were all friendly once I got their attention and I've never seen women look so appreciative for even small tips. You're pretty much guaranteed to get a face full of tits if you sit at the stage, and one time when I put a single on the stage and walked away, you'd have thought Nelly had just slid his credit card through the girl's ass.
Value (6/10) - $5 cover and $20 dances seem to be slightly less than at most clubs in the area, and it's BYOB with a small fee for them to hold onto your drinks. If you're just passing through town, and I hope for your sake that you are, BYOB doesn't really help that much. The signs say there's a 3 drink minimum, but that doesn't seem to be strictly enforced.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) - There are booths, but they're made of lattice fencing, so they're basically useless. Anyone who is in this part of the club can see right in.
Club Setup (3.5/10) - There's a large bar in one section, a fairly small stage in the next section, and a few pool tables near the far wall. Even though they need more seats in the stage section of the club, this place seems like it could have been pretty decent at some point. Unfortunately, it's pretty run down now.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - Ruby's is definitely more bar than gentleman's club, which is a problem since they don't serve alcohol. And the Hell's Angels at the bar, the tough guys standing by the pool tables, the country music, and the signs saying "If you're not drinking, you're loitering" don't really add to the atmosphere.
Club Accessibility (1/5) - I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay in this area for long, but it is easily accessible from I-95. The neighborhood isn't great, but it's not terrible and they have a private parking lot where your car should be safe.
Overall - I've been told that you can have a lot of fun with a few of the girls here, and there are plenty of people who really like this place - I'm just not one of them. It might be a decent option if you're looking for a Bridgeport club that's a compromise between the places with really tame lap dances (Scruples) and the places that are ridiculously shady (Bishop's Corner), but a club really has to blow me away to make up for a lack of alcohol, and Ruby's II doesn't.
TOTAL SCORE = 46
Quality of Dancers (4.5/10) - A lot of these ladies are on the older side, and you really won't find many stunning dancers here, but the majority of white girls are fairly attractive in a girl-next-door sort of way. Many of the Latinas are a little more sloppy, but they're still Latinas, so you know I won't complain too much.
Number of Dancers (4/10) - There are a decent number of girls here during peak hours on peak days, but any time other than that and it can be a little sparse. By closing time on weekends, it's really thinned out. I can understand that at clubs that close at 3 am, but there's really no excuse for girls to leave early when the club closes at 1. And early in the week, it's pretty bad regardless of what time you go.
Variety/Diversity of dDancers (3/5) - You'll find plenty of white girls and Brazilians, but there's a surprising lack of black dancers given the location.
Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) - The girls should be more interested in getting people to get dances, but they were all friendly once I got their attention and I've never seen women look so appreciative for even small tips. You're pretty much guaranteed to get a face full of tits if you sit at the stage, and one time when I put a single on the stage and walked away, you'd have thought Nelly had just slid his credit card through the girl's ass.
Value (6/10) - $5 cover and $20 dances seem to be slightly less than at most clubs in the area, and it's BYOB with a small fee for them to hold onto your drinks. If you're just passing through town, and I hope for your sake that you are, BYOB doesn't really help that much. The signs say there's a 3 drink minimum, but that doesn't seem to be strictly enforced.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) - There are booths, but they're made of lattice fencing, so they're basically useless. Anyone who is in this part of the club can see right in.
Club Setup (3.5/10) - There's a large bar in one section, a fairly small stage in the next section, and a few pool tables near the far wall. Even though they need more seats in the stage section of the club, this place seems like it could have been pretty decent at some point. Unfortunately, it's pretty run down now.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - Ruby's is definitely more bar than gentleman's club, which is a problem since they don't serve alcohol. And the Hell's Angels at the bar, the tough guys standing by the pool tables, the country music, and the signs saying "If you're not drinking, you're loitering" don't really add to the atmosphere.
Club Accessibility (1/5) - I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay in this area for long, but it is easily accessible from I-95. The neighborhood isn't great, but it's not terrible and they have a private parking lot where your car should be safe.
Overall - I've been told that you can have a lot of fun with a few of the girls here, and there are plenty of people who really like this place - I'm just not one of them. It might be a decent option if you're looking for a Bridgeport club that's a compromise between the places with really tame lap dances (Scruples) and the places that are ridiculously shady (Bishop's Corner), but a club really has to blow me away to make up for a lack of alcohol, and Ruby's II doesn't.
TOTAL SCORE = 46
Sunday, April 24, 2011
George's (Bridgeport, CT)
Quality of Dances (0/20) – If you're going to risk your life to visit a dangerous club in the middle of the ghetto on Iranistan Avenue, that club better have some amazing lapdances. Not only does George's not have amazing lapdances - they have no lapdances. Based on that alone, you should never go here. I'll keep writing in case you're curious, but there's really no point to the rest of this. Don't go to George's!
Quality of Dancers (2/10) – The only girl that I saw here on my lone visit could have been a model in the Latina version of a Lane Bryant catalogue. She had a hot face and would be absolutely blazing if she lost 60 pounds, but as is, she won't really do it for most guys. I like a little something to grab onto during a lap dance, but again, there are no dances, so it's all about the looks here. And 60 extra pounds don't look good.
Number of Dancers (1/10) – The lady who was working when I visited George's only spent a very small fraction of the time dancing. For the most part, she just sat and chatted with a single customer. In fairness to the club, there's no way in hell that I was going to this place at night, so I was there during the day shift, but one girl is not acceptable if a club is open for business.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0/5) – With only one girl working, obviously there was no diversity, and something tells me that all of the dancers would have been Latina or black and fairly large anyway. That "something" is experience with Bridgeport clubs. You're just not going to find many girl next door types in the Bridgeport dive clubs unless you live next door to a weight loss clinic in the ghetto.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – This isn't a terribly useful rating since it's only based on one girl, but like I said above, you shouldn't even be reading this far. In case you are, the girl that was working was reasonably friendly and very apologetic/confused about the lack of dances.
Value (6/10) – There's no cover, so the 2 drink minimum with $4.50 beers is reasonable. If you're lucky enough to see a girl on stage, the action is adequate, but I wouldn't count on getting to witness that unless you're willing to hang out for a while.
Dance Setup (0/10) – No dances equals no dance setup.
Club Setup (1/10) – George's has 2 pool tables, paint peeling off the walls, a cigarette machine (who knew they even still make those?), a large bar that takes up most of the club and a shitty narrow stage along the right side wall. Basically, this place is a dump. And if the main room isn't bad enough for you, the terrible bathroom has a urinal located exactly where a civilized person would stand to wash their hands. Luckily, I doubt that George's gets many of those types stopping by.
Club Atmosphere (0/10) – They have a sign on the wall that reads, "What you see, what you hear, when you leave, leave it here," which is really just a slightly more elegantly worded version of "Stop Snitchin'". So that should tell you all that you really need to know about the atmosphere. You'll never really feel safe in here, and based on the cameras pointing outward, your car won't be either. The one positive is that they have good mariache music playing most of the time (seriously, this wasn't the Reggaeton that you hear in clubs; it was the Mariachi music that you hear in a good mexican restaurant), but when the girl came out on stage, it inexplicably changed to the Bee Gee's.
Club Accessibility (0.5/5) – There's parking across the street, but this is a bad neighborhood that I would advise you to stay away from.
Overall – George's is not worth a visit under any circumstances. Risking your life for a good club is questionable, but risking it for this dump is just begging to become a Darwin Award winner.
TOTAL SCORE = 16.5
Quality of Dancers (2/10) – The only girl that I saw here on my lone visit could have been a model in the Latina version of a Lane Bryant catalogue. She had a hot face and would be absolutely blazing if she lost 60 pounds, but as is, she won't really do it for most guys. I like a little something to grab onto during a lap dance, but again, there are no dances, so it's all about the looks here. And 60 extra pounds don't look good.
Number of Dancers (1/10) – The lady who was working when I visited George's only spent a very small fraction of the time dancing. For the most part, she just sat and chatted with a single customer. In fairness to the club, there's no way in hell that I was going to this place at night, so I was there during the day shift, but one girl is not acceptable if a club is open for business.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0/5) – With only one girl working, obviously there was no diversity, and something tells me that all of the dancers would have been Latina or black and fairly large anyway. That "something" is experience with Bridgeport clubs. You're just not going to find many girl next door types in the Bridgeport dive clubs unless you live next door to a weight loss clinic in the ghetto.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – This isn't a terribly useful rating since it's only based on one girl, but like I said above, you shouldn't even be reading this far. In case you are, the girl that was working was reasonably friendly and very apologetic/confused about the lack of dances.
Value (6/10) – There's no cover, so the 2 drink minimum with $4.50 beers is reasonable. If you're lucky enough to see a girl on stage, the action is adequate, but I wouldn't count on getting to witness that unless you're willing to hang out for a while.
Dance Setup (0/10) – No dances equals no dance setup.
Club Setup (1/10) – George's has 2 pool tables, paint peeling off the walls, a cigarette machine (who knew they even still make those?), a large bar that takes up most of the club and a shitty narrow stage along the right side wall. Basically, this place is a dump. And if the main room isn't bad enough for you, the terrible bathroom has a urinal located exactly where a civilized person would stand to wash their hands. Luckily, I doubt that George's gets many of those types stopping by.
Club Atmosphere (0/10) – They have a sign on the wall that reads, "What you see, what you hear, when you leave, leave it here," which is really just a slightly more elegantly worded version of "Stop Snitchin'". So that should tell you all that you really need to know about the atmosphere. You'll never really feel safe in here, and based on the cameras pointing outward, your car won't be either. The one positive is that they have good mariache music playing most of the time (seriously, this wasn't the Reggaeton that you hear in clubs; it was the Mariachi music that you hear in a good mexican restaurant), but when the girl came out on stage, it inexplicably changed to the Bee Gee's.
Club Accessibility (0.5/5) – There's parking across the street, but this is a bad neighborhood that I would advise you to stay away from.
Overall – George's is not worth a visit under any circumstances. Risking your life for a good club is questionable, but risking it for this dump is just begging to become a Darwin Award winner.
TOTAL SCORE = 16.5
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Bishop's Corner (Bridgeport, CT)
Quality of dances (17/20) – You should be pleased by the dances at Bishop's Corner as long as you're more brave than you are choosy. The dances that I've gotten here have been very enjoyable, with all the ladies really giving it their all. The ladies all seemed fine with me doing some tit groping, and I'm fairly certain that I'd have gotten away with some crotch grabbing too if I'd wanted to. My sense of decency was really the only limiting factor on the contact, and one girl was completely shocked that I just wanted a dance rather than a "dance." She didn't think I was serious at first, but once she realized that I was, here's the conversation that we had:
Dancer: "So you no want a blow job or anything?"
Me: "No thanks. I don't pay for sex."
Dancer: "Then why you come to Bishop's Corner?"
...And that pretty much sums up the type of place that this is.
Disclaimer: As far as I know, it was just the individual girls that I talked to who offer extras. I'm sure there are some girls here who don't, and I didn't see any signs that management condones those activities.
Quality of dancers (1/10) – Club 418 in Springfield used to advertise that they had the biggest girls in New England, but this place could have given them a run for their money. I'm not talking about girls who haven't shed their baby fat or girls who are pleasantly plump - most of these girls are just obese. During my second visit, there was one legitimately hot dancer working, but one hot dancer in two visits just doesn't cut it.
Number of Dancers (3/10) – There were a decent number of girls working when I stopped by on a Friday night, but there were almost too many guys to even fit in the place, so the ratio was terrible. On a Sunday afternoon, there were only 3 girls working, but that was plenty for the limited number of customers. And in my defense, I don't usually visit clubs on Sunday afternoon, but I had to make an exception for this place. I was too freaked out by the "someone's about to start shooting people" atmosphere on a Friday night to stay for a dance, but I wanted to complete this review and thought that Sunday afternoon would be the only time safe enough for me to risk it.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – Every girl that I saw was either black or Latina (not that I mind that), and almost every one of them was oversized (yeah, I do mind that).
Attitude of dancers (4/10) – These girls can't get by on their looks, but thankfully, most of them seem to have fairly good personalities. It was too loud and crowded for anyone to have much extended interaction with the dancers on a Friday evening, but that's not the fault of the dancers. My only real complaint is that the girl that I mentioned above spent two entire songs trying to convince me to get a bj, and didn't seem too happy that I was shooting her down. Not that I'm such a stud that girls just beg to blow me (well that too), but I think she started to suspect that I might be a cop and figured her only hope of not getting arrested was to convince me to go through with it.
Value (5.5/10) – There's no cover, dances are $20, and beers are $4 each. Everything here is a decent value, but it doesn't have the bargain basement type prices that I would have expected from such a dump. I was quoted $80 for other services, but I didn't try to negotiate that and I'm sure it varies from girl to girl among those who do that stuff.
Dance Setup (7.5/10) – The dance area is in the back of the club off to the left hand side when you walk in. There's a moveable wooden privacy wall that encloses a single couch in the area, so you have more than enough privacy to do as much as you and the girl are willing to do. I wouldn't want to see the couch under a blacklight, but it actually is fairly comfortable if you can ignore the fact that some dude probably just had his bare ass on it.
Club Setup (1/10) – This is a small club with a long but very cramped bar and a tiny stage. If you spend a few hundred bucks to add a bar to your living room, you could probably create as good of a setup for a strip club as you'll find in this place.
Club Atmosphere (0.5/10) – This is the first time that I've ever left a club before getting a dance out of fear for my car and my life. They do pat down customers, but it seems like something bad will happen here. Also, it was very smoky in here, which is less than ideal if you're a non-smoker and have to explain your smokiness to anyone. The atmosphere actually wasn't too bad on a Sunday afternoon, but the fact that I felt the need to go on a Sunday afternoon for safety reasons should tell you all that you need to know about this place.
Club Accessibility (0/5) – This club is in a run down residential neighborhood in east Bridgeport, and since there's no parking lot, you have to find parking on the side streets. While I was there, there where homeless people wandering around checking out the cars, but at least the club does have security cameras pointing outwards and shows the video in the club so you can try to keep an eye on your car.
Overall – Unless you're looking for a whorehouse, that's no reason to go to Bishop's Corner. Honestly, even if I was looking for a whorehouse, it just wouldn't be worth the risk to my safety to spend much time here. Strip clubs generally aren't the safest places in the world, but there are only a few clubs where I really get the feeling that it's only a matter of time until something really bad happens, and this is one of them. Stay safe out there.
RAW SCORE = 41
Number of Dancers (3/10) – There were a decent number of girls working when I stopped by on a Friday night, but there were almost too many guys to even fit in the place, so the ratio was terrible. On a Sunday afternoon, there were only 3 girls working, but that was plenty for the limited number of customers. And in my defense, I don't usually visit clubs on Sunday afternoon, but I had to make an exception for this place. I was too freaked out by the "someone's about to start shooting people" atmosphere on a Friday night to stay for a dance, but I wanted to complete this review and thought that Sunday afternoon would be the only time safe enough for me to risk it.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – Every girl that I saw was either black or Latina (not that I mind that), and almost every one of them was oversized (yeah, I do mind that).
Attitude of dancers (4/10) – These girls can't get by on their looks, but thankfully, most of them seem to have fairly good personalities. It was too loud and crowded for anyone to have much extended interaction with the dancers on a Friday evening, but that's not the fault of the dancers. My only real complaint is that the girl that I mentioned above spent two entire songs trying to convince me to get a bj, and didn't seem too happy that I was shooting her down. Not that I'm such a stud that girls just beg to blow me (well that too), but I think she started to suspect that I might be a cop and figured her only hope of not getting arrested was to convince me to go through with it.
Value (5.5/10) – There's no cover, dances are $20, and beers are $4 each. Everything here is a decent value, but it doesn't have the bargain basement type prices that I would have expected from such a dump. I was quoted $80 for other services, but I didn't try to negotiate that and I'm sure it varies from girl to girl among those who do that stuff.
Dance Setup (7.5/10) – The dance area is in the back of the club off to the left hand side when you walk in. There's a moveable wooden privacy wall that encloses a single couch in the area, so you have more than enough privacy to do as much as you and the girl are willing to do. I wouldn't want to see the couch under a blacklight, but it actually is fairly comfortable if you can ignore the fact that some dude probably just had his bare ass on it.
Club Setup (1/10) – This is a small club with a long but very cramped bar and a tiny stage. If you spend a few hundred bucks to add a bar to your living room, you could probably create as good of a setup for a strip club as you'll find in this place.
Club Atmosphere (0.5/10) – This is the first time that I've ever left a club before getting a dance out of fear for my car and my life. They do pat down customers, but it seems like something bad will happen here. Also, it was very smoky in here, which is less than ideal if you're a non-smoker and have to explain your smokiness to anyone. The atmosphere actually wasn't too bad on a Sunday afternoon, but the fact that I felt the need to go on a Sunday afternoon for safety reasons should tell you all that you need to know about this place.
Club Accessibility (0/5) – This club is in a run down residential neighborhood in east Bridgeport, and since there's no parking lot, you have to find parking on the side streets. While I was there, there where homeless people wandering around checking out the cars, but at least the club does have security cameras pointing outwards and shows the video in the club so you can try to keep an eye on your car.
Overall – Unless you're looking for a whorehouse, that's no reason to go to Bishop's Corner. Honestly, even if I was looking for a whorehouse, it just wouldn't be worth the risk to my safety to spend much time here. Strip clubs generally aren't the safest places in the world, but there are only a few clubs where I really get the feeling that it's only a matter of time until something really bad happens, and this is one of them. Stay safe out there.
RAW SCORE = 41
Monday, February 28, 2011
Elan's of Danbury (Danbury, CT)
Quality of Dances (7/20) – These are your run of the mill, mediocre lap dances. The girls don't mind if you touch their legs and most of them provide some moderate friction, but I've never walked away from a dance here thinking, "that was totally worth $25."
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – I don't get to Danbury often, so my sample size is fairly small, but most of the girls that I've seen here have been surprisingly hot and all of them have been at least decent. A lot of them are in their late 20s, so you might be disappointed if you're into the barely legal types, but I'll take a hot 29 year old over a busted 22 year old anyday.
Number of Dancers (6/10) – There were well over a dozen women working in the early evening, which worked out to about a 1-to-1 dancer-to-customer ratio. The ratio was lower when I visited later at night, but there were still plenty of attractive ladies to chose from.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – I've found a nice mix of races and nationalities at Elan's, with black girls, white girls, Asian girls, American girls and Russian girls in the mix. Most customers will probably appreciate that these girls are all fairly fit, but it might not be ideal for you if you're into thick chicks or are looking for something to grab onto during a lap dance. I guess that doesn't really matter too much though since two-way contact during the dances is too limited to allow for much grabbing anyway.
Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – The attitudes at Elan's aren't terrible, but some of the ladies seem to be a little stuck up and they don't circulate as much as they should. Plus they lose another point because one dancer cut me off in the parking lot and gave me the finger. Ladies, be on your best behavior at all times, because you never know when you're in Peter's presence.
Value (3.5/10) – No individual aspect of this club is terribly overpriced, but everything is on the high side, with $25 dances, a $10 cover after 7, $4.50 beers and a fairly mediocre stage show.
Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in the same chairs that they have elsewhere in club and there's absolutely no privacy from other dancers/dancees or anyone else in the place. The one row of chairs along the right-side wall at least faces away from most of the club, but that's still pretty bad. Making matters even worse is the fact that this whole place is way too bright, so it's even easier than it would otherwise be for any voyeurs to watch.
Club Setup (6/10) – They have a large bar with a very low stage several feet away inside, another small stage and the main stage which they only use when they're busy. That's all fine, and they do have reasonably comfortable chairs throughout the club, but the tiny tables suck if you're here with a group. Thankfully, they at least have two or three slightly better tables in the back.
Club Atmosphere (7/10) – The crowd is usually pretty decent and this place just generally has a solid vibe. It's not at all threatening and is definitely somewhere that I'd consider hosting a bachelor party if any members of the bride-to-be's family were going to be in attendance.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – Elan's of Danbury is, unsurprisingly, not far from Danbury, but it's not particularly close to anything else of note. I don't think there's any type of mass transit in the area, so you'll need to drive to get here, but at least they do have more than enough parking if you can manage to steer around the crazy angry strippers in the lot.
Overall – This place is better than I expected, but it's a little on the upscale side for my tastes. The atmosphere makes it perfect for business meetings or outings with the girlfriend, but the mediocre dances and the lack of privacy mean that degenerates like me would be better off saving the cash for a shadier club.
TOTAL SCORE = 47.5
Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – I don't get to Danbury often, so my sample size is fairly small, but most of the girls that I've seen here have been surprisingly hot and all of them have been at least decent. A lot of them are in their late 20s, so you might be disappointed if you're into the barely legal types, but I'll take a hot 29 year old over a busted 22 year old anyday.
Number of Dancers (6/10) – There were well over a dozen women working in the early evening, which worked out to about a 1-to-1 dancer-to-customer ratio. The ratio was lower when I visited later at night, but there were still plenty of attractive ladies to chose from.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – I've found a nice mix of races and nationalities at Elan's, with black girls, white girls, Asian girls, American girls and Russian girls in the mix. Most customers will probably appreciate that these girls are all fairly fit, but it might not be ideal for you if you're into thick chicks or are looking for something to grab onto during a lap dance. I guess that doesn't really matter too much though since two-way contact during the dances is too limited to allow for much grabbing anyway.
Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – The attitudes at Elan's aren't terrible, but some of the ladies seem to be a little stuck up and they don't circulate as much as they should. Plus they lose another point because one dancer cut me off in the parking lot and gave me the finger. Ladies, be on your best behavior at all times, because you never know when you're in Peter's presence.
Value (3.5/10) – No individual aspect of this club is terribly overpriced, but everything is on the high side, with $25 dances, a $10 cover after 7, $4.50 beers and a fairly mediocre stage show.
Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in the same chairs that they have elsewhere in club and there's absolutely no privacy from other dancers/dancees or anyone else in the place. The one row of chairs along the right-side wall at least faces away from most of the club, but that's still pretty bad. Making matters even worse is the fact that this whole place is way too bright, so it's even easier than it would otherwise be for any voyeurs to watch.
Club Setup (6/10) – They have a large bar with a very low stage several feet away inside, another small stage and the main stage which they only use when they're busy. That's all fine, and they do have reasonably comfortable chairs throughout the club, but the tiny tables suck if you're here with a group. Thankfully, they at least have two or three slightly better tables in the back.
Club Atmosphere (7/10) – The crowd is usually pretty decent and this place just generally has a solid vibe. It's not at all threatening and is definitely somewhere that I'd consider hosting a bachelor party if any members of the bride-to-be's family were going to be in attendance.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – Elan's of Danbury is, unsurprisingly, not far from Danbury, but it's not particularly close to anything else of note. I don't think there's any type of mass transit in the area, so you'll need to drive to get here, but at least they do have more than enough parking if you can manage to steer around the crazy angry strippers in the lot.
Overall – This place is better than I expected, but it's a little on the upscale side for my tastes. The atmosphere makes it perfect for business meetings or outings with the girlfriend, but the mediocre dances and the lack of privacy mean that degenerates like me would be better off saving the cash for a shadier club.
TOTAL SCORE = 47.5
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Ten's Show Club (Salisbury, MA)
Quality of dances (2/20) – The dances here are a huge disappointment. Almost everything else about the club is average or better, but my hands were planted firmly at my sides and the girl never worked her way beyond mid-thigh.
Quality of dancers (5/10) – I know someone who now refers to the Ten's as the Fours, reflecting the club's fall from grace in dancer quality. I don't think it's quite that bad, but I can't rate them above average these days. The dancers' bodies are still tight, but it seems that most of the pretty faces have left for greener pastures. This is especially depressing because the Ten's used to have some of the best talent in Massachusetts. There is one caveat: because this is a beachfront club, it's very possible that the hotties leave for the winter because of slowed business and then roll back in when the sun comes out. I'll give it another shot in June and see if that hypothesis is supported.
Number of Dancers (6/10) – When I was here last year on a Friday evening, the club was overflowing with dancers; there were at least as many dancers as customers. Last night, however, the ratio was less favorable. Perhaps 12-15 dancers were working, which is a light workforce for a club of this size.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (2.5/5) - With the exception of a few exotic outliers, the vast majority of women here are white. Still, there's a wide enough variety of body types and hair colors to keep anyone interested.
Attitude of dancers (7.5/10) – It's rare to find girls at this classy of a club who are this down to earth. They don't mind spending some time with the customers, and the sales pitch is subtle or non-existent. One girl sat and talked to me for 20 minutes, and without trying to sell me on a dance, eventually said, "I guess I should get back to work now," then left to talk to other customers. I know she was working when she was talking to me too, but it's a nice approach that more girls should use. Also, despite there being little contact at the stage (see the Value score below), dancers tend to be very interactive and playful up there, which is fun.
Value (3/10) – The cover and the drinks are steep at $10 ($5 before 7 PM and $15 after 9 PM) and $6 (Miller Lite, of course) respectively, and there's not much contact at the stage or in the dances. The lap dances are $20, but they're no different than the $10 table dances.
Dance Setup (2/10) – You can either sit in a chair in the back of the club or in a chair on the 2nd floor. There aren't usually many people on the 2nd floor, so it could be worse, but the dance setup it still pretty bad.
Club Setup (9/10) – This is a large circular club with a bar around about half of the outside of the circle. There's a large clover-leaf stage in the center of the club, and it's surrounded by plenty of tables and chairs. The second floor is mainly set up for viewing the three huge televisions on the wall, but there's also a balcony that overlooks the main stage. I didn't see the third floor, but apparently it's usually available for private parties. Ignoring the shitty dance setup, the rest of this club has by far the best design of any club in the state, and is one of the most well-designed clubs I've ever been to.
Club Atmosphere (7/10) – For an upscale club, this place actually still has a fairly relaxed atmosphere. In addition to the friendly dancers, there are always massage girls and often groups of curious women who wander in from the beach. The pole dancing used to be superb, but it appears to have taken a turn for the worse. Preston is still making it happen up there, as are a couple of other women.However, they're the exception these days, not the rule.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – Salisbury isn't really close to anything else, but if you're going to Salisbury beach, the club is right beside it.
Overall – Ten's Show Club is by far the best upscale club in Massachusetts. The dances are legitimately awful and the drinks are overpriced, but those are my only real complaints about the place. If you want to introduce a girl to strip clubs or are in the mood to look but not touch, there really isn't a better option in Massachusetts.
TOTAL SCORE = 47
Quality of dancers (5/10) – I know someone who now refers to the Ten's as the Fours, reflecting the club's fall from grace in dancer quality. I don't think it's quite that bad, but I can't rate them above average these days. The dancers' bodies are still tight, but it seems that most of the pretty faces have left for greener pastures. This is especially depressing because the Ten's used to have some of the best talent in Massachusetts. There is one caveat: because this is a beachfront club, it's very possible that the hotties leave for the winter because of slowed business and then roll back in when the sun comes out. I'll give it another shot in June and see if that hypothesis is supported.
Number of Dancers (6/10) – When I was here last year on a Friday evening, the club was overflowing with dancers; there were at least as many dancers as customers. Last night, however, the ratio was less favorable. Perhaps 12-15 dancers were working, which is a light workforce for a club of this size.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (2.5/5) - With the exception of a few exotic outliers, the vast majority of women here are white. Still, there's a wide enough variety of body types and hair colors to keep anyone interested.
Attitude of dancers (7.5/10) – It's rare to find girls at this classy of a club who are this down to earth. They don't mind spending some time with the customers, and the sales pitch is subtle or non-existent. One girl sat and talked to me for 20 minutes, and without trying to sell me on a dance, eventually said, "I guess I should get back to work now," then left to talk to other customers. I know she was working when she was talking to me too, but it's a nice approach that more girls should use. Also, despite there being little contact at the stage (see the Value score below), dancers tend to be very interactive and playful up there, which is fun.
Value (3/10) – The cover and the drinks are steep at $10 ($5 before 7 PM and $15 after 9 PM) and $6 (Miller Lite, of course) respectively, and there's not much contact at the stage or in the dances. The lap dances are $20, but they're no different than the $10 table dances.
Dance Setup (2/10) – You can either sit in a chair in the back of the club or in a chair on the 2nd floor. There aren't usually many people on the 2nd floor, so it could be worse, but the dance setup it still pretty bad.
Club Setup (9/10) – This is a large circular club with a bar around about half of the outside of the circle. There's a large clover-leaf stage in the center of the club, and it's surrounded by plenty of tables and chairs. The second floor is mainly set up for viewing the three huge televisions on the wall, but there's also a balcony that overlooks the main stage. I didn't see the third floor, but apparently it's usually available for private parties. Ignoring the shitty dance setup, the rest of this club has by far the best design of any club in the state, and is one of the most well-designed clubs I've ever been to.
Club Atmosphere (7/10) – For an upscale club, this place actually still has a fairly relaxed atmosphere. In addition to the friendly dancers, there are always massage girls and often groups of curious women who wander in from the beach. The pole dancing used to be superb, but it appears to have taken a turn for the worse. Preston is still making it happen up there, as are a couple of other women.However, they're the exception these days, not the rule.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – Salisbury isn't really close to anything else, but if you're going to Salisbury beach, the club is right beside it.
Overall – Ten's Show Club is by far the best upscale club in Massachusetts. The dances are legitimately awful and the drinks are overpriced, but those are my only real complaints about the place. If you want to introduce a girl to strip clubs or are in the mood to look but not touch, there really isn't a better option in Massachusetts.
TOTAL SCORE = 47
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Key Club Cabaret (New Haven, CT)
Note: The Key Club Cabaret was previously the Crazy Horse, but had to change their name due to a trademark dispute with the Vegas Crazy Horse. Previously, this was Stage Door Johnny's/Back Stage Johnny's.
Quality of Dances (14.5/20) – There's a huge variation from one girl to the next, with some girls being fairly tame and some girls making a solid attempt to get the job done. Still, even most of the more tame girls have a few moves to make a dance worthwhile. Also, the dances here are usually nude if you stick around for multiple songs, though that's not a huge plus in my book due to the risk of having to get my dress pants dry-cleaned. A few girls have indicated that extras are available in the VIP area, but I haven't had $100+ to see if they're true to their word.
Quality of Dancers (5/10) – If you haven't been here since it was Johnny's, you should be pleased, because the quality has gone up significantly under new ownership. It's still rare to see any girls that I'd rate above an 8 and there are a few who are way past their sell-by date, but the majority of girls are now in the 5-7 range. Normally that would be worth around a 6, but I had to knock them down a point for having two "girls" that I'm fairly certain are post-op trannies. Maybe they're just strong-jawed ladies, but in either case, why would a club hire dancers who even beg that question?
Number of Dancers (6/10) – In the early evenings, there aren't usually a whole lot of dancers or customers. The lack of customers means that you'll have your pick of the litter, but the lack of dancers means that you still might not have much quality to chose from. Later in the evening, the number of dancers goes up much quicker than the number of customers, so there might be 2 dancers for every customer if you get here at the right time, and even if you don't, you shouldn't have a hard time getting a girl's attention for a dance. The only time that I've had a real problem was on a Sunday afternoon when there were no dancers, but the manager bought a few rounds of drinks for everyone who was there and the bartendress stepped up to offer lap dances. It still wasn't ideal, but I admire a club that at least makes the effort to make up for its shortcomings.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2.5/5) – The Key Club has a mix of black and white dancers and they've got more than enough size variation, but the lack of Latinas is a real shame. For whatever reason, the black girls here were usually somewhat hotter than the white ones when this was Johnny's, but that trend seems to be slowly reversing recently.
Attitude of Dancers (6.5/10) – On multiple occasions, girls have been happy to show me around the club including the VIP dance area even without me asking, and most of them are friendly whether they're on stage or just sitting around bullshitting with customers. This seems like the type of place where's you'd run into some strung out girls, but that hasn't been my experience at all. I did once have to help a girl stay on her chair because she was falling down drunk, but otherwise, these girls seem to be fairly well put together.
Value (3/10) – There's a $10 cover after 6pm that gets you into both clubs and the $5 beers, $25 dances and moderate stage value are all ok, but there are much better values to be found elsewhere in Connecticut. I love lap dances, and these ones are pretty solid, but I have a hard time ever justifying more than one or two when they cost more than $20 each. Thankfully, some of the girls drop the price to $20 per dance after the first one since the club isn't taking a cut of that extra cash, so you should always ask about that before you agree to a dance if you're considering staying for multiple songs.
Dance Setup (3/10) – The dance booths from Johnny's are gone, so even though the dance area is classier now, it's not nearly as private. Still, it isn't terrible since there are two separate bench areas on the nude side of the club, and you can't see those areas unless you're in them. The ladies make sure to take you to the second bench area if there's already a guy in the first one, so you get an area to yourself as long as only one or two customers are getting dances at a time. Any more than that though, and it gets cramped and loses all privacy really quickly. If you're willing to drop the cash for the VIP dances, you'll go around the corner to a row of decent sized individual rooms with a large comfy couch in each. They don't have doors on the booths, but no one will see you unless they're going for a private dance, so it's still pretty solid if you're looking to get a little intimate.
Club Setup (4/10) – The new owners have put a lot of money into this place and it's certainly a huge improvement over the way it was before, but something is still missing. The topless side has a long bar that fills up quickly, a long bench style couch along the far side wall, and a large stage. The stage is reasonably nice overall, but it has one annoying flaw - it doesn't have a lower shelf or ledge where you can sit your drink, so you're choices are to awkwardly hold your beverage or to sit it right on the stage. Not a huge problem, but who knew they even make stages without a place to sit drinks? The nude side doesn't really seem to be a popular place to hang out, but it also has a decent stage with some chairs around it. I think the topless side needs some tables and booths to make it better for groups, because I really can't see coming here with more than one or two other guys.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – The setup has become more upscale, but the old dive bar atmosphere still shows through. I imagine that it will eventually be fairly nice, but for now, it's kind of in that awkward zone where it's too classy to be a dive but too shitty to be classy. I could also see it getting rougher later at night, but the crowd has always been alright while I've been there.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – The Key Club is very close to I-91, isn't too far from I-95, and is within walking distance of some of the best pizza in the U.S. over on Wooster Street. If you're from the area, I'm sure that you already have your preference and I know better than to try to change your mind, but if you're just passing through, I'd have to recommend Frank Pepe's if you're interested in toppings and Sally's if you're going for plain cheese. You can't go wrong either way though.
Overall – The Key Club is already the best club, by far, in New Haven. It may not be great, but the dances are very good and everything else is solid if you can overlook the varied quality of dancers. I'm guessing that the dancer quality will go up over time, but for now, that prevents me from adding it to my Connecticut rotation. Overall, it's about on par with Keepers in Milford, and even though I'd still probably chose Centerfolds in Berlin over the Key Club, the Key Club has become a very reasonable option if you're in New Haven and time is limited.
TOTAL SCORE = 51
Quality of Dances (14.5/20) – There's a huge variation from one girl to the next, with some girls being fairly tame and some girls making a solid attempt to get the job done. Still, even most of the more tame girls have a few moves to make a dance worthwhile. Also, the dances here are usually nude if you stick around for multiple songs, though that's not a huge plus in my book due to the risk of having to get my dress pants dry-cleaned. A few girls have indicated that extras are available in the VIP area, but I haven't had $100+ to see if they're true to their word.
Quality of Dancers (5/10) – If you haven't been here since it was Johnny's, you should be pleased, because the quality has gone up significantly under new ownership. It's still rare to see any girls that I'd rate above an 8 and there are a few who are way past their sell-by date, but the majority of girls are now in the 5-7 range. Normally that would be worth around a 6, but I had to knock them down a point for having two "girls" that I'm fairly certain are post-op trannies. Maybe they're just strong-jawed ladies, but in either case, why would a club hire dancers who even beg that question?
Number of Dancers (6/10) – In the early evenings, there aren't usually a whole lot of dancers or customers. The lack of customers means that you'll have your pick of the litter, but the lack of dancers means that you still might not have much quality to chose from. Later in the evening, the number of dancers goes up much quicker than the number of customers, so there might be 2 dancers for every customer if you get here at the right time, and even if you don't, you shouldn't have a hard time getting a girl's attention for a dance. The only time that I've had a real problem was on a Sunday afternoon when there were no dancers, but the manager bought a few rounds of drinks for everyone who was there and the bartendress stepped up to offer lap dances. It still wasn't ideal, but I admire a club that at least makes the effort to make up for its shortcomings.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2.5/5) – The Key Club has a mix of black and white dancers and they've got more than enough size variation, but the lack of Latinas is a real shame. For whatever reason, the black girls here were usually somewhat hotter than the white ones when this was Johnny's, but that trend seems to be slowly reversing recently.
Attitude of Dancers (6.5/10) – On multiple occasions, girls have been happy to show me around the club including the VIP dance area even without me asking, and most of them are friendly whether they're on stage or just sitting around bullshitting with customers. This seems like the type of place where's you'd run into some strung out girls, but that hasn't been my experience at all. I did once have to help a girl stay on her chair because she was falling down drunk, but otherwise, these girls seem to be fairly well put together.
Value (3/10) – There's a $10 cover after 6pm that gets you into both clubs and the $5 beers, $25 dances and moderate stage value are all ok, but there are much better values to be found elsewhere in Connecticut. I love lap dances, and these ones are pretty solid, but I have a hard time ever justifying more than one or two when they cost more than $20 each. Thankfully, some of the girls drop the price to $20 per dance after the first one since the club isn't taking a cut of that extra cash, so you should always ask about that before you agree to a dance if you're considering staying for multiple songs.
Dance Setup (3/10) – The dance booths from Johnny's are gone, so even though the dance area is classier now, it's not nearly as private. Still, it isn't terrible since there are two separate bench areas on the nude side of the club, and you can't see those areas unless you're in them. The ladies make sure to take you to the second bench area if there's already a guy in the first one, so you get an area to yourself as long as only one or two customers are getting dances at a time. Any more than that though, and it gets cramped and loses all privacy really quickly. If you're willing to drop the cash for the VIP dances, you'll go around the corner to a row of decent sized individual rooms with a large comfy couch in each. They don't have doors on the booths, but no one will see you unless they're going for a private dance, so it's still pretty solid if you're looking to get a little intimate.
Club Setup (4/10) – The new owners have put a lot of money into this place and it's certainly a huge improvement over the way it was before, but something is still missing. The topless side has a long bar that fills up quickly, a long bench style couch along the far side wall, and a large stage. The stage is reasonably nice overall, but it has one annoying flaw - it doesn't have a lower shelf or ledge where you can sit your drink, so you're choices are to awkwardly hold your beverage or to sit it right on the stage. Not a huge problem, but who knew they even make stages without a place to sit drinks? The nude side doesn't really seem to be a popular place to hang out, but it also has a decent stage with some chairs around it. I think the topless side needs some tables and booths to make it better for groups, because I really can't see coming here with more than one or two other guys.
Club Atmosphere (3/10) – The setup has become more upscale, but the old dive bar atmosphere still shows through. I imagine that it will eventually be fairly nice, but for now, it's kind of in that awkward zone where it's too classy to be a dive but too shitty to be classy. I could also see it getting rougher later at night, but the crowd has always been alright while I've been there.
Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – The Key Club is very close to I-91, isn't too far from I-95, and is within walking distance of some of the best pizza in the U.S. over on Wooster Street. If you're from the area, I'm sure that you already have your preference and I know better than to try to change your mind, but if you're just passing through, I'd have to recommend Frank Pepe's if you're interested in toppings and Sally's if you're going for plain cheese. You can't go wrong either way though.
Overall – The Key Club is already the best club, by far, in New Haven. It may not be great, but the dances are very good and everything else is solid if you can overlook the varied quality of dancers. I'm guessing that the dancer quality will go up over time, but for now, that prevents me from adding it to my Connecticut rotation. Overall, it's about on par with Keepers in Milford, and even though I'd still probably chose Centerfolds in Berlin over the Key Club, the Key Club has become a very reasonable option if you're in New Haven and time is limited.
TOTAL SCORE = 51
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Gold Club Groton (Groton, CT)
Quality of Dances (7/20) – There's huge variation from girl to girl, with some girls giving what amounts to little more than an airdance and other girls giving a really solid grind. Of course, the usual skin color correlation is in full effect. There are exceptions, but generally, the quality increases as the skin gets darker right up until the Brazilian bronze, then slightly tapers off after that. Like the Gold Club in Hartford, they've got some strange rules in this place, with dancers having to keep their feet on floor at all times. Also, they say that you can't touch the dancers, but hands on the legs seems to be fine.
Quality of Dancers (7/10) – I haven't seen any real models here, but almost all the ladies are decent and most are well above average.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are usually about a half dozen girls dancing in the afternoon, and many more than that later in the evening. By the night, it's crawling with women, but no matter when you visit, it shouldn't take you long at all to get the attention of an attractive lady or two.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – They've got a decent mix of white and Latina dancers a with a few black ones mixed in. In my somewhat limited experience at the Gold Club, there seems to be more Latinas during the day shift, which is why you're much more likely to find me here in the afternoon. There's some variation of body types with a few thicker black girls, but most of the ladies seem to be in pretty good shape.
Attitude of Dancers (5/10) – The bartendresses are really friendly and the dancers aren't bad to talk to, but more than one has asked me to prepay for a dance and that's brutal. Do they really think that people are going to get a dance and then walk off without paying? If so, they either have some really shady customers or give some really unsatisfying dances.
Value (3.5/10) – Beers are usually $4.75 but they have $3 specials and it's BYOB next door at the nude club (After Dark) after midnight. Dances aren't as good of a deal, however, at $25 each. My first few visits were during the day shift when there was no cover, then the bartender gave me a bunch of free admission passes, so I'm not sure how much the cover would usually be. It's $10 at their Hartford location, so I'm assuming that it's comparable to that here as well.
Dance Setup (3.5/10) – They give lap dances on individual bench style seats that look comfortable at first but really aren't. There's a small divider between the benches, but people who are across from you can still watch you if they want.
Club Setup (5/10) – The mouth shaped urinals are somewhat unique, but the rest of the club is fairly mediocre. The whole place is very dark and has a warehouse feel, but the lap dance area is strangely brighter than everywhere else. There are a bunch of 2 person tables scattered around the club, two small stages, a pool table in the back and a very large nice bar. It looks like a dump from the outside and isn't all that well thought out but it's actually kind of classy despite the warehouse look.
Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – The crowd is decent, but the 2-person tables and all the wide open space prevent it from being great for large or even medium sized groups. It seems to be a popular bachelor party destination on Saturday nights, so that may not be a great time to go if you're hoping to get lots of attention from the girls.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – The Gold Club isn't hard to get to from I-95, but you'll be driving to get there and to get home. Luckily, there's more than enough parking and there're some spots along the side so that everyone driving by won't see your car. There is, however, no discreet way to walk in the entrance in the front of the club.
Overall – The Gold Club Groton is a decent club. It's nothing that I'd go out of my way for, but it's a much better option than the Gold Club's Hartford location or Rose's Cantina down the street. If you've got time though, you'd be much better off driving the hour to Providence to have a really good time.
TOTAL SCORE = 48.5
Quality of Dancers (7/10) – I haven't seen any real models here, but almost all the ladies are decent and most are well above average.
Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are usually about a half dozen girls dancing in the afternoon, and many more than that later in the evening. By the night, it's crawling with women, but no matter when you visit, it shouldn't take you long at all to get the attention of an attractive lady or two.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – They've got a decent mix of white and Latina dancers a with a few black ones mixed in. In my somewhat limited experience at the Gold Club, there seems to be more Latinas during the day shift, which is why you're much more likely to find me here in the afternoon. There's some variation of body types with a few thicker black girls, but most of the ladies seem to be in pretty good shape.
Attitude of Dancers (5/10) – The bartendresses are really friendly and the dancers aren't bad to talk to, but more than one has asked me to prepay for a dance and that's brutal. Do they really think that people are going to get a dance and then walk off without paying? If so, they either have some really shady customers or give some really unsatisfying dances.
Value (3.5/10) – Beers are usually $4.75 but they have $3 specials and it's BYOB next door at the nude club (After Dark) after midnight. Dances aren't as good of a deal, however, at $25 each. My first few visits were during the day shift when there was no cover, then the bartender gave me a bunch of free admission passes, so I'm not sure how much the cover would usually be. It's $10 at their Hartford location, so I'm assuming that it's comparable to that here as well.
Dance Setup (3.5/10) – They give lap dances on individual bench style seats that look comfortable at first but really aren't. There's a small divider between the benches, but people who are across from you can still watch you if they want.
Club Setup (5/10) – The mouth shaped urinals are somewhat unique, but the rest of the club is fairly mediocre. The whole place is very dark and has a warehouse feel, but the lap dance area is strangely brighter than everywhere else. There are a bunch of 2 person tables scattered around the club, two small stages, a pool table in the back and a very large nice bar. It looks like a dump from the outside and isn't all that well thought out but it's actually kind of classy despite the warehouse look.
Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – The crowd is decent, but the 2-person tables and all the wide open space prevent it from being great for large or even medium sized groups. It seems to be a popular bachelor party destination on Saturday nights, so that may not be a great time to go if you're hoping to get lots of attention from the girls.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – The Gold Club isn't hard to get to from I-95, but you'll be driving to get there and to get home. Luckily, there's more than enough parking and there're some spots along the side so that everyone driving by won't see your car. There is, however, no discreet way to walk in the entrance in the front of the club.
Overall – The Gold Club Groton is a decent club. It's nothing that I'd go out of my way for, but it's a much better option than the Gold Club's Hartford location or Rose's Cantina down the street. If you've got time though, you'd be much better off driving the hour to Providence to have a really good time.
TOTAL SCORE = 48.5
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Centerfolds 2000 (North Oxford, MA)
Quality of dances (4/20) – True to the general Massachusetts trend of the-hotter-the-dancers-the-worse-the-dances, Centerfolds dances are pretty brutal. No contact from customer to dancer, and minimal contact from her to you. Don’t expect to be satisfied here.
Quality of dancers (7.5/10) – I’m not sure what draws them here (perhaps the assurance that they won’t get groped by creeps), but the crop of dancers at CF2K is pretty incredible for Massachusetts. Although they don't live up to the DJ's aggressive claim of "the hottest dancers in the world," many rank among the hottest that I've seen in New England.
Number of dancers (7/10) – There were perhaps 15-20 girls on a weeknight, much better than my last visit and the dancer to customer ratio was excellent. But their weak performance last time prevents them from really making some noise here. Also, given that I visited just a few days before Christmas, I have a sneaking suspicion that the number of dancers was artificially inflated by a bunch of women working an extra shift to bank some money for holiday presents.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (1/5) – Almost exclusively skinny white women who, as readers know, are way outside of my wheelhouse. On my second visit, there was also an unfortunate abundance of fake bombs, my least favorite kind. Especially disappointing was the single gorgeous Indonesian dancer whose enormous well-shaped cans were later discovered to be imposters.
Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – A complete 180 from a year ago. Within two minutes of sitting, each guy in my party had a girl sitting with him or on him. No one was pushy about dances, and only one girl was venomous after being turned down. The servers were likewise cool, and I was even able to coax one waitress into working a stage set, a feat attempted by many but accomplished by few. It's also a huge plus that my first featured dancer, Shelby, is back gracing the stage at CF2K. Still, further research is needed for a better average score and I can't totally disregard how terrible the attitudes were a year ago.
Value (2/10) – Miller Lites are just under $5 and the cover is $7 before 5 PM ($14 when they have feature dancers). Dances are 2 for 1 until 7 PM every day, but that’s hardly any consolation. My first dance was so bad that I almost didn’t even want a second. And stage value is minimal for most dancers.
Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are conducted on wall benches in slightly raised areas along both sides of the club, in plain view of nearly every person in there. Since I first reviewed this club, it appears they've dimmed the lights in the dance area and added some translucent curtains (bumping the score slightly), but it's still not enough to shield you from onlookers. Call me picky, but if I’m gonna get a shitty dance, I’d at least like a modicum of privacy. Centerfolds 2000 offers none.
Club Setup (7/10) – Despite the awful dance setup, CF2K’s overall design is solid. Plenty of seating, however uncomfortable, at the stage and on the floor surrounding it, good table space, and enough private spots to hang out and drain a few beers. I also like that the bar hangs off the back of the club in a large outcropping, preventing the logjam of douche pickles that often happens during busy hours at clubs.
Club Atmosphere (5/10) – [From my first review] Having spent the better part of my 20’s in strip joints, I understand – and have come to accept – the reality that many dancers/DJ’s have terrible taste in music (I once heard Smooth Operator TWICE in one night). No matter where you are, you’ll invariably be forced to listen to a handful of abominations by the likes of Kid Rock, Nickelback or their equivalents. But CF2K took it to another level. For the first 45 minutes, literally every song was cringe-worthy material. And even after I tipped the DJ to play a few favorites (a move that never fails), the DJ only squeezed in one request amongst the rubbish. This musical misfortune is especially sad because the club has an otherwise good feel to it.
Having given this place a second chance, I'll say that the musical choices weren't nearly as bad this time through. However, there's still way too much rock and crappy pop (Black Eyed Peas), and not nearly enough Lil Wayne.
Club Accessibility (2/5) – Located almost ten miles outside of Worcester, Centerfolds 2000 isn't really in acceptable taxi range. It probably deserves worse than a 2, but because Worcester is very much a driving city, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.
Overall – Centerfolds 2000 has great potential, but I don't think they'll ever put it all together. I can really only imagine three scenarios where I'd recommend sending you to CF2K:
1) You're looking to take a somewhat-square, shy-ish girl to her first strip club. This place is a great bet for that type of thing.
2) You love Nickelback and white brunettes, and hate lap dances.
3) You want to meet and get a dance from Featured Dancer Shelby.
Otherwise, I'd say it's not worth your time.
TOTAL SCORE = 42.5
Monday, December 20, 2010
Scores (Springfield, MA) - CLOSED
Quality of Dances (16/20) – Upon sitting down for my first dance here, the girl immediately reached to unzip my pants. When I told her that I just wanted a standard aggressive dance, she said most of the girls there would "probably shit themselves" when they find out that a customer wasn't interested in a handie. The score would be higher, but the actual dances are a little disappointing since actual dancing doesn't appear to be a focus here.
Quality of Dancers (1.5/10) – As you'd expect at an urban club such as this, most of the girls are on the larger side. In fact, when they were the Club 418, they advertised that they had the "Biggest Girls in New England." I don't think they quite earn that title anymore (a few of the Bridgeport clubs are the current favorites for that distinction), but they're certainly in the running. Some of the girls are disgusting, but a few are tolerable and you'll usually be able to find a girl or two worth getting a dance from. This number would go up to around a 4 if there was any quality control whatsoever, but there's not.
Number of Dancers (5/10) – This is a small club and the number of dancers is about what you'd expect, but the dancer-to-customer ratio is always favorable, rarely falling far below 1-to-1.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) - I've only see black and white dancers here, but there's a wide variety of body types (emphasis on wide).
Attitude of Dancers (4.5/10) – Most of the girls are reasonably friendly, but I had to hear a few too many sob stories about car troubles and the other customary "please give me a good tip" topics. On a more positive note, this isn't the type on place that's going to get a lot of random visitors, so they try particularly hard to keep the regulars happy.
Value (5.5/10) – The drinks and nighttime cover are a fairly standard 4 or 5 dollars each, and you'll get a needlessly graphic stage show for a buck or two, but the "dances" are what will make or break the value of this place for most customers. Twenty five dollars is a lot for a lap dance, but it's not much for the other services that they're provide during the "dances," so the value really depends on what you're looking for. I was quoted $130 for the VIP dances, but you might be able to negotiate a better value if you try. I definitely did not, because I had no interest in engaging in what I suspect happens back there with these ladies for any price.
Dance Setup (1/10) – There's a small curtained off area in the back of the club for the regular dances, but you're not shielded at all from other dance customers and people at some parts of the bar can see you as well. If you're willing to drop some more cash for the VIP dances, you get a couch inside a curtained booth, but you'd be better off just going somewhere else if you're even considering spending more than $50.
Club Setup (0.5/10) – This place is a dump. There are one or two tables, but everyone sits at the large bar, and the stage is inside the bar. There's a channel down the center of the stage so the bartender can try to reach across the stage to pass customers drinks, but it's a really poorly thought-out setup.
Club Atmosphere (0/10) – This is the old Club 418 which shut down for about a year after several people were shot here in 2009. The club has a different name and a metal detector, but not a whole lot else has changed. It doesn't seem all that dangerous here during the day, but this isn't a club that I'd have any interest in visiting at night. They also lose points because of the half hour stage sets, and they don't even allow girls end their sets early if a customer asks them for a dance. It's not quiet as bad as it sounds since several girls dance at a time, but it's a ridiculous policy that doesn't benefit the dancers or the customers. I have to believe the policy will be short-lived though, so it may not be an issue by the time you're reading this.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – This club is in downtown Springfield and isn't all that far from a few hotels, but it isn't in the greatest area. I wouldn't recommend getting stupid drunk here anyway though, so the fact that you'll probably be driving to get to Scores isn't a huge problem.
Overall – If you're looking for high-mileage lap dances, this place is a solid, if somewhat dangerous, option. If you're looking for anything else, you're better off going elsewhere.
TOTAL SCORE = 40.5
Note: Scores was formerly known as Lace and Club 418. It exploded on November 23, 2012.
Quality of Dancers (1.5/10) – As you'd expect at an urban club such as this, most of the girls are on the larger side. In fact, when they were the Club 418, they advertised that they had the "Biggest Girls in New England." I don't think they quite earn that title anymore (a few of the Bridgeport clubs are the current favorites for that distinction), but they're certainly in the running. Some of the girls are disgusting, but a few are tolerable and you'll usually be able to find a girl or two worth getting a dance from. This number would go up to around a 4 if there was any quality control whatsoever, but there's not.
Number of Dancers (5/10) – This is a small club and the number of dancers is about what you'd expect, but the dancer-to-customer ratio is always favorable, rarely falling far below 1-to-1.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) - I've only see black and white dancers here, but there's a wide variety of body types (emphasis on wide).
Attitude of Dancers (4.5/10) – Most of the girls are reasonably friendly, but I had to hear a few too many sob stories about car troubles and the other customary "please give me a good tip" topics. On a more positive note, this isn't the type on place that's going to get a lot of random visitors, so they try particularly hard to keep the regulars happy.
Value (5.5/10) – The drinks and nighttime cover are a fairly standard 4 or 5 dollars each, and you'll get a needlessly graphic stage show for a buck or two, but the "dances" are what will make or break the value of this place for most customers. Twenty five dollars is a lot for a lap dance, but it's not much for the other services that they're provide during the "dances," so the value really depends on what you're looking for. I was quoted $130 for the VIP dances, but you might be able to negotiate a better value if you try. I definitely did not, because I had no interest in engaging in what I suspect happens back there with these ladies for any price.
Dance Setup (1/10) – There's a small curtained off area in the back of the club for the regular dances, but you're not shielded at all from other dance customers and people at some parts of the bar can see you as well. If you're willing to drop some more cash for the VIP dances, you get a couch inside a curtained booth, but you'd be better off just going somewhere else if you're even considering spending more than $50.
Club Setup (0.5/10) – This place is a dump. There are one or two tables, but everyone sits at the large bar, and the stage is inside the bar. There's a channel down the center of the stage so the bartender can try to reach across the stage to pass customers drinks, but it's a really poorly thought-out setup.
Club Atmosphere (0/10) – This is the old Club 418 which shut down for about a year after several people were shot here in 2009. The club has a different name and a metal detector, but not a whole lot else has changed. It doesn't seem all that dangerous here during the day, but this isn't a club that I'd have any interest in visiting at night. They also lose points because of the half hour stage sets, and they don't even allow girls end their sets early if a customer asks them for a dance. It's not quiet as bad as it sounds since several girls dance at a time, but it's a ridiculous policy that doesn't benefit the dancers or the customers. I have to believe the policy will be short-lived though, so it may not be an issue by the time you're reading this.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – This club is in downtown Springfield and isn't all that far from a few hotels, but it isn't in the greatest area. I wouldn't recommend getting stupid drunk here anyway though, so the fact that you'll probably be driving to get to Scores isn't a huge problem.
Overall – If you're looking for high-mileage lap dances, this place is a solid, if somewhat dangerous, option. If you're looking for anything else, you're better off going elsewhere.
TOTAL SCORE = 40.5
Note: Scores was formerly known as Lace and Club 418. It exploded on November 23, 2012.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sweetheart's (Vernon, CT)
Note: Sweetheart's was formerly Kahoots Vernon.
Quality of Dances (16/20) - There's a lot of variation from girl to girl, but everyone offers a good grind with the help of the handles on the sides of the booths and allows full 2-way contact. Most of the girls also make at least some contact with their hands over the pants, and many of the girls offer extras.
Quality of Dancers (4/10) - Most of these girls are somewhat attractive but few if any of them are great. If you know the quality of girls at the other local clubs, I'd say that these ladies fall about midway between what you'd find at Kahoots in East Hartford and at the Blue in Tolland. The way they look wouldn't really be a problem though if it weren't for the the amount of wear and tear on most of these girls. Some nights, it isn't too bad, but other nights you can literally see the track marks. On those nights, even knowing how good the dances are, I just can't justify allowing any of the ladies to touch my pants.
Number of Dancers (1.5/10) - I saw two girls here during my first visit, and even though I was told that I was there at a particularly slow time, 8:30 pm on a weekday should never be that slow. There have been closer to a half dozen girls working during my other visits, but that's still not nearly enough. Plus the girls seem to spend a lot of time with regulars, so infrequent visitors might have a tough time getting a girl's attention without dropping some cash at the stage. And they don't even necessarily encourage that.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) - I've seen mostly young white girls at Sweethearts, but there's usually a least one Latina working as well. They employ girls of all body types, though you might not see too much variation on any given night since there might only be 2-4 girls in the place.
Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) - I've seen several girls just sit down with their top on and talk to a guy for the entire set. I just sit there with a wad of dollar bills ready to go, but a girl has to at least give a little effort if she expects a tip. You don't tip a waitress before she serves the meal, so I'm not sure why some ladies think they should get a tip before taking the titties out. The girls haven't been too bad to talk to other than that, but if you don't buy a dance fairly quickly, they'll be right back to the regulars.
Club Setup (5.5/10) - Though it isn't huge, the stage is fairly nice and is plenty big for two girls to dance at a time. The stage has a very wide edge that separates customers from the dance floor, but most of the girls just crawl around on it to get closer to you. The small 2-person booths that surround the stage are also a nice option if you're visiting by yourself or with one other guy. The bar is fairly small and is surrounded by flat screen TVs, but there are no TVs in the much larger main room. There's also there a pool table and a few decent tables there near the bar in view of the TVs. Overall, this place isn't particularly well thought out, but it's still a lot nicer inside than you'd expect from the parking lot.
Dance Setup (7/10) - Lap dances are given in nice large booths with large sides and a roof. It almost feels like you're getting into the cockpit of a strange R-rated space shuttle when you sit down. Even though there's no door on the booths, no one can see you unless they're walking by because there's a curtain down the center of the room that prevents people in the opposing booths from watching. Also, since the booths are in a separate area of the club, it's fairly rare for anyone to walk by. There are curiously bright lights in each booth, but most of the girls thankfully turn those off before they get down to business.
Atmosphere (1.5/10) - Sweetheart's seems safe enough, but the small bar and the tiny booths prevent it from being ideal for groups. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but I just generally don't get a great feeling from the place
Value (1.5/10) - I can deal with the $5 cover in the evenings, the $4 drinks and the decent topless stage action, but the $30 dances are brutal. Dances were recently $20 each, but I guess they assumed that the perfect time to raise prices by 50% is during a recession.
Accessibility (1.5/5) - Sweetheart's isn't too far from Hartford, but it isn't particularly close to the interstate or anything else noteworthy.
Overall - Sweetheart's is fairly mediocre overall, but the lap dances are good enough to make it a fun place if dances are your top priority. The problem for them is that they can't get by on lap dances alone when they're located less than 10 minutes away from some of the most aggressive (in a good way) dancers in the United States over at Electric Blue. If you're just passing through the area, the Blue is the way to go, but if you're always around here and are looking to mix things up, you'll probably have a decent time at Sweethearts. Honestly though, why would you want to mix things up from the Blue?
TOTAL SCORE = 43
Quality of Dances (16/20) - There's a lot of variation from girl to girl, but everyone offers a good grind with the help of the handles on the sides of the booths and allows full 2-way contact. Most of the girls also make at least some contact with their hands over the pants, and many of the girls offer extras.
Quality of Dancers (4/10) - Most of these girls are somewhat attractive but few if any of them are great. If you know the quality of girls at the other local clubs, I'd say that these ladies fall about midway between what you'd find at Kahoots in East Hartford and at the Blue in Tolland. The way they look wouldn't really be a problem though if it weren't for the the amount of wear and tear on most of these girls. Some nights, it isn't too bad, but other nights you can literally see the track marks. On those nights, even knowing how good the dances are, I just can't justify allowing any of the ladies to touch my pants.
Number of Dancers (1.5/10) - I saw two girls here during my first visit, and even though I was told that I was there at a particularly slow time, 8:30 pm on a weekday should never be that slow. There have been closer to a half dozen girls working during my other visits, but that's still not nearly enough. Plus the girls seem to spend a lot of time with regulars, so infrequent visitors might have a tough time getting a girl's attention without dropping some cash at the stage. And they don't even necessarily encourage that.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) - I've seen mostly young white girls at Sweethearts, but there's usually a least one Latina working as well. They employ girls of all body types, though you might not see too much variation on any given night since there might only be 2-4 girls in the place.
Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) - I've seen several girls just sit down with their top on and talk to a guy for the entire set. I just sit there with a wad of dollar bills ready to go, but a girl has to at least give a little effort if she expects a tip. You don't tip a waitress before she serves the meal, so I'm not sure why some ladies think they should get a tip before taking the titties out. The girls haven't been too bad to talk to other than that, but if you don't buy a dance fairly quickly, they'll be right back to the regulars.
Club Setup (5.5/10) - Though it isn't huge, the stage is fairly nice and is plenty big for two girls to dance at a time. The stage has a very wide edge that separates customers from the dance floor, but most of the girls just crawl around on it to get closer to you. The small 2-person booths that surround the stage are also a nice option if you're visiting by yourself or with one other guy. The bar is fairly small and is surrounded by flat screen TVs, but there are no TVs in the much larger main room. There's also there a pool table and a few decent tables there near the bar in view of the TVs. Overall, this place isn't particularly well thought out, but it's still a lot nicer inside than you'd expect from the parking lot.
Dance Setup (7/10) - Lap dances are given in nice large booths with large sides and a roof. It almost feels like you're getting into the cockpit of a strange R-rated space shuttle when you sit down. Even though there's no door on the booths, no one can see you unless they're walking by because there's a curtain down the center of the room that prevents people in the opposing booths from watching. Also, since the booths are in a separate area of the club, it's fairly rare for anyone to walk by. There are curiously bright lights in each booth, but most of the girls thankfully turn those off before they get down to business.
Atmosphere (1.5/10) - Sweetheart's seems safe enough, but the small bar and the tiny booths prevent it from being ideal for groups. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but I just generally don't get a great feeling from the place
Value (1.5/10) - I can deal with the $5 cover in the evenings, the $4 drinks and the decent topless stage action, but the $30 dances are brutal. Dances were recently $20 each, but I guess they assumed that the perfect time to raise prices by 50% is during a recession.
Accessibility (1.5/5) - Sweetheart's isn't too far from Hartford, but it isn't particularly close to the interstate or anything else noteworthy.
Overall - Sweetheart's is fairly mediocre overall, but the lap dances are good enough to make it a fun place if dances are your top priority. The problem for them is that they can't get by on lap dances alone when they're located less than 10 minutes away from some of the most aggressive (in a good way) dancers in the United States over at Electric Blue. If you're just passing through the area, the Blue is the way to go, but if you're always around here and are looking to mix things up, you'll probably have a decent time at Sweethearts. Honestly though, why would you want to mix things up from the Blue?
TOTAL SCORE = 43
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