Taboo Gentlemen's Club (Martinsburg, WV)

Quality of dances (7/20) – You can’t technically touch the dancers (they all seem fine with hands on hips or legs, just not elsewhere), but they can and will touch you. I was pleased with the grinding and boobies-in-my-face action, even if it was very much by the numbers. The girls are fully nude and eager to please, but not so eager as to offer any extras or allow full contact.

Quality of dancers (7/10) – All pretty, only one with fakies, and all with tight bodies. The lineup I saw on a slow Saturday afternoon was way above average.

Number of Dancers (4/10) – Hard to gauge given the time of the visit. There were more girls than guys in the club before a few more patrons filtered in, so my visit looked quite favorable. It sounds like this is a rare happening though; the bartender indicated that the previous night there were only five girls on, and that with the place packed.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (2.5/5) – Variety of body type gets high marks,with many shapes and sizes available. I appreciate a variety of different titty types, from big to small, firm to soft, and natural to natural-looking fakies. With only one girl sporting the implants, this looks like a win. Unfortunately, diversity consists of only one black girl.

Attitude of dancers (5/10) – Especially for their great bodies and beautiful faces, these are some of the least aggressive strippers I have encountered. They’re happy and easy to talk to, but not one of them asked if I wanted a private dance or even a drink. In my book, that's often a good thing; I prefers the subtle sell to the always-be-closing game found in most establishments. But here, the passiveness crossed the line into seeming apathy. Most were sitting around the bar and drinking or taking it easy. Perhaps they were tired from an exceptional shorthanded performance the previous evening (see Number of Dances comment), but it’s hard to believe they wanted to be on shift only to take their turns on stage once in a while.

Value (3.5/10) – Between 12pm and 2pm there is no cover, otherwise it’s $5. Drinks are $6 and served in the tiniest plastic cups obtainable. Private dances are $30 for five minutes, which is strictly enforced. I was heartened by obtaining a two for one coupon upon the paying the cover charge, but the dance seemed a bit short
of the full ten minutes. I’ll give Taboo the benefit of the doubt on that one, but it still leaves regular dances (no contact from you) at $30. There are no negotiations, as your dancer will head up to the man in charge, cut him his one third of the dance fee, and then head off with you for the allotted time. The champagne room gets you no extra contact. Yuck.

Dance Setup (7.5/10) – Private dance rooms have entire couches to lie back on and are very comfortable. The rooms are right next to the bar but they all have curtains for privacy.

Club Setup (8/10) – Taboo’s layout is near ideal. The main stage has plenty of chairs at the rail, with more comfortable seating in chairs and couches behind and a section further back raised up a few steps. All the stage action is viewable from any bar seat, so you should always be able to find the girl you’re looking for.

Club Atmosphere (5/10) – This is a very laid back club. Just right if you’re not into negotiation, not interested in extras, and all right with talking to some very down to earth dancers. Too laid back if you’re wanting to get your grind on and starting to wonder if you need to yell “Where my girls at?” to get someone’s attention.

Club Accessibility (2/5) – Right off route 9 in Martinsburg, WV is easy to find, but it’s a hike if you’re coming from Frederick or Hagerstown. Probably a godsend if you’re stuck in Virginia, where bottoms have to stay on and nipples have to stay covered.

Overall – I can deal with the one-way contact, but the lack of negotiation and the high prices bring down what could be a great club. The marquee outside the club makes it a point to advertise that Taboo is now serving food and there are wet t-shirt contests every Friday night. So what? I arrived at 2:10pm and still had to fork over a cover charge. Come on. The dances are paid for and done by the book, and that’s a huge downer. Just a few changes in policy would do wonders for this club, possibly enough to earn a Peter Tips seal of approval.

TOTAL SCORE = 51.5

Diva's (Kearneysville, WV)

Quality of dances (13/20) - It varies from girl to girl, but most of the dances are full contact, and a moderate grind seems to be standard.

Quality of dancers (6/10) - This place is full of West Virginia 9's, which means it's about a 6 overall.

Number of dancers (4.5/10) - There are usually 2 girls on stage, but there aren't enough walking around the club, and the dancer-to-customer ratio can go downhill quickly as the evening goes on.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) - Diva's has almost exclusively white dancers, but that's probably to be expected in West Virginia. At least they sometimes have some Russian ladies to mix it up a little bit.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) - Other than complaining about the local guys who come in and never spend any money, the attitudes are good. The lack of people getting dances has worked out in my favor though, because one Russian gave me a solid free dance in the corner of the main room "to show the other guys how good the dances are." I tried to at least give her a tip, and she wouldn't accept it. I don't think it worked to get anyone else to buy a dance, but I was so impressed that I bought a few from her. Maybe that was her plan all along, but I still thought it was worth a few points.

Value (5/10) - The cover and drinks are reasonable, but the lap dances are a little bit overpriced. I'm not a huge fan of table dances, but they're $5 and seem to be the most popular choice.

Dance Setup (8.5/10) - The dance rooms are great. You get a comfortable chair or a couch in your own decent sized room with a curtain covering the opening. There aren't many of these rooms, but not many people get dances, so it's not a problem.

Club Setup (2/10) - The seating is fairly cramped around the stage and the chairs suck. This wouldn't be too big of a deal, but if they're going to try to sell dances at the tables, they should at least make enough space for it.

Club Atmosphere (2/10) - This is a fully nude club with decent stage action. The atmosphere takes a big hit, though, because there seems to be some tension between the Mexican guys in the crowd and the older white guys. Also, 18 year-olds are allowed in without a wristband, so there are lots of jackasses hanging around.

Club Accessibility (0/5) - The club is about half way between Martinsburg and Charles Town, West Virginia, so it really earned this "0."

Overall - I wouldn't bother driving too far to get here, but it's easily the best club I have seen in the area, and is worth a visit if you're nearby.

TOTAL SCORE = 48.5