Deja Vu New Orleans (New Orleans, LA)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – I got a good grind and plenty of two-way contact, and even got some unsolicited offers for extra services.  As far as Bourbon Street dances go, these are quite good.

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – These ladies are a small step down from Hustler and Little Darlings, but are mostly pretty decent with a few stunners and a few not so great.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – They had more than enough ladies working for the slow night that I was there, with one girl on stage and several working the crowd at all times.

Variety of Dancers (2.5/5) – There’s a higher percentage of black dancers at Déjà Vu than at the other Bourbon Street Déjà Vu clubs (Hustler and Barely Legal), but there are still plenty of white women and a mix of thick and thin ladies. 

Attitudes (3/10) – These ladies aren’t unfriendly, but they hustle hard and several of them gave some of the most awkwardly delivered canned lines that I’ve ever heard.  I’m not going to hold one girl against the whole club, but I was particularly amused by the girl who called me a “scared chicken” because I turned down her offer of a BJ.  

Value (4.5/10) – They had a $6 cover on a night when most of the other clubs were free, but the $4 beers and 3 for $100 lap dances are both reasonable.  I was quoted $300 for the private dances upstairs, but was told that I’d be “satisfied” if I wanted to spend $200 and go to the last booth.

Club Setup (5.5/10) – The main room has very high ceilings and somewhat of a warehouse feel to it, but it’s still a decent club overall.  The main stage is reasonably large and has tall poles that allow for some tricks, there’s a standup bar along the right side wall, and a bunch of small tables with rolly chairs fill the rest of the room.   

Dance Setup (6.5/10) – Dances are given in nicely angled booths that are very similar to what they have across the street at Hustler, but the big difference is that there are no dance counting machines in here.  That’s a good thing if you negotiate a deal with your dancer and are sober enough to count.  It was a very bad thing for me.

Atmosphere (6/10) – The warehouse setting makes it a little weird and it’s definitely not upscale, but it’s still a good place to party with some friends.

Location (5/5) – As with all of the other Bourbon Street clubs, Déjà Vu has the perfect location.

Overall – Déjà Vu is a solid club that’s one of several places worth peeking your head into on Bourbon Street.  It’s not consistent enough for me to guarantee that you’ll have a good time, but it certainly has potential and you’re probably more likely to find extras here than at any of the other decent French Quarter clubs (Penthouse, Hustler and Barely Legal).

RAW SCORE = 58.5

North Hollywood Deja Vu (North Hollywood, CA)

Quality of Dances (13.5/20) – The narrow booths mean that you won’t be able to spread your legs to the optimal grind-inducing angle, but, otherwise, these dances are very good with full two-way contact often encouraged and almost always tolerated.  Several of the ladies implied that extra services would be available during the VIP sessions, but I got the feeling that this was more of a sales pitch than a promise, at least from most of them. 

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – Most of the ladies are fairly young and attractive, and I was surprised to see that there were less implants in the room during my visit than at most of the other clubs in southern California.  And you should particularly enjoy the sights if you’re into the porn star look, because several of these ladies are in the industry.  Though hearing about how a girl just finished shooting a blow bang scene didn’t really make her more attractive in my eyes. 

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There were about twenty women working on the Sunday night of my visit, and since the club was dead, that should have been more than enough.  Unfortunately, only one or two women were working the sparse crowd for most of the evening since everyone else was doing who-knows-what in the dressing room.  Still, the total number meant that patient customers had plenty of women to chose from.

Variety of Dancers (4.5/5) – They lose half a point because almost all of the ladies were on the thin side, but the variety was otherwise perfect.  Black, white, Latina and Asian ladies were all well represented. 

Attitudes (2/10) – A few of these ladies were nice, but overall, I was less than impressed.  My biggest issue is that most of them were content to stay in the dressing room, presumably waiting for their regulars to show up, rather than cultivating new business.  I could see if one or two girls were in bad moods and were doing that, but it was easily three-quarters of the workforce.   The worst were the girls who would line up on the stage for the dance specials, then walk straight to the dressing room without even giving customers a chance to give them some money.   If you don’t want my money, I’m fine with hanging onto it, but why even show up if that’s your attitude? 

Plus, when some of the ladies did mingle, I kindof wished that they hadn’t.  One in particular had a real attitude when I turned down her offer for a dance, saying, “Oh, so you’re just hanging out taking in the free show?”  No, I’ve spent a few hundred dollars on other girls over the last hour while you were busy sitting in the dressing room. 

Value (6/10) – Dances are a solid value, and since they have the dance counting machines, you can’t be ripped off.  If you’re not familiar with those machines, you insert your money before the dance, then it counts down the time until the end of the dance, when a red light goes on, alerting you that your dance is over unless you add more cash. The regular dances are $20 for about 3 minutes, dances in the couch area are $60 for three songs and the normal VIP price is $150.  The cover charge is a steep $20, but that’s understandable since this is an alcohol-free club and you can get free sodas throughout your visit.  Plus you can save half of the cover charge by printing out this free admission coupon – and, no, that’s sadly not a typo.  They claim that of the $20 fee to get in, $10 is for admission (that’s waived with the coupon) and $10 is for an “entertainment fee” that you still have to pay.  As long as you consider that money to be going toward the sodas that you’ll drink, it’s doesn’t seem like too much of a rip off. 

Club Setup (6.5/10) – This is a fairly large club, with a ton of small tables with rolly chairs spread throughout the room.  The crowd area is a little brighter than I’d like, but the lighting on stage is tastefully bright, and everyone has a nice view of the ladies.  The stage itself is fairly nice and they even have a rain making machine that can be a fun way to waste $20.  The way it works is that you put a $20 bill into the machine, and it will either give you 19 ones back or you can press a button so that it will rain 19 ones down on the stage.  It’s gimmicky, but I did it once to try it, and the girl came over afterwards and seemed to be genuinely appreciative to get her money that way rather than through the normal tipping routine.  And, since a happy dancer makes for a happy customer, it ended up being $20 well spent.   

Dance Setup (6/10) – The dance booths are tiny, but that has it’s pluses and minuses.  On the bright side, it means that you have a good bit of privacy, especially since they’re angled in a way that really prevents anyone from getting a direct view of what you’re up to.  The drawback, however, is that larger customers might feel a little cramped and your legs aren’t going to be able to spread wide enough to allow for maximum access.  Besides that, the only thing that’s noteworthy about the dance setup is the aforementioned dance counting machines, which really do add to the experience by eliminating the need to divert some of your attention from the girl to counting to make sure that you aren’t being ripped off.  I really wish every club had those machines. 

Atmosphere (2/10) – Maybe it was the lack of alcohol combined with the lack of a bar within walking distance, or maybe it was the long stretches of empty stage, or maybe it was the slightly rough looking crowd, but, whatever it was, the bottom line is that I didn’t particularly enjoy hanging out at this club.  It wasn’t bad enough to keep me away and I wouldn’t mind sticking around if a girl caught my eye, but I would never plan on spending my evening here.

Location (3/5) – The club is in an industrial part of North Hollywood beside the railroad tracks.  I don’t really know the neighborhood so I’m not sure whether it’s a safe area, but you can valet park your car in a garage inside the building for a few bucks, so you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. 

Overall – The North Hollywood Deja Vu is a nice club and is worth a visit if you’re in the area, but the fact that most of the girls hang out in the dressing room the majority of the time makes it frustrating to the point that I can’t recommend going too far out of your way to get there.  If you’re going to travel to get to a Deja Vu, just go to the one in the City of Industry, because it’s a significantly better club. 

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Deja Vu (City of Industry, CA)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – Just like at the other big City of Industry clubs, the lap dances are very nice with full two-way contact and enough of a grind to help the girls segue into their VIP sales pitch.  Back there, different girls have different limits (one was apologetic for only offering to lend a helping hand even though I hadn’t indicated that I wanted anything more than a lap dance), but you should be able to find someone who is willing to do whatever it is that you’re looking to have done.  It won’t be cheap and there will be some upsell if you agree to go to the VIP before you clearly agree to specific services for a specific amount of money, but that’s true everyone and isn’t nearly as bad here as it is at the Spearmint Rhino.  

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – A lot of these ladies are a little rough around the edges.  Most of them are passable but unspectacular and a few are just sloppy, but I’ve seen at least one stunner and a few pretty good girls during each of my visits.  As long as you’re patient, you shouldn’t have a major problem finding a few girls who are more than worthy of your dance money. 

Number of Dancers (8/10) – For a fairly small club, they have a ton of dancers, with more than two dozen lining up for the 2-4-1 cattle calls.  Unfortunately, that’s the only time that you’ll see them all since a large percentage of them is either in the dressing room or off giving dances, but there are still more than enough to choose from.

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – I couldn’t ask for any more from a club.  During my first night there I saw Asian chicks, white chicks, black chicks, Latina chicks, young chicks, old chicks, skinny chicks, chubby chicks and possibly even a chick who was born with a dick.  I can’t confirm that last one though. 

Attitudes (4/10) – The girls rarely sit with guys to chat and the “wannadance?” routine can get old quickly, but most of them are pretty friendly once you do get dances. Plus, the attitudes are significantly less important here than they are at any other club (other than a few other CA Deja Vu location), because they have no way to rip you off during the dances.  For the dances, you have to insert your money into a machine that counts down until the money is gone, then the light changes red and your dance is over.  If it’s a 2-4-1 or some other kind of special, the machine calculates that, so the girls couldn’t miscount dances if they tried.  Of course, they could still give shitty dances or not deliver on promised services, but that hasn’t been my experience at all.     

Value (8/10) – The $20 cover is steep, but sodas are free, no one tries to get you to buy sodas for girls and the stage value is excellent.  Shelby, in particular, put on the best stage show I’ve ever seen, with a nice mix of pole acrobatics, floor work and crowd interaction.  Even the pole cleaning routine is turned into a fun little production with the waitresses wearing sexy maid outfits and parading around while wiping it down.  More importantly, though, dances are an excellent value.   The topless version is only $10 each, but since I only had $20s, I just put them into the machine and it calculated the time for me.  If you’re looking for nude dances they’re $40 for some amount of time that’s longer than one song, but I couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone about how long they are.  VIP sessions are $150 for a half hour plus whatever you negotiate with the girls for specific services.  At those rates, everything is a decent deal anyway, but it’s even better if you wait for specials and/or go on the right night, since VIPs are only $100 on Thursdays, dances are 10% longer on Sundays and topless dances are frequently discounted to 3-for-$20. 

Club Setup (4/10) – The club is nice enough, but the circle of chairs lined up around the room is a little awkward.  There are at least a few benches in the back of the club, but there still aren’t enough seats for weekend nights.  The stage does allow for some good shows, though, since the two tall poles are able to rotate, allowing some of the more skilled girls to do some very impressive tricks.   The other thing that I like about the club is that they have a rain making machine that will rain down 19 ones over the stage for every $20 that you enter.  It’s gimmicky, but it’s a fun gimmick, and the girl gets the same out of money that she’d get if you got your ones at the bar since you’d tip a dollar for that anyway.  Unfortunately, the machine was out of order when I was there, but hopefully that was just a temporary problem.  If you’re really curious to try it, the one at the North Hollywood Deja Vu was working, though it’s honestly not cool enough to justify the drive.       

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – You’ll get your own booth for the topless dances, but you should know that these are much smaller than the average lap dance booth.  That’s both a good and a bad thing though.  On the bright side, the walls of the booth are so close to you that no one can really see what you’re up to, but the downside is that big guys might be uncomfortable and no guys will be able to spread their legs to the optimal angle for a proper grind.  The VIP area is much more private, especially in the last room, since the only opening to the large cubicle areas can be blocked with moveable fake trees.  The couches desperately need to be replaced, but they’re comfortable enough for whatever activities you want to do back there.  The dance counting machines are in the VIP area as well as the regular lap dance area, so you can monitor the countdown timer.  It’s based on dollars and cents rather than minutes, but it doesn’t take long to figure out roughly how much time you have left. 

Atmosphere (4/10) – This is another California club that decided that bottomless ladies add more to a strip club experience than booze.  I can’t say that I agree, but there is at least a bar next door where you can down a few beers before heading into the club.  As for the club itself, the seating arrangement makes it less than ideal for large groups and the crowd can be a little rough, but the music is a decent mix of rap and dubstep and, even though he’s incomprehensible, the DJ isn’t too obnoxious.  Overall, but this is a fairly comfortable place to hang out and has as much of a party vibe as an alcohol-free club can have.          

Location (3/5) – The City of Industry isn’t particularly close to anything and there aren’t many hotels in the area, but since you’ll be stone cold sober, it’s not a big deal if you have to drive a half hour to get home, and these clubs are worth the drive.  Deja Vu is only a few minutes away from the very nice Spearmint Rhino and the solid Synn, so the location is perfect for making a night out of hitting the clubs.    

Overall - The City of Industry Deja Vu is my favorite of the clubs that I've been to in California and my favorite of the half dozen Deja Vu clubs that I've been to.  The girls aren't as consistently hot as at the Spearmint Rhino or Synn, but this would be my first stop of the night to see if you can find a girl to your liking for less money than you'd spend at the other places.  

RAW SCORE = 61

Deja Vu Showgirls (Cincinnati, OH)

Quality of Dances (3/20) - These dances aren't bad by Ohio standards, but dances are generally a waste of time throughout the state and the Deja Vu is not the exception to the rule.  The dancers make some limited contact with customers if they keep their tops on or give topless airdances, but either experience is wholly unsatisfying.  

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies had better be attractive, because there isn’t a whole lot else to draw customers to an alcohol-free club with shitty lap dances.  Luckily, these ladies are well above average., thought I found most of them to be cute in a girl-next-door way more than hot in an I’m-willing-to-hang-out-in-this-drinkless-club way. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – I’ve only been here once, so you may want to take this score with a grain of salt, but there were more than enough ladies working during my visit.  The half-dozen dancers outnumbered the customers when I arrived in the late afternoon, and the number of dancers increased appropriately as time went by.  I’m not sure whether that was a good thing or not, since it really just sped up the “wannadance?” rotation, but there were at least plenty of ladies to look at. 

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – Every girl that I saw at Déjà Vu Cincinnati could have easily passed for being the sister of any other girl in the place.  Young, white and within 15 pounds of their ideal weight isn’t a bad thing by any means and you should be thrilled if that look is in your wheelhouse, but you’re out of luck if you’re tastes run a little more exotic. 

Attitudes (2/10) – It’s always frustrating when the first and only words out of a dancer’s mouth are, “want a dance?”  On a busy night, though, I understand that they can’t afford to waste time with a nonspender when there are so many other wallets in the building.  Of course, a lot of the guys who don’t “wannadance” might have proven to be big spenders if the girl had invested some time in chatting them up, but I at least can see where the girls are coming from.  But when the club is dead and the only alternative to cultivating business is sitting and chatting with other dancers and the dj, there’s really no excuse for that.  Sadly, that’s what happened over and over again during my visit.

Value (8.5/10) – It’s hard to beat a $10 cover that gets you free sodas and a view of the nude stage action (well, at least nude until midnight, thanks to politicians with seriously misplaced priorities).  The pole work isn’t as impressive as at the other Déjà Vu locations I’ve visited (Vegas, Lexington and several in California), but it still isn’t too bad.  The dances are a waste of time at any price, but at least it won’t be a costly mistake at two for $25 or 15 minutes of VIP dances for $75.  

Club Setup (4/10) – After walking down a long hallway at the entrance, you’ll reach a small shitty room with a shitty stage filling half of it.  This isn’t the main room, but it’s odd that it’s the first part of the club that you see.  Thankfully, the room off to the right is much nicer, with mirrored walls, a nice juice bar and a lot of small tables with plenty of chairs.  This room is also surrounded by the aforementioned lap dance booths, so you can discreetly check out a dancer’s lap dance moves before spending your own cash. 

Dance Setup (2/10) – I got my dances in a partially exposed area of the club that’s off to the left when you walk in.  There’s a long bench in there with small spaces to separate you from other dance recipients, but there’s nothing to block the view of anyone who is back there or the dj.  There are also booths surrounding the main area of the club, but they open right out to the crowd, so the privacy is no better there.  One nice touch, though, is the small stage in each of those booths so that the girls can give you a little preview while the previous song plays out.

Atmosphere (2/10) – Unfriendly dancers and a lack of alcohol are always a bad combination, and nothing about this place makes up for that fact.  It seems to be safe though, so you at least won’t have to risk life or limb to have a boring time. 

Location (2.5/5) – The club is several miles from downtown Cincinnati, but since there’s no alcohol, driving to get there isn’t a problem and they do have plenty of parking. 

Overall – Déjà Vu Cincinnati isn't a great club and ordinarily I’d tell you to avoid it, but your options are fairly limited in Ohio, so it could be worth a visit if you’re desperate to see some attractive naked ladies and don’t have the time to drive down to the vastly superior clubs in Lexington, Kentucky.  Personally, though, I’d save my cash.   

RAW SCORE = 39

Deja Vu Lexington (Lexington, KY)

Quality of Dances (6.5/20) – The dances at Deja Vu are fairly mediocre. I like the short preview that you get when the girl dances on the small stage in the dance booth and the dancers do make contact with customers, but the dj constantly announces to "keep your hands inside the ride at all times."  I assume that means that you aren't supposed to touch the dancers, but assuming that the dancers are the "rides," maybe I misinterpreted that.  Either way, I didn't get the feeling that tit grabbing would be acceptable, though minimal lower body contact is fine.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – Deja Vu has the biggest variation in quality of any of the local clubs.  They had the two hottest dancers that I saw on my Lexington strip club tour, but they also had a lot of worn out and mediocre girls taking up space.  Overall, the quality was decent but nothing to write home about.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – They have lots of dancers and a very nice dancer-to-customer ratio, but the limited number of really hot dancers prevents them from getting a overly high score here.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – Most of the ladies at this place are thin and white, and the really hot ones that I saw were all brunettes. Even though they were less impressive, I was pleased to at least see one or two African Americans to break up the monotony.

Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – Most of the ladies at Deja Vu are all business.  They aren't exactly rude, but if you don't get a dance right away, they probably aren't going to stick around for more than a few seconds.  Plus, this was the first place that I've ever been asked if I'd like to buy a drink for a dancer while getting a lap dance.  The blame for that obviously belongs with the waitress rather than with the dancers, but the result is nevertheless that you don't even momentarily forget that you're paying for these ladies' company.  

Value (6.5/10) – The dances are an okay value at $20 each, the $12 cover is reasonable for an alcohol-free club with free sodas, and the nude stage action is above average, but the real value comes from the crazy specials that they have.  Sometimes dances are $15, sometimes they're buy one get one free, sometimes you can get 2 girls at a time for the regular dance price, and sometimes they have something called "mystery dances."  Even after getting one of them, I still have no idea what the fuck they are.  Basically, they played some sort of achy breaky heart-ish country music and then announced a girl who was the mystery girl.  The girl who was dancing for me was the mystery girl, so I think I was supposed to get a free porn DVD or something similarly pervish, but I didn't bother to tell the DJ that I was the winner though, so maybe I'm wrong about the prize.  Either way, I was as confused as I've ever been while sober.  

Dance Setup (2.5/10) – You'd think that the setup would be decent since you get your own booth, but the opening faces directly into the main area of the club so everyone can watch your dance. It was particularly bad during one of my dances when a table full of girls stared in my direction while laughing hysterically.  I wish I'd know at the time that it was just a bachelorette party laughing at the bachelorette who was getting a dance in the booth beside me, because that dance was a very uncomfortable 3 minutes.  

Club Setup (3.5/10) – The club reminded me of a smaller version of Deja Vu's Las Vegas location, but it was a little more run down than the other Deja Vu clubs that I've been to and it was uncomfortably hot.  It's just one big room with a lot of small tables and rolly chairs, and there are a few tall tables in the back near the juice bar.  Everyone does at least have a decent view of the three-polled stage in the front of the room, but only one girl was on it at a time while I was there while I was there on a Saturday night.  

Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) – The vibe is pretty solid for an alcohol-free club and the DJ does everything that he can to pump up the energy level.  I don't usually enjoy a loud DJ and the weird jokey songs and mystery dances are a little over the top, but this guy is actually pretty good. As long as you manage to ignore the young jackasses that fill the place (this is the only strip club option in town for the under-21 crowd), it's easy to have a good time at Deja Vu.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Deja Vu is on the north side of Lexington and is very close to both Cowboys and Divas, and they have more than enough parking even when the club is hopping.  The only real drawback is that the entrace is in direct view of the main road, but I didn't really care about that since I'm not from the area and am shameless.  It might not be great for you, though, if you'd prefer to hide your strip club habit from anyone in Lexington.  

Overall –  Deja Vu Lexington is an okay club, but it's just not good enough in any individual aspect to overcome the lack of alcohol as far as I'm concerned.  That might be different for you if you're under 21 or are working your way through the 12 step program, but, either way, Deja Vu is a decent but unspectacular option for seeing some naked ladies in Lexington.  

RAW SCORE = 44