Quality of dances (6/20) – Unlike Encore, there's no sign on the front door of the club threatening a felony if you touch the dancers, but it is on the door to the dance room, and posted on the inside of every individual booth. I received solid one-way contact dances (alot of knee action), but I can't rate a dance very high at all when there is a felony warning right over my shoulder.
Quality of dancers (4/10) – There were about three attractive girls here, but unfortunately only one had a good stripper body, aka the requisite 1/2 inch of "filth" that provides a sweet, sweet dance. That being said, I did fall in love with a stripper. Also, I'm happy to report that there was not one set of fake tits in this club.
Number of dancers (4/10) – There were about 10-15 girls working; the rotation of girls was completed in about 45 minutes. However, there was only really one girl worth getting a dance from, and some stiff in a shirt and tie took up an hour of her time without getting a dance, and there was a backlog of customers waiting for her when she became free. She agreed to give me a dance, but then a guy offered to go into the VIP, and she vanished. If you ever consider paying $150 dollars for 30 min at the VIP at a club like this, you should save the money and go see a psychiatrist.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – Despite its proximity to the south side, there was only one Latina working, one darker skinned girl, one hot white girl, and ten girls who basically looked the same- in fact two were even sisters.
Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – The attitude of the dancers is the only thing that saves this club. For a one-way contact club, the girls give you an insane amount of stage play- motorboating, blowing of the ears, and they're aggressive on the stage! The girl who gave me a dance went out of her way to get Akon on for the dance, and the girls will sit with you, but you have to buy them drinks.
Value (1.5/10) – The value drops sharply the longer you stay here. $5 dollar cover, but they give you a free entrance voucher. $3 beers on special, but anything over $1.25 in MKE is highway robbery. You can get a $10 dance, but you really have to pay $25 if you are going to get a real dance, and that's way too much for a one-way contact dance. Tip walk is a ball-buster, and the girls will hustle you for $9 drinks if you allow them to hang around.
Dance Setup (0/10) – The $10 dance booths are on the main floor along the wall, and I swear they stole shoe-shine chairs/booths from the airport accross the street and stuck them along the wall. The $25 dollar room has a bouncer at the cash register an arm's length away the whole time, and you're in the same shoeshine-esque booth with nothing accross the front. Even for $150, you only get a half-wall blocking your view, but you get a leather couch. I dropped this value from a 0.5 to a 0 solely because there are signs in each booth reminding you of the felonious consequences of touching the dancers.
Club Setup (3.5/10) – You are basically forced to sit at the stage or the bar, which faces away from the stage. The stage has two circular areas where the girls dance, but not enough seats; when you sit in the middle, you can't see the dancers, and they rarely approach. There are tiny tables against the wall, but really only large enough for one person. When asked where groups should sit, the waitress pointed to a 2x4 with 5 chairs in front of it.
Club Atmosphere (4/10) – I spent 2 hours here, which was 1 1/2 hours too long. When you walk in, you can't even see the dancers due to all of the smoke in the air. The music was good at first, but degenerated into heavy metal. Since it is right next to the airport, the girls cluster around the stiffs in ties who act like they're going to spend money, but only waste the dancers' time. There's nowhere to really hang out, and you're going to get hustled if you stick around too long.
Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – The club is right by the airport, but really isn't that accessible from downtown. Most of the clientelle is just people staying at the hotels in the surrounding area.
Overall - For Milwaukee, this club seems decent. I would recommend it if you are killing time before a flight, or for a very brief stop in. This is definitely not a place to hang out with friends or not get lung cancer.
TOTAL SCORE = 34.5
Showing posts with label Milwaukee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Milwaukee. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Monreal's "Encore" Gentleman's Club (Milwaukee, WI)
Quality of dances (0/20) - Before you even get into the club, you know that you will not be getting a good dance. Posted prominently on the front door is the following sign "Do not touch the dancers. Touching the Dancers is a Class E felony punishable by 9 months imprisonment or $10,000 penalty." I took my chances with the law and got a dance anyways. As one dancer appropriately said "the dances are only $10 for obvious reasons." The most contact I got from the dance was the dancer's hand bracing against my knee as the rest of her body was arm's length away, with the occasional fake tit coming within 7 inches of my face.
Quality of dancers (3/10) - That being said, these could be the most attractive women in all of Wisconsin, minus the fake bombs. Only one girl in the whole place had real tits, and the fake jobs were so bad they look like a small child sculpted them with homemade play dough. This is clearly where Steve Carrell got the line "it was like a bag of sand" in the 40 Year Old Virgin. I can proudly say that I saw the oldest woman I've ever seen dancing in a club here; however, she danced in some sort of ball gown the whole time, only showing her mummified breasts in the last 20 seconds of the song.
Number of dancers (6/10) - There were girls pouring out of every mouse hole in the building. There were at least 15 senior citizens in the bar, and there was pretty close to a 1-1 ratio of girls to old dirty men.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (2.5/5) - Milwaukee's mixture of Latina women, old German beer maids and college students were all adequately represented. If you're into white women under the age of 46 or anything other than Hispanic women, you may be out of luck here.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) - I was only able to get two dancers to talk to me as they walked around for their "tip walk." The one was fairly friendly, and the other one talked hockey with me for at least 5 minutes, and selected a song just to taunt me for my hockey affiliations, so she seemed to enjoy her job. However, the other girl basically said that the club sucked, so it's mostly hit or miss.
Value (1/10) - $4.25 is the most I've ever paid for a PBR in my life. It won the Blue Ribbon, but not in the last 100 years. No cover, but I hear there's one at night. $10 for a dance might seem great, but you're better off driving down I-94 and buying a DVD at the trucker store for your $10. Also, no matter where you are sitting at the bar, the girls do a "tip walk" after they get off stage and expect you to give them a dollar regardless of your proximity to the stage or whether you could even see them dancing.
Dance Setup (0/10) - The room is basically just a half wall in the middle of the room with drapes over the front. There are individual chairs all next to each other with no dividers between chairs. There is some privacy, however, since no one ever gets dances here so you won't be bumping into other guys in the room. Also, the dance room shares a wall with the kitchen, so at lunch time the whole room just smells like fried fish.
Club Setup (2.5/10) - When you walk inside, it's basically just a bar; when you walk in further, there is a stage within view of half the bar, and there are seats at the stage and further away from the stage. If you aren't sitting at the stage or one of the three bar stools that face the stage, you're not going to have a great view.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - If you are an old man, part of a welder's union, or just drink because you hate your life, you will love this place. It's in the middle of a grave yard, and has a sign telling you that you will go to jail if you touch the dancers. Also, I'm 90% sure one of the guys was wearing a prison jumpsuit. The only way you will enjoy the atmosphere is if you treat it like a bar with overpriced beers and girls walking around with their fake bombs hanging out. One small benefit is the cigar ash tray at every table, although I doubt anyone has ever smoked anything but Marlboros or Kools at this place.
Club Accessibility (4/5) - I imagine this is the only reason people come here. It is right off of I-94 by Miller Park, and only about 1 block off of the freeway. They even have a free shuttle to and from Miller Park from the club. However, two sides of building are basically surrounded by a graveyard, so you almost have to come from the freeway to get here. Unsure of public transportation access.
Overall - If you want to get a fish fry, have a beer, and look at fake tits with senior citizens, this is your spot. Otherwise, I would not recommend this club.
TOTAL SCORE = 24
Quality of dancers (3/10) - That being said, these could be the most attractive women in all of Wisconsin, minus the fake bombs. Only one girl in the whole place had real tits, and the fake jobs were so bad they look like a small child sculpted them with homemade play dough. This is clearly where Steve Carrell got the line "it was like a bag of sand" in the 40 Year Old Virgin. I can proudly say that I saw the oldest woman I've ever seen dancing in a club here; however, she danced in some sort of ball gown the whole time, only showing her mummified breasts in the last 20 seconds of the song.
Number of dancers (6/10) - There were girls pouring out of every mouse hole in the building. There were at least 15 senior citizens in the bar, and there was pretty close to a 1-1 ratio of girls to old dirty men.
Variety/Diversity of dancers (2.5/5) - Milwaukee's mixture of Latina women, old German beer maids and college students were all adequately represented. If you're into white women under the age of 46 or anything other than Hispanic women, you may be out of luck here.
Attitude of Dancers (4/10) - I was only able to get two dancers to talk to me as they walked around for their "tip walk." The one was fairly friendly, and the other one talked hockey with me for at least 5 minutes, and selected a song just to taunt me for my hockey affiliations, so she seemed to enjoy her job. However, the other girl basically said that the club sucked, so it's mostly hit or miss.
Value (1/10) - $4.25 is the most I've ever paid for a PBR in my life. It won the Blue Ribbon, but not in the last 100 years. No cover, but I hear there's one at night. $10 for a dance might seem great, but you're better off driving down I-94 and buying a DVD at the trucker store for your $10. Also, no matter where you are sitting at the bar, the girls do a "tip walk" after they get off stage and expect you to give them a dollar regardless of your proximity to the stage or whether you could even see them dancing.
Dance Setup (0/10) - The room is basically just a half wall in the middle of the room with drapes over the front. There are individual chairs all next to each other with no dividers between chairs. There is some privacy, however, since no one ever gets dances here so you won't be bumping into other guys in the room. Also, the dance room shares a wall with the kitchen, so at lunch time the whole room just smells like fried fish.
Club Setup (2.5/10) - When you walk inside, it's basically just a bar; when you walk in further, there is a stage within view of half the bar, and there are seats at the stage and further away from the stage. If you aren't sitting at the stage or one of the three bar stools that face the stage, you're not going to have a great view.
Club Atmosphere (1/10) - If you are an old man, part of a welder's union, or just drink because you hate your life, you will love this place. It's in the middle of a grave yard, and has a sign telling you that you will go to jail if you touch the dancers. Also, I'm 90% sure one of the guys was wearing a prison jumpsuit. The only way you will enjoy the atmosphere is if you treat it like a bar with overpriced beers and girls walking around with their fake bombs hanging out. One small benefit is the cigar ash tray at every table, although I doubt anyone has ever smoked anything but Marlboros or Kools at this place.
Club Accessibility (4/5) - I imagine this is the only reason people come here. It is right off of I-94 by Miller Park, and only about 1 block off of the freeway. They even have a free shuttle to and from Miller Park from the club. However, two sides of building are basically surrounded by a graveyard, so you almost have to come from the freeway to get here. Unsure of public transportation access.
Overall - If you want to get a fish fry, have a beer, and look at fake tits with senior citizens, this is your spot. Otherwise, I would not recommend this club.
TOTAL SCORE = 24
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