Hi-Way Playground (Yukon, PA)

I won’t be able to write a full review since I wasn’t even invited to enter the main room of the Hi-Way Playground, but I saw more than enough to tell you that it’s definitely not worth visiting.

I wasn’t expecting a lot since I showed up in the afternoon, but it’s still pretty sad that the only girl in the building was working the front desk. The entrance to the club is in a room where they display a bunch of porn videos (no idea whether they’re for sale or if you can jerk off to them in their video booths, but I didn’t feel any need to inquire into that), and then you need to pay a $15 cover to get entry into the main room. The one nice thing about paying the cover is that you’ll then get free all-you-can-drink beer, but the girl at the front desk didn’t feel like dancing on stage, so she gave me the following options: 1) buy a lap dance from her; 2) buy a VIP dance from her; or, 3) get the fuck out. I chose option 1 so that’s what this review is based on, but I really should have chosen option 3.   

Quality of Dances (11/20) – My lap dance was actually fairly decent, with some solid grinding and a little over-the-pants mouth action, but it wasn’t anything special and wasn’t nearly as good as you’ll find down the road at the Filly Corral.

Quality of Dancers (4/10) - I don’t feel bad making generalizations about a group of dancers, but I really don’t want to rip an individual girl, so I’ll just say that the one I saw wasn’t bad looking, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see her. 

Number of Dancers (0.5/10) – Even for the day shift, one girl working the front desk and no girls working the club is unacceptable.

Variety of Dancers (0/5) – It’s not really fair of me to say they have no variety since I only saw one girl, but that’s the price they pay for only having one dancer working. Regardless, I’d be shocked if they ever have any non-white dancers (or customers) in this backwoods joint.

Attitudes (1/10) – I was already put off by the girl asking what kind of dance I wanted at the front desk, but her asking for a tip before the lap dance even started was the deal breaker.

Value (4/10) – It’s not a bad value if you just want to drink some beer and watch the stage if there’s actually someone on the stage, but $30 for lap dances (3 for $70 if you want the bulk discount) and $100 for 15 minutes of VIP dances aren’t great values, and those were the only options while I was there. 

Club Setup (0/10) – This is yet another category that I can’t fairly rate, but I didn’t get to see the main part of the club, so fuck ‘em.

Dance Setup (6/10) – Dances are given on old, uncomfortable couches in booths down a brightly lit hallway in the back of the club.  Although they don’t close the curtains for the regular dances, no one will be able to see you unless they happen to be walking to their own dances, but I assume doesn’t happen all that often.

Atmosphere (1/10) – Alcohol makes everything better, so the free beer is worth a point. This place is a dump though.

Location (0.5/5) – The club is right off of exit 53 of I-70 in Yukon, Pennsylvania about 45 minutes outside of Pittsburgh.  It’s only a few miles from the vastly superior Filly Corral and a Flying J travel plaza, but there’s really nothing else in the area that you’d want to visit.  The one nice thing is that they have plenty of parking, but that’s in a pothole filled gravel parking lot where you’re probably not going to want to take a nice car even if you inexplicably would otherwise want to visit this shithole.  

Overall – Even though I’m sure I didn’t see Hi-Way Playground at it’s best, I feel confident in saying that it’s almost certainly a really bad club no matter when you visit. Even if it were mediocre, though, it still wouldn’t be worth visiting since one of Pennyslvania’s best clubs, the Filly Corral, is just 2 exits down I-70. Just do yourself a favor and don't go here. 

RAW SCORE = 28

Filly Corral (Smithton, PA)

Quality of Dances (12.5/20) – These are some excellent nude lap dances.  You can't touch the crotch and I didn't get any signs that extras are available, at least during regular dances, but everyone provides a nice grind and most of the ladies encourage upper body 2-way contact.  Still, what they allow you to do isn't all that unusual.  It's what they're able to do that's really impressive.  Almost all of these ladies know how to work it with their knees, and I even witnessed one girl standing on the lap dance chair and working it with her foot.   That's not a move that I'd like to experience often, but a little variety is never a bad thing.  

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies redefine the strip-club-at-a-rest-stop scale.  When I first pulled up to this place, I was expecting a half dozen mid-forties enhanced bleached blond borderline lot lizards, but these ladies are genuinely hot.  During two visits, I saw one older dancer and one who could have stood to lose a few pounds, but the vast majority of the ladies in the place are all natural and would have been considered to be high quality even at a big city club.  As long as you're not expecting to see a bunch of 9s and 10s, you should be satisfied with these ladies.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – The Filly Corale is crawling with women.  There are always two ladies on stage at a time, the stage sets are usually just two songs long, and they don't repeat girls often.  Some of the girls hang out together near the stage, but there are always plenty of ladies on the floor and several working the crowd.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – You probably aren't expecting much diversity at a rest stop strip club in the middle of nowhere, and that's a good thing, because there's isn't much at this place. I've seen one black girl and one Asian in two visits, which means that about 95% of the ladies that I've seen have been white.

Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – Other than a few girls who don't work the crowd as much as I'd like, everyone here is really friendly.  Most of the ladies are actually good to talk to, and everyone that I've gotten dances from have plopped down on my lap to wait for a new song to start.  That should be standard in all clubs, but you have to request it at a lot of places.  I especially enjoyed the one girl who had a tattoo on her ass that read, "Your Name."  Now that's a girl with no plans of settling down anytime soon.  I also have to give some credit here to the club for promoting good interactions between customers and dancers.  Tips are appreciated for good lap dances, but the club has a sign up that tells you to talk to management if any of the ladies are pushy about it.

Value (7/10) – The nude stage action is very good, with a lot of ladies getting pretty graphic with lip spreading and some even allowing some tit grabbing at the rail.  The dances are a decent value at $20 each, and the $20 cover isn't even too bad since you get free beer.  Several of the Pennsylvania clubs that don't have liquor licenses give away beer, but it's been in tiny plastic cups everywhere else that I've been.  Here, you get cans of Bud Light.  I never thought that I'd be so excited about mediocre beer, but it's so delicious when it's (sortof) free.

Dance Setup (2/10) – The dance area is in a separate room from the main stage, but there's no privacy between the several customers who are usually getting a dance at the same time.  The half dozen chair in the room face each other and the room is way too bright, but at least you do get your own comfortable chair.

Club Setup (6/10) – The Filly Corral could pass for a dentist's office on the outside, but on the inside, it's pure strip club, and a pretty good one at that. There's a large, more or less rectangular bar that takes up half of the room, with a few restaurant style booths behind it and a nice but narrow two-pole main stage in front of it. There are also a few other chairs behind the main stage, two small overflow stages and a sectioned off floor level area called the "snake pit," but it seems like those are all rarely, if ever, used. Either way, I prefer to stay at the bar so that they can keep the "free" beers coming

Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – You probably shouldn't bring your uptight business associates here (they might be freaked out by the "no spitting" sign, but I love the relaxed blue collar vibe. This is the type of place where everyone just assumes that you drive an 18-wheeler, and if you start to think that every night on the road would be as fun as a night at the Corral, you'll wish you did.

Club Accessibility (1/5) – The Filly Corral is right off of the PA turnpike and is right beside the Flying J travel plaza, so it's basically the best location ever for truck drivers. Sadly, for the rest of us, this club is in the fucking boonies.

Overall – The Filly Corral is, without a doubt, the best club that I've been to in Pennsylvania.  Just a really solid joint with hot, friendly girls, solid dances and no glaring weaknesses.  I don't know if I'd bother to drive 40 minutes each way to get here from Pittsburgh, but I'll definitely drive 20 minutes out of my way to hit it anytime that I'm traveling to Pittsburgh.

RAW SCORE = 58