Blush (Pittsburgh, PA)

Quality of Dances (11.5/20) - I didn't get the feeling that extras are available, but most of the girls provide a decent grind and two-way contact is encouraged to varying degrees. Most of them welcome some breast groping and some girls have told me I could do whatever I wanted as long as I made sure that the camera didn't have a clear sightline if I wanted to rub their crotches. In the past, I've gotten a lot more teasing than quality dancing at Blush and it's possible that some of the girls still do that, but all of my recent dances here have been fairly good. 

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies are, for the most part, fairly attractive, but they’re a noticeable step below what you’d find at Cheerleaders.  For whatever reason, most of the black dancers that I've seen here haven't done much for me, but most of the paler ladies relatively young, in fairly good shape and in the 6-8 range.

Number of Dancers (4.5/10) – On Friday and Saturday nights, I've seen 15-20 women dancing which sounds fairly good, but it's actually not great considering that the club gets packed with so many customers that you can barely move. I hate to tell a club to raise their cover charge, but they need to do something to thin out the crowd on weekend nights, or they need to hire more dancers, because what they had just wasn’t getting the job done.  At non-peak times, I've found about half as many dancers, but since there's usually only a handful of customers, the ratio was much more favorable. 

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – I’m giving them a 3.5, but the variety at Blush is as about good as you’ll find in western Pennsylvania.  Most of the ladies are black or white, but I’ve seen a few Asians and olive skinned ladies as well, and there’s sufficient size variation. 

Attitude of Dancers (3/10) – These girls are nice enough once you talk to them, but like everywhere else in Pittsburgh, there are so many customers at prime time that the ladies don’t mind giving customers attitude, especially if they don’t think those particular customers are likely to be big spenders.   Ladies, maybe pissing a guy off won’t cost you anything tonight because you’re busy, but it will cost you tomorrow when the club is dead and the only potential customer is the guy you just pissed off. 

Value (4/10) – Everything is slightly more expensive than it should be with a $10 cover, $30 dances (a slightly discounted $79 if you buy 3) and $10 drinks, but nothing is too outlandish.  Plus, you certainly get more for your money from the nude stage action than you do from the topless show at Cheerleaders.  I was quoted $220 for a half hour upstairs or $360 for a full hour, but I'm not sure what exactly that includes.  

Dance Setup (6/10) – The chairs aren’t particularly comfortable, but you get your own booth with an opaque curtain blocking the view from anyone else.  I was told that there's a camera in there, but I didn't get the feeling that anyone monitors that too closely.  As an added bonus, they have TV screens in each booth that show the stage, so you can watch that if you're bored by the lady you're with.  Though, if you're bored by the lady you're with, why did you just give her $30 for a dance?      

Club Setup (2/10) – Blush is a small club with a narrow stage along the right side wall, a reasonably long but very narrow square bar in a raised area along the back wall and a small cage-like stage in a back corner, but most of the club is standing room only.   That would be awkward but tolerable under normal circumstances, but this place can get so packed that you’ll get more contact from other customers bumping into you than you could hope to get from the dancers.

Club Atmosphere (6/10) – This place can be cramped and just generally crazy, but it's actually a fun place to hang out for an hour or two, especially before or after a sporting event.  It's too crowded for large groups, but groups of about 4 guys or less should have a good time in here.  

Club Accessibility (5/5) – Blush is right downtown and is within easy walking distance of several hotels and the Consol Energy Center and PNC Park.  Parking can be a bit of a pain in the ass, but you can usually find street parking nearby, and if not, there's a parking garage right across the street.   

Overall - You can get better contact at Silky's in McKees Rocks, the girls are hotter at Cheerleaders and Club Erotica, and the Filly Corral is great if you're willing to drive for a half hour, but the combination of reasonably hot girls, fairly good dances, nude stage action, a full bar and a nice, relaxed vibe, makes Blush my favorite option when I'm in or around downtown Pittsburgh.    

RAW SCORE = 52.5

Filly Corral (Smithton, PA)

Quality of Dances (12.5/20) – These are some excellent nude lap dances.  You can't touch the crotch and I didn't get any signs that extras are available, at least during regular dances, but everyone provides a nice grind and most of the ladies encourage upper body 2-way contact.  Still, what they allow you to do isn't all that unusual.  It's what they're able to do that's really impressive.  Almost all of these ladies know how to work it with their knees, and I even witnessed one girl standing on the lap dance chair and working it with her foot.   That's not a move that I'd like to experience often, but a little variety is never a bad thing.  

Quality of Dancers (7/10) – These ladies redefine the strip-club-at-a-rest-stop scale.  When I first pulled up to this place, I was expecting a half dozen mid-forties enhanced bleached blond borderline lot lizards, but these ladies are genuinely hot.  During two visits, I saw one older dancer and one who could have stood to lose a few pounds, but the vast majority of the ladies in the place are all natural and would have been considered to be high quality even at a big city club.  As long as you're not expecting to see a bunch of 9s and 10s, you should be satisfied with these ladies.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – The Filly Corale is crawling with women.  There are always two ladies on stage at a time, the stage sets are usually just two songs long, and they don't repeat girls often.  Some of the girls hang out together near the stage, but there are always plenty of ladies on the floor and several working the crowd.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (0.5/5) – You probably aren't expecting much diversity at a rest stop strip club in the middle of nowhere, and that's a good thing, because there's isn't much at this place. I've seen one black girl and one Asian in two visits, which means that about 95% of the ladies that I've seen have been white.

Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – Other than a few girls who don't work the crowd as much as I'd like, everyone here is really friendly.  Most of the ladies are actually good to talk to, and everyone that I've gotten dances from have plopped down on my lap to wait for a new song to start.  That should be standard in all clubs, but you have to request it at a lot of places.  I especially enjoyed the one girl who had a tattoo on her ass that read, "Your Name."  Now that's a girl with no plans of settling down anytime soon.  I also have to give some credit here to the club for promoting good interactions between customers and dancers.  Tips are appreciated for good lap dances, but the club has a sign up that tells you to talk to management if any of the ladies are pushy about it.

Value (7/10) – The nude stage action is very good, with a lot of ladies getting pretty graphic with lip spreading and some even allowing some tit grabbing at the rail.  The dances are a decent value at $20 each, and the $20 cover isn't even too bad since you get free beer.  Several of the Pennsylvania clubs that don't have liquor licenses give away beer, but it's been in tiny plastic cups everywhere else that I've been.  Here, you get cans of Bud Light.  I never thought that I'd be so excited about mediocre beer, but it's so delicious when it's (sortof) free.

Dance Setup (2/10) – The dance area is in a separate room from the main stage, but there's no privacy between the several customers who are usually getting a dance at the same time.  The half dozen chair in the room face each other and the room is way too bright, but at least you do get your own comfortable chair.

Club Setup (6/10) – The Filly Corral could pass for a dentist's office on the outside, but on the inside, it's pure strip club, and a pretty good one at that. There's a large, more or less rectangular bar that takes up half of the room, with a few restaurant style booths behind it and a nice but narrow two-pole main stage in front of it. There are also a few other chairs behind the main stage, two small overflow stages and a sectioned off floor level area called the "snake pit," but it seems like those are all rarely, if ever, used. Either way, I prefer to stay at the bar so that they can keep the "free" beers coming

Club Atmosphere (7.5/10) – You probably shouldn't bring your uptight business associates here (they might be freaked out by the "no spitting" sign, but I love the relaxed blue collar vibe. This is the type of place where everyone just assumes that you drive an 18-wheeler, and if you start to think that every night on the road would be as fun as a night at the Corral, you'll wish you did.

Club Accessibility (1/5) – The Filly Corral is right off of the PA turnpike and is right beside the Flying J travel plaza, so it's basically the best location ever for truck drivers. Sadly, for the rest of us, this club is in the fucking boonies.

Overall – The Filly Corral is, without a doubt, the best club that I've been to in Pennsylvania.  Just a really solid joint with hot, friendly girls, solid dances and no glaring weaknesses.  I don't know if I'd bother to drive 40 minutes each way to get here from Pittsburgh, but I'll definitely drive 20 minutes out of my way to hit it anytime that I'm traveling to Pittsburgh.

RAW SCORE = 58 

Silky's (McKees Rocks, PA)

Quality of Dances (12/20) – Touching tits is usually tolerated and you can get a good grind from pretty much every lady in the place. The setup prevents thing from getting too intimate unless you pay for the VIP, but these are still the most consistently solid dances in Pittsburgh.

Quality of Dancers (2/10) – I've been less than impressed with the ladies that I've seen at Silky's. During my first vist, I saw one really hot dancer, one who wasn't too bad, two who were about a decade past their sell-by date, and two who were just disgusting. The elderly contingent was missing during my second visit, but the other proportions were about the same. I'm usually fine with sacrificing the quality of dancers for the quality of dances, but it's just ridiculous at this place. And good luck getting the really hot one or even the not-too-bad one away from the other customers long enough to get a dance.

Number of Dancers (2.5/10) – I've seen about a half dozen girls working during both of my weekend night visits. That wouldn't normally be too terrible, but since I was part of a fire code defying number of customers, the ratio makes it almost impossible to get a dance unless you come often enough for the girls to know you.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – I've seen one non-white girl total in two visits. There was at least a little size variation, but since they usually don't have more than one genuinely attractive girl working at a time, you're out of luck if that one attractive girl isn't your type. The one girl's teeth pointed in a variety of directions, but that's not really what I'm looking for in this category.

Attitude of Dancers (4/10) – I've seen several ladies who spent most of their time talking to their friends who showed up to watch them dance and the majority of dancers seemed annoyed to have to deal with customers. When I finally did get a chance to talk to anyone, the VIP room sales pitch was almost immediate, though it was at least fairly mild as far as sales pitches go. There are just so many guys per girl, at least during busy times, that they really don't have a reason to keep customers happy.

Value (8/10) – Since the four or five beers on tap are free, you really can't beat the $10 cover with fairly solid stage shows, and dances aren't too bad at $20 each either.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) – There are six couches lined up facing the same direction on the 2nd floor of the club. Since they all face a bouncer who sits at a desk in the front of the room, you almost feel like you're in class and he's the teacher. Thankfully, he rarely takes a peak, and none of the other dancers or customers can see you if you're on one of the two couches in the back, but it takes the fun out of grabbing titties when you feel like you're going to get sent to after school detention.

Club Setup (1/10) – This is a very narrow club with a tiny (unused) stage in the front, a long narrow stage that takes up most of the club, and a small area to stand in the far back. That area is a little tough to get to since the main stage fills up most of the area that you have to walk through to get to the back. Also, there's not really anywhere to sit other than one table in the back, the stage, or along a wall and the place just generally seems like a dump.

Club Atmosphere (3/10) – Silky's seems to be safe enough, but I find it to be depressing. It's just a lot of douchebag guys in their early 20's who don't know that nudity does not automatically equal awesome. The free beer can help you overlook some of the club's shortcomings, but I'd have to drink a dangerous amount to ever have a good time here.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Silky's is right down the street from Club Erotica and is an easy drive from downtown Pittsburgh.

Overall – It's rare for me to recommend against visiting a club that offers the best dances in any given city, but the girls at Silky's are so unattractive that I can't justify ever going back. I guess that if you're only interested in lap dances and you're ready for a club visit before prime clubbing time, it might be worth stopping by to see if you can spend some quality time with one of the few attractive ladies. Otherwise, it's just not worth competing with a room full of guys for the attention of girls who look this bad.

RAW SCORE = 39

Club Erotica (McKees Rocks, PA)

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) –  Two-way contact is allowed so long as you tip appropriately and the bed-style setup should be amazing, but the fact that there's absolutely no privacy makes it tough to relax and enjoy these dances too much.  I was almost glad that the ladies don't provide much of a grind since I wasn't in the mood to show off for all of the other customers in the room.

The other big drawback of these dances is that you don't have any interaction with the girls beforehand, so you might end up with someone who you just have zero chemistry with.  To get a dance, you go upstairs without the girl, then tell the dj who you want and he calls her up.  She gets no say in who she dances for and you don't get to feel out how into it she'll be, except at the stage.  One girl that I got a dance from came up the stairs and wandered around for a bit before realizing that I was the guy who had purchased her services.  I couldn't fill her in either since I had no idea who she was - I'd just told the dj to hook me up with a good one.  Once she realized that she'd be dancing for me, she said, "thank god it's you...I thought it was one of those black guys." I don't support that kind of racist attitude, but it sucks for the girls who get stuck dancing for guys that they're uncomfortable with and it sucks for the unwanted customers who just dropped $20 for a girl to go through the motions.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – These ladies are really hot, and on any given night, may be the hottest in Pittsburgh.  On other nights, Cheerleaders might edge them out, but I doubt that you'll ever be disappointed in the ladies in here.

Number of Dancers (3.5/10) – There are several girls on stage at a time, but they have insanely long stage sets, so you're out of luck for awhile if you don't like the girls that you see.  Plus, I have no idea where the ladies go when they're off stage, but they certainly aren't working the crowd.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Most of the dancers are relatively thin white chicks.  There were also a few thicker girls and one or two black dancers, but overall, the variety is adequate at best.

Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – These ladies were all very friendly, telling me some great stories about Penguins and Steelers players who are regulars.  Let's just say that Maxime Talbot doesn't only get the superstar treatment while shopping for cars.  I also enjoyed the one girl's response when I asked about the Pirates: "They probably come in, but no one in Pittsburgh would recognize them anyway."  The reason that they lose points is that you only really interact with the dancers while you're getting a dance.  A bouncer even escorts the girls while they walk from one stage to another, apparently to keep customers from talking to them.

Value (3/10) – You can't beat the beer value since you just pay $1 for the cup then drink for free.  It's their ingenious but borderline illegal way around the fact that they don't have a liquor license.  Unfortunately, nothing else is nearly as good of a deal.  Dances are $20, but the girls let you know that you're welcome to tip if you enjoy them.  The real killer, though, is that they have a $20 cover on top of the $5 mandatory valet, and they wouldn't budge on either fee even though they were closing in an hour and I parked my car myself.  Greedy bastards.

Dance Setup (2/10) –  The dances are given on bed-style benches kind of like what they have at Little Darlings in Las Vegas.  Sadly, the "beds" at Club Erotica are right out in the open and the room is very bright, so the bouncer and everyone else on the second floor of the club can watch you.  Whereas the "beds" at Little Darlings make for amazing dances, they just make for an awkward experience here since you're laying down in a room full of dudes.

Club Setup (3/10) –  The main area of the club is on the first floor of the building, and it has somewhat of a warehouse feel.  It's basically just a big rectangular room with four stages and not much else.  They have one large kidney shaped stage, 2 smaller stages and 1 tiny stage in the corner.  That means there's plenty of stage-side seating, but there better be since there's nowhere else to sit.

Club Atmosphere (3/10) – I really wasn't feeling this place.  They only played 80's music while I was there, but I hope/assume that it was some kind of theme night.  Worse yet, the insanely long stage sets and the way that the bouncers escorts girls around just make this a poor place to hang out.  It seems to be fairly popular, but mostly with the young jackass crowd.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – This place isn't far from downtown Pittsburgh and wouldn't be a bad cab ride to get to, plus it's right down the street from Silky's.  You probably won't be staying right by Club Erotica, but it's still easy to get to, and they have plenty of parking.  Even if it is valet only.

Overall – Club Erotica has some of the hottest dancers around, but, for me, that's just not enough to make up for lackluster lapdances, no dancer-customer interaction and plastic cup beers.  If attractive dancers were my top priority, I'd much prefer Cheerleaders in Pittsburgh-proper.  I would say that Club Erotica may be worth a look if you're already right down the street at Silky's, but even that can't be justified due to the $20 cover and mandatory valet.  The bottom line is that, even though Club Erotica isn't a terrible club, I just don't see myself ever going back.

RAW SCORE = 40.5

Cheerleaders (Pittsburgh, PA)

Quality of Dances (12/20) – I’ve found a ton of variation from one girl to the next,  but for the most part, these are very solid dances.  Tit grabbing was not only tolerated, but was actually encouraged, and more than one girl used her leg and mouth skillfully over the pants.  The dances are topless, but many of the girls adjust the bottoms to give you a full view.  Some of the other girls give dances that are satisfactory at best, but you should be able to have a decent time if you chose wisely. 

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – These ladies are Pittsburgh’s finest, which, surprisingly, is relatively fine.  I expected a little more quality control from a place that takes itself as seriously as this place does, but most of the girls were 7’s or 8’s, and the few girls who I’d rate below that were the affirmative action hires, which I’m ok with in a largely white city.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – Cheerleaders’ popularity is their downfall in this category.  They have 3 girls on stage at a time during the evening, and they’ve got several more ladies patrolling the crowd, but it can be nearly impossible to get a girl’s attention for a dance due to the large number of customers during  prime club hours.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – As far as I can tell, there aren’t a whole lot of Asians or Latinas in Pittsburgh, and the selection at Cheerleaders reflects that.  Still, I was happy to see a fair number of black dancers and some size variation in addition to the expected white blonds.

Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – I met a few very friendly dancers at Cheerleader’s, but way too many of them are picky about what customer’s they’ll talk to.  I understand that, from their point of view, the club is so packed that even if they piss off 50 guys, 50 other guys will still be willing to drop cash on them.  Still, it sucks if a girl you’ve been waiting for passes you by because she assumes that the guy wearing a suit has more money than you.  I guess that happens everywhere to some extent, but it was particularly blatant at Cheerleaders.  Or maybe I just noticed it more because, on this occasion, I wasn’t  the guy in the suit. 

Value (1/10) – If you’re going to have a mandatory non-complimentary valet service, you shouldn’t have a cover change.  It isn’t so much that it’s expensive, though that plus a beer usually adds up to $20 (it was $25 the night I was there because a fight was on TV), but it really just feels like a scam.  As does the requirement to get bottle service or pay a $2 upcharge on beers to sit at one of the tables. The dances are an ok value at $25 and the topless stage action doesn’t cost much due to the distance between the bar and the stages, but I’m knocking them down on this because you’ll walk of here feeling like you got scammed. 

Dance Setup (4.5/10) – Dances are given in a separate room from the main area of the club on several individual small benches.  The benches are angled so that you’re facing, at most, one or two other benches, and the benches have high backs, so no one will be able to peak over your shoulder.  So, overall, it’s fairly solid if the club isn’t too crowded and the girls properly distribute customers.  Unfortunately, when the club is crowded, and it usually is, at least one other customer/dancer pair will see what you’re up to.

Club Setup (6/10) – This is a nice club overall with a set of stairs coming down to a center stage and two satellite stages off to the sides.  Each of the satellite stages is several feet away from a large bar area, so you get to toss balled up 1’s at the girls and don’t need to tip a whole lot, but interaction with the girls at the stages is non-existent.  My biggest complaint, though, is that there aren’t really any tables unless you sit in the bottle service area around the perimeter of the club, but I refuse to do that on principle.  On the plus side, they have the often overlooked but always appreciated beer shelves at the urinals.  Those things really should be standard at any decent club.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – This place is a little on the upscale side, but the vibe is still relatively relaxed and the crowd is good.  I probably wouldn’t come here with a large group due to the lack of tables (fuck bottle service), but it’s a solid place to hang and down a beer or two with a few buddies.  Be forewarned though, they sell cigars and allow smoking inside, so you may want to take that into consideration if you have to explain your stench to anyone.    

Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – Cheerleaders isn’t really within walking distance of most of the places that you’d want to be in Pittsburgh, but it’s not far from anything and is relatively close to the original Primanti Brothers location.  I recommend going there after the club though, because you probably won’t feel like having a girl grind on your lap for a while after pastrami, cole slaw and french-fry deliciousness.   

Overall – Cheerleaders is a nice club.  Not great, but nice.  Other than the bullshit pricing, they’re unspectacularly adequate across the board.  I probably prefer Blush overall, but if an upscale club with the most attractive dancers in the Burgh sounds like something that you’d be interested in, Cheerleaders is the place for you.

TOTAL SCORE = 52