Platinum Premier (Worcester, MA) - CLOSED

Quality of dances (4/20) – If lap dances are as important to you as they are to us, don’t bother coming to Platinum Premier. There’s 1-way contact, but even that isn’t very aggressive. A bouncer stares at you while you’re getting a dance, so even in the unlikely scenario that you find a cool dancer, you still won’t be getting away with anything.

Quality of dancers (7/10) – There were a few very hot young dancers, but even though the quality is fairly good overall, it isn’t up to the level that you’d expect for a place that looks this nice.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – Hurricane Betty’s is a hole in the wall club just down the street from here, and it had significantly more dancers than Platinum Premier. A club that’s this big should have several girls on stage and several talking to customers, but they did not.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – There’s some variation in body type and age, but you’re going to find mostly white girls in here.

Attitude of dancers (2/10) – The nice building gives these girls the idea that they’re special for working here, and most of them act like it. You’d think that the dancers would be happy that I’m giving them $25 to do not much of anything, but the one girl basically called me cheap because I wouldn’t pay double for her and her roommate to dance for me at the same time. I’ll admit that I was intrigued, but I’m never going to pay $50 for a dance, especially if it’s not full contact.

Value (2/10) – The cover is $6, presumably to prove that they’re more exclusive than all the other clubs that only charge $5 to get in. Drinks are another $5, and the dances are $25. You can throw dollars on the stage, but the girls pay much more attention to the pole than they do to the customers.

Dance Setup (3/10) – The benches are decent and most of the customers can’t see you, but those are the only positives of the dance setup. There are no partitions and there’s a bouncer standing right beside the dance area who watches all the lack of action.

Club Setup (5.5/10) – This is one of the nicer strip club buildings that I’ve been to, but they don’t even come close to maximizing the potential of the space. They have enough room for a lot of decent sized tables in the stage room, but instead, they just have rows of 2-person tables lined up against each other, making it more like a movie theater than a gentleman’s club. The bar is in another room, out of view of the main stage. There’s a smaller stage near the bar, but no one was on it when I was there.

Club Atmosphere (2.5/10) – Even though this is a nude club, it’s very sterile, and seems more like a trendy steakhouse than a strip club. This wouldn’t be my top choice for a place to get dinner, but I’d be much more likely to come here to eat than I would be to come for a beer.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – Platinum Premier is right down the road from Hurricane Betty’s and Holy Cross, and they have a large, fairly secure parking lot.

Overall – If you’re looking to take your girl to a club to show her that strip clubs aren’t seedy and that she wouldn’t object to anything that strippers will do to a guy, this might be a decent place to take her; otherwise, I’d avoid Platinum Premier.

TOTAL SCORE = 32.5

Hurricane Betty's (Worcester, MA)

Quality of dances (8/20) – The dances are nude, and even though some of the girls allow 2-way contact, most do not. Also, the bouncer checks in during the dance to make sure that you aren't having any fun. Extras would not be possible here due to the set up, but one of the dancers hinted that she's available outside of the club. Another dancer called her a "dirty hoe," but I'll take a dirty hoe over a prude any day.

Quality of dancers (5/10) – I have not seen any total stunners, but a few come close and help the score.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – The rotation was pretty solid, but there was only 1 girl on stage and 1 or 2 girls circulating most of the time during my day shift visit. There were several more girls in the dressing room, but they only came out when they were on stage. On a few packed Thursday nights, however, there were at least 15-18 girls in this small but cozy club. Props to the owner for rounding up the women.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (3.5/5) – The variety of dancers is probably the best thing about this club. It was about an even split between white, black, and Latina dancers, and there was even one older Asian during the day shift. Since returning, I did not see any Asians, blacks, and only 1 Latina. The diversity among white girls (thick/thin/big tits/little tits/tan/blonde/brunette) is pretty amazing. The only thing missing was a fire bush.

Attitude of dancers (6/10) – Most of the dancers look happy to be there, but a few of the girls are almost too friendly. One dancer wouldn't get off my lap even though I wasn't buying her drinks or tipping her, to the point where I couldn't go to the stage or get dances from anyone else. She was giving me more action for free at the table than I got during the dances, although that still isn't saying much. The ratio of dancers who give the always dreaded, "hi, wanna dance? No? See ya.,", to the more talkative bunch hurts this score, but the proud few keep it from dipping too low.

Value (5/10) – The cover and drinks are both $5 if you are over 21 ($20 if under), but the dances are overpriced at $20 and the stage action is below average even though it's fully nude. Beers are $5.50, and the waitress is super hot (though not a day over 18). Before she was told otherwise, I convinced her to let me do a tequila body shot off of her gorgeous rack, complete with salt and lime on either side.

Dance Setup (1/10) – There's a row of chairs along the wall in the main room for the dances. Even though a curtain keeps people at the stage from seeing you, it doesn't stop the other girls who are giving dances from watching and it's low enough that the bouncer can look over the top. Everyone who walks in can take a peek as well. There is a "champagne" room, but even the girls tell you it's not worth your time. That's the only advertisement I needed to avoid it all together.

Club Setup (2/10) – There are a lot of tables and the stage is fairly large, but the club is tiny and can be cramped if it's even remotely busy. There are very few places to sit where the speakers aren't exploding your ear drums as well, so it's hard to navigate a comfortable place to sit.

Club Atmosphere (2/10) – This isn't exactly a shady club, but something just doesn't seem quite right about it. It's down the street from Platinum Premier, and probably gets most of it's business from the 18 year old college kids who need a lesson in strip club etiquette, pronto.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – Hurricane Betty's is near Holy Cross, not far at all from downtown Worcester. They have their own free parking lot, but I wasn't overly confident that my car would be alright while I was in the club. I didn't have any problems though.

Overall – This club, in my eyes, is Rachel Ray. Rachel Ray is an enigma. Is she hot? Is she fat? What size are her tits? I can never tell. The same can be said for Hurricane Betty's. If you find the right girls in the club, you'll have a great time. If not, it could be a disaster.

TOTAL SCORE = 43.5

Lamplighter II (Worcester, MA)

Quality of dances (13/20) – I really struggled with rating the dance quality at this club. Here was my initial review:

If you're there for the dances, you won't be disappointed at the Lamplighter II. I've frequented nearly every strip club in Massachusetts, and I can say with confidence that these dances are the best the Bay State has to offer. Dancers were extremely aggressive with contact in both directions, to the point where even an experienced club-goer might blush with modesty. Normally, this rating would be a 17 or 18, but because it derives from a limited sample size, it was knocked down for the sake of prudence.

Sadly, later visits brought it back down to earth. The dances here are very unpredictable. The same girl who amazed me on my first is no longer there and there are a few others whose give outstanding dances, but there are also girls who give dances that are average at best. The bouncer will occasionally yell at the dancers who allow 2-way contact, but they don't seem to worry too much about that. Still, you're probably better off assuming that the dances will suck, then being very pleasantly surprised if you get the right girl, rather than the other way around.

Quality of dancers (3/10) – Certainly not Worcester's finest, but seriously, look at the picture of this place: What were you expecting? Despite this rating, I'm confident that you'll find at least one dance-worthy woman at any given time.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – Even on their best day, it's rare to see more than 5 dancers here, and it's not unusual to see fewer than that. Sure, this is a small club, but three dancers at 4 PM is an unacceptably low number, particularly when one isn't even walking the floor. There can be a decent post-work crowd of 10-15 guys (many of whom seemed to be regulars), so they can't justify these numbers on a lack of patrons. Also, at Centerfold's two hundred meters down the road (a similarly crowded club), there are often three or four times as many dancers working on the afternoon shift.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (3.5/5) – Because of the lack of women, it's difficult to fairly judge this category. However, the three who were present on my first visit did present a wide range of options: skinny blonde pasty-white girl, thicker black woman with enormous cans, and an olive-skinned white woman with dark features and lovely lap dance hips. When it's busier, the amount of pasty-white girls and thicker black women goes up, but sadly, the one olive-skinned beauty has moved on. Speaking of which, if anyone knows what Denise is up to these days, shoot me an email.

Attitude of dancers (4/10) – I've been disappointed by the lack of rounds made by the women and am generally ambivalent about their attitudes. Most of them aren't bad, but there are usually one or more who don't seem to be all there mentally.

Value (6/10) – No cover before 6 and $5 after that. It's a little ridiculous that this place has the balls to ever charge a cover, but it's in line with industry standards. Beers are also a standard $4-5. At $20, the dances are a tremendous value, and certain dancers will make the stage action worth your time. I just wish that the asshole-flex stage move would be banned from all establishments nationwide. Customers should get paid to watch that nonsense.

Dance Setup (6.5/10) – The dance setup here could be amazing, but doesn't quite live up to its potential. Dances are conducted in large comfortable chairs in a curtained-off room providing significant privacy. However, that room is directly next to both the front door and the smoking patio, so people are constantly walking by and could sneak a peek if they wanted to. Also, because there are two chairs in the room, it's possible to be getting a dance right next to another dude in the private room. The shitiness of that situation speaks for itself. Of course, this shouldn't be a problem for you, because the readers of Stripperpoll will know to refuse to dance in a currently-occupied room.

Club Setup (2/10) – Decent for a dive bar, awful for a strip club. Half a dozen tables dot the tiny floor space and the stage is smallish and lined with uncomfortable wooden chairs. No matter where you are, you feel like you can't just relax and hang out. Also, during the day, the open door to the smoking patio allows daylight to pour in to an otherwise dark club, which is never a good thing.

Club Atmosphere (3.5/10) – At the time this club was originally reviewed, this rating was a 4.5, based mostly on the fact that the DJ played Shawty is Da Shit by The Dream, a Stripperpoll favorite. But now that the excitement from that song has worn off, it's clear that a 3.5 is more accurate. There really isn't much positive to say about Lamplighter II's atmosphere. As was mentioned above, it's basically a dive bar with no remarkable characteristics.

Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – Located about 5 miles outside of Worcester on the SW Cutoff (route 20), Lamplighter II is a little far for a cab ride from downtown, but it's otherwise easily accessible by car.

Overall – Lamplighter II is all about dance quality, and if you're anything like me, you'll appreciate that. You'd never want to have a bachelor party here, but it works well for an after work beer and dance. Come in with the right expectations and you should leave satisfied.

TOTAL SCORE = 47

Centerfolds (Worcester, MA)

Note: This review is for Centerfolds at 229 Southwest Cutoff, Worcester, not to be confused with Centerfolds 2000, which is a few miles west of here.

Quality of dances (14/20) – These are some of the best dances that you'll get in Massachusetts. The dances are nude and the girls are very aggressive with grinding and over the pants rubbing. I assumed that the usual no-touching rule applied based on the sign so I wasn't participating too much, but some dancers will grab your hands and put them on their tits, so no complaints there. I get the feeling extras are offered by some girls, so choose wisely if that's your thing.  Refer to the beginner's guide so you have a better idea of what type of girl to look for.

Quality of dancers (5/10) – If they fired half the girls that work here, they could rate at least a 7 for quality of dancers, but they have a few of the worst dancers that I've ever seen. I thought one girl was constantly walking around with a top on but no bottoms, but it was just that her FUPA was covering it up. On the flip side, there were several knockouts and my silicon detector showed no signs.

Number of dancers (8/10) – There were 10+ dancers in the mid-afternoon, and probably about a 1/1 dancer to customer ratio.  On a Friday night there were 12-15 girls, and the ratio was definitely in my favor until 12:30am when the biker bar across the street spilled over onto the scene.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (4.5/5) – It was a fairly even mix of black and white, and one very outgoing Brazilian (when aren't they?). We even spotted an Asian waitress with great curves.  You could find just about any body type or age that you want in here.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – Before I even ordered two shots of Jameson, my friend and I were greeted by the massage girl, shot girl, and two friendly dancers.  This is pretty aggressive behavior compared to the last few times I was here, but the ratio was great for me so it appears the dancers were paying attention to that.  Throughout the night, I was approached by six girls without even making eye contact and only one of them gave the dreaded, "Hi, do you want a dance? No? Bye."  That's a pretty solid batting average...and I wasn't even wearing a suit.

Value (6/10) – Beer is $5.50, the cover is $5 in the evening, and the dances are $20. $20 really isn't a bad price to pay for these dances though.  A drink from the shot girl was a reasonable $7, especially since she was very friendly and lets you take the shot off her chest (the finest way to imbibe, in my opinion).

Dance Setup (3/10) – The dance room is off to the side of the main room, but people at the right angle can see right in. The room is open and there are benches around the walls, and strangely, it's brighter in here than in the rest of the club. It isn't terrible if you're the only one getting a dance, but it would be terrible to be in there with other people, which you always will be on a weekend night.  A simple separator to give some privacy between you and the guy next to you would make this much more bearable. 

Club Setup (1/10) – This club is tiny and there isn't really anywhere to sit other than the stage, the tiny bar, or the small row of bench seats that have no dividers.  Since guys sit here, and guys don't like to sit next to each other, we all conform to the every other urinal rule, so while there is room for maybe 12 guys total, it's really more like six.

Club Atmosphere (1/10) – The vibe in here isn't terrible with the nice TV and friendly girls, but the lack of seating makes it awkward if the place is even mildly busy and you have nowhere to sit.  Not having a real table to chill at makes it tough to want to stay here long if you're with a friend or a large group. 

Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – The club is only a few minutes from Worcester, but it's probably not cab-able. Also, Centerfolds is within walking distance of Lamplighter II, so if you don't like what you see here, it's easy enough to change venues.

Overall - Mario's in Webster (about 15 miles away) is a better club overall, but the dances here and down the road are good enough to make these clubs worth a visit to mix things up if you're not up for driving further to a better club. And please don't confuse this club with Centerfolds 2000 (aka Centerfolds Worcester), because that place is the exact opposite of this one with hot girls, an upscale atmosphere and terrible dances.

TOTAL SCORE = 51