Adelita Bar (Tijuana, Mexico)

Quality of Dances (0/20) – There are no lapdances at Adelita  The thought is that no one would want to get a dance from a girl when they could just as easily bang them in the motel upstairs and, for the most part, they’re probably right.  Having said that, there are plenty of guys who love dances but draw the line somewhere short of fucking a Tijuana hooker and there are other guys who would be willing to pay $20 as a warmup for the real action, so I was disappointed by this.   A lot of the ladies rub your crotch, some hop on your lap for the sales pitch and one even offered to dance for me if I paid her the going rate for fucking, but I’m not counting any of that as lapdances.   

If you’re looking for sex, though, you’re in luck.  Once you find a girl you like, you offer her $60 and she’ll take you to the motel upstairs for a bj and sex (both with a condom).  You can probably negotiate anal or a bareback blowjob with some of the girls if you’re willing to drop some extra cash, but I can’t imagine coming here so often that you’re bored by the straightforward options.  They aren’t allowed to have the rooms right in the club, so you have to take a few steps outside of the front door of the club, then you go right up the stairs to a room with a bed, a shower and a toilet.  It’s nothing fancy, but it’s good enough for what you need, and it’s surprisingly clean.  The half hour time limit is strictly enforced by the motel employees, so you shouldn’t waste too much time getting down to business if you’ve got some stamina, but the actual sex if going to be as good as the girl you chose.  If you invest some time into looking around the club and finding a girl who you have at least a little chemistry with, you should not be disappointed.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – There are some stunning Mexican dancers at Adelita, but I find them to be a slight step down from what I've seen at Hong Kong.  There are a few more implants and the average age is a little older here, but it would still take a very demanding customer to not be impressed by the overall talent level and in awe of a few of the ladies.

Number of Dancers (9/10) – There are usually around 3-5 ladies dancing at a time, and the room is always filled with ladies working the crowd.  The place was packed with customers, but there were still more than enough dancers to keep everyone satisfied.

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – The ages range from barely legal to late 30’s, there are plenty of natural and fake tits, they’ve got dark skinned and light skinned ladies and several of the dancers have dyed blond hair, but if you don’t like Mexicans, you’re SOL.  Fortunately for me, I love Mexicans.   

Attitudes (4.5/10) – There can be a bit of a language barrier here if you don’t speak Spanish, but I did find that it seemed to be less of an issue at Adelita than at Hong Kong, probably due in part to their ages. More of the Adelita dancers have been around since back when Americans regularly came down to Tijuana to party, but the early 20’s crowd has never had that, so they’ve never had a real reason to pick up English.  If you can manage to understand them, they’re all very friendly and and make lots of generous promises that I’m sure most of them keep.

Value (10/10) – There’s no cover, ice cold Sol is $3.25 and you can basically do whatever you want at the stage for a buck.  Want to show appreciation for the show? A dollar.  Grab a tit? A dollar.  Insert a finger?  A dollar.  Lick some puss?  A dollar, though you might want to save your cash for some antibiotics if eating out a Tijuana prostitute sounds like a good idea to you.  For the price of a $7 lady beer, you can have someone join you at your table, and most of them will sit on your lap or rub your crotch while they down their beer. If you’re looking to actually bang these ladies, the going rate is $60 to the girl plus an additional total of around $15 for the room, the robe for the girl to cover up while you take the two steps to the motel, and the guys who straighten up the sheets when you’re done. 

Club Setup (7/10) – There’s just one large room to Adelita.  There’s a long bar off to the right when you walk in, several stages throughout the room, booths around the outer walls and some additional booths closer to the stages.   The lighting is good and it’s just generally a nice setup to check out the ladies whether or not you plan on doing anything else with them. 

Dance Setup (0/10) – No dances equals no dance setup. 

Atmosphere (6/10) – It’s a little more laidback than the party over at Hong Kong, but it’s still clear that everyone is here to have a good time.  Their security staff supposedly looks out for Americans to make sure that you aren't drawing the wrong type of attention, but the fact that you can never fully let your guard down knocks this score down a little from what would otherwise be a 9/10.  

Location (0/5) – Park on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Adelita for $5.  The driver will try to convince you that other clubs are better because other clubs pay a better kickback, but stick to your guns – Adelita Bar and Hong Kong are the only clubs you should consider.  Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money.  If your only knowledge of Tijuana comes from sensationalist U.S. news stories, you might be a little nervous about heading to this club, but you should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off, particularly if you keep your visit to daylight hours. Still, the need to cross the border to go to Adelita makes it impossible for me to give them any points for location. 

TOTAL SCORE = 46.5

Overall = Adelita is a good but not great strip club.  It can’t hurt to peek your head in if you’re at Hong Kong anyway, but it’s really not worth going to Tijuana strictly for Adelita if you’re truly just looking to do some sightseeing.  Having said that, it’s an excellent brothel, so it’s worth the effort to get here if you're planning to take full advantage of their services. 

Hi-Way Playground (Yukon, PA)

I won’t be able to write a full review since I wasn’t even invited to enter the main room of the Hi-Way Playground, but I saw more than enough to tell you that it’s definitely not worth visiting.

I wasn’t expecting a lot since I showed up in the afternoon, but it’s still pretty sad that the only girl in the building was working the front desk. The entrance to the club is in a room where they display a bunch of porn videos (no idea whether they’re for sale or if you can jerk off to them in their video booths, but I didn’t feel any need to inquire into that), and then you need to pay a $15 cover to get entry into the main room. The one nice thing about paying the cover is that you’ll then get free all-you-can-drink beer, but the girl at the front desk didn’t feel like dancing on stage, so she gave me the following options: 1) buy a lap dance from her; 2) buy a VIP dance from her; or, 3) get the fuck out. I chose option 1 so that’s what this review is based on, but I really should have chosen option 3.   

Quality of Dances (11/20) – My lap dance was actually fairly decent, with some solid grinding and a little over-the-pants mouth action, but it wasn’t anything special and wasn’t nearly as good as you’ll find down the road at the Filly Corral.

Quality of Dancers (4/10) - I don’t feel bad making generalizations about a group of dancers, but I really don’t want to rip an individual girl, so I’ll just say that the one I saw wasn’t bad looking, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see her. 

Number of Dancers (0.5/10) – Even for the day shift, one girl working the front desk and no girls working the club is unacceptable.

Variety of Dancers (0/5) – It’s not really fair of me to say they have no variety since I only saw one girl, but that’s the price they pay for only having one dancer working. Regardless, I’d be shocked if they ever have any non-white dancers (or customers) in this backwoods joint.

Attitudes (1/10) – I was already put off by the girl asking what kind of dance I wanted at the front desk, but her asking for a tip before the lap dance even started was the deal breaker.

Value (4/10) – It’s not a bad value if you just want to drink some beer and watch the stage if there’s actually someone on the stage, but $30 for lap dances (3 for $70 if you want the bulk discount) and $100 for 15 minutes of VIP dances aren’t great values, and those were the only options while I was there. 

Club Setup (0/10) – This is yet another category that I can’t fairly rate, but I didn’t get to see the main part of the club, so fuck ‘em.

Dance Setup (6/10) – Dances are given on old, uncomfortable couches in booths down a brightly lit hallway in the back of the club.  Although they don’t close the curtains for the regular dances, no one will be able to see you unless they happen to be walking to their own dances, but I assume doesn’t happen all that often.

Atmosphere (1/10) – Alcohol makes everything better, so the free beer is worth a point. This place is a dump though.

Location (0.5/5) – The club is right off of exit 53 of I-70 in Yukon, Pennsylvania about 45 minutes outside of Pittsburgh.  It’s only a few miles from the vastly superior Filly Corral and a Flying J travel plaza, but there’s really nothing else in the area that you’d want to visit.  The one nice thing is that they have plenty of parking, but that’s in a pothole filled gravel parking lot where you’re probably not going to want to take a nice car even if you inexplicably would otherwise want to visit this shithole.  

Overall – Even though I’m sure I didn’t see Hi-Way Playground at it’s best, I feel confident in saying that it’s almost certainly a really bad club no matter when you visit. Even if it were mediocre, though, it still wouldn’t be worth visiting since one of Pennyslvania’s best clubs, the Filly Corral, is just 2 exits down I-70. Just do yourself a favor and don't go here. 

RAW SCORE = 28

Flight Club (Inkster, MI)

Quality of Dances (18/20) – Only in Detroit do you find dances this good in such a classy club. The songs are long and you’re pretty much guaranteed to get an excellent grind and at least moderate hand or mouth action over the pants, and much more is available if you’re willing to spend a few hundred dollars.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – These are definitely some of Detroit’s finest. Pretty much every dancer in here is at least a 7, and most of them are in the 8-9 range.

Number of Dancers (8/10) – There are usually at least 4 girls on stage at a time, and several more are always working the crowd.  Even when they’re busy, they have plenty of ladies to make sure that everyone gets some attention.

Variety of Dancers (1/5) – I saw a few thin black girls and a few slightly curvier white girls, but the vast majority of dancers were thin (some way too thin, in my opinion) and white. The lack of variety would normally be a big strike against a club for me, but these ladies were so fine that I didn’t really mind.

Attitudes (3.5/10) – The attitudes are about what you’d expect from such attractive girls with lots of hustling and big money expectations, but they’re mostly friendly enough if you’re willing to play their games and spend some cash.

Value (2/10) – The $7 valet parking fee was ridiculous even if you park yourself (I do not hand over the keys to my motorcycle), and the $15 cover and $8.75 beers are too expensive, but the dances aren’t a bad value at $25 each plus a tip to the bouncer each time you go back, and the stage show is pretty solid.

Club Setup (6/10) – This is a really nice looking, well-lit club with a long main stage with 3 poles, and a nice bar with a bar-top stage. Unfortunately, other seating is limited since they have reserved booths along the outside of the club, the upstairs is wasted and there are only a few small tables scattered along one side of the stage.

Dance Setup (10/10) – You get your dance on a very comfortable chair in an area that’s surrounded by a thick curtain that prevents anyone from seeing you, and there don’t appear to be any cameras monitoring the action. You really won’t find a better dance setup than this.

Atmosphere (7/10) – This is a classy club that can be slightly uptight (note to this club and every other club that has women in gowns: guys don’t like that), but it’s still a fun, safe place to hangout. If they’d turn down the music slightly and tell the shot girl to be a little less pushy, it would be even better, but I’ve still always enjoyed my time at the Flight Club.

Location (2.5/5) – It’s not too far from the airport, is right across the street from Bogart’s and not too far from a few other worthwhile clubs, and it seems to be in a safe enough area, but you’re going to have to drive there since there are no hotel options in the immediate vicinity.

Overall – I really like the Flight Club. It’s not cheap and probably isn’t somewhere that you’re going to be visiting often if you live in Detroit, but it’s hard to resist a safe, clean club with drop dead gorgeous dancers who give amazing lap dances.

RAW SCORE = 67

Bogart's Lounge (Inkster, MI)

Quality of Dances (20/20) – The dances at Bogart’s are amazing, and if you want more than a dance, it’s very much available. That’s about all that I can say without giving too much away, but you’ll be able to find whatever you’re looking for at Bogart’s.

Quality of Dancers (4.5/10) – There’s a huge variation in girls at Bogart’s, but most of them are varying degrees of mediocre, though I find the top end girls here to be slightly better than at the nearby Henry the VIII. Just don’t come here expecting to find Flight Club quality girls, because most if not all of them are several steps below that. 

Number of Dancers (4.5/10) – You can expect to find somewhere around a dozen women working on weekend evenings, which is sufficient since it’s a fairly small club, but you may have to wait for a while if you’ve got your eye on one of the more attractive ladies. 

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – There’s plenty of size variety at Bogart’s, and, even though you probably won’t find many Asian or Latina dancers, the mix of white and black dancers is enough to keep things interesting.

Attitudes (6/10) – Some ladies might try to upsell, but they’re mostly very friendly and happy to invest a few minutes sitting and chatting before seeing if you’re interested in buying some dances. It’s a neighborhood type of place, but they made me feel welcome from the time I walked in even as an outsider.

Value (7.5/10) – The cover is only $5, beers are $6.75, and you need to buy a $10 wristband if you want dances, but the value really turns on whether you want regular dances or something extra. At $20 each, these dances are a good value, but the prices for extras are the real bargain if you’re interested in that.  

Club Setup (3/10) – This is a fairly small, shitty club. There’s a stage in the center of the room and a few tables around it, but most people seem to hang out at the decent sized bar in the back of the room. If I’m in Bogart’s, though, I’ll most likely be spending the majority of my time in the dance booths.

Dance Setup (6/10) – Dances are given in booths up a few steps off to the side of the club and there are curtains on the booths, so you have enough privacy to do whatever you want to do. Despite the uncomfortable chairs, I’d normally have rated this a 7, but I had to dock them a point because the booths are a little less than sanitary, as evidenced by the fact that a dancer had to warn me not to slip in a pool of semen on the floor.

Atmosphere (4/10) – Though it’s fairly close to the airport, Bogart’s really feels like a neighborhood type of place. It’s a little more upbeat than you’d expect and has a fairly decent vibe if you want to spend a little time there, but it’s definitely a place that guys come to come more than to hangout.

Location (2.5/5) – It’s not too far from the airport, is right across the street from the Flight Club and not too far from a few other worthwhile clubs, and it seems to be in a safe enough area, but you’re going to have to drive there since there are no hotel options in the immediate vicinity.

Overall – I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I love Bogart’s, but if you’re looking for amazing dances and cheap extras, you should be pleased with it. It’s not one of the classier clubs I’ve been to, but if you do go there and find that it’s a little too shady for you, it’s easy enough to change venues to the Flight Club, which is just a minute down the road.

RAW SCORE = 60

The Men's Club (Dallas, TX)

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) – The Dallas clubs all seem to have a huge variation from one girl to the next, and the Men’s Club is no exception.  I’d rate a good dance here at around a 13 and a bad dance at around an 8, but you’ll mostly get some decent contact and are usually allowed to touch anywhere except the area that’s covered by their bikini bottoms.   I was told that the no-fabric rule is relaxed if you go to the VIP area, but the grinding is usually good enough during the regular dances that I wasn’t too tempted to upgrade.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – Pretty much every woman I saw in here was either very hot or absolutely stunning.  Other than a higher than average percentage of girls with implants, I had no complaints. 

Number of Dancers (8.5/10) – I haven’t been here during the day, so I can’t speak to that, but they had a few dozen women working at night and everyone who wanted attention got it. 

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – Most of the workforce is white, but I did see a few black girls and a few Asians, and there were some slightly curvier girls who were very attractive as well.  They weren’t quite big enough to be described as thick, but they were definitely soft enough to feel great during the dances. 

Attitudes (5.5/10) – You can expect some hustle and some well-practiced lines to try to push you towards the VIP area, but most of the ladies do sit and chat and are generally pretty friendly.

Value (3/10) – The $20 cover is pretty rough and you’ll have to budget a few bucks to the valet guy, but things aren’t too bad on the inside unless you want to drop $150 to go to the VIP area.  Beers are $6.50 and dances are very reasonable at $20 each since they play fairly long songs.

Club Setup (9/10) – This is a very large, classy club with a lot of tables and the most comfortable strip club chairs ever. The two stages in the main area and the one in the back aren’t overly large and don’t have poles, but they are nice and have some impressive smoke effects.  Between the smoke and the high-backed chairs, there’s almost an illusion that the girls on stage are floating up there.  If you’re willing to spend $150 to go to the VIP area, it’s ridiculously nice, with a swimming pool and a hot tub for you to enjoy with the dancers.

Dance Setup (1/10) – Dances are given in a raised area in the back of the club on a very long bench along the wall.  There are some pillows thrown around on the bench and it’s long enough that you shouldn’t be directly next to anyone, but there are no dividers and there are a bunch of tables and chairs in that area where guys who aren’t getting dances can sit, so there’s no real privacy.

Atmosphere (8/10) – I usually don’t love places that are this classy, but the Men’s Club manages to pull of the upscale vibe while still being somewhat relaxed and a lot of fun. For a night out with business associates or your more mature friends, you really couldn’t do much better. 

Location (4/5) – The Men’s club is right beside a hotel and is within walking distance of Baby Dolls and a Waffle House, so it’s a pretty good location even though it’s fairly far to the northwest of downtown Dallas. 

Overall – The Men’s Club isn’t worth going too far out of your way for, but it is a very solid club that you should be able to have a good time at.  Whether you prefer it over the nearby Baby Dolls will come down to what kind of club you’re looking for, but they’re about equally good overall.  Baby Dolls has more dancers, lower prices and a more of a party atmosphere, but The Men’s Club has better dances, slightly hotter women and is classier.  If you don’t have a big preference either way, I recommend starting your night at The Men’s Club while you’re still sober, then heading over to Baby Dolls once you’ve had a few.   

RAW SCORE = 60.5