Notes on Visions Men's Club (New Orleans, LA)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Value (8/10) $8 cover with one drink ticket at night ($4 with a drink ticket during the day), , $4 domestics, $6 mixed drinks. Dances are $20 per song in the communal room, $30 in booths 

Club Setup (3/10) Huge M shaped bar/stage combo snakes through the room, a few pool tables in the back, fairly large club but a little run down. Bar stools attached to the floor and a little too far from bar so slightly uncomfortable. Nowhere else to sit. A few TVs but too small and/or too far from people who can see them to really watch much (not that you'd want to). I was told standing room only on weekend nights, but maybe a quarter full at prime time on a Sunday during jazz fest.

 

Atmosphere (7/10) Good mix of music. Mixed but reasonably decent crowd. Male bartenders, but at least they're. Least pushy shot girl ever asked "shot?" while walking by, barely slowing down. Dive bar strip club in the best possible way. Need a dart board to complete the effect though. 

Variety (3.5/5) Good mix of black and white, thick and thin but not many/any Asians or Latinas.

Dancer quality (6/10) A few in the 8 to 9 range but mostly 6s and 7s. A few post pregnancy bellies, but No one bad though, and the thick girls are the good kind of thick.

Dances (16/20) I got an excellent grind with over the pants hand action and some mouth teasing. 2 way contact was encouraged and tit groping was tolerated or encouraged, depending on the girl. 

Dance setup (7/10) In the communal dance room, a shitty uncomfortable bench surrounds the room. 3 corner seats are poor, everywhere else is unacceptable. For 10 dollars more, you can get your own room with an open door, which is solid because the angles are good, especially in the back 2. Would be a 1 for the $20 option or a 7 for the $30 option, but that's reasonably priced, so I'll go with that. If you want to splash a little more cash, the party rooms are even better. They're $175 for 20 minutes and I was told that "what happens in there stays in there" and that we could "do anything but have sex." I didn't try it out, so I can't comment on whose definition of sex that was referring to. 

Attitudes (8/10) chatty, low pressure, the opposite of bourbon street. One girl gave an unsolicited tour. They go person to person around the huge stage and shake it for a buck. Topless. One girl pointed out that I dropped a dollar. Most wait for a new song to start before counting dances.

Number of Dancers (6/10) There were about 3 girls on stage at a time while I was there. Several working crowd but more of a locals place so don't expect quick attention if you aren't one, still over a dozen working a relatively small crowd. 

Location (2.5/10) It's not a bad area, but you'll definitely need to drive or pay for a ride to get there. It cost me about $20 for a cab from the French Quarter, and an Uber should be a little cheaper than that. 

Overall - This is a great club. Definitely my favorite in New Orleans, and there's plenty of competition for that title. 

RAW SCORE = 67

Notes on BT's Executive Club (Dearborn, MI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Value (5/10) $7 valet parking but at least they moved the sign out of the way for my motorbike, $10 cover. $7.75 beer and water. Good stage interaction. $20 for a booth and $25 to the girl.  

Club Setup (7/10):  ice bar, ton of 2 person tables and lots of booths on one side. Long narrow main stage in center and narrow ledge stage near booths. 

Atmosphere (6/10) younger slightly rougher crowd. Loud music. Fair number of female customers

Quality of Dancers (7/10) not bad, bug only a few really hot. Mostly moderately attractive 6s and 7s. 

Attitudes (8/10) smile a lot, seem to be having fun. Very nice to talk to and happy to chat

Number (8/10) . 4 on stages at a time and one at most tables  

Variety (3.5/5) black and white that are hot. Some thin and some curves. Similar to pantheon but not quite as attractive but more to chose from 

Dances (19/20) great grind, they moved my hand to their crotches, their hands rubbing my dick through my pants pants, got some unsolicited offers for bj or hj

Dance Setup (6/10) booths with bench but most don't have curtains. Some do. You want the ones that do. Same price.

Location (2/5) - It isn't far from the Pantheon Club, but isn't particularly close to anywhere else you'd want to be. 

Overall - I visited so many clubs during my last trip to Detroit that BT's and a few other clubs run together in my head, but I remember really enjoying my time at this club. I liked the Inkster clubs and Penthouse a little better, but strip club fans in most cities would kill to have a club as good as BT's. 

RAW SCORE = 71.5

Hong Kong (Tijuana, Mexico)

Some people say that Hong Kong and the neighboring Adelita Bar are strip clubs.  Other people say that they’re whorehouses.  The truth is, they’re whatever you want them to be.  If you want to down a few beers while looking at some of the most beautiful women in the world, they’re strip clubs to you.  If you want to grab a girl, negotiate a deal and then fuck, they’re brothels.  And if you want to take in the sights, have a few beers, find your favorite girl and then take her upstairs, they’re pretty much heaven.  I’m a strip club expert, so that’s what my scores are based on, but just know that these places have even more to offer than the scores would suggest. 

Quality of Dances (18/20) – The ladies don’t want to do anything for $20 that’s going to prevent you from dropping $70 for sex, but short of trying to finish you off, these dances are as good as they could possibly be.  The girls get naked and provide full upper and lower body two-way contact.   And if you're left wanting more, that can be easily arranged.   

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – I admit that I have a thing for Mexicans, but these are some of the hottest that I've seen.  Some look a little worn out and there are more implants than I’d like to see, but a substantial portion of this workforce could pass for models or actresses.  Young, in good shape and willing makes for a very nice experience.  

Number of Dancers (10/10) – It doesn’t get much better than a dozen or more girls dancing at a time.  And when I say “dancing,” I don’t mean working the crowd; I mean stripping naked on a stage or a bar.  Since a lot of the girls disappear to the motel upstairs for a half hour at a time, it’s tough to get an accurate count of how many girls are actually working, but it’s among the most that I’ve ever seen at a club.  You might have to wait a while if you have your heart set on a particular girl, but you’ll never be at a want for attention from some true beauties. 

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – There’s some size variation and a mix of natural and enhanced ladies, but you’re out of luck if you don’t like Mexicans.  Luckily, that’s not an issue for me.  At all. 

Attitudes (3.5/10) – The language barrier is expected since the club is in Mexico, but since I’m writing this from an American strip club goer’s perspective, I’m going to have to dock them a few points because it really does make communication difficult with some of the ladies.  Still, hand gestures and dollar bills are universal enough that you won’t have any problem getting what you want, just don’t count on having any meaningful conversation unless your Spanish is at least passable.  Having said that, most of the girls are really friendly if you do manage to understand each other, and their enthusiasm for putting on a stunning stage show is admirable.   

Value (10/10) – There’s technically no cover, but you’re expected to buy a $4 Sol and to hand out dollar tips to various employees throughout your visit.  That’s a very small price to pay, though, for the best stage show that I’ve ever seen.  You really can’t look any direction without seeing a naked dime, but the real action is in the back of the club.  That’s where the lesbian action goes on, both in a bubble bath and on a shaving cream covered stage, and most of the ladies don’t seem to have any problem with guys inserting a finger or getting a taste at the stage for a dollar.  Whether eating out a Tijuana prostitute is a good idea is up to you, but it’s hard to knock the value that the opportunity presents.  At night, the shows are even more ridiculous.  A girl basically rubs herself with a vibrator until a customer offers a dollar, then she hands it over to allow the guy to insert it a few times.  And even if you don’t want to leave your seat, a dollar will be plenty to get you a feel or a mini table dance.  Real, fairly long lap dances are a reasonable value at $21, but they aren’t terribly popular since it’s not as great of a deal as the half hour sessions in the motel upstairs.  That will run you somewhere around $90, with $70 going to the girl, $16 going to the motel, $1 going to the club for a robe so that the girl can take the two steps down the street to the motel without getting dressed, and another buck or two to the guys who will clean up the room after your half hour romp.  All told, the price for sex will be about $15 more here than at Adelita Bar, but either way, you’re banging a model-quality girl for less than a Benjamin, so I wouldn’t sweat it. 

Club Setup (9/10) – Hong Kong is a great looking club.   The perfect lighting and numerous stages throughout the room ensure that everyone will have a good view of something worth viewing, and there are enough places to sit that you should be able to find a seat that’s perfect for your mood.  There are a few bars, there are plenty of places to sit or stand in the middle of the action, there are small booths around the outside where you can chat up a girl or relax while taking in the sights, and there’s even an upstairs balcony area towards the front of the club where you can look down at some of the stages, although that’s a little too far from the action to be ideal once the novelty of the unique vantage point wears off. My favorite place is probably near the back of the club where you have a great view of the shaving cream and bubble bath shows (on the main level during the day and upstairs at night), but there really isn’t a bad seat in the house.

Dance Setup (8/10) – Dances are given up on the balcony level of the club in individual closed booths.  The doors to the booths let in some light, but it’s very private since no one can see in, and the guy who keeps track of the time has the courtesy to knock on the door when your time’s up rather than opening the door and seeing what you’re up to.

If you’re looking to get more intimate with a lady, that action technically takes place outside of the club, though it’s really just a few steps from the club’s door to the motel’s door.  The rooms are simple but relatively clean, and they each have a shower and a toilet so you can clean up before or after your “date.”   

Atmosphere (7/10) – The party atmosphere in the place is amazing in the evening, and even better at night. Clubs that are filled with girls who fuck for money can be depressing if the atmosphere isn’t perfect, but there's an energy at Hong Kong like I’ve only seen at some of the Vegas clubs.  Guys just come here looking for a party, and the girls are more than willing to provide it.  Even if you aren’t looking to get your dick wet, the hot girls, the cold beer, and the jaw dropping stage show make this a perfect place for a night out with the boys.  Or at least it would be if you could fully let your guard down, which you probably shouldn't if you're a relative Tijuana newbie. 

Location (0/5) – Park on the U.S. side of the border, walk across and take a taxi to Hong Kong for $5.  The driver will try to convince you that other clubs are better because other clubs pay a better kickback, but stick to your guns – Adelita Bar and Hong Kong are the only clubs you should consider.  Luckily, they’re only a half block away from each other, so you can always check them both out before dropping any real money.  If your only knowledge of Tijuana comes from sensationalist U.S. news stories, you might be a little nervous about heading to this club, but you should be fine if you stay aware of your surroundings and get the hell back to the border if anything seems off. It should be particularly safe if you keep your visit to daylight hours, but I've felt perfectly safe while drinking here into the early morning. Still, the need to cross the border to go to Hong Kong makes it impossible for me to give them any points for location.   

RAW SCORE = 75.5

Overall – Hong Kong is one of, if not the, best brothels in North America.  More importantly for my purposes, it is one of, if not the, best strip clubs I’ve ever been to.  If it were located 200 yards to the north, it would be pretty much perfect.  Of course, if it were located 200 yards to the north, the San Diego Police Department would have it shut down immediately. 

If you’ve never been there before, I’m sure that your real question is whether it’s worth the risk to go, but you’ll have to answer that question for yourself.  For me, though, it’s a no brainer – any time that I find myself in Southern California, I make a trip to Hong Kong.  

Electric Blue (Tolland, CT)

Quality of Dances (19/20) - It varies from girl to girl, but a good dance here is as good as any dance that you'll ever have. Most of the girls are willing to go the extra distance to make sure that you leave satisfied, and a few of them seem to be ashamed if they can't finish you off. The only negative is that some of the girls, especially on the day shift, will play ridiculously short songs in the dance room. If you hear "Extra Pale" or "Acoustic #3" by the Goo Goo Dolls, insist that they wait until the next song. There's no shortage of girls who will give you a great dance, but the Latinas are the safest best if you aren't willing to go through a little trial and error.

Quality of Dancers (6/10) - They don't seem to be very exclusive about who can work here and there have been too many fake tits recently, but there are usually multiple girls in the 7-8 range. That's been less of a sure thing recently though, and I've had to lower my usual standards a few times in order to get a dance. Still, these dances are good enough to justify going with a girl who is a little larger or a little older than I'd usually be spend my cash on.

Number of Dancers (7/10) - There are usually several girls that would be worth getting a dance from, and because the club is rarely too crowded, the dude/dancer ratio is always favorable. There's been more filler than usual lately, but the overall numbers are still pretty solid.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) - There are a ton of Brazilians, but African Americans are rare and Asians are nonexistent.

Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) - If they're busy, you may have to approach them, but they're mostly friendly and won't keep pestering you to get dances if you're not interested. Also, they never ask for tips after dances and the stage action is pretty solid. There's been a little more of a push for the Champagne room recently, but most of the girls only ask once and still provide great dances if you decline.

Value (6.5/10) - The $5 cover and drink prices are reasonable, and the dances are an amazing value if you're interested in letting the dancers do everything that they're willing to do. My only complaint here is that they recently started charging the $5 cover even in the afternoons, but at least that means the one drink minimum is gone. If you're anything like me, your sole purpose of being in a club in the afternoon is to get dances, so you can make up for the cover charge by refusing to buy a beverage, that way the net amount of cash that you have available for the ladies won't change.

Dance Setup (2.5/10) - There are partitions between the chairs, but anyone can look in to see what's going on. Also, there are closed-circuit cameras watching, though most of the dancers are skilled enough to block the angles with their body. If a girl asks you where you want to sit, go to the booth in the back left corner, because the dances are significantly better when you're back there.

Club Setup (8/10) - This is not a super-classy club, but it is very well-designed. The stage is fairly large, the chairs are relatively comfortable, and there are plenty of dark corners where you can sit if you don't feel like being out in the open.

Club Atmosphere (7/10) - This is a great place to relax, and seems to be fairly safe (except for the night where one of the dancers came at the bouncer with a knife. It's too bad they fired her; she was a ton of fun). Also, the music is usually pretty solid, even if the late-night DJ (ponytail) is kind of a dickbag.

Club Accessibility (1/5) - The club is right off of the interstate, but there are no hotels and no mass transportation options in the immediate area. If you're looking to stay at a hotel nearby and catch a cab to the club, I recommend the Howard Johnson Express in Vernon. The rooms are cheap, and there are built-in bottle openers beside the toilets. The taxi will cost you about $30 each way and the room is around $65, but it's easily worth it to make an epic night of drinking and strip clubbing.

Overall - This is one of my favorite clubs of all time and is by far the best club in New England.

Last Updated: January, 2011

TOTAL SCORE = 68