Cheerleaders (Philadelphia, PA)

Quality of Dances (3/20) – Some girls will grind a little and hands on the hips is generally fine, but these are bikini dances, so that pretty much makes them a waste of time and money as far as I’m concerned.  Plus I even overheard one dancer telling another customer to keep his legs together during the dance, which means that it’s not even really a lap dance.  But if bikini clad outer leg dances are your thing, you’re in luck!

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – Most of the girls are 7s or 8s, but it’s a bikini bar, so you’re seeing less of them than you normally would in a strip club.  The score would probably be bumped up about a point if the ladies were topless, but they were still a little synthetic for my tastes, and some of the ladies were downright frightening. It’s not that they were ugly, but they just looked like the strippers from Dusk ‘Till Dawn about halfway through the transformation into vampires.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – There were two girls on stage at a time in the early evening after a Phillies game, and somewhere around two dozen ladies in the building.  I wish there had been less because the tip walk is brutal, but you should at least never have a shortage of ladies.

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – There were a few black dancers during my visit, but most of the ladies were white and thin. 

Attitudes (5.5/10) – For the most part, these girls are friendly and happy to chat a little, and most of them don’t ask for tips after dances.  Unfortunately, this club operates on the tip walk system, so the girls are forced to walk around asking everyone for a dollar, and no dancer in history has managed to appear to have a great attitude while she’s doing that.      

Value (3.5/10) – Miller Lites are $6, the cover is $10, dances are $20 (but you shouldn’t bother with them anyway) and no one seems to tip for the stage show except during the tip walk, so it’s possible to go here without spending too much cash. The champagne rooms seem to be overpriced at $160 for 15 minutes or $600 for an hour, but I’ve never tried them out so I can’t say for sure. I would hope that you’d at least get to see some nudity, but I suspect that you don’t. 

Club Setup (4.5/10) – This is a clean enough club, but I hate the design.  The dozen TVs are nice and everyone has a good view of the long main stage, but the rectangular bar takes up almost all of the space in the club and the stage is several feet away in the interior of the bar.  It prevents any interaction between customers and dancers who are on stage and necessitates the aforementioned dreaded tip walk.

Dance Setup (4.5/10) – Dances are given in a separate room from the main area of the club on several small individual bench/booth hybrids.  There are small dividers between the benches and most of them are angled to face away from each other, so it’s at least somewhat private if the club isn’t too busy.  Unfortunately, anyone who is walking by will have a clear view of you without warning, so no one will be pushing the limits in here (and by “pushing the limits,” I mean doing something crazy like showing tits in a strip club).     

Atmosphere (5/10) – The smoke takes some time to get used to (they sell cigars and cigarettes and allow customers to smoke), but the atmosphere is fairly good overall.  It’s laid back and is a decent place to down a beer while looking at slightly more flesh that you’d see at Hooters. 

Location (3.5/5) – Cheerleaders isn’t too far from the stadiums or Center City, and it’s right down the street from the slightly overrated but still delicious Tony Luke’s.   

Overall – As far as bikini bars go, I guess Cheerleaders is pretty good, but I need at least some nudity in my strip clubs so I won’t be back.    

RAW SCORE = 45

Cheerleaders (Pittsburgh, PA)

Quality of Dances (12/20) – I’ve found a ton of variation from one girl to the next,  but for the most part, these are very solid dances.  Tit grabbing was not only tolerated, but was actually encouraged, and more than one girl used her leg and mouth skillfully over the pants.  The dances are topless, but many of the girls adjust the bottoms to give you a full view.  Some of the other girls give dances that are satisfactory at best, but you should be able to have a decent time if you chose wisely. 

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – These ladies are Pittsburgh’s finest, which, surprisingly, is relatively fine.  I expected a little more quality control from a place that takes itself as seriously as this place does, but most of the girls were 7’s or 8’s, and the few girls who I’d rate below that were the affirmative action hires, which I’m ok with in a largely white city.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – Cheerleaders’ popularity is their downfall in this category.  They have 3 girls on stage at a time during the evening, and they’ve got several more ladies patrolling the crowd, but it can be nearly impossible to get a girl’s attention for a dance due to the large number of customers during  prime club hours.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) – As far as I can tell, there aren’t a whole lot of Asians or Latinas in Pittsburgh, and the selection at Cheerleaders reflects that.  Still, I was happy to see a fair number of black dancers and some size variation in addition to the expected white blonds.

Attitude of Dancers (3.5/10) – I met a few very friendly dancers at Cheerleader’s, but way too many of them are picky about what customer’s they’ll talk to.  I understand that, from their point of view, the club is so packed that even if they piss off 50 guys, 50 other guys will still be willing to drop cash on them.  Still, it sucks if a girl you’ve been waiting for passes you by because she assumes that the guy wearing a suit has more money than you.  I guess that happens everywhere to some extent, but it was particularly blatant at Cheerleaders.  Or maybe I just noticed it more because, on this occasion, I wasn’t  the guy in the suit. 

Value (1/10) – If you’re going to have a mandatory non-complimentary valet service, you shouldn’t have a cover change.  It isn’t so much that it’s expensive, though that plus a beer usually adds up to $20 (it was $25 the night I was there because a fight was on TV), but it really just feels like a scam.  As does the requirement to get bottle service or pay a $2 upcharge on beers to sit at one of the tables. The dances are an ok value at $25 and the topless stage action doesn’t cost much due to the distance between the bar and the stages, but I’m knocking them down on this because you’ll walk of here feeling like you got scammed. 

Dance Setup (4.5/10) – Dances are given in a separate room from the main area of the club on several individual small benches.  The benches are angled so that you’re facing, at most, one or two other benches, and the benches have high backs, so no one will be able to peak over your shoulder.  So, overall, it’s fairly solid if the club isn’t too crowded and the girls properly distribute customers.  Unfortunately, when the club is crowded, and it usually is, at least one other customer/dancer pair will see what you’re up to.

Club Setup (6/10) – This is a nice club overall with a set of stairs coming down to a center stage and two satellite stages off to the sides.  Each of the satellite stages is several feet away from a large bar area, so you get to toss balled up 1’s at the girls and don’t need to tip a whole lot, but interaction with the girls at the stages is non-existent.  My biggest complaint, though, is that there aren’t really any tables unless you sit in the bottle service area around the perimeter of the club, but I refuse to do that on principle.  On the plus side, they have the often overlooked but always appreciated beer shelves at the urinals.  Those things really should be standard at any decent club.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – This place is a little on the upscale side, but the vibe is still relatively relaxed and the crowd is good.  I probably wouldn’t come here with a large group due to the lack of tables (fuck bottle service), but it’s a solid place to hang and down a beer or two with a few buddies.  Be forewarned though, they sell cigars and allow smoking inside, so you may want to take that into consideration if you have to explain your stench to anyone.    

Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – Cheerleaders isn’t really within walking distance of most of the places that you’d want to be in Pittsburgh, but it’s not far from anything and is relatively close to the original Primanti Brothers location.  I recommend going there after the club though, because you probably won’t feel like having a girl grind on your lap for a while after pastrami, cole slaw and french-fry deliciousness.   

Overall – Cheerleaders is a nice club.  Not great, but nice.  Other than the bullshit pricing, they’re unspectacularly adequate across the board.  I probably prefer Blush overall, but if an upscale club with the most attractive dancers in the Burgh sounds like something that you’d be interested in, Cheerleaders is the place for you.

TOTAL SCORE = 52