Bon Bon (Berlin, Germany)

According to Off Track Planet, whatever that is, Bon Bon is one of the top ten strip clubs in the world.  It's not.  It sucks.  They don't even let you see inside the club before you pay your 10 Euro cover, and it's not hard to figure out why once you go inside.  It's tiny, filled with meathead douchebags, and just generally a waste of time.  I'm not going to waste my time reviewing it, and you shouldn't waste your time going there.  Either save your money for another city, or, if you're up for a brothel, hop on the train, take it one stop to the west, and walk to Artemis.

Centerfolds (Berlin, CT)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – There's some variation from girl to girl, but you'll almost always get at least a solid grind and some skilled knee action, and most of the girls allow varying degrees of 2-way contact. Several of the girls will position their boobs on your face and it isn't uncommon for them to encourage you to take a handfull. Some of the girls give some over-the-pants hand action, and though extras are not available, there are girls who will gladly do everything in their power to leave the customer feeling satisfied.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The girls here are fairly attractive overall. I've seen a few older ladies once or twice each, but the regular dancers are almost all in their 20's or early 30's and look good. The majority of ladies are all natural and even most of the enhanced ladies have fairly convincing boob jobs.

Number of Dancers (4/10) – I've found a solid dancer-to-customer ratio during off-peak hours, but that's been more due to a lack of customers than it has been due to an abundance of dancers.  The ratio goes down when it gets busier, but there are still usually plenty of ladies to prevent anyone from waiting too long for some attention. And even when they have plenty of girls working, they almost always only have one girl working the stage at a time.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – Centerfolds has mostly white dancers with a fair number of Puerto Ricans and Brazilians and the occasional Asian mixed in.  There are unfortunately almost never any black ladies, but there's enough other variety to prevent that from being too big of a problem.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – The girls here are very friendly and good to talk to, and they all seem to be genuinely grateful for tips. Some of the girls can get a little clingy if you visit often (especially one of the Russians), but my biggest complaint is that a lot of the girls focus on the regulars at the expense of visitors.  Still, that isn't usually a major problem unless they're busy.

Value (6/10) – The $5-8 cover and $5.25 bottled beers are about average, and the topless stage action is adequate, though nothing special. Lap dances are the standard $20, but at least here they're good enough that you feel like you're getting something for your money. Even when the girls make real efforts to get the job done, I haven't found any of them requesting any extra cash.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – Dances are given in a bright area in the back of the club where several fairly uncomfortable chairs are lined up next to each other. There are no dividers between most of the chairs and people could see you from the stage, but you're at least somewhat obscured from the bar and the bouncers rarely check up on you.  The two slightly better seats in the back right corner go quickly, so you may want to wait until one is available before requesting a dance.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – This is a fairly nice club with a large bar and a fairly large stage, but it's way too bright and there aren't any tables to sit at.  There's a second stage between the bar and the dance area, but it's never in use, even when the club is packed.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – Centerfolds is a decent place to hang out for a while and have a few beers, and the fact that most of the bartendresses look and dress like dancers doesn't hurt the situation at all. Having tables would make it much better for groups, but it's still easy to have a good time here.

Club Accessibility (2/5) – Centerfolds is along a fairly empty stretch of the Berlin Turnpike south of New Britain. It about halfway between Hartford and New Haven, so you don't have any choice but to drive to get here. My biggest problem with the location is that there's really no discreet way to get inside the club. You can park your car behind the building, but you'll have to walk in the well lit entrance that's in clear view of anyone who happens to be driving by on the Berlin Turnpike.

Overall - Centerfolds isn't great at anything, but it's an all-around solid club that's near the top of my Connecticut rotation.  The only other club within 20 minutes of here that's worth considering is the Key Club in New Haven, but I definitely like Centerfolds more.  The dances are comparable, but the girls are hotter here and the overall vibe is a lot better.

TOTAL SCORE = 53

Artemis (Berlin, Germany)

The ladies at Artemis are as fine as any that I've seen.  Anywhere.  Ever.  If it were a strip club, I'd give them a perfect ten out of ten for dancer quality, but this isn't a strip club, and these aren't dancers, so I'll just walk you through the Artemis experience and you can decide for yourself whether it's something you're interested in.

To get there, you can take the train to the Westkreuz stop and walk or you can catch a cab from central Berlin for about 20 Euros.  The train is the more cost effective option, but the fact that every minute spent getting here is a minute that you're not balls deep in Eastern European pussy makes for a tough decision.

Once you enter (the building), you go to the reception desk where you pay 80 Euros to the house, then you get a robe and a bracelet with a key on it so that you can lock up your valuables.  You'll still have to pay each girl, but the one time €80 fee is all that you give to management unless you want to buy booze at the bar or get a legitimate massage from a dude.

Once you've paid the entry fee, you stop by the little cash lockers where you can lock up your wallet.  You don't need to keep any cash on you since each girl will walk you back to the cash locker when you're done with her.  After you've left your cash there, you go to the locker room, where you change into your robe (or a towel, if you prefer) and their color coded flip flops, and you lock up your clothes in another locker.  There are showers back there too, and you're expected to wash up when you arrive and after each girl.  No one monitors that, but have a little courtesy and freshen up.

At this point, you're ready to see the girls.  The main area looks like a cross between a strip club and a lounge, with a small stage that is only occasionally in use, a bunch of couches and comfortable chairs, and two round "beds" surrounded by curtains. The beds seem to be mainly used for relaxing, but the curtains do periodically go closed and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what's going on based on the moans that come from within.  There's also a bar in the room where you can get free sodas or juice, and there's a little dining area off to the side.  That may sound unnecessary, but the ladies at this place are so attractive that most guys will want to sample several and might need the down time of the restaurant to recover.  Along the same lines, there's an area where you can get massages, an exercise room, a swimming pool and a porn theater where you can recharge.  You can find girls all around the complex, but the main lounge area has the highest concentration of them.  There must have been around 100 girls working on the night that I was there and all but 2 would have rated in the 7-10 range.  Just absolutely stunning.  Most seemed to be from Eastern Europe with a lot from Bulgaria and Hungary, but there are girls from all over the world in addition to some homegrown Germans.  They were mostly white, but there was a nice mix of skin tones, hair colors and body types.  Basically, there's enough quality and variety that you shouldn't worry at all about the fact that you have to pay the €80 cover charge before seeing any of the girls.  And, if you don't manage to find several girls that you'd like to stick it in at Artemis, the wasted cash will be much less of a concern than figuring out how you're going to tell your mother that you're gay.

The girls aren't shy about approaching customers, but if you have your eye on one in particular, approaching her isn't a problem either.  One nice thing is that the prices for basic services are standardized, so you don't have to negotiate and there's no room for confusion even if there is a language barrier.  €60 will get you a blowjob with or without a condom and sex with a condom for a half hour, and if you want additional half hours, they'll be another €60 each.  That's the minimum price though, so that's what you'll be on the hook for even if you just want a handie or lapdances.  If you're looking for something more than that, it can be arranged with many of the girls for an extra fee.  A common menu includes an extra €50 to cum in her mouth and an extra €100 for anal, but not every girl will offer that and prices may vary among those who do, so make sure you ask before doing anything if that's what you're looking for.

You'll usually go to a private room with the girl where there are large beds and lots of mirrors, though you can use the aforementioned beds in the lounge if you don't need as much privacy, or the couches in the porn theater if you're an exhibitionist.  As for the service itself,  I'm sure that it varies from one girl to the next, but they seem to be enthusiastic for the most part.  That combined with their model-quality looks can make for a very nice experience.  When your time is up, the girl will walk you back to your cash locker so that you can pay her.  After that, she's off to the next guy and you head to the showers to, quite literally, wash, rinse and repeat until you're out of money or out of steam.

Basically, in spite of the amazing sights, if you aren't at a point in your life where you're willing to pay for sex, the €80 cover charge at Artemis is too much to spend to torture yourself.  If, on the other hand, you're looking to stick it in some beautiful ladies in exchange for cash, it's hard to imagine that you won't thoroughly enjoy the Artemis experience.