Thursday, October 27, 2011

Artemis (Berlin, Germany)



The ladies at Artemis are as fine as any that I've seen.  Anywhere.  Ever.  If it were a strip club, I'd give them a perfect ten out of ten for dancer quality, but this isn't a strip club, and these aren't dancers, so I'll just walk you through the Artemis experience and you can decide for yourself whether it's something you're interested in.

To get there, you can take the train to the Westkreuz stop and walk or you can catch a cab from central Berlin for about 20 Euros.  The train is the more cost effective option, but the fact that every minute spent getting here is a minute that you're not balls deep in Eastern European pussy makes for a tough decision.

Once you enter (the building), you go to the reception desk where you pay 80 Euros to the house, then you get a robe and a bracelet with a key on it so that you can lock up your valuables.  You'll still have to pay each girl, but the one time €80 fee is all that you give to management unless you want to buy booze at the bar or get a legitimate massage from a dude.

Once you've paid the entry fee, you stop by the little cash lockers where you can lock up your wallet.  You don't need to keep any cash on you since each girl will walk you back to the cash locker when you're done with her.  After you've left your cash there, you go to the locker room, where you change into your robe (or a towel, if you prefer) and their color coded flip flops, and you lock up your clothes in another locker.  There are showers back there too, and you're expected to wash up when you arrive and after each girl.  No one monitors that, but have a little courtesy and freshen up.

At this point, you're ready to see the girls.  The main area looks like a cross between a strip club and a lounge, with a small stage that is only occasionally in use, a bunch of couches and comfortable chairs, and two round "beds" surrounded by curtains. The beds seem to be mainly used for relaxing, but the curtains do periodically go closed and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what's going on based on the moans that come from within.  There's also a bar in the room where you can get free sodas or juice, and there's a little dining area off to the side.  That may sound unnecessary, but the ladies at this place are so attractive that most guys will want to sample several and might need the down time of the restaurant to recover.  Along the same lines, there's an area where you can get massages, an exercise room, a swimming pool and a porn theater where you can recharge.  You can find girls all around the complex, but the main lounge area has the highest concentration of them.  There must have been around 100 girls working on the night that I was there and all but 2 would have rated in the 7-10 range.  Just absolutely stunning.  Most seemed to be from Eastern Europe with a lot from Bulgaria and Hungary, but there are girls from all over the world in addition to some homegrown Germans.  They were mostly white, but there was a nice mix of skin tones, hair colors and body types.  Basically, there's enough quality and variety that you shouldn't worry at all about the fact that you have to pay the €80 cover charge before seeing any of the girls.  And, if you don't manage to find several girls that you'd like to stick it in at Artemis, the wasted cash will be much less of a concern than figuring out how you're going to tell your mother that you're gay.

The girls aren't shy about approaching customers, but if you have your eye on one in particular, approaching her isn't a problem either.  One nice thing is that the prices for basic services are standardized, so you don't have to negotiate and there's no room for confusion even if there is a language barrier.  €60 will get you a blowjob with or without a condom and sex with a condom for a half hour, and if you want additional half hours, they'll be another €60 each.  That's the minimum price though, so that's what you'll be on the hook for even if you just want a handie or lapdances.  If you're looking for something more than that, it can be arranged with many of the girls for an extra fee.  A common menu includes an extra €50 to cum in her mouth and an extra €100 for anal, but not every girl will offer that and prices may vary among those who do, so make sure you ask before doing anything if that's what you're looking for.

You'll usually go to a private room with the girl where there are large beds and lots of mirrors, though you can use the aforementioned beds in the lounge if you don't need as much privacy, or the couches in the porn theater if you're an exhibitionist.  As for the service itself,  I'm sure that it varies from one girl to the next, but they seem to be enthusiastic for the most part.  That combined with their model-quality looks can make for a very nice experience.  When your time is up, the girl will walk you back to your cash locker so that you can pay her.  After that, she's off to the next guy and you head to the showers to, quite literally, wash, rinse and repeat until you're out of money or out of steam.

Basically, in spite of the amazing sights, if you aren't at a point in your life where you're willing to pay for sex, the €80 cover charge at Artemis is too much to spend to torture yourself.  If, on the other hand, you're looking to stick it in some beautiful ladies in exchange for cash, it's hard to imagine that you won't thoroughly enjoy the Artemis experience.

31 comments:

  1. Thank you for the review. Are all the girls completely naked in the lounge area?

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  2. Wednesday is lingerie night, but the ladies are at least partially nude the rest of the week. Some of them are completely naked in the lounge, some have some sort of light fabric draped over themselves, and some are wearing towels (they're the ones who are on their way to clean up after spending some time with a customer), but you can definitely see enough of them so that you won't have any major surprises once you get in the private room. I rarely make guarantees on here, but I can pretty much guarantee that Artemis will not disappoint.

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  3. great reaview,... will be there next week...
    looks like it is the best kind of place to be in Germany...right?

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  4. The FKK clubs are the best adult entertainment options in Germany, by far. There are some strip clubs there, but when even taxi drivers tell you they're a waste of time and convince you that you're better off taking the cheaper ride to your hotel, you know they're bad.

    Artemis is one of the most highly regarded FKKs in Germany, but there are some in Frankfurt and Hamburg that are also supposed to be excellent, though I haven't been to them, so I can't say how they compare to Artemis.

    Have a great trip and, if you get a chance, let me know how it goes.

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  5. Hi. I`m visiting Berlin on thursday, december 29. I was just wondering if you now the average age of the men who goes there? I`m "only" 29. is that to young? Mabye someone here will come along:)

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  6. You'll be younger than average, but I saw guys in their early 20's, guys in their 60's, and everything in between at Artemis. I'm your age and felt perfectly comfortable there.

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  7. How's their English?

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  8. Every lady that I talked to spoke excellent English. I wouldn't worry about a language barrier at all.

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  9. Are the women truly that beautiful? Most brothels the world over have women in the 6-7 range of looks, but I still find the notion that solid 9s and 10s would work in a brothel for just 60E for 30 mins, a bit hard to believe.

    How can that be?

    Also, I assume they don't let men videotape their sex sessions. I wish they did - that would be twice the value - a video library that could be of use to me in my old age.

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  10. In other words, is the beauty of the women in Artemis equal to, or greater than, in Las Vegas strip clubs like Spearmint Rhino or Saphire?

    I realize that the latter are not brothels, but if can actually have sex with women of that same appearance at Artemis, I am going to fly over to Germany to go there, and possibly rent an apartment for a month just so I can go there every 3 days...

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  11. "if you don't manage to find several girls that you'd like to stick it in at Artemis, the wasted cash will be much less of a concern than figuring out how you're going to tell your mother that you're gay"

    Funniest thing I've read for a long time!!


    I'm visiting Berlin next month and I'm definitely trying this place out. Thanks for the review!

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  12. Question :

    Do the ladies not wash their bodies or at least rub a wet washcloth over them, after the previous guy?

    If not, the ladies have the sweat and semen of other men all over their bodies, and this is what you are touching all over....

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  13. I went to this joint just today on my way home from Poznan for the Euro 2012. Mental spot. Place was clean as a whistle and run so professionally. I'd go back in a flash and already planning to do so in the future!!!!

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  14. Can you bring a female friend with you and if so are they charged entry as well?

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  15. Sounds like a good place to go if you already have several STD's and are looking for a few more...

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  16. I was there in 2011. Great place. Safe, no hassles. Quality of the girls? A few 9s and plenty of 7s and 8s. And a few sub 5s. When I say 9 I mean equivalent to the £200+ an hour escorts in London, not quite fashion model types but not that far off (i.e as good as you'll likely ever get unless you're spending truly serious money for the creme da la creme escorts in London/NY etc). Unlike with escorts you can see what you're getting before you commit and can chat a bit beforehand. Downside is that you maybe their 4th or 5th (or more) client of the evening.

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  17. I visited Artemis twice last month and I agree with what has been said. I found that eating in the restaurant was a good way of recovering between girls. And I fulfilled one fantasy by being fucked in one of the cinemas in public! I agree that all the girls I spoke to had some English; one turned out to be an English native speaker from the Caribbean.

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  18. I was there in 2009 and wow I saw 4 girls there. First was a 27 yr old beautiful perfect blonde german girl. Then curly haired german. 2 days later a buxom german and then a librarian type Hungarian who was amazing. She was the best! First girl was a 10 in looks and body. Hungarian girl 10 fir librarian, 7 for regular girl but a long lean body with c cups and swallowed and wouldn't stop even after I tried pushing her off like she was trying to suck my soul out! Haha was only 50 euros in 2009 for each girl.

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  19. Questions:
    1) Is there any service or option that would allow you to take the girl out for a weekend or so?
    2) What's the nearest hotel to Artemis?

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  20. My wife and I are thinking about going. What are the costs for such activities?

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  21. How far is Artemis from Mitte Berlin ? Neu. Kollen?

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  22. Men only from what I've read; no couples

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  23. Sorry this is a bit long and it repeats some of the original post in a way but I thought I'd just give you my experience.

    I just spent a long weekend in Berlin around the beer festival with a bunch of guys and we paid Artemis a visit.

    Wow! Died and gone to heaven.

    You need to really like young nubile girls/women with near perfect bodies (I do but not everyone does). If you're a middle aged man like me it's a tad intimidating at first because you know girls like that would never normally give you a second glance. In this environment they just don't care and you get the full girlfriend experience. They're brilliant at it. Trust me, as fake as it is, it's utterly amazing and once you get into your stride and feel more confident, it makes you feel a million dollars.

    For that reason though, for the majority Artemis is a bizarre environment that takes some getting used to because it's so far removed from any kind of reality unless your Hugh Heffner but it's the stuff [wet] dreams are made of and you have to keep reminding yourself that you really are going to have the time of your life with any one or more of these stunning young ladies - and it's your choice who, not theirs! Weird.

    90-100 girls work at any time and they are mostly naked, cool, calm and collected and don't force themselves upon you. You do get the occasional girl with her leg up on a stool saying "you want to fuck?". Not my style at all but I'm sure it works for some.

    The music is fairly loud and the lights low. The girls just wander round or relax on sofas or at the bar and just glance and smile sweetly and chat casually. If you chill on a sofa one may wander over and join you. There's no pressure and if you're not interested you can just say you're chilling and maybe later and they'll stay and chat or wander off. You really do get to choose your dream girls.

    It really is a bizarre situation because it's the stuff most men dream of with dozens of seriously stunningly gorgeous girls, mostly naked, just there and waiting for you to say the word and they will (mostly) do whatever you want, and then some.

    My friend found one beauty and said to her; "who else can we have sex with?" They wandered through the lounge and found a 2nd girl and all went to a private room for a dreamy session. He had quite the session.

    Straight sex is €60 for 30 mins and includes oral without a condom. So 1 girl for 30 mins is €60, 1 girl for an hour is €120 or 2 girls for 30 mins is €120, and so on. Most seem to offer other stuff (come in mouth, anal etc) but it's all open and up front. None of my five mates felt they had come even close to being ripped off.

    First visit I had an hour (€120) with one amazing girl who was 34 with the body of a 24 year old. On my second visit the following night (making the most of my time in Berlin!) I spent longer there and had two 30 min sessions with two different girls. I'm no stud - there was a break!

    You can stay as long as you like too and you can even leave and come back if you keep teh wrist band on. There's food, two pools a bar etc., so the only thing that limits the amazing sex your dreams are made of is your wallet.

    A Doctor is on hand daily and the girls are tested very frequently so it feels safe and worry free.

    The girls are also squeeky clean too and mostly completely hairless so my experience of giving oral was somethgin I will remember for a very long time.

    If you're not great woth women/girls and want to experience a playboy lifestyle for a brief time in your life this is a great way to do it as you really dont; need to be confident and cocky (well, you know what I mean). You just need to chill and be comfortable and you'll have a great time.

    The whole experience was a very sweet memory that lingers on, and one I have every intention of reliving at the next available opportunity. I just need to work out an explanation for going to Berlin again before next year's beer festival!

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  24. I was at Artemis last Wednesday. The place is as described, reminds you of a strip bar with the only difference that girls don't strip but you select one and you go upstairs with her. They had a quite tasty buffet, included in the entrance fee of 80 euros.

    Now the girls,,, I still don't understand why some guys rated them 9 or 10. In the night I was, there were a couple 6 and all the rest were 5 and even 4. Romanians and Hungarian very accomplished hookers.

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  25. Girls of Artemis are beautiful , speak all English enough to have a conversation , not shy at all , but in fact they don t understand nothing on this business ... The only thing they ask you when you arrive is : shall we go upstairs and f.... They are nothing cudly and sensual , they just want to shorten your sex relation and start another Customer
    They are that not friendly that at the end they spend more time waiting sat at the bar for someone , and they forget one essential thing in the world :communication and being friendly .....
    Result : you f... one of them quickly on arrival, then you spend more of your time looking at them , and nothing happens ..they are not willing to do an effort .. such a shame

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    1. agree with you completely. It's a shame. Such beautiful ladies, too bad all they make you feel is they want to get it over with and get your money.

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  26. I had a great time in there last year I just didn't feel too cool being there alone! I'm back in Berlin does anybody want too go?

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  27. sad that all the johns and so called men that support the sextrade cant fway to a woman. you all will burn in hell, for supporting satan and his lost whores, - and the owners of these places are nothing but pimps.

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    1. The real saints are the sinners who keep trying.
      If he/she is real, God would be so bored of you.

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    2. if we don't sin, Jesus would have died for nothing. - What are you doing here anyway? trolling around for what you crave but are too damn stupid and too damned afraid to experience. Go back to molesting little boys or having sex with your family members or just raping the planet. Lemme guess you are a Repulican too?

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  28. I was there the last two days - two bad experiences. The ladies are fine, but the first day one of them actually *fell asleep* 10 minutes into the session (it was 1am, but still....!!). I interrupted the session and left, i obviously still paid her the half hour.
    The next day one of ladies, during the session, kept saying "come on let's do one hour". As if it wasn't already a turn off, upon me saying no, she started a countdown of the half hour every 5 minutes or so. I ended up agreeing so we could not stress about time and have some fun. A huge mistake. After pushing for one hour she agressively pushed for one extra after the next. Totally turned off, I interrupted the session before the hour was up. I got totally ripped off. disgusted and out of money, I left.

    Ladies are cute ? Yes, but their service is bad, they act like you're a big ATM.

    No more Artemis for me. Ever.

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