Thursday, October 27, 2011
Artemis (Berlin, Germany)
The ladies at Artemis are as fine as any that I've seen. Anywhere. Ever. If it were a strip club, I'd give them a perfect ten out of ten for dancer quality, but this isn't a strip club, and these aren't dancers, so I'll just walk you through the Artemis experience and you can decide for yourself whether it's something you're interested in.
To get there, you can take the train to the Westkreuz stop and walk or you can catch a cab from central Berlin for about 20 Euros. The train is the more cost effective option, but the fact that every minute spent getting here is a minute that you're not balls deep in Eastern European pussy makes for a tough decision.
Once you enter (the building), you go to the reception desk where you pay 80 Euros to the house, then you get a robe and a bracelet with a key on it so that you can lock up your valuables. You'll still have to pay each girl, but the one time €80 fee is all that you give to management unless you want to buy booze at the bar or get a legitimate massage from a dude.
Once you've paid the entry fee, you stop by the little cash lockers where you can lock up your wallet. You don't need to keep any cash on you since each girl will walk you back to the cash locker when you're done with her. After you've left your cash there, you go to the locker room, where you change into your robe (or a towel, if you prefer) and their color coded flip flops, and you lock up your clothes in another locker. There are showers back there too, and you're expected to wash up when you arrive and after each girl. No one monitors that, but have a little courtesy and freshen up.
At this point, you're ready to see the girls. The main area looks like a cross between a strip club and a lounge, with a small stage that is only occasionally in use, a bunch of couches and comfortable chairs, and two round "beds" surrounded by curtains. The beds seem to be mainly used for relaxing, but the curtains do periodically go closed and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what's going on based on the moans that come from within. There's also a bar in the room where you can get free sodas or juice, and there's a little dining area off to the side. That may sound unnecessary, but the ladies at this place are so attractive that most guys will want to sample several and might need the down time of the restaurant to recover. Along the same lines, there's an area where you can get massages, an exercise room, a swimming pool and a porn theater where you can recharge. You can find girls all around the complex, but the main lounge area has the highest concentration of them. There must have been around 100 girls working on the night that I was there and all but 2 would have rated in the 7-10 range. Just absolutely stunning. Most seemed to be from Eastern Europe with a lot from Bulgaria and Hungary, but there are girls from all over the world in addition to some homegrown Germans. They were mostly white, but there was a nice mix of skin tones, hair colors and body types. Basically, there's enough quality and variety that you shouldn't worry at all about the fact that you have to pay the €80 cover charge before seeing any of the girls. And, if you don't manage to find several girls that you'd like to stick it in at Artemis, the wasted cash will be much less of a concern than figuring out how you're going to tell your mother that you're gay.
The girls aren't shy about approaching customers, but if you have your eye on one in particular, approaching her isn't a problem either. One nice thing is that the prices for basic services are standardized, so you don't have to negotiate and there's no room for confusion even if there is a language barrier. €60 will get you a blowjob with or without a condom and sex with a condom for a half hour, and if you want additional half hours, they'll be another €60 each. That's the minimum price though, so that's what you'll be on the hook for even if you just want a handie or lapdances. If you're looking for something more than that, it can be arranged with many of the girls for an extra fee. A common menu includes an extra €50 to cum in her mouth and an extra €100 for anal, but not every girl will offer that and prices may vary among those who do, so make sure you ask before doing anything if that's what you're looking for.
You'll usually go to a private room with the girl where there are large beds and lots of mirrors, though you can use the aforementioned beds in the lounge if you don't need as much privacy, or the couches in the porn theater if you're an exhibitionist. As for the service itself, I'm sure that it varies from one girl to the next, but they seem to be enthusiastic for the most part. That combined with their model-quality looks can make for a very nice experience. When your time is up, the girl will walk you back to your cash locker so that you can pay her. After that, she's off to the next guy and you head to the showers to, quite literally, wash, rinse and repeat until you're out of money or out of steam.
Basically, in spite of the amazing sights, if you aren't at a point in your life where you're willing to pay for sex, the €80 cover charge at Artemis is too much to spend to torture yourself. If, on the other hand, you're looking to stick it in some beautiful ladies in exchange for cash, it's hard to imagine that you won't thoroughly enjoy the Artemis experience.