Deja Vu (City of Industry, CA)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – Just like at the other big City of Industry clubs, the lap dances are very nice with full two-way contact and enough of a grind to help the girls segue into their VIP sales pitch.  Back there, different girls have different limits (one was apologetic for only offering to lend a helping hand even though I hadn’t indicated that I wanted anything more than a lap dance), but you should be able to find someone who is willing to do whatever it is that you’re looking to have done.  It won’t be cheap and there will be some upsell if you agree to go to the VIP before you clearly agree to specific services for a specific amount of money, but that’s true everyone and isn’t nearly as bad here as it is at the Spearmint Rhino.  

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – A lot of these ladies are a little rough around the edges.  Most of them are passable but unspectacular and a few are just sloppy, but I’ve seen at least one stunner and a few pretty good girls during each of my visits.  As long as you’re patient, you shouldn’t have a major problem finding a few girls who are more than worthy of your dance money. 

Number of Dancers (8/10) – For a fairly small club, they have a ton of dancers, with more than two dozen lining up for the 2-4-1 cattle calls.  Unfortunately, that’s the only time that you’ll see them all since a large percentage of them is either in the dressing room or off giving dances, but there are still more than enough to choose from.

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – I couldn’t ask for any more from a club.  During my first night there I saw Asian chicks, white chicks, black chicks, Latina chicks, young chicks, old chicks, skinny chicks, chubby chicks and possibly even a chick who was born with a dick.  I can’t confirm that last one though. 

Attitudes (4/10) – The girls rarely sit with guys to chat and the “wannadance?” routine can get old quickly, but most of them are pretty friendly once you do get dances. Plus, the attitudes are significantly less important here than they are at any other club (other than a few other CA Deja Vu location), because they have no way to rip you off during the dances.  For the dances, you have to insert your money into a machine that counts down until the money is gone, then the light changes red and your dance is over.  If it’s a 2-4-1 or some other kind of special, the machine calculates that, so the girls couldn’t miscount dances if they tried.  Of course, they could still give shitty dances or not deliver on promised services, but that hasn’t been my experience at all.     

Value (8/10) – The $20 cover is steep, but sodas are free, no one tries to get you to buy sodas for girls and the stage value is excellent.  Shelby, in particular, put on the best stage show I’ve ever seen, with a nice mix of pole acrobatics, floor work and crowd interaction.  Even the pole cleaning routine is turned into a fun little production with the waitresses wearing sexy maid outfits and parading around while wiping it down.  More importantly, though, dances are an excellent value.   The topless version is only $10 each, but since I only had $20s, I just put them into the machine and it calculated the time for me.  If you’re looking for nude dances they’re $40 for some amount of time that’s longer than one song, but I couldn’t get a straight answer from anyone about how long they are.  VIP sessions are $150 for a half hour plus whatever you negotiate with the girls for specific services.  At those rates, everything is a decent deal anyway, but it’s even better if you wait for specials and/or go on the right night, since VIPs are only $100 on Thursdays, dances are 10% longer on Sundays and topless dances are frequently discounted to 3-for-$20. 

Club Setup (4/10) – The club is nice enough, but the circle of chairs lined up around the room is a little awkward.  There are at least a few benches in the back of the club, but there still aren’t enough seats for weekend nights.  The stage does allow for some good shows, though, since the two tall poles are able to rotate, allowing some of the more skilled girls to do some very impressive tricks.   The other thing that I like about the club is that they have a rain making machine that will rain down 19 ones over the stage for every $20 that you enter.  It’s gimmicky, but it’s a fun gimmick, and the girl gets the same out of money that she’d get if you got your ones at the bar since you’d tip a dollar for that anyway.  Unfortunately, the machine was out of order when I was there, but hopefully that was just a temporary problem.  If you’re really curious to try it, the one at the North Hollywood Deja Vu was working, though it’s honestly not cool enough to justify the drive.       

Dance Setup (5.5/10) – You’ll get your own booth for the topless dances, but you should know that these are much smaller than the average lap dance booth.  That’s both a good and a bad thing though.  On the bright side, the walls of the booth are so close to you that no one can really see what you’re up to, but the downside is that big guys might be uncomfortable and no guys will be able to spread their legs to the optimal angle for a proper grind.  The VIP area is much more private, especially in the last room, since the only opening to the large cubicle areas can be blocked with moveable fake trees.  The couches desperately need to be replaced, but they’re comfortable enough for whatever activities you want to do back there.  The dance counting machines are in the VIP area as well as the regular lap dance area, so you can monitor the countdown timer.  It’s based on dollars and cents rather than minutes, but it doesn’t take long to figure out roughly how much time you have left. 

Atmosphere (4/10) – This is another California club that decided that bottomless ladies add more to a strip club experience than booze.  I can’t say that I agree, but there is at least a bar next door where you can down a few beers before heading into the club.  As for the club itself, the seating arrangement makes it less than ideal for large groups and the crowd can be a little rough, but the music is a decent mix of rap and dubstep and, even though he’s incomprehensible, the DJ isn’t too obnoxious.  Overall, but this is a fairly comfortable place to hang out and has as much of a party vibe as an alcohol-free club can have.          

Location (3/5) – The City of Industry isn’t particularly close to anything and there aren’t many hotels in the area, but since you’ll be stone cold sober, it’s not a big deal if you have to drive a half hour to get home, and these clubs are worth the drive.  Deja Vu is only a few minutes away from the very nice Spearmint Rhino and the solid Synn, so the location is perfect for making a night out of hitting the clubs.    

Overall - The City of Industry Deja Vu is my favorite of the clubs that I've been to in California and my favorite of the half dozen Deja Vu clubs that I've been to.  The girls aren't as consistently hot as at the Spearmint Rhino or Synn, but this would be my first stop of the night to see if you can find a girl to your liking for less money than you'd spend at the other places.  

RAW SCORE = 61

Synn (City of Industry, CA)

Quality of Dances (15/20) - Just like at the other two big City of Industry clubs (Deja Vu and the Spearmint Rhino), two way contact is expected and tit groping is encouraged.  Some of the ladies even directed my hand to the bikini zone, and even though that's not something that I'm looking to do in a club, it just shows what good sports these ladies are.  There is some grinding and over the pants rubbing with their hand, but that's more to wake up junior to help with the VIP sales pitch than to actually get you near the edge.  

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – The high end of talent is comparable to the best of the Rhino and the low end is comparable to the worse of Deja Vu.  That’s to say that there’s a huge variation in talent at Synn, but they do a pretty solid job of keeping the best of the best on stage.  The drawback of that is that the lesser girls are the ones who are free to work the crowd. 

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – They have more than enough dancers, at least on weekend evenings, but I have two complaints here.  First, a large percentage of the girls are hanging out in the dressing room at any given time, so you only see the full lineup when they do their pre-special parades.  Second, there are too many unattractive dancers.  Since the hottest girls are the ones who are usually in the dressing room, you’ll have a parade of nasties asking if you want a dance a few times every song.  They’d be better off trimming the workforce a little because it’s hard to relax the way it is now. 

Variety of Dancers (5/5) – No matter your type, you’ll find it here.  Thin, thick, tall, short, young, old, black, white, Asian, Latina, tattooed, implanted, all natural – it’s all here. 

Attitudes (2/10) – This is one of the big things that drops Synn below Deja Vu and the Spearmint Rhino in my book.  The girls do chat with customers a little bit and seem decent enough, but I had a very tough time getting a straight answer on dance prices and half the girls wouldn’t volunteer that there are $20 topless dances in addition to the more expensive nude version.  The worst part, though, is that several girls tried to get away with charging full song prices for half a song.  That’s bad anyway, but was particularly frustrating coming from Deja Vu, where the dance counting machines make it impossible for a girl to rip you off. 

Value (3.5/10) – The $20 cover is rough and only covers one soda.  Sodas are only $2 after that and you probably aren’t trying to load up on Coke anyway, but it’s the principle of the matter.  Dances aren’t bad at $20 for topless or 2-4-$40 for nude, but their specials aren’t as good as at the other local clubs (where you can get 3 for $40) and their VIP prices are ridiculous.  I didn’t try to negotiate, but I kept hearing $250-300 without any promises of what that would get me.  I’m assuming that anything that justifies a trip to the City of Industry would be upsold from there.  The nude stage show is at least solid and not many people tip, so you can stretch your cash if you can manage to fight off the stream of girls who offer you dances. 

Club Setup (4/10) – The stage is both the best and the worst thing about the setup at Synn.  It’s probably the best looking stage I’ve ever seen, with a large marble fountain behind it that is pretty sweet even though it doesn’t work.  The stage lighting is very good too, with the color changing with each song.  The problem is that it’s almost too nice for this place, and it makes the dancer seem to be in a different world.  There are seats at the stage, but they don’t seem to be very popular.  The other seating isn’t anything fancy, but it’s sufficient.  There are a few benches and tiny stools on the main level and there are some tables down a few steps to the level that has the stage, and everyone has a nice view of the stage.  Overall, it isn’t a bad setup, but it does contribute to the less than stellar atmosphere, plus the fact that you have to walk through a porn store to leave is just odd.  

Dance Setup (6/10) – The dance area is a long narrow hallways that’s up a few stairs from the main level of the club.  You’ll get your own reasonably large booth that prevents anyone from seeing you unless they’re walking by, and they’ll only be walking by if they’re on their way to or from their own dances. 

Atmosphere (2.5/10) – It’s hard to explain, but there’s a very cold, impersonal vibe in this place despite the constantly approaching ladies.  I think maybe the stage is too far from the bulk of the crowd and the lack of alcohol doesn’t help matters, but there’s more to it than that.  It’s just not a place that I could see myself hanging out, either with friends or while flying solo. 

Location (3/5) – Synn is practically within walking distance of the Spearmint Rhino and isn’t too far from Deja Vu, but you’re going to have to travel to get there since there aren’t many nearby hotels and no one lives in the area. 

Overall – Synn is a pretty solid club that’s a distant 3^rd in what is essentially a three-club town.  It’s worth a visit if you strike out at the other Industry clubs, but the cold atmosphere and the constant sales pitches from unattractive dancers mean that it would never be my intended destination for a night out. 

RAW SCORE = 53.5

Centerfolds (Berlin, CT)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – There's some variation from girl to girl, but you'll almost always get at least a solid grind and some skilled knee action, and most of the girls allow varying degrees of 2-way contact. Several of the girls will position their boobs on your face and it isn't uncommon for them to encourage you to take a handfull. Some of the girls give some over-the-pants hand action, and though extras are not available, there are girls who will gladly do everything in their power to leave the customer feeling satisfied.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The girls here are fairly attractive overall. I've seen a few older ladies once or twice each, but the regular dancers are almost all in their 20's or early 30's and look good. The majority of ladies are all natural and even most of the enhanced ladies have fairly convincing boob jobs.

Number of Dancers (4/10) – I've found a solid dancer-to-customer ratio during off-peak hours, but that's been more due to a lack of customers than it has been due to an abundance of dancers.  The ratio goes down when it gets busier, but there are still usually plenty of ladies to prevent anyone from waiting too long for some attention. And even when they have plenty of girls working, they almost always only have one girl working the stage at a time.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3.5/5) – Centerfolds has mostly white dancers with a fair number of Puerto Ricans and Brazilians and the occasional Asian mixed in.  There are unfortunately almost never any black ladies, but there's enough other variety to prevent that from being too big of a problem.

Attitude of Dancers (6/10) – The girls here are very friendly and good to talk to, and they all seem to be genuinely grateful for tips. Some of the girls can get a little clingy if you visit often (especially one of the Russians), but my biggest complaint is that a lot of the girls focus on the regulars at the expense of visitors.  Still, that isn't usually a major problem unless they're busy.

Value (6/10) – The $5-8 cover and $5.25 bottled beers are about average, and the topless stage action is adequate, though nothing special. Lap dances are the standard $20, but at least here they're good enough that you feel like you're getting something for your money. Even when the girls make real efforts to get the job done, I haven't found any of them requesting any extra cash.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – Dances are given in a bright area in the back of the club where several fairly uncomfortable chairs are lined up next to each other. There are no dividers between most of the chairs and people could see you from the stage, but you're at least somewhat obscured from the bar and the bouncers rarely check up on you.  The two slightly better seats in the back right corner go quickly, so you may want to wait until one is available before requesting a dance.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – This is a fairly nice club with a large bar and a fairly large stage, but it's way too bright and there aren't any tables to sit at.  There's a second stage between the bar and the dance area, but it's never in use, even when the club is packed.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – Centerfolds is a decent place to hang out for a while and have a few beers, and the fact that most of the bartendresses look and dress like dancers doesn't hurt the situation at all. Having tables would make it much better for groups, but it's still easy to have a good time here.

Club Accessibility (2/5) – Centerfolds is along a fairly empty stretch of the Berlin Turnpike south of New Britain. It about halfway between Hartford and New Haven, so you don't have any choice but to drive to get here. My biggest problem with the location is that there's really no discreet way to get inside the club. You can park your car behind the building, but you'll have to walk in the well lit entrance that's in clear view of anyone who happens to be driving by on the Berlin Turnpike.

Overall - Centerfolds isn't great at anything, but it's an all-around solid club that's near the top of my Connecticut rotation.  The only other club within 20 minutes of here that's worth considering is the Key Club in New Haven, but I definitely like Centerfolds more.  The dances are comparable, but the girls are hotter here and the overall vibe is a lot better.

TOTAL SCORE = 53

Deja Vu Showgirls (Cincinnati, OH)

Quality of Dances (3/20) - These dances aren't bad by Ohio standards, but dances are generally a waste of time throughout the state and the Deja Vu is not the exception to the rule.  The dancers make some limited contact with customers if they keep their tops on or give topless airdances, but either experience is wholly unsatisfying.  

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies had better be attractive, because there isn’t a whole lot else to draw customers to an alcohol-free club with shitty lap dances.  Luckily, these ladies are well above average., thought I found most of them to be cute in a girl-next-door way more than hot in an I’m-willing-to-hang-out-in-this-drinkless-club way. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – I’ve only been here once, so you may want to take this score with a grain of salt, but there were more than enough ladies working during my visit.  The half-dozen dancers outnumbered the customers when I arrived in the late afternoon, and the number of dancers increased appropriately as time went by.  I’m not sure whether that was a good thing or not, since it really just sped up the “wannadance?” rotation, but there were at least plenty of ladies to look at. 

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – Every girl that I saw at Déjà Vu Cincinnati could have easily passed for being the sister of any other girl in the place.  Young, white and within 15 pounds of their ideal weight isn’t a bad thing by any means and you should be thrilled if that look is in your wheelhouse, but you’re out of luck if you’re tastes run a little more exotic. 

Attitudes (2/10) – It’s always frustrating when the first and only words out of a dancer’s mouth are, “want a dance?”  On a busy night, though, I understand that they can’t afford to waste time with a nonspender when there are so many other wallets in the building.  Of course, a lot of the guys who don’t “wannadance” might have proven to be big spenders if the girl had invested some time in chatting them up, but I at least can see where the girls are coming from.  But when the club is dead and the only alternative to cultivating business is sitting and chatting with other dancers and the dj, there’s really no excuse for that.  Sadly, that’s what happened over and over again during my visit.

Value (8.5/10) – It’s hard to beat a $10 cover that gets you free sodas and a view of the nude stage action (well, at least nude until midnight, thanks to politicians with seriously misplaced priorities).  The pole work isn’t as impressive as at the other Déjà Vu locations I’ve visited (Vegas, Lexington and several in California), but it still isn’t too bad.  The dances are a waste of time at any price, but at least it won’t be a costly mistake at two for $25 or 15 minutes of VIP dances for $75.  

Club Setup (4/10) – After walking down a long hallway at the entrance, you’ll reach a small shitty room with a shitty stage filling half of it.  This isn’t the main room, but it’s odd that it’s the first part of the club that you see.  Thankfully, the room off to the right is much nicer, with mirrored walls, a nice juice bar and a lot of small tables with plenty of chairs.  This room is also surrounded by the aforementioned lap dance booths, so you can discreetly check out a dancer’s lap dance moves before spending your own cash. 

Dance Setup (2/10) – I got my dances in a partially exposed area of the club that’s off to the left when you walk in.  There’s a long bench in there with small spaces to separate you from other dance recipients, but there’s nothing to block the view of anyone who is back there or the dj.  There are also booths surrounding the main area of the club, but they open right out to the crowd, so the privacy is no better there.  One nice touch, though, is the small stage in each of those booths so that the girls can give you a little preview while the previous song plays out.

Atmosphere (2/10) – Unfriendly dancers and a lack of alcohol are always a bad combination, and nothing about this place makes up for that fact.  It seems to be safe though, so you at least won’t have to risk life or limb to have a boring time. 

Location (2.5/5) – The club is several miles from downtown Cincinnati, but since there’s no alcohol, driving to get there isn’t a problem and they do have plenty of parking. 

Overall – Déjà Vu Cincinnati isn't a great club and ordinarily I’d tell you to avoid it, but your options are fairly limited in Ohio, so it could be worth a visit if you’re desperate to see some attractive naked ladies and don’t have the time to drive down to the vastly superior clubs in Lexington, Kentucky.  Personally, though, I’d save my cash.   

RAW SCORE = 39

Artemis (Berlin, Germany)

The ladies at Artemis are as fine as any that I've seen.  Anywhere.  Ever.  If it were a strip club, I'd give them a perfect ten out of ten for dancer quality, but this isn't a strip club, and these aren't dancers, so I'll just walk you through the Artemis experience and you can decide for yourself whether it's something you're interested in.

To get there, you can take the train to the Westkreuz stop and walk or you can catch a cab from central Berlin for about 20 Euros.  The train is the more cost effective option, but the fact that every minute spent getting here is a minute that you're not balls deep in Eastern European pussy makes for a tough decision.

Once you enter (the building), you go to the reception desk where you pay 80 Euros to the house, then you get a robe and a bracelet with a key on it so that you can lock up your valuables.  You'll still have to pay each girl, but the one time €80 fee is all that you give to management unless you want to buy booze at the bar or get a legitimate massage from a dude.

Once you've paid the entry fee, you stop by the little cash lockers where you can lock up your wallet.  You don't need to keep any cash on you since each girl will walk you back to the cash locker when you're done with her.  After you've left your cash there, you go to the locker room, where you change into your robe (or a towel, if you prefer) and their color coded flip flops, and you lock up your clothes in another locker.  There are showers back there too, and you're expected to wash up when you arrive and after each girl.  No one monitors that, but have a little courtesy and freshen up.

At this point, you're ready to see the girls.  The main area looks like a cross between a strip club and a lounge, with a small stage that is only occasionally in use, a bunch of couches and comfortable chairs, and two round "beds" surrounded by curtains. The beds seem to be mainly used for relaxing, but the curtains do periodically go closed and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what's going on based on the moans that come from within.  There's also a bar in the room where you can get free sodas or juice, and there's a little dining area off to the side.  That may sound unnecessary, but the ladies at this place are so attractive that most guys will want to sample several and might need the down time of the restaurant to recover.  Along the same lines, there's an area where you can get massages, an exercise room, a swimming pool and a porn theater where you can recharge.  You can find girls all around the complex, but the main lounge area has the highest concentration of them.  There must have been around 100 girls working on the night that I was there and all but 2 would have rated in the 7-10 range.  Just absolutely stunning.  Most seemed to be from Eastern Europe with a lot from Bulgaria and Hungary, but there are girls from all over the world in addition to some homegrown Germans.  They were mostly white, but there was a nice mix of skin tones, hair colors and body types.  Basically, there's enough quality and variety that you shouldn't worry at all about the fact that you have to pay the €80 cover charge before seeing any of the girls.  And, if you don't manage to find several girls that you'd like to stick it in at Artemis, the wasted cash will be much less of a concern than figuring out how you're going to tell your mother that you're gay.

The girls aren't shy about approaching customers, but if you have your eye on one in particular, approaching her isn't a problem either.  One nice thing is that the prices for basic services are standardized, so you don't have to negotiate and there's no room for confusion even if there is a language barrier.  €60 will get you a blowjob with or without a condom and sex with a condom for a half hour, and if you want additional half hours, they'll be another €60 each.  That's the minimum price though, so that's what you'll be on the hook for even if you just want a handie or lapdances.  If you're looking for something more than that, it can be arranged with many of the girls for an extra fee.  A common menu includes an extra €50 to cum in her mouth and an extra €100 for anal, but not every girl will offer that and prices may vary among those who do, so make sure you ask before doing anything if that's what you're looking for.

You'll usually go to a private room with the girl where there are large beds and lots of mirrors, though you can use the aforementioned beds in the lounge if you don't need as much privacy, or the couches in the porn theater if you're an exhibitionist.  As for the service itself,  I'm sure that it varies from one girl to the next, but they seem to be enthusiastic for the most part.  That combined with their model-quality looks can make for a very nice experience.  When your time is up, the girl will walk you back to your cash locker so that you can pay her.  After that, she's off to the next guy and you head to the showers to, quite literally, wash, rinse and repeat until you're out of money or out of steam.

Basically, in spite of the amazing sights, if you aren't at a point in your life where you're willing to pay for sex, the €80 cover charge at Artemis is too much to spend to torture yourself.  If, on the other hand, you're looking to stick it in some beautiful ladies in exchange for cash, it's hard to imagine that you won't thoroughly enjoy the Artemis experience.