Club Fantasies (Providence, RI)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – I've very rarely had a bad dance at Fantasies. There has almost always been two-way contact and great grinding with a solid level of interest from the dancers. Unlike at several of the other Providence clubs, the girls here won't typically offer anything more than lap dances, but unless that's what you're looking for, you shouldn't have any complaints.

Quality of Dancers (4/10) – There has been a huge drop in the talent level at Fantasies over the past few years.  The cute young dancers that I used to see here in '06 and '07 have been replaced with slightly older, slightly more strung out girls who have lots of stretch marks and just generally look worn out.  Or, more depressingly, it's possible that those cute young girls haven't been replaced at all but that time hasn't been kind to them.  You still should be able to find a few attractive dancers, but the quality here no longer can compete with what you'd see at the Foxy Lady, Desire or the Cadillac Lounge.

Number of Dancers (4/10) – This is hard to rate because of the club’s two-floor setup (see below). If the club were one floor, I think this would jump a couple of points, but the dancers are split between the upstairs and the downstairs (some go back and forth, but many will stay on one floor the whole night), and since you’ll be spending most of your time on one of those two floors, you might miss a good chunk of the options.  And, even though there are still a lot of girls wandering around, the attractive ones are so rare that you're going to be waiting a while for anyone worthwhile.

Variety Dancers (2.5/5) – A decent mix of Latinas and black dancers breaks up the base of white girls, and there's plenty of size variation for men of almost all tastes.  Since there's not a lot of talent among the variety, I can't give them too high of a score, but I guess it's better to look at mediocre ladies of several races than of a single one.

Attitude of Dancers (5/10) – The girls here aren’t hustlers and they’re generally friendly, but it’s sometimes difficult to get their attention, which can be incredibly frustrating. And even if you do get their attention, they typically won't spend a whole lot of time sitting with customers.  

Value (6.5/10) – There's no cover before 6 PM, and it's a reasonable $10 after that if you're staying in the topless downstairs half of the club.  To get upstairs to the nude ladies will run you an additional $10, but you don't have to decide whether you're going up there until you look around the downstairs and see if you like any of the talent. Domestic beers are only $3. Dances vary from $20-30 depending on the girl, but Sunday through Tuesday during the days are two-for-one, so I strongly suggest you visit then. The real bang for your buck (almost literally) comes from the stage action. Many dancers will give a full contact off-the-stage straddling for a single dollar.

Dance Setup (4.5/10) – A series of paired booths (two booths facing each other) line the far wall of each floor. The pairing is irrelevant, because you should refuse to dance if someone is currently in the booth partnering yours. Even without someone in the other booth, though, privacy is limited. They’re deep enough that someone staring perpendicular to your booth couldn’t see what was going on, but anyone walking by has a clear shot. The upshot is that you don’t have to deal with bouncers at any point along the way, a benefit that added a full point to this rating.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – The downstairs is pretty ridiculous, with some sort of lame tropical theme going on. Overall, it seems more like a crappy chain restaurant than a strip club. But at least the stage is long and has decent seating. The upstairs is better, but not great. There's a fish tank and some plush chairs, but it's still difficult to hang out as a group. The bars are well placed and there is at least one wide-screen TV, but those perks can’t really save an otherwise weak design.

Club Atmosphere (4/10) – The atmosphere is kind of weird in Fantasies. The girls on stage, despite giving huge individual value when they get tipped, basically don’t dance when they’re up there. No crazy pole tricks or handstands or whatever. They pretty much just bounce around in place until you catch their eye and then they come over to you. When you add that to the shitty club design, mediocre music and too-bright lighting, it falls short of my expectations.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – A short cab ride from downtown Providence makes Fantasies very accessible. It’s also not far off the interstate, so you can easily make the stop if you’re traveling through the Providence area.

Overall – There was a time when Fantasies was one of my favorite strip clubs, but a series of second-rate experiences has tainted my view. It still wouldn't be a terrible club in most areas, but it's no longer in the top tier of Providence clubs that includes the Cadillac Lounge, Desire and, arguably, the Foxy Lady.

RAW SCORE = 51.5