Deja Vu Showgirls (Cincinnati, OH)

Quality of Dances (3/20) - These dances aren't bad by Ohio standards, but dances are generally a waste of time throughout the state and the Deja Vu is not the exception to the rule.  The dancers make some limited contact with customers if they keep their tops on or give topless airdances, but either experience is wholly unsatisfying.  

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies had better be attractive, because there isn’t a whole lot else to draw customers to an alcohol-free club with shitty lap dances.  Luckily, these ladies are well above average., thought I found most of them to be cute in a girl-next-door way more than hot in an I’m-willing-to-hang-out-in-this-drinkless-club way. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – I’ve only been here once, so you may want to take this score with a grain of salt, but there were more than enough ladies working during my visit.  The half-dozen dancers outnumbered the customers when I arrived in the late afternoon, and the number of dancers increased appropriately as time went by.  I’m not sure whether that was a good thing or not, since it really just sped up the “wannadance?” rotation, but there were at least plenty of ladies to look at. 

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – Every girl that I saw at Déjà Vu Cincinnati could have easily passed for being the sister of any other girl in the place.  Young, white and within 15 pounds of their ideal weight isn’t a bad thing by any means and you should be thrilled if that look is in your wheelhouse, but you’re out of luck if you’re tastes run a little more exotic. 

Attitudes (2/10) – It’s always frustrating when the first and only words out of a dancer’s mouth are, “want a dance?”  On a busy night, though, I understand that they can’t afford to waste time with a nonspender when there are so many other wallets in the building.  Of course, a lot of the guys who don’t “wannadance” might have proven to be big spenders if the girl had invested some time in chatting them up, but I at least can see where the girls are coming from.  But when the club is dead and the only alternative to cultivating business is sitting and chatting with other dancers and the dj, there’s really no excuse for that.  Sadly, that’s what happened over and over again during my visit.

Value (8.5/10) – It’s hard to beat a $10 cover that gets you free sodas and a view of the nude stage action (well, at least nude until midnight, thanks to politicians with seriously misplaced priorities).  The pole work isn’t as impressive as at the other Déjà Vu locations I’ve visited (Vegas, Lexington and several in California), but it still isn’t too bad.  The dances are a waste of time at any price, but at least it won’t be a costly mistake at two for $25 or 15 minutes of VIP dances for $75.  

Club Setup (4/10) – After walking down a long hallway at the entrance, you’ll reach a small shitty room with a shitty stage filling half of it.  This isn’t the main room, but it’s odd that it’s the first part of the club that you see.  Thankfully, the room off to the right is much nicer, with mirrored walls, a nice juice bar and a lot of small tables with plenty of chairs.  This room is also surrounded by the aforementioned lap dance booths, so you can discreetly check out a dancer’s lap dance moves before spending your own cash. 

Dance Setup (2/10) – I got my dances in a partially exposed area of the club that’s off to the left when you walk in.  There’s a long bench in there with small spaces to separate you from other dance recipients, but there’s nothing to block the view of anyone who is back there or the dj.  There are also booths surrounding the main area of the club, but they open right out to the crowd, so the privacy is no better there.  One nice touch, though, is the small stage in each of those booths so that the girls can give you a little preview while the previous song plays out.

Atmosphere (2/10) – Unfriendly dancers and a lack of alcohol are always a bad combination, and nothing about this place makes up for that fact.  It seems to be safe though, so you at least won’t have to risk life or limb to have a boring time. 

Location (2.5/5) – The club is several miles from downtown Cincinnati, but since there’s no alcohol, driving to get there isn’t a problem and they do have plenty of parking. 

Overall – Déjà Vu Cincinnati isn't a great club and ordinarily I’d tell you to avoid it, but your options are fairly limited in Ohio, so it could be worth a visit if you’re desperate to see some attractive naked ladies and don’t have the time to drive down to the vastly superior clubs in Lexington, Kentucky.  Personally, though, I’d save my cash.   

RAW SCORE = 39

Artemis (Berlin, Germany)

The ladies at Artemis are as fine as any that I've seen.  Anywhere.  Ever.  If it were a strip club, I'd give them a perfect ten out of ten for dancer quality, but this isn't a strip club, and these aren't dancers, so I'll just walk you through the Artemis experience and you can decide for yourself whether it's something you're interested in.

To get there, you can take the train to the Westkreuz stop and walk or you can catch a cab from central Berlin for about 20 Euros.  The train is the more cost effective option, but the fact that every minute spent getting here is a minute that you're not balls deep in Eastern European pussy makes for a tough decision.

Once you enter (the building), you go to the reception desk where you pay 80 Euros to the house, then you get a robe and a bracelet with a key on it so that you can lock up your valuables.  You'll still have to pay each girl, but the one time €80 fee is all that you give to management unless you want to buy booze at the bar or get a legitimate massage from a dude.

Once you've paid the entry fee, you stop by the little cash lockers where you can lock up your wallet.  You don't need to keep any cash on you since each girl will walk you back to the cash locker when you're done with her.  After you've left your cash there, you go to the locker room, where you change into your robe (or a towel, if you prefer) and their color coded flip flops, and you lock up your clothes in another locker.  There are showers back there too, and you're expected to wash up when you arrive and after each girl.  No one monitors that, but have a little courtesy and freshen up.

At this point, you're ready to see the girls.  The main area looks like a cross between a strip club and a lounge, with a small stage that is only occasionally in use, a bunch of couches and comfortable chairs, and two round "beds" surrounded by curtains. The beds seem to be mainly used for relaxing, but the curtains do periodically go closed and it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what's going on based on the moans that come from within.  There's also a bar in the room where you can get free sodas or juice, and there's a little dining area off to the side.  That may sound unnecessary, but the ladies at this place are so attractive that most guys will want to sample several and might need the down time of the restaurant to recover.  Along the same lines, there's an area where you can get massages, an exercise room, a swimming pool and a porn theater where you can recharge.  You can find girls all around the complex, but the main lounge area has the highest concentration of them.  There must have been around 100 girls working on the night that I was there and all but 2 would have rated in the 7-10 range.  Just absolutely stunning.  Most seemed to be from Eastern Europe with a lot from Bulgaria and Hungary, but there are girls from all over the world in addition to some homegrown Germans.  They were mostly white, but there was a nice mix of skin tones, hair colors and body types.  Basically, there's enough quality and variety that you shouldn't worry at all about the fact that you have to pay the €80 cover charge before seeing any of the girls.  And, if you don't manage to find several girls that you'd like to stick it in at Artemis, the wasted cash will be much less of a concern than figuring out how you're going to tell your mother that you're gay.

The girls aren't shy about approaching customers, but if you have your eye on one in particular, approaching her isn't a problem either.  One nice thing is that the prices for basic services are standardized, so you don't have to negotiate and there's no room for confusion even if there is a language barrier.  €60 will get you a blowjob with or without a condom and sex with a condom for a half hour, and if you want additional half hours, they'll be another €60 each.  That's the minimum price though, so that's what you'll be on the hook for even if you just want a handie or lapdances.  If you're looking for something more than that, it can be arranged with many of the girls for an extra fee.  A common menu includes an extra €50 to cum in her mouth and an extra €100 for anal, but not every girl will offer that and prices may vary among those who do, so make sure you ask before doing anything if that's what you're looking for.

You'll usually go to a private room with the girl where there are large beds and lots of mirrors, though you can use the aforementioned beds in the lounge if you don't need as much privacy, or the couches in the porn theater if you're an exhibitionist.  As for the service itself,  I'm sure that it varies from one girl to the next, but they seem to be enthusiastic for the most part.  That combined with their model-quality looks can make for a very nice experience.  When your time is up, the girl will walk you back to your cash locker so that you can pay her.  After that, she's off to the next guy and you head to the showers to, quite literally, wash, rinse and repeat until you're out of money or out of steam.

Basically, in spite of the amazing sights, if you aren't at a point in your life where you're willing to pay for sex, the €80 cover charge at Artemis is too much to spend to torture yourself.  If, on the other hand, you're looking to stick it in some beautiful ladies in exchange for cash, it's hard to imagine that you won't thoroughly enjoy the Artemis experience.

Spearmint Rhino (City of Industry, CA)

This club was personally recommended to me by the Strip Club Hound.  If you haven't checked out his site yet, make sure that you do, because it's a great read.  From the clubs that he's reviewed that I've been to, I can say he's dead on, but his inside perspective as a former club manager is the real reason to visit his site.

Quality of Dances (14/20) – Like at many of the City of Industry clubs, you will get excellent lap dances at the Spearmint Rhino.  Full two-way contact is encouraged, and if you’re shy about it, some of the ladies will move your hands to where they know you want them to be.  The grinding is decent, especially during the nude dances, but the ladies are very careful to keep a little bit of a tease going to try to sell the VIP dances.  Different girls have different limits back there, but your wallet is going to be the biggest limiting factor, because you shouldn’t have a had time finding a girl to give you a good time if you’re willing to give her a few hundred dollars.    

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – The girls at the Rhino are beautiful.  As with every Rhino that I’ve been to, there are more implants than I’d like to see, but with faces and bodies like these, I’ll happily overlook that. 

Number of Dancers (7.5/10) – You only get the full experience when they do the 2-4-1 parade since a lot of these ladies hang out in the dressing room except when their regulars stop by, but there are still plenty of ladies to keep all of the customers occupied. 

Variety of Dancers (3.5/5) – They’ve got white, Latina and Asian dancers and a wide range of ages, but you aren’t going to find many black or thicker dancers at this Spearmint Rhino.  Or any Spearmint Rhino, for that matter. 

Attitudes (6.5/10) – These ladies are hustlers, but it’s the good kind of hustling where they really seem genuine while pumping up your ego.  It was so impressive that I even decided to test them by talking about something that I knew they wouldn't be interested in just to see if they could keep up, and they did with flying colors.  If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought these ladies were genuinely interested in how many points Jarome Iginla is going to score for the Calgary Flames this year. Most if not all of the ego boosting is obviously bullshit, but that’s what customer service is all about, and the ladies know that it’s also the best way to empty your wallet.  What I really appreciate, though, it that the wallet emptying is done honorably, with very few girls asking for tips after dancers, just about everyone offering to get change for you if you overpay for dances, and one girl even suggesting that we wait for the 2-4-1 that she knew was coming even after I’d agreed to get a dance.  That should be a lesson for dancers everywhere – you might get the first hundred faster if you rip off a customer, but you’ll only get that 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th hundred if you make sure that he feels like his money is spent honestly. 

Value (2/10) – The $20 cover is rough, the sodas are a ridiculous $5 each, the waitresses are constantly trying to get you to buy drinks for dancers and the dances are overpriced at $20 for topless and $40 for nude since they’re only about two and a half minutes long.  If you want a VIP room, that’s 4 songs for $160 plus whatever you negotiate with the dancer, or you can pay something around $500 for some time in a private room.  The dance value is slightly increased if you wait for the frequent specials, but the two-for-ones definitely seemed to have shorter songs, and the dances during the “logo dances” couldn’t have been more than about a minute each.  The “logo dances” are supposed to be 4 dances and a t-shirt for $40, but I’m fairly certain that it didn’t last for more than 5 minutes, and who really wants a strip club t-shirt anyway?  I mean, if this guy who writes a strip club review blog and travels around the world to visit clubs would be too embarrassed to wear one, how shameless do you have to be to rock a Spearmint Rhino shirt in the real world? 

Club Setup (6/10) – The first thing that I noticed about the room was that the framed porn posters around the walls are much more graphic than I’m used to seeing in other Spearmint Rhinos, with some showing cocks and one even having cum dribbling down the girl’s face.  Despite that, this is a fairly classy club overall with a fireplace off to the side and a nice, medium sized stage in the center of the room.  Even though I’ve only seen one girl dancing at a time, they have two poles and a little leather ottoman up there for the girl to work with.  I usually like to see a larger bar than they have here and I’m not a fan of the way that the chairs are lined up in rows to face the stage as if you were at a play, but I guess there’s no reason to have the place set up for hanging out since it’s an alcohol-free club.  They know that you’re there to see women, so the whole setup is designed around that.  Unfortunately, the stage is so dark that you might not even be sure what you’re looking at half the time. 

Dance Setup (3/10) – The topless dance areas are little alcoves off of the back of the main area of the club.  There’s no privacy within them, but people in the other room can’t see you, and, since there are a few of those dance areas, you’ll usually be the only one in there unless they’re running a dance special.   The nude dance area is a little more private, but you’re going to want to go to the VIP area if you’ve got the cash for it, since they have nice couches back there and curtains that prevent anyone from seeing what you’re up to.  

Atmosphere (3.5/10) – There are a lot of states that have the topless-with-alcohol or nude-but-no-alcohol rules for strip clubs, but everywhere else that I’ve been, the better clubs chose the topless option.  I don’t know what it is about California that changes the equation, but out here, most of the good clubs are nude but don't serve alchohol.  Thankfully, the atmosphere is more similar to Little Darlings in Las Vegas than to the depressing juice bars that I’ve been to in New England, but I still feel like I’m missing half the experience if I’m not sipping a beer or my signature cocktail (as named by the bartendress at the Free Spirit Cafe, a “Peter Tips” is a redbull with a double shot of whiskey – try it, it’s delicious) while ogling titties.  The bar across the parking lot is at least some consolation, but since you can’t bring your drinks into the club, it’s still less than ideal.   

Lack of booze aside, this place is a little too loud so it can be tough to talk to the girls and it’s a little bit stuffy, but the crowd is decent and you should feel perfectly comfortable spending an hour or two here. 

Location (3/5) – The City of Industry isn’t particularly close to anything and there aren’t many hotels in the area, but since you’ll be stone cold sober, it’s not a big deal if you have to drive for a half hour to get home, and these clubs are worth the drive.  If it were just the Spearmint Rhino, it might be a tougher decision, but with Synn right down the street and the best Déjà Vu I’ve ever been to just a few minutes away, it’s not bad to make an evening of hitting these clubs.   

Overall – The City of Industry Spearmint Rhino is an excellent club regardless of your budget, but it can be amazing if you’re looking for the VIP experience and have the cash to make it happen.  That’s a little too rich for me, at least on a regular basis, but I’ll definitely be stopping by any time that I’m in the area.  Even if it is only as a warmup to/backup plan for the City of Industry Déjà Vu, which I like even more. 

RAW SCORE = 57.5

Kamal's 21 (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (7/20) – There's a huge variation from one girl to the next at Kamal's.  One girl gave the best dance that I've had in Atlanta, another gave what amounted to little more than an airdance and other girls were all over the spectrum in between.  Once nice thing here is that some of the girls offer $20 lap dances as opposed to the usual $10 table dances that you find everywhere else.  The girls who offered the lap dances seemed to be the ones who gave the best dances, with full upper body two way contact and plenty of over the pants stick shifting.  Unfortunately, it's a relatively small percentage of girls who mention the lap dances, and grindless friction seems to be the much more typical dance style.  Still, these are some of the best dances that you'll find at any of the decent black clubs, with only Strokers out in Clarkston having the slight advantage.

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – As long as you aren't expecting Magic City or Onyx quality women, you shouldn't have any major complaints.  Most of the ladies would rate around a 7, but there were also several 8s and 9s and one of the hottest dancers I've even seen working the night that I stopped by.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – I'm not sure that I believe their claims of having 50+ ladies on the weekends, but they do have a ton of ladies for such a modestly sized club.  Of course, by the time things really get going, the room gets packed wall to wall with customers too, so the ratio ends up being merely acceptable.  You can't beat it early in the evening though, when they seem to have about two dancers for every customer.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – This is a black club, so don't bother stopping by if black girls don't do anything for you.  They have a nice mix of dark skinned and light skinned beauties though, and there's plenty of size variation to keep just about anybody interested.  I only saw one white dancer, but I almost wished that she hadn't been there, because it made things a little awkward when she approached me for a dance.  She was hot and friendly so I accepted her offer, but it just didn't feel right as the only white guy in the club to be getting a dance from the only white girl in the club.  I'm sure everyone who saw me at that moment wondered why I even bothered to come to Kamal's, but I think I dropped enough cash by the end of the night that no one doubted my appreciation for the ebony ladies.

Attitude of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies at Kamal's are about as friendly as any that I've encountered in Atlanta.  It has the feel of a local bar, and the women treat you accordingly.  Most of them are happy to sit and chat, and a lot of them even go out of their way to introduce you to other dancers who they think you'd like.

Value (5.5/10) – The $10 cover, $5 beers and $10 table dances are all standard for Atlanta, so the value really depends on whether or not you're planning to make it rain.  People shower the girls with stack of cash, but you can manage to have a good time even if you don't have a rapper's budget as long as you don't get too close to the stage, because this place gets crowded enough that no one will notice whether you're spending money as long as you're buying drinks and getting occasional dances.

Dance Setup (0/10) – The tables dances are given right out in the open, and you'll be lucky to even be seated if you're there when it's busy unless you're getting bottle service.  Earlier in the evening, you'll get to sit on a bench or a bar stool, but those options are pretty bad too.  The "lap dances" are really just table dances with more contact, so the setup is no different, though some of the ladies will make a little extra effort to find a seat for you since you're paying twice as much per song.  

Club Setup (3/10) – Kamal's 21 is a fairly small club that's divided into three areas.  Off to the right is a bar area that's so bright that it almost looks like a juice bar.  There's also a small stage and some stools in there, but it would be my last choice of places to hang out.  The main bar area is in the middle and has another fairly small bar and very limited bench seating for bottle service.  Finally, off to the left side and down a few steps is a medium sized stage, a few more seats and another tiny bar. It not overly classy and there's not nearly enough seating, but they do about as well as they can given their space constraints.  If they did try to pack more seats in, there would be less standing room, and things would feel even more cramped when they're busy.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – This place isn't as glamorous as some of the other clubs in Atlanta, but it has a nice relaxed atmosphere and still can turn into a wild party when they have a special event, which seems to be just about every night. I've never been there for their bitch slap Wednesdays or their baby oil shows, but I assume that both can get pretty crazy.  The crowd is almost exclusively black, but I felt perfectly welcome the whole time that I was there and safety wasn't a concern at all.  Or, maybe I should say that it wasn't a concern after I saw the security guys at the entrance.  I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that they were Falcons linebackers trying to pick up some extra cash in their free time, because they were the biggest, most muscular guys I've ever seen.  

Club Accessibility (4/5) – There's plenty of parking and it isn't hard to get to from downtown Atlanta or Buckhead, and it's borderline walkable from Onyx. Even if you don't want to make it your primary destination for the evening, the location makes it convenient for a short visit.

Overall – If you only want to go to one black club in Atlanta, you should make it either Magic City or Onyx.  They're to black clubs in Atlanta what the Spearmint Rhino is to all clubs in Vegas - mediocre in many ways, but teeming with women so beautiful they have to be seen to be believed.  Unlike those places, Kamal's 21 won't be on anyone's strip club bucket list.  Having said that, this is the best all-around black club in the city, and with its friendly women, relaxed atmosphere and decent dances, it would probably be my most frequent choice of the black clubs if I lived in Atlanta.

RAW SCORE = 48.5

Platinum Plus (Columbia, SC)

Quality of Dances (17/20) – These are great lap dances.  Breast touching is encouraged and the girls are very active over the pants with their hands.  Most of the girls don't grind a whole lot, but the move where they plant their mouth on the crotch of your pants and vibrate more than makes up for that.  I don't think that you'll be whipping it out due to the lack of privacy, but wearing loose fitting cargo shorts might not be a terrible decision, particularly when the club is less busy.

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – There are lots of 7's and 8's and a few who were higher than that, but there were also a few too many ladies who were either too old or a little on the sloppy side.  One dancer volunteered that she's 38, and she wasn't even close to being the oldest one there.  She actually was pretty hot, but the woman who looked like she could have been the 38 year old's mother... not so much.  Still, as long as you aren't uncomfortable shooting down the ladies that you don't like, you should be able to find plenty of ladies worth getting a dance from.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – Platinum Plus is usually packed with ladies whether or not they're busy.  Of course, the ratio is a lot better when things are slow, but it's always acceptable.  They only have one woman on stage a lot of the time, but with two song sets and not too much repetition, I don't have any problem with that.  

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – This is mostly a white club, but I saw a few black dancers and had some very enjoyable dances from a Filippina, plus there's more than enough variation in body types to keep most customers interested.    

Attitude of Dancers (1/10) – Most of these ladies are initially very friendly and are happy to sit and chat while draped across your lap and maybe doing some occasional stick shifting.  One particularly friendly girl was nice enough to ask if I had to answer to anyone that night because there was glitter in her lip gloss and she didn't want to get me into trouble by getting it on my crotch.  Unfortunately, the price structure for the dances undoes all of that good will.  Because the clubs allows each girl to set her own prices, you have to ask every single girl what her prices are before you get a dance, and, if you don't, most of them will say it's $30 per song.  That may not seem like too big of an issue, but it completely kills the mood to have to discuss prices at that point.  My biggest complaint, though, is that a lot of the girls can be ridiculouslhy pushy about the champagne room if they get even the slightest hint that you may be interested.  I made the mistake of accepting one girl's offer to take me on a tour of the champagne room, then she was on me like a leech until I was forced to tell her to get lost.

Value (6/10) – It's hard to find a better deal if you show up before 8pm or on a Monday, with a $3 cover and $2.50 beers (even cheaper on Monday). The cover goes up to $6 and the beers go up to $4.50 in the evening, but even that isn't bad at all, and the stage value is always fairly solid.  The club gives change in $2 bills, so you might end up tipping a little more than you otherwise would, but you usually get a nice, personal show if you sit stage side or stand at the stairs to the stage and wait.  Some of the girls even volunteer to tip the other dancers for you (with your money, of course), then slide the bills into their panties so that the girl on stage can come over and give a light lesbian show to pick it up.  The dances are where the real variation is, though.  Most of the girls offer dances for $25 or 2 for $40, but some of the girls hold firm to their offers of $30 dances.  A lot (maybe all) of those girls will come down to 2 for $50 if you ask in advance, but you're at their mercy if you don't ask, and that's never a good position to be in.  You can also go for dances in the "red room" for $200 for a half hour, but there's no real privacy back there and you won't get anything that you can't get during the regular dances, so it's not really worth it. The champagne rooms are just ridiculous though, with the price for the room starting at $275 (up to five grand if you want good champagne) and the price for the girls running anywhere from three to five hundred dollars.  No matter what you get to do back there, that's a rip off.

Dance Setup (2.5/10) –  The dance area is out of view of the main club and dances are given on reasonably comfortable bench/couch hybrids.  There are arm-height dividers for you to rest your keys and drink, but it isn't enough to keep anyone from seeing what you're up to.  Since they have two of these bench areas, it's fairly solid if no more than one other person is getting a dance, but that almost never happens, and, when it's crowded, you'll be right beside somebody and right across from somebody else.  The good news about the mirrored walls is that they make it easy to get a good view of what you're grabbing onto.  The bad news about them is that they make it easy for anyone else to watch what you're grabbing onto too.  They probably have better things to look at though, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.  

The champagne room setup is ok, but it's not the apartment that you should be getting for your $275 room fee.  It's just a room off of a back corner of the club with few large couces all lined up parallel to each other.  The couches are at least big enough that no one can really see what you're up to, particularly if you get the couch in the back.

Club Setup (9.5/10) – I love the setup at this place.  There's a stand up bar in the back of the club, a smaller bar in the front and a large projection TV near the stage so that you can try to keep one eye on the game. The club is deliciously dark, allowing girls to get somewhat physical at your table if you sit in one of the corners.  The disco ball strobe effects provide the perfect amount of lighting throughout the club, and the bar area is nice and bright so that you can see what you're spending your money on in advance.  Most of the club is filled with small tables for 2-4 people, and the chairs can roll around to accomodate groups of varying sizes.  The main stage isn't huge, but it's fairly nice with two poles, and there are two small cage-style stages in the back.  All of the Plantum Plus clubs have these things and they're great.  The "cage" portion of the stage is made by poles that surround it, and the girls use them to perform some unique moves.  Even though the club is really just one room, the way that the back area is a few steps up from the half of the club with the stage creates some separation and ensures that everyone has a good view of the stage show.  This really is a beautifully designed club.

Club Atmosphere (9/10) – Whether you're coming here for a cheap beer after work or for a wild night out, you'll almost certainly have a good time at Platinum Plus Columbia.  The crowd skews a little older than I'm used to, but the music is good (I heard everything from the Beatles to Rick Ross to dubstep playing during my first half hour there) and the vibe is upscale casual.  I'm knocking them down from a perfect 10 because the music can be loud to the point that it makes it difficult to chat, but that's my only complaint.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – The club is a few miles outside of downtown Columbia and I doubt that there's much in the way of public transportation, but the Embassy Suites is within walking distance and was perfect for me to take advantage of the cheap drinks and still make it safely to bed.

Overall –  The girls are attractive, the dances are great and it's just an all-around good time.  If they'd just do away with the variable dance prices, it would probably be one of my three favorite clubs in the world.  Even with that annoyance, though, it's still a great club and is worth a visit if you're ever anywhere near Columbia.

RAW SCORE = 64

Last Update: June, 2013

Divas (Lexington, KY)

Quality of Dances (14/20) – These are probably the best lap dances in Lexington.  Two way contact is usually encouraged and most of the girls provide a solid grind, especially if you go for the nude dances.  I wasn't directly offered any extras, but the enthusiastic over-the-pants mouth bobbing made me assume that they'd be available from at least some of the girls.  And when I say "enthusiastic," I really mean it.  I even had to force one of the girls to stop because her saliva was starting to soak through my pants.

Quality of Dancers (2.5/10) – These ladies are a step up from what you'd find at Camelot West, but they're several steps down from what you'd find at most of the other local clubs. You might be more impressed than I was if you're into ink, but, even then, there was only one really hot dancer working while I was there.  Other than her, there were a few girls who would come out toward the middle of the civilian scale, but most of these dancers were just plain sloppy.

Number of Dancers (2/10) – I saw around a half dozen dancers working at prime club time on a Saturday night.  That would be pretty bad anyway, but since the quality is so low, you're really going to have to be patient if you want the attention of an attractive dancer.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) - Like most other Lexington clubs, there are one or two black dancers mixed in with the primarily white workforce.  The real variety comes from the size of the girls, but they don't get much credit for that since the larger girls weren't the good kind of thick.  Chubby chasers are in luck though.  

Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – The few girls who don't spend most of their time in the dressing room work the crowd so hard that it can be tough to get away from them. The self-described queen of the place (a large African American dancer who brags about her porn films) is particularly aggressive. She basically won't leave you alone until you either buys some dances or leave.  I think the problem may be that they get a lot of cheap customers, so they keep their defences up until you prove that you have a few dollars to spend.  A customer shouldn't need to prove themselves in a service establishment, but at least you know that the girl will likely be friendly once you buy a dance if you can deal with the pre-dance attitudes for long enough to get to that point.

Value (6.5/10) – If you're looking to stretch your dollars, Divas is a good place to do it.  The cover and beers are a bargain at $5 and $3.75, respectively, and dances are a solid value.  I don't think that you can buy a single dance, but the two topless dances will run you $30 and two nude dances go for $50.  I rarely pay a premium for nude dances, but it's totally worth it here because it allows you to get an infinitely better dance setup.

Dance Setup (7.5/10) –  Since nude dances are reasonably priced, I'm going to base this score on the nude dance setup, which is very solid.  You get your own booth with a comfortable couch and a mirror so that you can check out both sides of your dancer, and a curtain ensures that no one else will be able to see what you're up to.  If you stick to the topless dances, though, the setup wouldn't deserve more than a point or two.  Those dances are given on four shitty couches in a dingy room in the back of the club where there's no privacy from other dancers and dancees, but at least people on the main floor of the club can't see you.

Club Setup (1.5/10) – Divas is not a nice club.  There are plenty of small tables and rolly chairs throughout the room and there's a fairly large bar off to the side, but there's a lot of unused space that makes the place feel empty.  Plus it's unusually smokey and just generally smells bad.  The stage is medium sized and has two poles on it, but only one girl dances at a time except during the bachelor party shows, which are really just an excuse for the dj to act even more obnoxious than usual.

Club Atmosphere (1/10) – Divas seems to be relatively safe for such a run down club, but it's a fairly depressing place to hang out.  The stage action is mediocre except when a bachelor gets called up for a show, the cashier at the door asks for tips and the waitress just angrily glared at customers the entire time that I was there, but the worst part, by far, is the dj.  His constant yapping would have been annoying even in a busy club, but it just seemed pathetic since Divas was dead while I was there.  Strip club djs are kind of like referees in that, if you notice them, they're doing something wrong.  And this guy made Bennett Salvatore seem inconspicuous.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – Divas has plenty of parking and is right down the street from Cowboys and Deja Vu, so there's no need to commit to spending your whole evening there.

Overall –  Extras are more likely at Camelot West, but the lap dances at Divas are the most consistently good dances that you'll find in the area.  That isn't enough to make up for its other shortcomings, but it does mean that it could be worth keeping in mind if it's starting to get late and you aren't finding the kind of lap dances that you're looking for elsewhere.

RAW SCORE = 42.5