Juicee's (Norwich, CT)

Quality of Dances (10/20) - Most of the dances that I had at Juicee's were decent but unspectacular.  Some of the girls allowed full 2-way contact (I was told to touch "anywhere but the cookie"), but some were a little more reserved.  Sadly, even the best girls failed to pay any special attention to body parts that like special attention. 

Quality of Dancers (2.5/10) - They probably don't have a whole lot to choose from in the middle of nowhere and it shows, because quality control is non-existent.  I saw a few girls who weren't bad, but there were a few who were among the worst I've ever seen in a club.  I'm not a huge fan of old ladies, c-section scars or white trash, but when you combine all of those qualities into one messy woman, the result is even worse than the sum of its parts.  

Variety (2/5) - I've only been here once, but most of the girls working that night were white.  There was one darker skinned girl working, and there was a pretty wide array of body types, including one girl who was quite possibly a midget.  

Number (3/10) - Though there weren't many dancers working the night that I was there, there weren't many customers either.  The ratio hovered around 1-to-1 for most of the evening.  Usually that's a good thing, but it did make it a little bit difficult to avoid the less desirable girls.  

Attitude (3.5/10) - The "little person" was one of the friendliest dancers I've ever met, but the others weren't nearly as welcoming.  If you don't like being a stripper, either find another way to make money or learn to at least pretend like you enjoy it while you're working.  I'm not sure if saying "I hate doing this" is supposed to make customers feel bad and give more tips, but it definitely didn't work with this customer.

Value (6/10) -It's unheard of for a place with a $12 cover, $4 sodas and $20 dances to get an above average value score, but Juicee's pulled it off.  Instead of giving dances by the song, they give them in timed 7 minute blocks.  Assuming that the average strip club song is about 3 minutes long, that works out to a little under $10 per song, which is about as good as you'll find.  And it really does make a lot of sense.  Why should you have to pay the same amount for 1 song whether it's Extra Pale by the Goo Goo Dolls, coming in just shy of 2 minutes (which the day shift girls at the Electric Blue still try to get away with) or American Pie by Don McLean?  

Dance Setup (2.5/10) - The lap dance area has a few chairs in a raised area along the side of the club with no privacy between them, but no one in the rest of the club can see much of what goes on below your shoulders.  It's a fairly poor setup, but sadly, it's still better than you'll find in a lot of Connecticut clubs. 

Club Setup (2/10) - This place is a dump.  They have a decent sized bar, but since they don't serve alcohol, who gives a shit?  The stage is fairly large, but its mostly unutilized with dancers going on one at a time.  They have some arcade games that look like they haven't been used in decades along with a pop-a-shot machine and some pool tables.  There's also one TV in the corner of the club, but everything about it is worse than you're imagining.  

Atmosphere (1/10) - The patrons were all really friendly, but an alcohol-free, non-BYOB place will never get a good atmosphere score. Hopefully they just couldn't get a liquor license, because I don't know why any club would think that the lack of undies is worth the lack of alcohol.

Location (2/5) - Juicee's is at the end of a dead end alley.  As you pull up, you'll be hoping that you don't run into any trouble because it seems like the type of place when you could be murdered and dumped in the weeds to never be found.  On the bright side, it is reasonably near the casinos, so it gets a few points.  

Overall - There's not a single thing that Juicee's does particularly well.  The dances are okay and the some of the dancers are friendly, but everything else is well below average.  If you're at the Connecticut casinos and are looking to go to a club, you're much better off spending the extra time to drive to Providence. 

TOTAL SCORE = 34.5