Monday, September 12, 2011
Heartbreakers (Columbia, SC)
Quality of Dances (17/20) – Two way upper body contact is encouraged and the girls are very active over the pants with their hands and mouths. A few of the ladies may even work their way up your thighs if you're wearing loose fitting shorts, but that's about as far as it's going to go due to the less than private setup unless you drop big money for the VIP dances (I haven't felt like dropping hundreds of dollars, so I can't say either way what happens there). Still, you'd have to be pretty demanding to be disappointed by these dances. Mine were all just a small notch below what I received at Platinum Plus, but it was close enough that it might have been the luck of the draw with the women that I chose.
Quality of Dancers (4/10) – Since this place is owned by the same people who own Platinum Plus, I got the feeling that they send their b-squad here. The vast majority of these ladies were 5s or 6s, and only a few would rate above that. One of the hottest ladies there looked exactly like the non-airbrushed version of Sarah Jessica Parker, and one of the lesser ladies looked like an 80's era stripper who hasn't changed her hair, her clothes or her job in the last 25 years.
Number of Dancers (3.5/10) – Even early in the evening, they don't have enough dancers to keep most of the customers occupied. They only have one lady on stage at a time, which sucks since high number of low quality girls means that you might be stuck without anything worthwhile to look at for a few minutes. Thankfully, the sets are short, but they rotate through the girls fairly quickly. It seemed like the less attractive girls were on stage particularly often, but that might have just been my impression because they were more noticeable than the better girls.
Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – Almost all of these ladies are white, but they also have a few black dancers and there's some size variation. The hot ladies were all thin white brunettes though, so you don't have a whole lot of options if you want to check out attractive girls.
Attitude of Dancers (1/10) – Variable dance prices kill the interaction between dancers and customers even in a club with otherwise friendly girls, because an extra step of asking how much a dance costs and, if necessary, negotiating, is thrown into the usual progression from good conversation to "let's go." They weren't too bad other than that, but the canned lines do get old pretty quickly. I mean, I can only hear how big my dick is so many times in one night before I start to suspect that they say that to everyone.
Value (6/10) – It's a great deal if you show up before 8pm since there's only a $3 cover and drinks beers are $2.50. Those prices basically double later in the evening (except on Tuesdays, when beers are $2 all night), but that's not bad at all either. Once you're inside, the lack of a tip rail means that you can guiltlessly take it the sights without spending much cash, and the dances are a decent value if you're willing to bargain. Some of the girls say that their dances are $30 for one or $50 for two, but most of them are happy to accept $25 for one or $40 for two. The girls set their own prices, though, so never go for dances before agreeing to a price. It sucks and makes you feel like a cheapskate to have to ask, but it's better than getting three dances and expecting to pay $60 but being told that you owe $90.
Dance Setup (2.5/10) – Just like at the Platinum Plus, dances are given on bench/couch hybrids in a narrow area that isn't visible from the rest of the club but that provides no privacy from other people who are giving or receiving dances. If you're the only one getting a dance, it's pretty solid, but that will rarely be the case. The dances are at least good enough that most of the other customers will be too focused on their own dance to worry too much about what you're up to.
Club Setup (6.5/10) – Like most other things about Heatbreakers, the setup is nice but not quite as nice as at the Platinum Plus. It's a fairly large club with a circular stage surrounded by poles to form a sort of a cage in the center of the room, and there's another smaller cage style stage toward the back of the club. Even though it's really just one big room, the angled walls and the central location of the stage break it up to keep it from feeling oversized. My favorite thing about the setup is that it's dark enough to allow girls to get fairly friendly at the tables toward the walls, but if you don't manage to get one of those seats, there are plenty of other tables throughout the room and a few seats at the bar.
Club Atmosphere (4/10) – The crowd seems to be a little younger and rougher than at the Platinum Plus, but it still isn't too bad if you're looking for a loud, smokey place to down a few beers. It wouldn't be my choice for a night of partying, but it feels like a great place to grab a drink after a tough day of work.
Club Accessibility (3/5) – The club is right off of I-26 and is only a few miles from downtown Columbia, but you're going to have to drive to get there. They do at least have plenty of parking, and it seems like the type of place where your vehicle should be perfectly safe. I parked a motorcycle there with no second thoughts.
Overall – Heartbreakers is a solid blue collar club that would be worth a visit if it was located just about anywhere else, but since it's less than five minutes from the vastly superior Platinum Plus, it's really hard to justify spending your time or your money at this place most of the time. The one exception is if you're in the area on a Tuesday and are looking to get drunk on the cheap, in which case you really can't beat Heartbreakers' $2 domestics. Just don't forget to line up a designated driver so that you can transfer the party to Platinum Plus once you're sufficiently loaded and are ready to have some real fun.
RAW SCORE = 49.5