Cheerleaders (Philadelphia, PA)

Quality of Dances (3/20) – Some girls will grind a little and hands on the hips is generally fine, but these are bikini dances, so that pretty much makes them a waste of time and money as far as I’m concerned.  Plus I even overheard one dancer telling another customer to keep his legs together during the dance, which means that it’s not even really a lap dance.  But if bikini clad outer leg dances are your thing, you’re in luck!

Quality of Dancers (6.5/10) – Most of the girls are 7s or 8s, but it’s a bikini bar, so you’re seeing less of them than you normally would in a strip club.  The score would probably be bumped up about a point if the ladies were topless, but they were still a little synthetic for my tastes, and some of the ladies were downright frightening. It’s not that they were ugly, but they just looked like the strippers from Dusk ‘Till Dawn about halfway through the transformation into vampires.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – There were two girls on stage at a time in the early evening after a Phillies game, and somewhere around two dozen ladies in the building.  I wish there had been less because the tip walk is brutal, but you should at least never have a shortage of ladies.

Variety of Dancers (2/5) – There were a few black dancers during my visit, but most of the ladies were white and thin. 

Attitudes (5.5/10) – For the most part, these girls are friendly and happy to chat a little, and most of them don’t ask for tips after dances.  Unfortunately, this club operates on the tip walk system, so the girls are forced to walk around asking everyone for a dollar, and no dancer in history has managed to appear to have a great attitude while she’s doing that.      

Value (3.5/10) – Miller Lites are $6, the cover is $10, dances are $20 (but you shouldn’t bother with them anyway) and no one seems to tip for the stage show except during the tip walk, so it’s possible to go here without spending too much cash. The champagne rooms seem to be overpriced at $160 for 15 minutes or $600 for an hour, but I’ve never tried them out so I can’t say for sure. I would hope that you’d at least get to see some nudity, but I suspect that you don’t. 

Club Setup (4.5/10) – This is a clean enough club, but I hate the design.  The dozen TVs are nice and everyone has a good view of the long main stage, but the rectangular bar takes up almost all of the space in the club and the stage is several feet away in the interior of the bar.  It prevents any interaction between customers and dancers who are on stage and necessitates the aforementioned dreaded tip walk.

Dance Setup (4.5/10) – Dances are given in a separate room from the main area of the club on several small individual bench/booth hybrids.  There are small dividers between the benches and most of them are angled to face away from each other, so it’s at least somewhat private if the club isn’t too busy.  Unfortunately, anyone who is walking by will have a clear view of you without warning, so no one will be pushing the limits in here (and by “pushing the limits,” I mean doing something crazy like showing tits in a strip club).     

Atmosphere (5/10) – The smoke takes some time to get used to (they sell cigars and cigarettes and allow customers to smoke), but the atmosphere is fairly good overall.  It’s laid back and is a decent place to down a beer while looking at slightly more flesh that you’d see at Hooters. 

Location (3.5/5) – Cheerleaders isn’t too far from the stadiums or Center City, and it’s right down the street from the slightly overrated but still delicious Tony Luke’s.   

Overall – As far as bikini bars go, I guess Cheerleaders is pretty good, but I need at least some nudity in my strip clubs so I won’t be back.    

RAW SCORE = 45