Rick's Cabaret (New Orleans, LA)

Quality of Dances (3/20) – These are supposedly “no contact” dances, and even though that’s not entirely true, customers will not be touching dancers at all and there is absolutely no grinding.  The only reason to get a dance is to get a closer look at the dancers, but you can do that for much cheaper at the stage. 

Quality of Dancers (8.5/10) – The girls here aren’t exactly my type, but I suspect that they will be for many of you.  You’re not going to find enhanced, thin, white girls who look much better than this. 

Number of Dancers (4/10) – They had one girl on the main stage, one girl working the crowd and one girl on the back stage for most of my visit.  It was 2am on a Sunday so I’ll cut them some slack, but it was during Jazz Fest, so I’d hoped for more. 

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) –  I saw a few hot brunettes among the largely blond workforce, but you aren’t going to be pleased unless you like thin white girls.

Attitudes (3/10) – These ladies are all about the cash and they don’t make much of an effort to disguise that fact.  Of course, I’d be all about the cash too if I was dealing with suckers like the wannabe high rollers who spend time here.    

Value (1/10) – The $10 cover isn’t too bad, but the $8 Miller Lite (with no offer for change on the $10 that I handed to the waitress), the $20 table dances, and the $60 “semi-private” dances on the main floor are ridiculous. 

Club Setup (6.5/10) – This is a classy, moderate sized place with exposed brick walls that somehow make it look more like an above average comedy club than a strip joint.  There’s a decent main stage in the main area where there’s a long stand-up bar and several small tables with rolly chairs, there’s another small stage in the back, and there’s a VIP area behind the main stage.  That area has a nice bar and a bunch of tables, but it takes up way too much of the limited floor space in this club. 

Dance Setup (0/10) – The $20 dances are given at your table with absolutely no privacy.  The “semi-private” dance setup is better, but I’m not giving them any credit for that because fuck a $60 dance.

Atmosphere (7/10) – The music and lighting are both solid, so this place could work for a good time with the right group of guys.  And if you’ve got a girlfriend who has never been to a strip club but wants to feel like she did something crazy in New Orleans, this place is sufficiently non-threatening that it could be perfect. 

Location (5/5) – You’ll never find a better location for a strip club than Bourbon Street.  If you stop by and aren’t impressed, there are always a dozen other clubs within walking distance. 

Overall – An overpriced club with worthless lap dances and skinny white chicks has little appeal to me, so I won’t be back.

RAW SCORE = 38.5