Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Dushku Limit

This is Eliza Dushku:

You may recognize her from the underrated cinematic gem Bring It On (no, I'm not being sarcastic; that movie kicks ass) and the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You might also recognize her from the list of women you're never going to bang. Why not? Because she's too hot for you. But that's okay; it's nothing to be ashamed of. She's too hot for me, and everyone I know, and probably everyone that you and I have ever met. Eliza Dushku is aspirational. She is past the point where working stiffs, degenerates, and even jet-setting strip club reviewers can expect to ever get with her. She has reached a critical mass of hotness. Which brings me to my next point.

This is Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar:

You're not gonna bang him either. Not because he's too hot for you. Because he's dead. Very dead. Chandrasekhar was a 20th century astrophysicist (1910-1995) who made a number of significant contributions to his field, the most famous of which was calculating a value later named the Chandrasekhar limit. The Chandrasekhar limit is the maximum mass of a stable white dwarf star. A white dwarf star with mass greater than the Chandrasekhar limit will eventually collapse and become a neutron star or black hole.

So the Chandrasekhar limit is the point of no return for white dwarfs; the boundary which, if crossed, means certain gravitational collapse. And it doesn't matter how much you exceed the limit by. One percent too big: gravitational collapse. Five times too big: gravitational collapse. There are only two buckets in which a dwarf can fall: those which are doomed and those which are not.

Right now, you're probably asking yourself: Peter, WTF can Eliza Dushku and Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar possibly have in common, besides their piercing stares and silly sounding last names? Allow me to explain.

A while back, I was at Devil's Point in Portland, and looking around at the women, I was having a hard time adequately quantifying their hotness for my review. They were hot, for sure. Ridiculously hot. Stupidly hot. Shockingly hot. But were they 9s, 9.5s, 10s? And what does it even mean to be a 10? Is it ever fair to give out that score? What if a more attractive group of dancers came along? Would that blow up the whole system?

While struggling with those questions, I had a revelation: It didn't matter that someone might be hotter than these women, because they had already passed the point where relative hotness is relevant. Essentially, they're so beautiful that you aren't allowed to ask for anything more.

(Because I spent much of high school obsessing over the cosmos,) I immediately realized that this was a strip club parallel to the Chandrasekhar limit. Like dwarf stars with a weight beyond the Chandrasekhar limit, these women had reached critical mass and thus, functionally, all belonged to the same class of beauty. And that critical mass, that line, will hereby be referred to as the Dushku Limit.

The Dushku Limit: the point at which a woman is so hot that it doesn't matter that women hotter than her exist.

Why the Dushku Limit?

Because Eliza sits right on that line. She is indisputably stunning, but you could totally hear one of your friends saying something absurd like "She's not really my type." Are you serious, bro?! It's Eliza fucking Dushku! She's absolutely your type. There is no room for debate about her attractiveness.

Also, Dushku Limit rolls off the tongue so beautifully. Dushku Limit. Dushku Limit. It's a wonderful sounding phrase. 

Please feel free to incorporate this term into your every day conversations. Hat tips appreciated, but not required.

You're welcome.


  1. Interesting proposition although I would seek clarification on one point! The thing with the Chandra limit is that you could quantify a star based on some very specific measurable parameters. However, the limit you propose isn't quantifiable in those terms as beauty is subjective! It is true that Dushku wouldn't wanna fuck Chandra despite his Nobel prize but the question is did Chandra even desire being fucked by Dushku in the first place.

    1. The point of the Dushku Limit theory is that it refuses to accept the subjectivity of attractiveness above a certain level (that level being the DL).

      Yes, beauty is, of course, subjective, but not beyond the Dushku Limit. Beyond the Dushku Limit, it becomes objective.

  2. Love the way you write dude. Conversational intellect on display, smart and cool. Dushku, your chick of choice on the other hand, not feeling her at all. There is a thing called too bony, or in other words her mother gave her nothing to shake. Beautiful no doubt, but I like women in the 3 dimensions, not a beautiful stick figure drawing. More meat on the bone please. Dushku reminds me of Jenna Haze, who I actually met in Vegas, shockingly not as attractive in person. Scary large head atop a hungry Somalian frame...yet errily fuckable. Probably due more to my mental images stored of her skill set versus what I looking at real time.
    But to each his own.
    My own interpretation of what you expressed in the Dushku Limit would be the accessibility angle... a self assessment of your gravitational "pull" of heavenly bodies toward you, ie... the point and or power of your personal gravity "pulls" or takes effect. The degree of sexiness of women within your reach or "pull area" and those that may elude you, where you personal gravitational "pull' has no effect. This my friend is how I understand your Dushku Limit.

    Now, by no means do I think that I am a gift to women. Far from it. But my theory is that it does not matter what women think of me or my attractiveness. It matters only what a man thinks of himself. Not arrogance, or a misplaced confidence, more like confidence in ones self that radiates quietly, like the sun's relationship with the earth, that perfect balance of distance and attraction. If a hot comet flies by, does it keep going or does it remain in your personal solar system or better yet become a "planet" that revolves.

    I have met many beautiful women, some extremely beautiful...models, strippers, actresses, celebrities, porn stars. All kinds of beautiful ladies, made up of a myriad of different elemental combinations and motivations, different as night and day, zooming thru time and space some near some far away. Very similar to the cosmos in this analogy. But the one thing they all have in common no matter how stunning they are is they all have esteem issues. Deep down the whole desire to be attractive is based on this, it powers the economies of the world. This is the constant, this is the medium that the gravity operates with all heavenly bodies and minds. Based on this theory celebrities, or sex symbols are more like black holes than stars, maximum gravity. Too close and you will be absorbed as insignificant space debris. There is also the shelf life of "attractiveness" or desirability. 25 years from now your chances with Ms. Dushku increase by 50%. Who do you think you have a better chance of a romantic escapade with Dushku now or a 52 year old multi divorced, Dushku who's last movie or TV show was 20 years prior. You see what I'm saying here?

  3. That's brilliant and 10 times more insightful than anything I would have expected out of a blog covering strip bars. Good on you.

    1. Thanks. I'm not nearly the beer-guzzling, misogynistic dullard that some people seem to think I am.