The Cheetah (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (1/20) –  There are many things that I like about The Cheetah, but the lapdances aren't one of them.  These dances are basically just a stage show at your table, because there's absolutely no contact between customers and dancers.

Quality of Dancers (9.5/10) – There are a fair number of implants and several barely-there tits (which, for the record, are preferable to implants), but most of the girls at The Cheetah are blazingly hot.  This place has some of the hottest dancers on the east coast and easily the hottest white girls in the city.

Number of Dancers (7/10) – There are always plenty of girls in the building, as evidenced by the fact that they have three or four girls on stage at a time and they don't repeat girls frequntly.  If they'd all stay out on the floor, they'd have a near perfect score here, but the majority of the girls disappear when they aren't on stage, so the customer to dancer ratio can be unfavorable when they're busy.  That's not a huge problem since lapdances are a waste of time anyway, but I still have to dock them a few points for it.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (4/5) – It's rare to find a club with this much variety of quality dancers.  Most of the girls are white and relatively thin, but I also saw several attractive thick girls, a few Asians, a few Latinas and some black dancers. And since they have at least three girls on stage at a time, you should pretty much always have a few different types of dancers to ogle at any given time.

Attitude of Dancers (2/10) – Most of the ladies seem to be appreciative of tips, but the disappearing act while not on stage keeps interaction between customers and dancers to a minimum.

Value (3/10) – The stage value is fairly poor, since they have strange rules that require dancers to stay clothed until they get $5 and to keep their bottoms on until they get $10 in tips.  Drinks are also slightly high side at $6, and if you want to sit at one of the tables around the outside of the club, that will cost you $25.  A much better option is to go to the Alluvia restaurant corner of the club, where you get a table for free if you're eating a meal.  The fried chicken breast is delicious, costs $4 less than one of the non-dinner tables, and allows you to have dinner with a view.

Dance Setup (0/10) –  The air dances are right out in the open wherever you happen to be sitting.  That's not a big deal for me since I refuse to pay for airdances, but it still sucks.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – The is a large club with seating in the middle and two small bars and three stages toward the walls.  Two of those stages are fairly standard, but the staircase leading down to the main stage adds some elegance.  The best places to sit are at the tables and booths in the raised areas at opposite ends of the club, but as mentioned above, those seats come at a premium.  My biggest complaint about the setup, though, is the statues beside the stage.  I'm sure that the club owner thought that they looked impressive, but you know what would have made them even more impressive?  If they hadn't been statues of naked dudes.

Club Atmosphere (6.5/10) – The Cheetah is, by far, the classiest club in Atlanta.  It's safe, clean and basically feels like a restaurant (even if you aren't in their restaurant).  Whether or not that's a good thing depends on what you're looking for, but I enjoy it early in the evening when I'm looking to relax.  Once I'm ready to up the alcohol intake, I head elsewhere because there isn't much of a party vibe here.  Overall, though, it's a fun place to hang out for an hour or two.

Club Accessibility (4.5/5) – The Cheetah is in downtown Atlanta near the Georgia Tech campus.  It isn't bad to get to by cab, but I have to highly recommend giving their limo driver a call and having him pick you up.  It's free, but you should tip around $20 if you have a small group or a little more if you've got a large group.  If he's not busy, he's usually even be willing to take you from the club to your next destination, as long as that next destination isn't another club.

Overall – If the Cheetah had even mediocre lap dances, it would be a great club.  If you care less about lap dances than I do, you may even think that it's already a great club.  Air dances just kill a strip club for me.  Luckily, the fried chicken is so good that I was able to look at The Cheetah  as a restaurant experience as much as a strip club experience, and in that context, it excelled.  I've eaten in some exotic locations, but I've never had a better view for a meal than at this place.  Since I was busy eating, the lack of lap dances didn't affect me.  Basically, if you don't care about dances, you should go to The Cheetah because you'll enjoy it.  And if you do care about dances, you should go to Alluvia at The Cheetah for a bite to eat, then head elsewhere to get your lapdance fix.

RAW SCORE = 44