Hollywood (Southington, CT)

Quality of dances (9.5/20) – Experiences vary wildly from one girl to the next, but almost everyone engages in some solid grinding. A few of the girls are fairly active with their hands over the pants, but most just stick to giving friction with their knees or ass cracks. They don't seem to mind a hand on their legs, but you're too much in the open to do anything more than that.

Quality of dancers (5/10) – Quality control seems to be low as there are some girls here who have no business working at a strip club, but most of the girls range from 6s-8s.

Number of Dancers (2/10) – There are usually over a dozen girls working after 9pm, but before that, you're lucky to see more than 2 or 3. The club really needs to make the day and night shifts overlap so that it isn't completely dead around the time that most people would consider stopping by for an after-work beer.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (4.5/5) – You'll find a good mix of black, white, and Latina dancers of various body types if you're here when there's a good number of dancers. Even when I've only seen 2 girls working, the 2 have always been of different ethnicities. They lose half a point for the lack of Asians, but that's a problem shared by just about every club in New England.

Attitude of dancers (2/10) – The girls aren't bad once you get their attention, but when the club is slow, the girls don't seem interested in interacting with the customers at all. I've come in, had a beer and left all while the one dancer just sat on the stage and the other dancer sat and talked to the club manager. If they aren't going to have many girls working, the few who are there should at least be putting in some effort.

Value (3/10) – Drinks are $5, the cover is $7 in the evening (free during the day shift), and the dances are $25 each. I've been quoted $180 for the Champagne room, but I wasn't interested for any price, so I have no idea if that could be negotiated down. The stage action is fairly solid for the money.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – There's a 3.5 foot high wall and that separates the dance area from the rest of the club, but people walking by or sitting at the right angle can see right in, and the bouncer always has a clear view. There are strings of beads in front of the chairs, but they don't add any privacy. The chairs are basically a soft bench with arm rests separating one seat from the next, but they are fairly comfortable.

Club Setup (3.5/10) – This place looks somewhat classy inside, but there aren't enough tables and there are no dark corners where you can sit without feeling like everyone in the place could be watching you. There are some TVs around the walls and there's one TV showing a live video of the stage, but that's mostly pointless since the club is only one square room and you're never more than 20 feet from the stage. The bar and stage are both decent, but the lighting is so bright and the stage is in such a central location that you can't really sit there and stare without feeling creepy.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – The club is in a safe location and you can feel comfortable here, but it feels more like a place to go for a quick visit than a place to hang out for an long period of time. The lack of girls during the day and early evening combined with the classier setup makes me think that they're going for a nighttime party vibe, but if that's the case, they haven't been entirely successful.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – It's not particularly close to any big attractions, but it's only a minute away from I-84 between Hartford and Waterbury.

Overall – This has become one of my go-to clubs recently, but that's more out of convenience than it is due to anything that Hollywood is doing right. I've had visits that made me swear I'd never go back, but memories of a few excellent trips and the accessibility keep bringing me back. I won't be visiting again at night because unpredictability and cover charges don't mix and I probably shouldn't visit during the day shift (which lasts until 7) because of the lack of girls, but I know that I will. I'd never make a special trip to come here, but as long as you tell yourself that you're just stopping for a drink and that anything else is a bonus, it isn't a terrible option for a quick visit to break up the commute.

TOTAL SCORE = 38.5

Updated: August, 2010