Foxy Lady Providence (Providence, RI)

Quality of Dances (10/20) - Pussy Control handled the dance duties for the night and she received very aggressive two-way contact from her dancer of choice. In absolute terms, Pussy described a quality of dance near 14, but I had to adjust for the Pussy factor. After many years of watching Pussy spit game, I know when she has someone under her spell, and this young woman was smitten. So for now, the score stands here, with adjustments to be made upon further visits.

Quality of Dancers (3/10) - As a lover of Providence clubs and women, I had great expectations for the Foxy Lady Providence, but they were dashed on this warm Sunday evening. At almost every high-quality club, I find a dancer I'd go broke for, but I ended this night with full pockets. Pussy was likewise underwhelmed; she lamented the lack of pretty faces to supplement otherwise solid bodies. Given my love for the dancers at Foxy Lady Brockton (sister club to FLP), I wouldn't be surprised if this was an off night. Nonetheless, the judgment stands.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (3/5) - Not enough booty in the pants. Although this place scores points for strong racial and ethnic diversity, the lack of lap dance asses was tragic. The vast majority of dancers were simply too skinny. Not gram-a-day-coke-habit skinny, more like needs-a-couple-of-BLT's-and-some-beers skinny. As loyal readers know, I don't frown on fitness, but a selection that consists of only wiry frames and narrow hips is not what I'm looking for.

Number of Dancers (7/10) - With at least a dozen dancers working on a Sunday night, the Foxy Lady does well here. The customer-to-dancer ratio was probably 2.5 to 1. Though that's not exactly the 1.5 to 1 gold standard set by Sapphire Las Vegas, it's still enough to please me.

Attitude (3.5/10) - It stings to burn the Foxy Lady Providence here because one of my readers is a seemingly chill and cool dancer that works there, but they just didn't impress. Knowing that women are often stripper Kryptonite at clubs (because they're less likely to go off for a big number in the back room like a dude), I tempered my expectations when I rolled in with Pussy and her ladyfriend. What I got, though, was not less attention than expected, but virtually no attention at all. Not a single dancer even approached my group all night. That's just not acceptable for a high-end place like the Foxy Lady. The one saving grace was the stage, where a few goofy, hilarious dancers found their way to Pussy and me and brightened our night.

Value (4/10) - $6 Miller Lites are slightly above the industry standard for an upscale Providence joint, as is the $7 daytime cover ($10 at night). Stage value is solid, not for motorboat contact like Club Fantasies, but for strong and creative pole skills. The dances would be good value at $15, but fall short for the $30 asking price.

Dance Setup (7.5/10) - Dances take place in a back room, which you're guided to through a short darkish hallway. They're way out of view from the main floor and have partitioned walls, so there is excellent privacy. Had Pussy decided to push the envelope, she surely would have had ample room to maneuver with this setup.

Club Setup (6.5/10) - The Foxy Lady just misses posting a very big club setup score. The main stage sits center-floor and acts as the club's focal point. It's large, has plenty of seating, and uses mirrors and light to cleverly highlight the dancers. I also love that a sort of scaffolding hangs from the ceiling around the stage's perimeter which the dancers can use to enhance their routines. Next to the stage sits a smaller pedestal with a glassed-in shower that surely rocks everyone's face off when in use. My only real complaint is the cramped comfy, rolly chairs on the floor. The tables and chairs are so close together that one has to move aside virtually every time a cocktail waitress comes through. There's a clear outside route, but anywhere within the sea of chairs is a disastrous path.

Atmosphere (5.5/10) - Pretty standard vibe in this place. The feel is a little high-class for my tastes, with the white floor-length linens on the tables and no real degenerates milling about (besides me), but it's fine if you're into that sort of experience.

Accessibility (3.5/5) - Like most Providence strip clubs, Foxy Lady Providence is just a short cab ride from downtown, making it relatively accessible.

Overall - Is the Foxy Lady my favorite club in Providence? No. Might it be yours? Definitely. If you're looking for a higher-end experience or are trying to pop your strip club cherry, there is no better option in the area. But if you're the type of man that likes his steak rare, his women loose, and his beer cheap, then Club Fantasies or The Cadillac Lounge are the places for you.

TOTAL SCORE = 53.5