Rumours (Stratford, CT)

Quality of dances (12.5/20) – There's two way contact and if you're willing to overlook the setting and the questionable cleanliness of the dancers, the dances are just about as good as extra-free dances can be. Still, it's tough to enjoy the dances too much when you've got a piece of wood from the chair sticking into your back and you're trying to figure out what the hell that residue is on your pants.

Quality of dancers (2.5/10) - A lot of the dancers here look like girls that you'd see working the street, and according to one dancer, some of them do. Most of the ladies aren't terribly old, but their best days are far behind them.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – There are a decent number of dancers, but a lot of them don't mingle at all, so it can be somewhat hard to find a girl for a dance. That's not a huge problem though since I don't know why you'd want a dance from any of these girls anyway unless you're tying to write a review for a strip club review website.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – I saw black and white dancers of varying body types, but I'm generally looking for a mix of attractive girls with this category, and I certainly didn't find that here.

Attitude of dancers (2.5/10) – Most of the dancers spend a lot of time with the regulars, but a significant percentage of them seemed to be messed up on drugs and generally didn't seem like they'd be great to talk to.

Value (4/10) – There's no cover, but $4 drinks with a 2 drink minimum and $20 dances aren't a great value. At least not great enough to make up for the club's other deficiencies.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) – There are two old shoe-shaped chairs in a corner near the pool tables, but the chairs are falling apart. A few plants are situated to partially obscure the view from the rest of the club, but you shouldn't do anything back there that you don't want everyone else to see, because they probably will.

Club Setup (3/10) – There's a large bar and a large stage, but the stage looks fairly shitty and has to be a constant source of splinters for the dancers. The section of pool tables in the back of the club seems to be the main draw to this place. That's fine of you're looking for a pool hall, but not so great if you're looking for a strip club.

Club Atmosphere (1/10) – The smoke in this club is ridiculous and the crowed seemed a little bit rough, but I didn't really feel like I was in danger here. The rumor is that there's a pretty heavy Hell's Angels presence in this place and whether or not that's true, it isn't hard to believe.

Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – This club is a short drive from Bridgeport, and though it's not far from Bishop's Corner, it seems to be much much safer.

Overall – If I hadn't been there to write a review, I'd have opened the door, taken one look around, then walked out, but since I took this one for the team, you don't even have to waste your time doing that much. I love strip clubs, but there are few things in the world that are more depressing than a bad one, and Rumours qualifies.

TOTAL SCORE = 34