Sweetheart's (Vernon, CT)

Note: Sweetheart's was formerly Kahoots Vernon.

Quality of Dances (16/20) - There's a lot of variation from girl to girl, but everyone offers a good grind with the help of the handles on the sides of the booths and allows full 2-way contact.  Most of the girls also make at least some contact with their hands over the pants, and many of the girls offer extras.

Quality of Dancers (4/10) - Most of these girls are somewhat attractive but few if any of them are great.  If you know the quality of girls at the other local clubs, I'd say that these ladies fall about midway between what you'd find at Kahoots in East Hartford and at the Blue in Tolland.  The way they look wouldn't really be a problem though if it weren't for the the amount of wear and tear on most of these girls. Some nights, it isn't too bad, but other nights you can literally see the track marks.  On those nights, even knowing how good the dances are, I just can't justify allowing any of the ladies to touch my pants.

Number of Dancers (1.5/10) - I saw two girls here during my first visit, and even though I was told that I was there at a particularly slow time, 8:30 pm on a weekday should never be that slow.  There have been closer to a half dozen girls working during my other visits, but that's still not nearly enough.  Plus the girls seem to spend a lot of time with regulars, so infrequent visitors might have a tough time getting a girl's attention without dropping some cash at the stage.  And they don't even necessarily encourage that.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) - I've seen mostly young white girls at Sweethearts, but there's usually a least one Latina working as well.  They employ girls of all body types, though you might not see too much variation on any given night since there might only be 2-4 girls in the place.

Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) - I've seen several girls just sit down with their top on and talk to a guy for the entire set. I just sit there with a wad of dollar bills ready to go, but a girl has to at least give a little effort if she expects a tip.  You don't tip a waitress before she serves the meal, so I'm not sure why some ladies think they should get a tip before taking the titties out.  The girls haven't been too bad to talk to other than that, but if you don't buy a dance fairly quickly, they'll be right back to the regulars.

Club Setup (5.5/10) - Though it isn't huge, the stage is fairly nice and is plenty big for two girls to dance at a time.  The stage has a very wide edge that separates customers from the dance floor, but most of the girls just crawl around on it to get closer to you.  The small 2-person booths that surround the stage are also a nice option if you're visiting by yourself or with one other guy.  The bar is fairly small and is surrounded by flat screen TVs, but there are no TVs in the much larger main room.  There's also there a pool table and a few decent tables there near the bar in view of the TVs.   Overall, this place isn't particularly well thought out, but it's still a lot nicer inside than you'd expect from the parking lot.

Dance Setup (7/10) - Lap dances are given in nice large booths with large sides and a roof.  It almost feels like you're getting into the cockpit of a strange R-rated space shuttle when you sit down.  Even though there's no door on the booths, no one can see you unless they're walking by because there's a curtain down the center of the room that prevents people in the opposing booths from watching. Also, since the booths are in a separate area of the club, it's fairly rare for anyone to walk by.  There are curiously bright lights in each booth, but most of the girls thankfully turn those off before they get down to business.

Atmosphere (1.5/10) - Sweetheart's seems safe enough, but the small bar and the tiny booths prevent it from being ideal for groups.  I can't quite put my finger on exactly what it is, but I just generally don't get a great feeling from the place

Value (1.5/10) - I can deal with the $5 cover in the evenings, the $4 drinks and the decent topless stage action, but the $30 dances are brutal.  Dances were recently $20 each, but I guess they assumed that the perfect time to raise prices by 50% is during a recession.

Accessibility (1.5/5) - Sweetheart's isn't too far from Hartford, but it isn't particularly close to the interstate or anything else noteworthy.

Overall - Sweetheart's is fairly mediocre overall, but the lap dances are good enough to make it a fun place if dances are your top priority.  The problem for them is that they can't get by on lap dances alone when they're located less than 10 minutes away from some of the most aggressive (in a good way) dancers in the United States over at Electric Blue.  If you're just passing through the area, the Blue is the way to go, but if you're always around here and are looking to mix things up, you'll probably have a decent time at Sweethearts.   Honestly though, why would you want to mix things up from the Blue?

TOTAL SCORE = 43