Fantasy's Island (Duncannon, PA)

Quality of Dances (7.5/20) – Even though the dances are probably the best thing about this place, they're still average at best.  The girls create some friction with their legs and don't seem to have a problem with customers touching their legs and hips, but your hands better not find their way to the girl's upper body.  If she doesn't enforce the policy (and she almost certainly will), the guy who's watching the closed circuit TV feed of your dance will.

Quality of Dancers (2/10) – Most of these girls have seen better days, and something tells me that they weren't even all that great in their primes. There's some overlap here, but in addition to the worn out girls, there are also lots of fat girls and bad tattoos. There's one lady who is significantly hotter than anyone else in the club, and she'd probably rate as a Duncannon 10. For those of you who aren't familiar with the area, that's the equivalent of about a 6 anywhere else in the free world.

Number of Dancers (2.5/10) – I've found the dancer-to-customer ratio to be acceptable during both of my visits. Still, less than half a dozen girls working on a Friday night and only one girl during my other visit (several years ago) is pretty poor.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – There are some black and some white dancers and a variety of body types and ages, but the variety is worth a lot less when there's only one hot girl in the building.

Attitude of dancers (0/10) – After giving a girl a $10 tip for 1 dance, I was told, "I won't say anything, but if that's all you're going to tip, most girls will cuss you out." Well I won't say anything, but if you act like that, most guys will call you a raging bitch.

Value (1.5/10) – There's a $15 cover and dances are $25, though 2 are $35, 3 are $45, and 4 are $55.  The worst part is that, thanks to the fact that girls don't get a cut of the dance fee, customers are expected to match all of those prices.  Massages are also offered and those start at $70.  The stage action is fully nude, but it's still fairly weak, even for the rainmakers in the crowd.  The only real plus is that its BYOB, so I highly recommend hitting a package store if you insist on coming to this place (Update: According to one of my readers, they now serve alcohol, so it may no longer by BYOB, but I sure as hell am not going to re-visit it to confirm that).

Dance Setup (4/10) –  Dances are given in a separate room on a couch, so it feels fairly private until you notice the camera pointing right at you and the very bright lighting which means that whoever is monitoring the camera feed won't have any problem seeing what you're up to.

Club Setup (1/10) – This club is located in what appears to be a former rec room on the first floor of a house.  There's a small stage in the corner, several small tables and one couch in back.  The only thing that makes the setup seem tolerable is that it's a lot better than it used to be. A few years ago, the club was located in party bus parked in the driveway of this same shitty house.  At least in the present club you don't have to worry about being kidnapped during your lap dance.

Club Atmosphere (0.5/10) – The smoke, the somewhat rough crowd and the pimpish looking guy making it rain all added up to about as bad an atmosphere as you can get.  They get half a point based on the assumption that it wouldn't be quite as terrible if you bring beer.  Lots and lots of beer.

Club Accessibility (0.5/5) – Like everything else in Duncannon, this place is in the middle of nowhere.  Technically, you could get here from Harrisburg in a little under half an hour, but I really don't know why you'd want to.

Overall – Sadly, I think I preferred this place when it was a bus.  Back then, it was shittily unique; now it's just shitty.  If you need to hit a club in Duncannon, you're much better off across the street at Club Babylon.  Better yet, drive the extra half hour to Wild J's in Port Trevorton.  Of course, the best option of all is to save your cash for some time when you can go to a club that isn't in central Pennsylvania.    

RAW SCORE = 20