Penthouse (New Orleans, LA)

Quality of Dances (11.5/20) – The dances at Penthouse are slightly better than what you’ll find at most of the Bourbon Street joints.  There’s two-way contact, hands on the tits is generally ok, and most of the girls provide a little bit of a grind.  It’s nothing too crazy, but it’s enough to make these dances at least somewhat enjoyable.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – The quality of ladies at Penthouse is as good or better than anywhere else in New Orleans.  They’re hot, most of them have natural breasts, and, unlike at many of the New Orleans clubs, the white ladies are just as hot as the sisters.  

Number of Dancers (7.5/10) – There were two girls on stage and several working the crowd during my visit.  Getting a girl’s attention was never a problem.

Variety of Dancers (1.5/5) – Most of these ladies are white and relatively thin, but they do at least have a few black dancers and a mix of blondes and brunettes.

Attitudes (6.5/10) – There’s some hustle here, but it’s not over the top and is certainly not as bad as at most of the Bourbon Street clubs.  Of course they don’t really care why you’re in New Orleans, but they’re good at making you think that they do, and that’s all you can really ask for.   

Value (2/10) – The $11 cover isn’t too bad, but $7.25 beers, $20 table dances and $40 real dances are all pretty rough. 

Club Setup (8/10) – This is a classy and relatively spacious club.  There are two small stages, some stage side rolly chairs, and a bunch of small high top tables. The main bar is fairly nice and is off to the side, and there’s another bar in the back with a built in stage. There aren’t really enough chairs for weekend nights when it can get packed, but the setup is still pretty good overall.    

Dance Setup (3/10) – If you get a dance upstairs, it will be in a booth with decently wide walls on the side.  The bouncer checks on you periodically, but no one else has a great view of what you’re up to unless they happen to be walking by.

Atmosphere (8/10) – There’s a good party atmosphere at Penthouse, and it’s generally my favorite place in the area to hang out.  Whether you’re flying solo or with a group of guys, this place should be a good time.

Location (5/5) – Penthouse is right around the corner from Bourbon Street, so you should be staying nearby and you’ve got a ton of other strip clubs and bars to chose from within walking distance.   

Overall – Penthouse is my favorite club in the French Quarter.  The girls are hot, the dances are decent and the atmosphere is solid, and that’s pretty much all I can ask for.   

RAW SCORE = 62

Penthouse Tampa (Tampa, FL)

Dance Quality (4/20) - There's some minimal contact during these dances, but there's no grinding and you can't really touch the lades other than maybe by putting your hands on their hips.  If you're expecting the contact that Tampa is famous for, you're going to be disappointed, because that's largely confined to the nude, alcohol-free joints.  

Dancer Quality (8/10) - All of the dancers at the Penthouse club are fairly attractive and fall within the 7-9 range.  I didn't see a single dancer that I'd go out of my way to avoid.  This is a pastie club, but they're small enough that it doesn't really detract from your enjoyment of the beautiful bodies.

Number (4/10) - There were around a dozen girls working when I stopped by on a Thursday night, which wasn't really enough for the crowd but still kept the stage rotation fresh since they only had one girl up there at a time.  

Variety (3/10) - I didn't see any thick girls in here, but there were still enough curves to keep it interesting, and there was a nice mix of natural tits and implants.  Most of the ladies are white, but the few black and Asian dancers who are mixed in are very attractive.

Attitudes (4/10) - These ladies are decent in general, but many of them aren't straight with you about the real price of dances.  They'll say it's $30, but after fees to the club, it ends up being $40 for the first one.  My other complaint is that there's a huge focus on regulars, so you're going to have to be patient if you're a first-timer looking for dances.  On the bright side, the waitresses are scantily clad and are amazingly friendly.

Value (2/10) - With $30 dances and a $10 fee for admission to the dance area, this place would be a poor value even if they gave away beers and let you in for free.  Unfortunately, they don't.  There's a $10 cover, a $3 mandatory valet fee and $5 beers.  The beers are a bargain on Mondays and any weekdays before 9pm when they're 2-for-1, but the stage value is mediocre at best, with minimal pole moves and impersonal floor work. 

Club Setup (4/10) - This place is much smaller than other Penthouse clubs than I've been to, but there's still a nice, decent sized bar, a restaurant in a raised area in the back, and plenty of seats throughout the room, all with a good view of the only stage.  It's less than ideal for groups of more than 3 or 4, but it's decent for solo outings or a night out with one or two buddies.

Dance Setup (1.5/10) - Dances are given on couches in a raised area in the back of the club.  Beads and the backs of other couches partially block the view from the main area of the club, but the bouncer who stands at the entrance of this area kills any hope that you'll have some privacy.    

Atmosphere (6/10) - Maybe it's just because the other top Tampa clubs don't serve alcohol, but I really enjoy the atmosphere at this place. It's less formal than some of the other Penthouse clubs that I've been to, but it's still clean and safe and they play lots of accessible music at a reasonable volume.  It's less formal than some of the other Penthouse clubs, and it can get boring if you stay too long, but as a place to have a few beers before heading home or to another club, it's excellent.

Location (3.5/5) - Penthouse is right down the street from Thee Dollhouse and is near the airport, plus it's not too far from Mons Venus and 2001 Odyssey.

Overall - If I only had one or two nights in Tampa, I'd spend my time at Mons Venus and 2001 Odyssey, but Penthouse is an acceptable option if you need alcohol more than you need lap dances.  

TOTAL SCORE = 39

Penthouse Club (Philadelphia, PA)

Quality of Dances (12.5/20) – Two way contact is generally encouraged, but some of the girls keep the tits off limits if you’re just buying a single dance.  Even then, though, you still get a decent grind, and many of the girls are active over the pants with their hands.  Based on the fact that there have been prostitution busts here in the past, I assume that extras are at least occasionally available, but I haven’t personally received any of those offers.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – These are, without question, the hottest girls in Pennsylvania.  There are fewer implants than I expected, all of the girls are at least decent, and there were several girls in the 9-10 range.  The bottom line is that these girls are hot enough that you no longer should have any need to ever to go Delilah’s, and that’s a good thing.   

Number of Dancers (8/10) – During prime time hours, they usually have two girls on the main stage, one girl dancing on top of the bar, and another one or two girls dancing on a narrow ledge off to the side. Plus they have a ton of girls working the crowd, so you should always be able to get some attention if you want it.  

Variety of Dancers (3/5) – Most of the girls are fairly thin, but there’s a nice mix of black and white dancers who are all attractive.

Attitudes (3.5/10) – They aren’t overly pushy and some of the girls are friendly, but prepare for the hustle, because most of these ladies are all business.  It can be a bit of a buzzkill, but it’s probably no worse than you’d expect for this type of club.

Value (1/10) – Don’t come here looking for a bargain, because this place is about as expensive as anywhere in town.  Beers are $6.75 each, there’s a bathroom attendant looking for a tip, dances are $20 (in the communal area that no one goes to) or $30 (in the private booths), and the VIP areas (they call them “sky boxes”) are $250 for 30 minutes, plus the cover is $20 and they have mandatory valet parking for $6.  It’s all so overpriced that I was actually glad that the Chink’s cheesesteak that I’d eaten before my first visit resulted in some potent gas that I dropped right before pulling up to the parking lot, not realizing that I couldn’t park my car myself.  Stew in it, you greedy pricks. 

Club Setup (7.5/10) – This is a very classy club, with multiple staircases down to a long, fancy stage with smoke effects extending the length of the club.  Small tables line the stage and more couches are nearby, and there are nice couches in raised areas around the exterior of the club, though most of them will be reserved on weekend evenings.  There’s also a nice, medium sized bar on the main level of the club, and that has a wide bar top where a girl will be dancing most of the time, and there’s another nice bar upstairs if you want to be away from the action. I wish they had more seats, but this is still a very nice club.    

Dance Setup (8/10) – They have $20 dances in a communal dance area, but I didn’t bother with that since the dance booths are only $10 more.  In the booths, there’s a comfortable couch and curtains close the opening, so it’s very private. 

Atmosphere (7.5/10) – This is a classy club, but it’s still fun enough that it would be a good choice for a night out with friends or a bachelor or bachelorette party.  The music is a little too loud, but there’s good variety and the bikini-clad bartendresses and waitresses help add to the solid vibe. 

Location (3/5) – If you’re just visiting Philadelphia, the Penthouse club will probably be fairly far north of where you’ll be staying, and driving there is a pain since they have mandatory valet parking.  Still, it’s only about 10 minutes from Center City and shouldn’t be too expensive to cab to. 

Overall – The Penthouse Club is my favorite strip joint in Philadelphia because it has the best combination of worthwhile dances and attractive dancers, but you need to be prepared to spend some cash, because it’s one of the most expensive clubs around.  If you’ve got it, though, it’s worth spending it here.     

RAW SCORE = 63