Pier 34 Lounge (Seymour, CT)

 

Quality of Dances (12.5/20) – There's a lot of variation between girls here, but I've experienced a few dancers who are very generous with their hands and their mouths over the pants. Whether or not you're interested in having these girls touch you may be a different story, but that aside, the dance quality is pretty good.

Quality of Dancers (1.5/10) – You might find a gem here from time to time, but overall, the quality is about what you'd expect from a dive bar in the middle of nowhere. They were too friendly for me to feel good about being harsh here, but I'll just say that most of the girls that I've seen have been bigger, older, or both.

Number of Dancers (1/10) – Even though there aren't a whole lot of customers, two girls working on a Friday night just isn't very good.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – The sample size is small, but I've only seen white and Brazilian girls here. There's a wide variety of body types and ages, though the variety in both of those categories go beyond what most customers would be interested in seeing.

Attitude of Dancers (9/10) – The girls here are about as friendly as you'll ever find in a club. Given the dance setup and the quality of girls, I'm guessing that most of the customers come here for the conversation more than anything else, and these dancers are nice enough to make that possible.

Value (5/10) – There isn't a cover charge (or at least there hasn't been while I've been there), beers are $4, and dances are $20. If you get one of the better dancers, $20 isn't a terrible value. I haven't seen much stage action, but that's probably a good thing.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – There are two small benches in a corner of the main area of the club where they give the dances. Most of the people at the bar can't see you, but management does have a decent view from the one end of the bar, and anyone at the stage can watch.

Club Setup (3/10) – There's a small bar, a decent but barely used stage, and a big open room with a few shitty tables scattered around. They also have two pool tables by the bar, but I haven't seen anyone using them.

Club Atmosphere (4/10) – If you're looking for a dive bar to have a drink and joke around with the dancers and bartender, it's pretty solid. Honestly, I have no idea why I enjoyed it here, but I did, so I'll give it a decent score. Just don't expect a traditional strip club vibe, because it doesn't have that.

Club Accessibility (1/5) – This club is in the middle of nowhere, but I do like the somewhat unique location right beside the Housatonic River.

Overall – I actually have a soft spot for this place as a dive bar, but if you're hoping to see attractive topless women, you'll have to go somewhere else.

RAW SCORE = 39.5

Keepers (Milford, CT)

Quality of dances (11/20) – The dances here are aggressive and moderate 2-way contact is encouraged, but the lack of privacy prevents anyone from doing too much. Still, you'll get a decent grind and don't have to keep your hands at your sides. Just how much your hands can move from your sides tends to vary a lot from one girl to the next, though I've yet to come across any complete prudes.

Quality of dancers (8/10) – This place has some of the finest girls that New England has to offer. I haven't been here all that often, but when I have been, I've see girls ranging from 5s to 9s, with a lot more towards the top of that range than the bottom of it.

Number of Dancers (4.5/10) – There aren't enough girls on the day shift, but at night, I've always found a solid number of dancers and a very favorable dancer-to-customer ratio.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (4/5) - It's rare for any club to get a perfect score in any of these categories, but Keepers almost earned one during my first visit with black, white, Latina, Asian, and Indian dancers. Unfortunately, the racial variety hasn't been quite as good during subsequent visits, but it's still fairly solid. And if the rainbow of dancers isn't enough variety for you, the bodies range from extremely fit to pleasantly plump, so you should be set.

Attitude of dancers (2/10) – This score might be a little unfair because the majority of girls have been fairly friendly, but there's been some hustling and miscounting of dances, so the whole club has to suffer for that. Until management deals with the miscounting, customers need to demand that the girls wait for a new song to start a dance (which is always a good idea unless the girl specifically says in advance that she isn't charging for the first one), and count to the dancer after each song.

Value (5/10) – I paid a $5 cover on a Friday night, the dances are $20, and beers are $4 each. That's just about as average as you can get.

Dance Setup (2/10) – The dance room is separate from the main area of the club, but there is no privacy within the dance area. Everyone has their own reasonably comfortable chair, but there are no barriers between them, and I even heard one dancer yelling at another girl for doing things that they weren't allowed to do in there. Sadly, my dancer wasn't the one getting yelled at so I'm not sure what exactly that dancer was up to, but it sounded like someone was having some fun.

Club Setup (6/10) – There's a large stage inside the bar with channels for the bar tenders to walk around and serve drinks (it's very similar to the stage at Mardi Gras in Springfield). It seems like a deathtrap for the girls, but it's nice for customers who enjoy watching the stage action but who get self-conscious at a normal stage. There's a second huge bar, though it may be reserved for special events because it wasn't open when I was there. There are also a few tables and pool tables away from the bar, but almost everyone stays at the bar/stage.

Club Atmosphere (6/10) – There was a relaxed vibe in here and it seems like a place that would be a lot of fun whether you're flying solo or with a group of guys.

Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – The location in a strip mall is very unusual, but it's close to 95 and does have plenty of parking. If you're worried about being spotted walking into a titty bar by your neighbors who are getting their nails done or are shopping at the hose supply store, you may want to avoid this place during the day. Luckily for the less shameless of us, the club seems to be the only business in the strip mall that's open at night.

Overall – I loves variety, and this place has it. Everything else is solid, and solid is enough to keep me coming back to see some of the only Asian and Indian dancers in the state.

TOTAL SCORE = 51

LAST UPDATED: July, 2010