Sunday, May 29, 2011

Club Erotica (McKees Rocks, PA)

Quality of Dances (10.5/20) –  Two-way contact is allowed so long as you tip appropriately and the bed-style setup should be amazing, but the fact that there's absolutely no privacy makes it tough to relax and enjoy these dances too much.  I was almost glad that the ladies don't provide much of a grind since I wasn't in the mood to show off for all of the other customers in the room.

The other big drawback of these dances is that you don't have any interaction with the girls beforehand, so you might end up with someone who you just have zero chemistry with.  To get a dance, you go upstairs without the girl, then tell the dj who you want and he calls her up.  She gets no say in who she dances for and you don't get to feel out how into it she'll be, except at the stage.  One girl that I got a dance from came up the stairs and wandered around for a bit before realizing that I was the guy who had purchased her services.  I couldn't fill her in either since I had no idea who she was - I'd just told the dj to hook me up with a good one.  Once she realized that she'd be dancing for me, she said, "thank god it's you...I thought it was one of those black guys." I don't support that kind of racist attitude, but it sucks for the girls who get stuck dancing for guys that they're uncomfortable with and it sucks for the unwanted customers who just dropped $20 for a girl to go through the motions.

Quality of Dancers (8/10) – These ladies are really hot, and on any given night, may be the hottest in Pittsburgh.  On other nights, Cheerleaders might edge them out, but I doubt that you'll ever be disappointed in the ladies in here.

Number of Dancers (3.5/10) – There are several girls on stage at a time, but they have insanely long stage sets, so you're out of luck for awhile if you don't like the girls that you see.  Plus, I have no idea where the ladies go when they're off stage, but they certainly aren't working the crowd.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1.5/5) – Most of the dancers are relatively thin white chicks.  There were also a few thicker girls and one or two black dancers, but overall, the variety is adequate at best.

Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – These ladies were all very friendly, telling me some great stories about Penguins and Steelers players who are regulars.  Let's just say that Maxime Talbot doesn't only get the superstar treatment while shopping for cars.  I also enjoyed the one girl's response when I asked about the Pirates: "They probably come in, but no one in Pittsburgh would recognize them anyway."  The reason that they lose points is that you only really interact with the dancers while you're getting a dance.  A bouncer even escorts the girls while they walk from one stage to another, apparently to keep customers from talking to them.

Value (3/10) – You can't beat the beer value since you just pay $1 for the cup then drink for free.  It's their ingenious but borderline illegal way around the fact that they don't have a liquor license.  Unfortunately, nothing else is nearly as good of a deal.  Dances are $20, but the girls let you know that you're welcome to tip if you enjoy them.  The real killer, though, is that they have a $20 cover on top of the $5 mandatory valet, and they wouldn't budge on either fee even though they were closing in an hour and I parked my car myself.  Greedy bastards.

Dance Setup (2/10) –  The dances are given on bed-style benches kind of like what they have at Little Darlings in Las Vegas.  Sadly, the "beds" at Club Erotica are right out in the open and the room is very bright, so the bouncer and everyone else on the second floor of the club can watch you.  Whereas the "beds" at Little Darlings make for amazing dances, they just make for an awkward experience here since you're laying down in a room full of dudes.

Club Setup (3/10) –  The main area of the club is on the first floor of the building, and it has somewhat of a warehouse feel.  It's basically just a big rectangular room with four stages and not much else.  They have one large kidney shaped stage, 2 smaller stages and 1 tiny stage in the corner.  That means there's plenty of stage-side seating, but there better be since there's nowhere else to sit.

Club Atmosphere (3/10) – I really wasn't feeling this place.  They only played 80's music while I was there, but I hope/assume that it was some kind of theme night.  Worse yet, the insanely long stage sets and the way that the bouncers escorts girls around just make this a poor place to hang out.  It seems to be fairly popular, but mostly with the young jackass crowd.

Club Accessibility (3.5/5) – This place isn't far from downtown Pittsburgh and wouldn't be a bad cab ride to get to, plus it's right down the street from Silky's.  You probably won't be staying right by Club Erotica, but it's still easy to get to, and they have plenty of parking.  Even if it is valet only.

Overall – Club Erotica has some of the hottest dancers around, but, for me, that's just not enough to make up for lackluster lapdances, no dancer-customer interaction and plastic cup beers.  If attractive dancers were my top priority, I'd much prefer Cheerleaders in Pittsburgh-proper.  I would say that Club Erotica may be worth a look if you're already right down the street at Silky's, but even that can't be justified due to the $20 cover and mandatory valet.  The bottom line is that, even though Club Erotica isn't a terrible club, I just don't see myself ever going back.

RAW SCORE = 40.5

1 comment:

  1. Dude, you are complaining about 25.00 Are you insane or just the cheapest person in the world?? I wonder what you would nhave said about the Midway Lounge when George Lee and Lou DiGorio had it??