Sunday, July 10, 2011

Pink Pony (Atlanta, GA)

Quality of Dances (4/20) – It's not impossible to find worse table dances than these (just head to The Cheetah), but these are pretty bad.  There's strictly one way contact, and even that is fairly minimal.  A few girls will brush their knees against your crotch, but, in general, these dances are a waste of time.

Quality of Dancers (9/10) – If you're solely interested in looking at attractive naked women, you shouldn't have any problem with the Pink Pony.  They have a few enhanced ladies and a few older dancers, but the majority of these ladies are 8s and 9s and the shot girls and bartenders are even hotter than that.

Number of Dancers (6/10) – They hire plenty of dancers, but I've rarely if ever seen more guys packed into a club than you'll find at the Pink Pony on a weekend night, so it can still be next to impossible to get a girl's attention for a dance.  Of course, maybe they just assume that the dances are so shitty that no one will want one anyway.  If you're looking to spend some time with the ladies, though, you should show up early, because they arrive well before the crowds do.  If I ever come back, I'll definitely be aiming to arrive before 10pm.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (1/5) – The same people who own the Pink Pony own Onyx, and they seem to like to keep their girls segregated.  Onyx is an all black club, and even though the Pink Pony isn't 100% white, it's pretty close to it.  Most of the girls are stick-figure thin, which makes things particularly boring since they lack racial diversity.  There are usually a few white girls who aren't super thin (though far from thick) and a few black girls who lack curves, and, according to a dancer I talked to at Onyx, that's by design.  She claimed that management basically told her that their customers prefer white girls, or, failing that, at least black girls with "white bodies."  And based on the number of customers who pack themselves into this place, I guess they know what their clientele wants.  Seems boring to me, but far be it for this Yankee to try to figure out southern guys' tastes in women.

Attitude of Dancers (2.5/10) – There's the occasional friendly dancer, but most ask about dances before even introducing themselves, and a lot of them say that the table dance price is "$10 plus a nice tip."  If a waitress tells me that the porterhouse special is "$80 plus a nice tip," I'm not going to be leaving much of a tip, and I'm going to look for a different steakhouse next time.  The same principle goes for strip clubs, especially if we're talking about borderline air dances in the middle of a packed room (preemptive clarification for the anti-strip club readers: the stripper is the waitress in this analogy, not the piece of meat).  A few hundred other guys are waiting to give the girls cash, so I guess it doesn't affect their business too much, but I've been less than impressed.

Value (4.5/10) – The $10 cover and $5 beers are pretty standard and the nude stage show is above average, but the $10 (plus tip) table dances are about twice as expensive as they're worth. Still, since the only real reason to ever come here is to look at beautiful naked women, you can manage to have a fairly good time without breaking the bank.

Dance Setup (0/10) –  Table dances are, by definition, given right out in the open at the regular seats or bar stools.  They're particularly bad at the Pink Pony, though, because it can get so packed that you might find yourself in standing room only.  Even a skilled and motivated lapdancer would struggle to make that work, and these ladies certainly aren't that.

Club Setup (6/10) – The Pink Pony is a fairly large club, with a long narrow main stage at one end, a bar top stage off to one side, and two smaller stages toward the middle of the club.  They overdo it a little with the strobe lights flashing and the stage lighting up in various colors, but it's still a reasonably classy setup.  Everyone has a decent view of the action since it's really just one big open room.  There aren't a ton of tables to sit at, but the 3 large bars provide sufficient seating most of the time.  Just don't expect to find a seat if you show up late on a Friday or Saturday.

Club Atmosphere (5.5/10) – This place has a real party atmosphere on weekend evenings, with young guys and attractive non-pro ladies filling the place from wall to wall.  I prefer it when it's a little less crowded and a little more relaxed, but it's not too hard to have a good time here regardless of when you arrive.  Other than an inordinate number of frat boy types, the crowd is decent, and the mild pat down at the door seems to be completely unnecessary.

Club Accessibility (4/5) – A short cab ride will get you here from downtown or from most of the other worthwhile clubs in the city.  It's the type of place where you'll want to be drinking, but if you do chose to drive, they have plenty of parking.

Overall – The Pink Pony is one of, if not the, most popular clubs in Atlanta.  It has some of the most attractive women in the Southeast and it's fully nude, and that's enough for the young guys who pack this place night after night.  Every once in a while, it's even enough for me.  More often though, I want friendly girls, a little variety and some quality dances, and the Pink Pony fails miserably at providing any of those three things.  So it might be just what you're looking for, but it isn't going to be added to the list of clubs that I feel like I need to hit when I'm in town.

RAW SCORE = 42.5

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