Sunday, August 28, 2011

Camelot West (Lexington, KY)

Quality of Dances (12.5/20) – You're probably better off sticking with table dances, but if you can manage to find anyone worth getting a lap dance from, you should be pleased with the quality.  The girls give a good grind and encourage at least moderate two way contact, and a lot of girls will graze their hands over your crotch.  Many of the girls will promise that lots of fun can be had if the reasonably priced locked private booths, but I had zero interest in getting more intimate with these ladies.

Quality of Dancers (1/10) – Most of these ladies were a little older, a little larger, or both.  I only saw one who I'd rate above a 6, and most of them were in the 2-5 range on the non-pro scale.

Number of Dancers (2/10) – I saw about a half dozen dancers and there was a decent dancer to customer ratio, but that really doesn't do you any good if the only attractive girl is tied up with regulars for the entire evening.

Variety/Diversity of Dancers (2/5) – They've got a fairly even mix of black and white dancers, and I did see one Latina as well.  You really don't have much choice of who to look at, though, when there's only one hot dancer in the building.  As for size, it seemed to correlate with skin tone, so you're out of luck if you're looking for a larger white lady or a smaller black one.

Attitude of Dancers (5.5/10) – They're not going to be getting many customers who just stop in because they're passing by and think it looks like a nice place to check out.  They know that everyone who stops here is a regular or at least a potential regular, so they treat customers accordingly.  If they'd get rid of the strung out girls, this score would be higher, but everyone is really friendly and you should be able to have some decent conversation if that's what you're looking for.

Value (7.5/10) – You can't beat $2.25 beers and no cover during happy hour, and, even in the evening, $3.50 beers and a $5 cover are a bargain. You'll bore quickly if you're tring to be a spectator since the stage is empty for long stretches of time, but the $5 table dances are a popular way to stretch your cash, and most of the girls offer full lap dances for two-for-$25 or two-for-$30.

Dance Setup (3/10) – The dance area is a separate section of the club beside the dj booth, so the dj and anyone who is giving or receiving a dance can see what you're up to.  Still, since most people stick to the table dances, the lack of dividers between the couches isn't a deal breaker.

Club Setup (1/10) – I rarely care about strip club restrooms, but the facilities at Camelot West are so bad that I'd be doing you a disservice to not mention them. There are two urinals in the room and the door doesn't lock, so it's clearly not meant to be a one-at-a-time deal, but there's a toilet in there with no stall or dividers whatsoever.  I don't even know whether it would be more awkward dropping a deuce in front of a guy who's just trying to take a piss, or if it would be worse to be pissing in front of a guy who's laying some cable, but neither would be good.  And if that's not enough, there's a makeshift peephole (or a glory hole for a micro-penis?) between the men's and women's bathrooms that's been plugged up with toilet paper.  The worst part, though, is that the bathroom looks exactly how you expect it to look based on the rundown shithole that is Camelot West.  If it were better maintained, the setup might not actually be that bad - there's a raised area near the front that helps everyone get a good view of the small octagonal stage and there's plenty of seating at either the long bar or the small tables that are scattered around the room - but it's better days had to have been several presidencies ago.

Club Atmosphere (1/10) – This place is a pure dive bar, so the crowd really can make the difference between it being a solid place to pound a few beers and it being a shithole where you wouldn't want to spend much time.  Unfortunately, half the crowd seemed a little rough and the other half consisted of creepy old men in way-too-short basketball shorts. I can't fault their logic, because the basketball shorts in a strip club is to guys looking to buy sex what the rolled up right pant leg was to guys looking to buy drugs in the 90s, but have a little self respect and wear some proper clothes. Cargos or khaki shorts are acceptable on a hot day and offer similar access without the side effect of creeping out every girl in the place.  Sure, it will require a little more work in telling the girls what you want, but that's a small price to pay to maintain your dignity.

Club Accessibility (3/5) – The club is in a strip mall on the west side of Lexingon. It's easy to get to an there's more than enough parking, but I didn't get the sense that this is the best part of town.

Overall – Camelot West is a run down piece of shit club where you really shouldn't plan to go if you're just looking for dances. If, on the other hand, you're looking or more than that, it might be worth keeping in mind since it's the safest bet for extra services in the Lexington area. Even then, I'd take my chances at one of the other clubs first, but you should be comforted to know that Camelot West is there if the other clubs have left you high and dry by the time that you're down to your last $100.

RAW SCORE = 38.5

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