Sunday, October 30, 2011

Deja Vu Showgirls (Cincinnati, OH)

Quality of Dances (3/20) - These dances aren't bad by Ohio standards, but dances are generally a waste of time throughout the state and the Deja Vu is not the exception to the rule.  The dancers make some limited contact with customers if they keep their tops on or give topless airdances, but either experience is wholly unsatisfying.  

Quality of Dancers (7.5/10) – The ladies had better be attractive, because there isn’t a whole lot else to draw customers to an alcohol-free club with shitty lap dances.  Luckily, these ladies are well above average., thought I found most of them to be cute in a girl-next-door way more than hot in an I’m-willing-to-hang-out-in-this-drinkless-club way. 

Number of Dancers (7/10) – I’ve only been here once, so you may want to take this score with a grain of salt, but there were more than enough ladies working during my visit.  The half-dozen dancers outnumbered the customers when I arrived in the late afternoon, and the number of dancers increased appropriately as time went by.  I’m not sure whether that was a good thing or not, since it really just sped up the “wannadance?” rotation, but there were at least plenty of ladies to look at. 

Variety of Dancers (0.5/5) – Every girl that I saw at Déjà Vu Cincinnati could have easily passed for being the sister of any other girl in the place.  Young, white and within 15 pounds of their ideal weight isn’t a bad thing by any means and you should be thrilled if that look is in your wheelhouse, but you’re out of luck if you’re tastes run a little more exotic. 

Attitudes (2/10) – It’s always frustrating when the first and only words out of a dancer’s mouth are, “want a dance?”  On a busy night, though, I understand that they can’t afford to waste time with a nonspender when there are so many other wallets in the building.  Of course, a lot of the guys who don’t “wannadance” might have proven to be big spenders if the girl had invested some time in chatting them up, but I at least can see where the girls are coming from.  But when the club is dead and the only alternative to cultivating business is sitting and chatting with other dancers and the dj, there’s really no excuse for that.  Sadly, that’s what happened over and over again during my visit.

Value (8.5/10) – It’s hard to beat a $10 cover that gets you free sodas and a view of the nude stage action (well, at least nude until midnight, thanks to politicians with seriously misplaced priorities).  The pole work isn’t as impressive as at the other Déjà Vu locations I’ve visited (Vegas, Lexington and several in California), but it still isn’t too bad.  The dances are a waste of time at any price, but at least it won’t be a costly mistake at two for $25 or 15 minutes of VIP dances for $75.  

Club Setup (4/10) – After walking down a long hallway at the entrance, you’ll reach a small shitty room with a shitty stage filling half of it.  This isn’t the main room, but it’s odd that it’s the first part of the club that you see.  Thankfully, the room off to the right is much nicer, with mirrored walls, a nice juice bar and a lot of small tables with plenty of chairs.  This room is also surrounded by the aforementioned lap dance booths, so you can discreetly check out a dancer’s lap dance moves before spending your own cash. 

Dance Setup (2/10) – I got my dances in a partially exposed area of the club that’s off to the left when you walk in.  There’s a long bench in there with small spaces to separate you from other dance recipients, but there’s nothing to block the view of anyone who is back there or the dj.  There are also booths surrounding the main area of the club, but they open right out to the crowd, so the privacy is no better there.  One nice touch, though, is the small stage in each of those booths so that the girls can give you a little preview while the previous song plays out.

Atmosphere (2/10) – Unfriendly dancers and a lack of alcohol are always a bad combination, and nothing about this place makes up for that fact.  It seems to be safe though, so you at least won’t have to risk life or limb to have a boring time. 

Location (2.5/5) – The club is several miles from downtown Cincinnati, but since there’s no alcohol, driving to get there isn’t a problem and they do have plenty of parking. 

Overall – Déjà Vu Cincinnati isn't a great club and ordinarily I’d tell you to avoid it, but your options are fairly limited in Ohio, so it could be worth a visit if you’re desperate to see some attractive naked ladies and don’t have the time to drive down to the vastly superior clubs in Lexington, Kentucky.  Personally, though, I’d save my cash.   


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