Show N Tel (Philadelphia, PA)

Quality of Dances (15/20) – The lap dances at Show & Tel are pretty good.  You’re assured to get a reasonably aggressive grind and two-way contact is encouraged during the regular dances, but things are a little more unique during the private shows.  Some girls implied that extras were available, but given the fact that the private rooms have cameras and are brightly lit, it seems like it would be a poor idea to try to get those services.  Knowing that I could be filmed was enough to dissuade me from even the standard private dance options.  I don’t remember exactly what all of the choices were, but the “bump and grind show” was the most unusual.  Basically, you and the girl both strip down to your underwear, you put on a condom, and you grind on each other until you come.  That would have probably sounded much cooler when I was a teenager, but it doesn’t have much appeal to my adult self.  Either way, I’m not one to complain about options.

Quality of Dancers (5.5/10) – I’ve always found at least one or two true beauties working at Show & Tel, but I’ve also always found a few ladies who would rate closer to a 1 or a 2 on a 10 point scale, so saying that quality control is low is an understatement.  Still, there are plenty of midrange girls and have always been a sufficient number of attractive ladies to allow me to get some dances during my weekend visits.  I haven’t been there during the week, so it’s possible that things are rougher during the slow nights, but overall, the workforce seems to be adequate but unspectacular. 

Number of Dancers (6/10) – They usually have two girls dancing on the over-21 stage and one girl dancing on the under-21 stage at all times, and several more girls will be working the crowd.  The place can get so packed that it can be difficult to get a girl for a dance, but you should be able to if you either lower your standards or don’t mind waiting for one of the attractive dancers. 

Variety of Dancers (4/5) – There’s a nice mix of implants and natural tits and thick and thin dancers, and there’s sufficient racial diversity as long as you aren’t set on finding any ebony beauties.  They do have some black dancers, but they’ve mostly been a little sloppy.  I have seen at least a few attractive white, Asian, Indian and Latina dancers working though.

Attitudes (4/10) – A lot of the Philly clubs have the dreaded tip walk, but it’s minimal here and the girls really work to make the dollar toss fun by setting up targets for you to aim for (cups, paper football style finger goal posts, and even spread lips (even though it was invited, I just could bring myself to try to toss a dirty dollar bill in there – the 18 year olds seemed to love that though)).  Unfortunately, the interaction away from the stage is adequate at best, with a lot of girls not interacting much with customers, and others seeming a little strung out. 

Value (6.5/10) – The $20 weekend cover is pretty rough and regular dances are overpriced at $30 each ($25 during the week), but the stage value is solid, $80 for private shows is a bargain, and you can save a ton of money on beer if you’re planning to drink a lot.  Normal beers are $4 each, but you can also bring your own cases of beer if you plan ahead.  BYOB places can be frustrating if you’re just passing through the area since you won’t be prepared with your own beer, but the combo of a place that serves beer and liquor while allowing you to bring your own beer is amazing, and explains the high cover.  

Club Setup (3.5/10) – This place looks like a warehouse from the outside, but it’s actually moderately sized on the inside.  There’s an under-21 side to the left and the main area is off to the right, but you can go back and forth between the two if you have the right color wristband.  The youngster side is smaller, but they’re similar, with large bars that surround internal stages that are several feet away from customers, requiring the aforementioned dollar toss.  Most people sit at the bar, but there are also a few tables and an area to stand around and drink your cases of beer in the main area of the club.  They do have several medium sized TVs around the room, but there aren’t any big screens, so it probably wouldn’t be my choice if you’re looking for somewhere to watch a game.  The whole place feels a little worn, possibly because it’s so bright that you see all of its flaws, but it isn’t so bad as to really detract from your enjoyment.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – There are lots of handles on the booths to allow the girls to maneuver and a partial wall will block the view of your lower body from most of the club patrons, but you’re right out in the open from the chest up, and, worst of all, they’re got some of the least comfortable lap dance seats I’ve experienced.  They’re small and wooden and basically feel like the shittiest park benches ever.  

Atmosphere (2/10) – BYOB means that you can make your own atmosphere to a certain extent, and that’s a good thing, because this place is jackass central.  The mix of early 20s meatheads who treat the girls like shit, 18 year olds who don’t know any better, and creepy old guys who are hoping to cum in their underwear adds up to a place that I don’t really enjoy hanging out, and that’s all before the rough crowd shows up when it gets late.

Location (3/5) – Show & Tel is a short walk down Columbus Boulevard from Club Risque, but it isn’t easily walkable from most places that you’d be in Philadelphia.  It’s probably about a $10 cab ride from Center City or the stadiums.  Just make sure that they’re open before you go out of your way to go there, because they keep some moronic hours.  I tried to go one town after a Phillies game ended at 7pm, but they didn’t open until 8:30. 

Overall – More than good or bad, Show & Tel is strange.  Strip club newbies will enjoy it, but I’d guess that even veteran strip club goers would be split between loving and hating it. If you want to drink on the cheap with a group of guys or come in by yourself for a little bump and grind or a mutual masturbation show, you’ll probably have a good time, but it you’re looking to do anything other than that, I’d go elsewhere.

RAW SCORE = 50