Notes on Club Bristol (Sun Prairie, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Club Setup (3/10) It's a bit of a dump, but there's a decent sized pit main stage and another small (unused) stage near the entrance. A very large bar occupies most of the club and around it there are a few tall tables and four small tables with rolly chairs. There's a weird smoking area that looks like its meant for cattle. 

Dancers 5 all ok but one very cute and one pretty rough. 

Variety (3/5) There was a mix of black girls from Milwaukee and white girls and a nice mix of sizes. 

Number of Dancers (4/10) There were about 8 dancers on the day shift with more than a 1-1 dancer-to-customer ratio. That's still not a lot but is good for small club. The short 2 song sets means that you good to look at a different girls every few minutes, so that's nice. 

Atomsphere (3/10) It was too quiet and bright for my tastes. Despite the decent music (mostly hip hop) and the friendly bartendress's best efforts, it was a little depressing. 

Attitudes (7/10) Girls were friendly. They sat and chatted for a little or a lot before asking about dances. 

Quality of Dances (11.5/20) They were variable but all included a good grind and varying degrees of 2 way contact. Girls told me that some girls there give blow jobs, but none of the girls that I got dances from were offering that, and it seemed unlikely based on the high number of cameras. 

Dance Setup (4.5/10) There are comfy chairs in individual boots. People can see in the entrance of some but ones in the corner are pretty good. Bouncer peeks occasionally and demands to see your hands to make sure you aren't touching too much, and there are lots of cameras.

Value (6/10) $4 beer, no cover in day, nude stage show with some naked head stands but just ok though some contact, $20 dances. $7 cover at night.

Location (1.5/5) This place is about twice as far outside of madison as Silk (in the opposite direction), so it's not particularly accessible but isn't a bad drive if you aren't in the mood to drink too much.

Overall - I stopped by this place on the way back to Madison from the Hardware Store in Clyman. I preferred the Hardware Store, but Club Bristol is more accessible (or at least less inaccessible), so I'd probably go here more often if I spent a lot of time in Madison. It's a half-decent club though. 

RAW SCORE = 43.5

Notes on the Hardware Store (Clyman, WI)

As I mentioned in my Penthouse Detroit post, I'm clearing out some old notes. I'm just going to post them as is, so they won't be in full sentence and may not make any sense at all, but hopefully they're of some use to you. Just keep in mind that these aren't proper reviews - they may have been based on only 1 or 2 visits that probably took place 2-3 years ago, and I may have been extremely intoxicated. 

Number (3.5/10) There were two girls when I arrived in the afternoon at first and 2 more eventually showed up. The bartender read the 2 late ones the riot act. I was told that there were usually at least half dozen girls, but I only visited once, so I can't confirm that. 

Dancers (3.5/10) There girls weren't awful but one was thicker than most would like and one was way too thin. The two who showed up later were a little hotter but still nothing to write home about (if you're the kind of person who writes home about strippers). 

Variety (0.5/5) There was some size variation but all the girls were black chicks from Milwaukee during my visit.

Club Setup (2/10) There's a long simple bar and a narrow pit stage, plus one table in the main room. The other room has a pool table and dart board and a few tables and a small stage a few inches above the floor.

Dance Setup (6/10) There are very dark booths with leather seats in a small room in the back of the club. They're angled so people can only can see you if they're directly across from you and they probably won't be. The bouncer doesn't check on what you're up to.  

Dance Quality (15/20) These girls give a great grind and having them put my dick and the pants covering it into their mouths seemed pretty standard. Tit groping and crotch rubbing was encouraged. They all put their tits in my face and one girl put her hand up my shorts to grab my dick briefly, but she was trying to sell the ViP experience for $175 so she didn't try to finish me off, but she implied that everything was available for that price.  Some weren't quite as good but they still gave a great grind and full 2-way contact. 

Attitudes (4/10) This is a neighborhood place but there's still a tip walk. They're riendly once you talk to them, but they're a little hard on VIP and drink sales. One girl even had the nerve to ask me if I could tip her for her stage show as I walked in the door for the first time. 

Atmosphere (4/10) The R&B music felt out of place at such a county style club in the middle of nowhere, but I enjoyed it.  It seemed like it could be fun if you went with a group, but it was filled with depressed looking old white guys when I was there during the day shift. 

Value (7/10) - There's no cover during the day, beers are $4 beers, and you get some solid stage interaction for a few bucks. 

Location (0/5) - To get to the Hardware store, you have to drive to to the middle of nowhere then drive for another half hour. 

Overall - If the location were better, it would be one of my regular spot when I'm visiting friend in Wisconsin, but it's just a little to far from anything to be worth visiting often. 

RAW SCORE = 45.5

Visions (Madison, WI)

[Note: This review was written by guest blogger Pussy Control, trusted friend of Peter Tips.]

Quality of dances (4/20) – The girl who gave my friends and me a dance (she took three of us back for a dance at once) was having fun and/or was really good at her job: gold star for personality. As the first song ended she even said, “Well that was a short song; I’ll give you one more.” None of us specifically asked about two-way contact, but I think it was available. One-way contact was quality. I was also impressed with how well she adjusted to giving a dance to women rather than men (not something all strippers do well from my limited experience). Unfortunately for you, the other customers that I talked to reported that it's rare for guys to get anything more than airdances in this place.

Quality of dancers (6/10) – It was amateur night when I was there, and so it was a little tough to tell who actually worked at the club. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the girls who clearly worked there. My only previous strip club experience being the Spearmint Rhino, I had relatively low expectations for a strip club near the airport in Madison. While there was at least one girl who was the embodiment of every negative side effect of Meth, there were also a few cute, healthy looking women, at least one of whom was in great shape and had some awesome moves on the poll.

Number of Dancers (3/10) – Again, a little hard to tell because it was amateur night, but it looked like only about 5 or 6 girls there were employees of the club. That being said, it was a Sunday night and there were only a handful of people there other than the group I was with. Despite the fact that the group of women I was with were obviously not going to spend a lot on dances, two of the girls spent most of the night hanging out with us.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – I’m pretty sure that all the girls who worked at the club were white. But I give them points for good diversity of body type: petite athletic builds, more curvy types, and not a fake tit in sight (like Peter Tips, Pussy Control far prefers teardrops to bazookas).

Attitude of dancers (8.5/10) – This is where the club really shined. These girls were FUN. Take into consideration that I was there with a large, rowdy group of fun women, so that was clearly a factor. But still, when on stage they looked like they were having a good time, and they did things to each other and my friends that you would NEVER see at a place like the Rhino. This is the upshot of a smaller, more laid back club I suppose.

Value (7.5/10) – There's no cover before 7 PM, but it's a slightly overpriced $8 after then. At $2, the beer is a solid value, even for Wisconsin. Dances were $20, but the girls were willing and able to negotiate, at least with us female patrons. The show on stage was an especially good value, with the girls doing all sorts of crazy shit for ones and fives.

Dance Setup (9/10) – I’m going to qualify this by saying that I was pretty wasted by the time my friends and I got a dance, so things are a little fuzzy…. But I know that we walked past a bouncer to get back to the booths. The girl we were with definitely had to ask his permission to bring three of us back there at once, but he seemed pretty cool and was willing to go along with whatever the dancer suggested. The booth that we went back to had three walls and a curtain that closed it off. Inside there was a love seat and a tiny little “stage” with a mirror. It sort of reminded me of a dressing room at a nice clothing store. Hard to imagine a better dance setup than this.

Club Setup (3/10) – I actually liked the set-up a lot, but Peter Tips insists that it qualifies as a three. Right as you come in there is a bar with bar stools, etc. It was nice to have the option of sitting off to the side and having a few beers before heading over towards the stage. The stage was off to the right. It was L shaped, surrounded by tables and standard banquet hall chairs. The floor was a little crowded with tables and chairs, and although we didn’t have trouble navigating the landscape on this slow night, it must be very difficult when things get packed. There were also some tables set back from the stage, which was nice for those who were just there to hang out, and didn’t really want to be too close to the action on stage. It was a very basic setup, but it met all of our needs.

Club Atmosphere (2.5/10) – I hate to give it such a low rating, because I really liked the atmosphere. I guess it depends on what you are looking for. It was the local dive bar of strip clubs; clean and comfortable, but nothing fancy. I’m the type who always goes for the more low-key and laid back place in general, so I thought it was great. If you want lots of plush seats, fancy lighting and glimmering bars stocked with bottle after bottle of Patron and Grey Goose, this is not your scene. But if that is your scene, what the fuck are you doing in Madison, WI? It is no Rhino, but I was more comfortable and had more fun at Visions.

Club Accessibility (2.5/5) – Ten minute cab ride from downtown, very close to the airport.

Overall – Nothing fancy, just the basics. However, the club was cleaner and more comfortable and the girls hotter than I expected for the only strip club in Madison. What’s more, the women working there were fun as hell. I’d go back if I ever had any reason to be in Madison again (and I have no interest in ever going back to the Spearmint Rhino).

TOTAL SCORE = 47.5