Cabaret Lounge (Peabody, MA)

Quality of dances (0/20) – The dances here are as bad as you'll ever get anywhere. I'd have given them a half a point because the dances are nude and the girl did bump into my knee at one point, but it was so bright that it was awkward to even look at the girl.

Quality of dancers (4/10) – The dancers here are the definition of mediocre. You won't find any monsters, but you won't find anyone great either. They're slightly better down the street at the Golden Banana, but a big part of the perceived difference is that Cabaret is so bright that you see a lot more of the flaws.

Number of Dancers (1.5/10) – The dancer/customer ratio here was probably about as bad as I've seen. Unless a tour bus just stopped by, there's no excuse for having 3 girls on the floor when there are 30 guys in the club.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (1.5/5) – There's some variety in body type, but you're probably better off going elsewhere if you aren't into tattooed white women.

Attitude of dancers (6/10) – The girls here are fairly relaxed and don't mind spending a little time with customers even if the customers aren't dropping much cash on them. This is generally a good thing, but can be a little frustrating if you are among the 90% of guys in the club who aren't already talking to a girl.

Value (3.5/10) – You can get a 32 ounce pitcher of beer for $9, but a single bottle will run you a ridiculous $7. The dances are $20 and aren't worth any more than you'd be willing to tip at the stage, and the stage action is fairly weak. The only thing that they get any credit for is having no cover until 7, but it's $10 after that on weekends.

Dance Setup (0.5/10) – A bouncer will be watching while you get your dance, and everyone at the stage and part of the bar can as well if they want to. Also, it's brighter in the dance area than it is outside on a sunny day.

Club Setup (6.5/10) – This isn't a huge club, but there's a decent stage, a large bar, and a fair amount of chairs. It's too bright throughout the club, but overall, the setup is pretty solid.

Club Atmosphere (7/10) – The atmosphere in here is fairly relaxed and makes you think that the drinks will be cheaper and the dances will be better than they actually are.

Club Accessibility (1.5/5) – You'll have to drive to get here, but at least it's within a half mile of DB's Golden Banana, so it won't be a completely wasted trip if you don't like anyone that you see. Also, there's a hotel across the street that advertises "Free Adult Movies," so you should be set if you find a girl who is willing to take her services off site.

Overall – The atmosphere makes this a better option than the Golden Banana, but unless you're desperate and trapped in Peabody, I wouldn't recommend either of them.

TOTAL SCORE = 32