Playhouse Lounge (Burlington, NJ)

Quality of dances (19/20) – The dances are the only reason to come here, and they are great. Most of the girls won't bother with the $20 couch dances, but for $10 more, they'll be undoing your pants within seconds of the song starting. If you refuse their offers to give you a hand, they'll still give a great dance and do their best to finish you off with the friction, though they might complain that they "really want to touch it and feel the cum."

Quality of dancers (2/10) – The quality doesn't seem to be what it was a few years ago, and even though there are enough dancers that you should be able to find one or two hot ones, the majority are old, worn, and have fake tits. If the dancers could convince their daughters to start working here, I'm fairly certain that the quality would be much higher.

Number of Dancers (6.5/10) – There are a lot of dancers here, but only a few of them could rate above a three.

Variety/Diversity of dancers (4/5) – The majority of women here are Latina, but there are also plenty of white women with a few random black and Asian dancers in the mix.

Attitude of dancers (4/10) – If you're looking to have a long chat with a dancer, this isn't the place for it, but the girls do aim to please. When they come up to you at the bar, most of them don't ask if they can give you a dance; they ask if they can make you cum.

Value (3/10) – There's no cover in the afternoon and you can't tip at the stage, but the girls do the dreaded tip walk. They do at least give a little action for the tips, but a tip walk is a mood killer regardless. Couch dances are technically $20, but no one gets them and most girls don't even offer them, so you'll probably be paying $30 per dance for the "VIP" room. The dances are exactly 4 minutes long regardless of how long or short the songs are, and there's a dance security guard who calls out the number of dances so that you know you won't have to deal with girls miscounting. This is a BYOB place, so that increases the value if you plan accordingly.

Dance Setup (7.5/10) – The couches that no one ever uses are in back of club and can only be seen by the security guy, but the real dances are in decent sized private rooms with a couch and a latching door. There is a camera in there, but it doesn't seem like anyone is monitoring that, and if they are, they clearly don't care what happens.

Club Setup (2/10) – A large bar fills the club and barely leaves enough room for customers to walk to the dance rooms in the back. The stages are inside the bar area, but they're too far from the bar to allow for any interaction between customers and dancers. Since you can't tip at the stage, the setup indirectly encourages the tip walk.

Club Atmosphere (1/10) – This place is a shitty topless dive bar that doesn't serve alcohol. The fact that they allow you to bring your own booze helps, but I still can't imagine that anyone has ever come here for any purpose other than to cum here.

Club Accessibility (1.5/5) – It's near a few other clubs, but it isn't all that close to anything else. From Philly, it's a little over a half hour drive.

Overall – This place is a dump, but the dances are great and it's the only permanent club (as opposed to the primarily black city clubs that change locations every few months) in the Philly area where the girls consistently aim to leave you fully satisfied. If you don't mind older dancers, you'll love this place. You'll still probably enjoy yourself even if you do prefer younger women, but you'll be ashamed when you're done.

TOTAL SCORE = 50.5